A/N- I was listening to this song while reading fanfiction… and something about how Lily was a "demigod" (or maybe that was James… whatever) got me writing this fic. I've written a couple of James/Lily fics, butI've never liked them enough to post them.
Anyway, here's a short Songfic to the words of Vertical Horizon's "You're A God"
Oh, and just in case, I really don't mean to be offensive, comparing Lily to a god- I'm Chritatian, and I promise that I only mean it as a phrase.
Disclaimer: Yes! I admit It! I own EVERYTHING! My name is J. K. Rowling! –sigh- I wish. I really wish. But I don't. I also don't own the words to the song. Vertical Horizon does, but since the words repeat themselves a lot, I just moved them around to fit the story.
End of A/N (Yay!)
I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies and that's Ok
It was halfway through breakfast on an ordinary day in November that James realized that it was hopeless. He's made a mess of it all. Lily didn't want what he had been projecting for the past couple of years. She didn't want the James he had been in front of her and everybody else. It was strange, because he'd done it for her, but that wasn't what she wanted or needed.
He dropped his roll into his cereal when he realized his mistake. He'd failed to be himself. He'd been living a lie. True, that lie had been fun, but it wasn't the real, true him.
There's somewhere beyond this
But I hope I can find the words to say
'Is it too late?' he wondered silently as he stared glumly at his soggy roll. It wasn't too late, it was never too late and yet, how could he hope to know what to do or what to say after three years of play-acting? How did the real James act?
James sighed. How was he supposed to be himself if he couldn't remember who 'himself' was?
'Cause you're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
He looked over at Lily and smiled despite himself. She was… perfect. No, she was more than perfect. She was… godly? Her hair, a bright flame that caught the sun and danced with it, her eyes a green that left James unable to comprehend how people could get 'lost' in blue eyes, and her- James stopped himself.
The real James wouldn't only have been interested in her looks… would he? James rolled his eyes at himself. How could he even let himself fall in love with a girl like Lily when he was so… well… such a big headed, arrogant git! James returned to his now disintegrating roll.
It had been arrogant of him to even think Lily Evans might like him. The real James wouldn't have. He'd had to become the James that Lily hated in order to like her.
But I've been unable
To put you down
I'm still learning things I oughta know by now
Still, even if she was perfect where he was totally inadequate, he'd still clung to a hope, a persistent, clinging hope. It had been impossible for him to leave Lily alone.
James wondered how it could have taken so long for him to work out that his 'strategy' was all wrong, and that, despite his best (or perhaps his worst) efforts, Lily really was not going to go out with him. He found it difficult to believe that he'd found Lily's dislike of his flirtatious mannerisms so hard to grasp.
He sighed. 'God I'm stupid' He muttered under his breath. Sirius looked at him, curious, but he shook his head.
It's under the table so
I need something more to show somehow
If only he could make himself more interesting. Lily might take an interest then. But he had squandered six years on pranks, Quidditch, and flirting. Somehow James doubted than any of those things was going to impress Lily very much. His pranks, or his 'bullying' as she'd called it, certainly hadn't.
'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just though
I'd let you go
Then it came to James. It was obvious really. He had to give up on Lily Evans. She deserved better that James H. Potter and she'd known it all along. The only thing he had to do was stop bothering her. He could go back to less perfect woman. He stood up and walked over to her end of the table.
"Lily." He said. She turned, annoyed.
"What is it Potter?" she asked, clearly not feeling very tolerant.
"I just..." he faltered. "I just wanted you to know that I'll be leaving you alone now. I'm sorry for these last three years. Really. And… well… I wanted to say goodbye."
He turned before he could see her face, before he was forced to see the emotion he knew she would be showing. Relief.
Never again, no
No never again
As he walked away, James slipped his hand into his pocket. He left the dining hall and moved to one of the open windows along the corridor. He brought his lucky golden snitch out of his pants slowly, holding it tightly.
"I solemnly swear," he began, "that I will never fall for anyone as perfect as Lily Evans. Ever." Not, he thought, that that was going to be difficult; there was no one else as perfect as Lily.
Then he opened his fingers and let the Snitch fly free. It floated without moving for a second. James watched, waiting for it to move. But right when it was about the whiz away, a pair of smooth, slender hands snatched it out of the air.
James stared at them curiously. They were not his hands. In fact, they reminded him very much of-
"I think this 'belongs' to you, Potter."
Before he turned, James knew it would be Lily. It surprised him just the same, seeing her behind him. He stared at her, unable to speak. 'Has she come back to taunt me?' he wondered silently.
"I use the term 'belong' very loosely of course, but…" Lily stopped and sighed. "Listen Potter. You were wrong." He stared at her.
"Sorry?" He asked, bewildered.
"I'm not perfect." She explained. "I, the supposedly unfeeling Lily Evans, fell for a boy who I shouldn't have fallen for." When James still looked confused, she said, "You, Potter."
James stared at her for a second before saying, almost timidly, "You have a funny way of showing it."
She grinned. "I'm only human…"
Then she leaned in and kissed him.
We're covered in lies and that's OK
There's somewhere beyond this-I know
But I hope I can find the words to say
A/N (2!)- Well… I hope you liked it… but if you didn't, I hope you'll tell me what I can do to improve it… it's not perfect, but I think it's an OK fic.
Sorry about the whole James-beating-himself-up thing. Anyway… review? Thanks for reading!