Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. If I did, I wouldn't just be writing fanfiction about it. I do, however, own copies of all nine volumes that have been released in the United States.

Note: Okay, the idea for this humorous story came to me while I was in the shower. As we all (hopefully) know, women, like myself, go through a time every month where their hormones go crazy and they go out of their way to make it hell for everyone around them. Now, I started thinking to myself, what if one of the Death Note characters was to spontaneously become a woman and have to endure such a time? My first choice was Ryuzaki, because he's just so damn cute, but then I thought it would be much more fun if Raito became the woman and began to lose his calm, cold exterior in the battle against estrogen. Contains spoilers for L's real name, because goddesses have to know everything, right?

Summary: Raito becomes a woman as the result of a powerful goddess' boredom.

Prologue: When A Goddess Gets Bored, Someone Pays the Price

Quote of the day: "The problem with political jokes is they get elected." -Henry Cate

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Amoris sighed as she lazily gazed out over the fruitful plains of heaven. The trees and plants knew no winter, and were always green and blooming. A crystal clear brook nearby burbled and gurgled happily as soft, fuzzy animals drank from its cool, sweet waters. The air was richly perfumed with ambrosia and permeated with sweet music emanating from an unknown source.

The goddess sighed again and plucked listlessly at her golden harp without any real attempt at a tune. The truth was she was bored out of her skull. Nothing ever changed in heaven, nothing exciting or dangerous ever happened. Every day it was the same: Eat, sleep, play the harp, and chat with the other goddesses. There were dances every night, but Amoris had quickly grown tired of the affairs. It was just the same boring thing every day. Strangely, she seemed to be the only one who was unhappy with her life. All the other goddesses were quite content to live their meaningless, boring existences day after day after day. It rather sickened her.

Thankfully, there was always one thing she could do to provide some entertainment; often she would gaze down at the mortal realm, closely following the occurrences of the realm like a live-action sitcom. At the moment, the humans seemed to be in an uproar. For some time, Amoris had been watching as the mysterious psychopathic mass-murderer called Kira systematically destroyed all of the world's criminals. Personally, she thought it was a rather noble goal, although she found the use of a shinigami notebook to be in rather bad taste.

Lifting a pale, slender hand, Amoris waved lazily at the air in front of her, summoning her looking mirror to her seat by the brook. It materialized slowly, as glittering flashes of light that grew in intensity to become the shimmering silver surface of the mirror, bound by a gleaming red wood frame adorned with delicate gold leaf. Waving her hand again, the image in the mirror grew cloudy, swirling mysteriously with billows of lavender smoke just beneath the glass. The smoke soon cleared, to be replaced with the image of two young men lying on opposite sides of a hotel bed, fast asleep, bound by a silver chain that shone brightly in the few rays of moonlight that seeped through the blinds. In outer appearances, the boys were complete opposites. The one on the left was rather scrawny, pale, and malnourished-looking. He had short, wild black hair and dark black rings framing his normally wide, staring eyes. The boy on the right was slender, yet muscular, lightly tanned, with smooth skin and short, neat, pale brown hair. Long eyelashes brushed against his cheeks, and his breathing was soft and even in sleep.

Amoris watched the boys sleep, a small smile on her face. Lawliet, a.k.a L, the legendary detective, and his arch-nemesis Raito Yagami, a,k.a. Kira, sleeping side by side in the same bed. How ironic. Yes, Amoris knew all about the boys' true identities and how intelligent they were. And she was fascinated by them. The two were on equal levels mentally, yet they stood for completely opposite values, resulting in a fierce mental war. Still, she felt the whole thing could be even more interesting. Perhaps if some new element were introduced? A love affair, maybe? It was beyond Amoris' power to directly control the actions of any mortal, but she could certainly manipulate the physical aspects of what already existed, and it was this power that gave her a brilliant idea. Yes, a little something to spice things up a bit. A downright wicked smirk stretched her beautiful cherry-red lips, an expression unbefitting any goddess of her status. Which male should she choose? Dear Lawliet or cunning Raito? She at first considered Lawliet, but upon further reflection she decided it would take less work on her part to transform the already pretty Raito. Besides, she thought to herself, Lawliet probably wouldn't show much of a reaction beyond a slight annoyance at first, as he generally seemed to give nary a second thought to a person's gender. Raito, on the other hand…

Her mind made up, Amoris took up her golden harp and strummed it gently with her graceful fingers, eliciting a beautiful chord of the sweetest sound. Focusing her magic in the strings of her harp, her hands danced and flashed along its length, playing the tunes of the body, gently working the muscles and bone as a potter would his clay and tools. With a grande flourish she began the finale, adding the finishing touches of her masterpiece. The notes rose and fell, swirling around to envelop her target in a shimmering cloud before dissipating abruptly as her hands stilled and the last note died away. Sitting back, Amoris inspected her work, nodding in satisfaction at her handiwork.

Surely this would provide the excitement she so desired.

Note: There it is. The first chapter of my little muse. I doubt this will ever get finished, but I may change my mind if I receive enough positive feedback. Also, for those of you who are not aware, Amoris is the genitive form of the Latin word meaning love.

Side Note: Please inform me if you find any grammatical errors in my work. I'm a bit of a stickler when it comes to such, but even I make mistakes when my muse decides to reveal itself at 1:00 am and force me to spend over half an hour writing… Stupid muse. Why won't you ever visit me during the day? Okay, that's enough of this note for today. I'm gonna go to sleep now… Yawn… Oh yeah, please review. It'll take you two seconds, and it might even prove fruitful. Flames are welcome, as it tends to become very cold where I live, and my electric heater just can't keep up.