Okay, this is a random oneshot I made only because I'm bored, and half delusional with a 102.1 fever. Yay me. Anyway, I came up with this idea while half conscious last night, waiting for "Santa" to come and give me my presents.
Disclaimer: I dun own Naruto, Don't really want to, the dubs are kinda bad, but they do have their fair share of hot guys. I mean, I like the show (basically) but some of those guys are really hot. Now if only Naruto was a looker…
One day, Naruto and Sasuke were sitting on the street, waiting for Kakashi and Sakura so they can do mission stuffs.
For some random reason, Sasuke was holding a small bag of cookies. From one of his fangirls no doubt. Chocolate chip, sugar cookies, gingerbread, peanut butter, the works. All wrapped nicely in a green plastic and tied with a red bow. Christmas colors, yay!
Sasuke was just holding this wonderful bag of sweets, spinning it slightly, looking cool/ bored as always. Obviously not interested in the cookies.
Naruto was staring at Sasuke's cookies, drooling away. He could see his favorite kind, snickerdoodles!! Oh how he wanted that soft cinnamony goodness. "Hey, Sasuke?" He asked.
Sasuke looked at him. "What?"
"Can I have a cookie?" Naruto asked quickly, reaching for them.
"No." Sasuke answered, pulling the cookies away.
"Aw, why not?" Naruto whined.
"Because." Sasuke said, shaking his head.
"You're not even going to eat them!"
"Come on, just let me have one cookie!"
Naruto pouted, turning around and staring at the sky. He was determined to get those cookies.
Sasuke yawned. This is getting boring, waiting for Kakashi and Sakura.
Naruto got up, stretching. "You sure I can't have a cookie, Sasuke?"
"No." Sasuke said.
"No, you're not sure? As in I can have a cookie, thanks!" Naruto said quickly, reaching for one.
"Hey!" Sasuke pulled the cookies away again. "Stop it Naruto!"
Naruto pouted, walking behind Sasuke. He rested his chin on Sasuke's head. "Can I have a cookie now?"
"No." Sasuke said. This is getting annoying.
"When can I have a cookie then?"
"Can I have a cookie Tuesday?"
"It is Tuesday, idiot."
"It is? So can I have that cookie?"
"If I give you something, can I have a cookie?"
Grr, he's not cracking. I will get that cookie, believe it!! Naruto thought.
He's gonna keep bothering me…great. Sasuke thought.
Minutes past. Both didn't say a word.
A squirrel past, holding a nut in-between it's teeth. It stared at Sasuke, making a little pink heart fly by and scuttled off.
Sasuke sweatdropped, finding it disturbing that a squirrel was attracted to him.
Naruto found this the perfect chance to grab the cookies while Sasuke was distracted by squirrel love. He snatched the cookies.
Sasuke looked behind him in an overdramatic way, all zoomed up close in the camera with the two faded corners of black. With his super awesome Uchiha skills, he grabbed the cookies and waved them tauntingly in front of Naruto's face.
Naruto glared at him pathetically, officially pwned.
A little light-bulb popped up over Naruto's head. Ah-ha! An idea! Naruto decided that if he wasn't going to annoy the cookies from Sasuke, he'll embarrass them from him. How?
He planned this perfectly. As Sasuke sat down again, Naruto darted about, watching the streets. Look, Kakashi and Sasuke were finally coming! Sasuke was arguing with Ino again, oh joy.
They'll be coming any second, I should do this now… Naruto thought. He really didn't want to do this, but he really really wanted those cookies.
He crept behind Sasuke, smirking to himself. He watched him for a moment, then pounced, wrapping his arms and legs around him from behind.
"Naruto?! What the hell are you doing?!" Sasuke practically yelled, freaked out by this.
Naruto ignored him, rolling Sasuke over and climbing on top of him. He clung to him tightly, while Sasuke thrashed from under him. It all looked very naughty.
This is when Sakura and Ino looked up. They stared at Naruto and Sasuke, mouths really wide, eyes only white circles with a black markered lining. They started turning badly drawn, with curly gloom clouds hanging. They both turned around, staggering off. Oh the horror, the yaoi, it burns at the eyes! Of course, they were going to tell everyone.
Sasuke was mortified, staring, terrified at the girls leaving. He stared up at Naruto, still clinging to him, and freaked. "Let go Naruto!" He yelled.
Naruto shook his head, only making his spiky blond hair rub against Sasuke's nose an make him sneeze.
And now, Kakashi showed up, reading Make-Out Paradise, the nasty. Makes you wonder how he can read and walk at the same time with only one eye showing. Oh wait, nevermind. He just walked into a pole. Ouch.
Rubbing his head, Kakashi looked up and looked at the boys. He stared, looking half interested. He smiled. "Oh, now that's interesting." He said cheerfully, pulling out a camera and snapping a few pics. He walked off, chuckling.
Sasuke was now a bleached stone statue, surrounded in a gloom, crumbling away and blowing in the wind. Metaphor really, but still funny to watch.
Naruto got up and dusted himself off. He watched Sasuke with a curious, innocent look on his face.
Sasuke sat up with a dead look in his eyes, face really pale. Holy crap, why did that just happen?! Sakura and Ino saw…everyone in town will know now! And Kakashi-sensei probably put those pictures on the internet! The whole world will find out! No!
Sasuke was now going into a very emo stage, almost pulling his raven hair out of his scalp. He was rocking back and forth nervously. What am I gonna do?! Noone will listen to me if I try and tell them! Naruto will be bragging about it…
His eyes darted to Naruto's innocent look and they narrowed. It was his plan all along to ruin me… He slid further away from him. Yes, that's exactly what happened. He's always been jealous of me, and it's finally his chance to get me back! He moved himself further, shooting Naruto death glares.
"What's wrong Sasuke?" Naruto said innocently, his lips curling into a neko smile.
Sasuke flinched, moving back again. Maybe I'm wrong…this is what he wants me to think! He's just playing with my thoughts, that evil mastermind…wait, I'm talking about Naruto. There's nothing to worry about… Sasuke relaxed, letting go of his hair and sighing.
Naruto smirked behind Sasuke's back. It's working! Soon, I can get my cookies, mwah ha ha ha! He looked at Sasuke and made a hand sign. "Sexy Jutsu!" He said quietly, and poof! He was a tall, teenage, naked blonde with smoke wavering all around him or her. She started draping her arms around Sasuke. "Feeling better Sasuke?" She asked.
Sasuke froze. What is that idiot doing?! "Naruto?!"
Naruto giggled. "You seem so tense…" She started rubbing up and down his shoulders. "Need a massage?" She asked, leaning close to his ear. Ugh, this is so nasty. I really want those cookies bad!
Ohmigawd…Naruto's making a move on me! This is so wrong…and with that picture…and Sakura and Ino's big mouths, everyone might push us to be together! …together…with Naruto…Sasuke vividly imagined a life with Naruto as his boyfriend, trying to defeat Itachi with Naruto always with him, hugging and kissing him, ah it burns! Then as his wife. Wife?! What the hell?! There's little kids running everywhere, oh gawd. Damn that sexy jutsu!
Mwah ha ha, Sasuke's weak now. Cookie time! "Um…Sasuke?" Naruto asked cutely.
"Hnn?" Sasuke said, looking at Naruto with those dark blue lines under his eyes, what are those called, grr!
"I was just wondering if I can have one itsy bitsy wittle cookie pwease?" She asked, a finger in her mouth.
Sasuke snapped. "You really want a cookie Naruto?" He asked slowly, his eyes hidden under his bangs.
"Yes pwease…" She said, smiling.
"Allright…I'll give you one…" Sasuke said, staggering to his feet, arms swaying freely.
POOF! Naruto changed back. "Yay!"
Sasuke looked up, a crazed expression in his eyes. He took the bag, ripped it open and started stuffing the cookies into his mouth. "Here Naruto, enjoy! They taste good, right!"
"MMpf mmmm." Naruto said, trying to talk with a mouth full of cookies.
When all the cookies were gone, Sasuke grabbed Naruto by the jacket and started dragging him off.
"Um, Sasuke? What are you doing?" Naruto asked nervously. He hasen't exactly seen him snap before.
"Don't worry Naruto, just getting what you want." Sasuke said in a crazed voice. He kicked down a door of a house, ignoring the screams of the woman inside. He stole all her cookies, stuffed them in Naruto's mouth and left. He did this in about 20 houses, then started going for stores.
"Sasuke…you can stop now…" Naruto said uncomfortably.
"No, no, I gotta keep going." Sasuke said in that same creepy crazy voice.
5 stores later, Naruto was covered in crumbs, and looking pretty stuffed. "Sasuke, I don't like this…" He moaned.
Sasuke ignored him, going into a cookie factory. He screamed mad words at the workers, making them run, screaming bloody murder. I can't say what he yelled; this oneshot is only rated T.
Sasuke strapped Naruto to a table, smiling all coo-coo at him, then went behind the controls. "Hold on." He said sweetly to Naruto, pulling down levers.
"Sasuke, what are you doing?!?!" Naruto yelled.
"Giving you what you want!" Sasuke said venomously. He laughed madly, pressing a button. A conveyer belt started, making cookies and raining themselves down Naruto's open mouth.
Naruto choked and sputtered, spitting the cookies out. "You're crazy!"
"Thanks." Sasuke said, walking back to Naruto, laughing as he thrashed. "No, no, don't do that. We need you to eat every bit of cookie." Sasuke pulled long wires into Naruto's mouth, preying it open and keeping it wide.
"Aaaaaaaahhhh!" Naruto said.
Sasuke laughed again, starting the conveyer belt.
Cookies poured down Naruto's throats, and the factory was full of muffled screaming and mad laughter.
Okay, that was really random, sorry. I had a fever. But I recovered from it, yay! Hope you liked, please please please review!!!