Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Ouran or Death Note.


Four minutes after he's called his family contacts and hasn't heard back from them with information on the slouching man before him (besides the fact that a famous idol also has the same name), Kyouya knows that Ryuuga Hideki is not someone to be taken lightly.

"Would you care for a cup of tea, Ryuuga-san?" Kyouya asks, gesturing towards the couch. He waits patiently with a smile plastered on his face as their newest guest shuffles and takes a seat ("Look at Daddy, look, Haruhi!" Tamaki gushes and proceeds to copy the position). As Haruhi approaches, Kyouya waves her back towards her group of girls; there's no point in having three people mind a nonpaying visitor, and he knows there is no way to get Tamaki to leave when something piques the blond president's interest. Kyouya pours the agreeably hot Darjeeling carefully.

About three seconds later, Ryuuga says "That's good, thank you," and Kyouya watches with muted horror as the scruffy man fills the second half of his cup with cream, honey, and sugar.

Moments pass while the older man sips at his drink. Tamaki mimics happily in the background and Kyouya can't help but think it's unnatural that the cups don't slip out of their fingers. He notices that Ryuuga's intense stare moves around the giant music room, meticulously taking in all the details of everyone inside. Kyouya discreetly checks his Blackberry and sees that there are still no new messages regarding their messy-haired guest. He waits until Ryuuga puts down his tea before speaking.

"What brings you here --"

"Hey, hey, let's play the 'Which One is Hikaru? Game'!" Kaoru, Kyouya's fairly sure, declares loudly as the girls surrounding the two brothers squeal excitedly, drawing Ryuuga's attention

The bespectacled youth silently fumes as Kaoru and Hikaru do their usual routine, twirling around with their hats covering the part in their hair. Kyouya makes a note to place them on the opposite side of the room from Haruhi for the next few weeks.

"So, which one is Hikaru?" the brothers say in unison. A girl -- her father is the owner of a large paper company -- shyly points to the twin on the right, who then elaborately makes an 'X' with his arms.

"Wrong, I'm Kaoru!"

Kyouya's eyes subconsciously drift over to Haruhi's corner for confirmation, but before she smiles at the twins for having fun, or frowns because Hikaru really shouldn't lie to the customers, he hears a soft murmur: "Eighty-seven percent."


Ryuuga simply gives an enigmatic smile. Kyouya clears his throat politely.

"Not to be rude, but what is the purpose of your visit today, Ryuuga-san?"

"A friend of mine is chatting with the chairman of the school. I merely wandered in here as I was exploring the grounds."

"I see."

Kyouya makes quick mental notes: the man squatting in front of him has a keen eye for detail. He cares nothing for his physical appearance, as indicated by his sock-less toes gripping the floral print of the couch. He possibly has powerful connections, if his excuse for being here is true. He --

Suddenly, a nearby girl does a rare running-swoon at a particularly flowery display of Hitachiin brotherly love and knocks into the back of the couch, subsequently jarring the stranger's arm and spilling his lukewarm tea down his front. The sugar in the liquid makes a viscous, sticky mess.

Tamaki looks torn between helping the fainted lass and helping his newfound friend, but fortunately Haruhi has already excused herself to come over with a towel, so he moves to right the fallen girl. Kyouya graciously decides not to penalize her for neglecting her customers.

"Ryuuga-san, we have extra clothes that you may borrow, if you wish," Kyouya puts forward, and his offer is declined.

"No, I'm fine," Ryuuga says as he pats his stained white shirt. He nods to Haruhi for the towel. "Thank you, Miss --" Tamaki almost drops the girl again in his haste to signal the rest of the Host Club members to begin Special Contingency Plan B, also known as the Prevent People from Finding Out Haruhi is Actually a Girl!! Plan.

As in their previous practices, Kyouya watches as Mori-sempai lifts their only female member over his shoulder and carries her to the change room while Honey-sempai literally drags their male guest to his little round table for cake and ice cream. Through all this, Kaoru and Hikaru distract the girls by performing a risqué scene this time involving the president himself ("For the sake of my precious Daughter, Daddy will sacrifice anything!"). It takes all-in-all 13 seconds and Kyouya is rather impressed.

When the almost-kiss and unbuttoned-shirt scene finishes and the girls all shriek with glee, Kyouya tries to do damage-control and estimate potential profit losses. He is pleased and somewhat astonished that the plan actually worked. The satisfied feeling gradually dissipates, however, as the pile of dishes grows ever taller between the two cake-eaters.


"Why yes, please, Mitsukuni-kun."

By 4:09, everyone but Honey-sempai is back to their duties and by 4:43, Kyouya calculates a net loss of 7400 yen in pastries. His suspicions that the strange man is really just a homeless guy from the streets coming to mooch off rich people is slowly increasing as the end of the club hours draws closer and there is still no sign of this supposed friend talking to the chairman.


Speak of the Devil.

"In here, Yagami-kun," Ryuuga calls out between bites of his lemon tart.

The double doors of the music room slowly but confidently open, revealing a sophisticated looking young man. Yagami, Yagami, Kyouya thinks, trying to recall the name, but to no avail. The girls who haven't gone home yet don't care for a name and flock to the new visitor, eagerly placing themselves in his line of sight. Yagami weaves his way through the crowd like a professional, Kyouya thinks.

The unlikely pair artfully make their way out of the music room after the obligatory thanks and well-wishes are given. Honey-sempai invites Ryuuga to come again, much to Kyouya's chagrin, and is seconded by Tamaki who looks forward to learning more about the way of the commoner from a master.

Kyouya also invites Yagami back to visit again --completely out of good manners, of course -- and plans the layout of a new photo collection.


"Sorry about that, Ryuuzaki. Suoh-san wouldn't let me leave. Kept saying I reminded him of his son."

"Your voices do sound similar."


"Yes, but yours sounds 10 percent more evil."

"…Ha, ha, thanks. Anyway, why was there a girl dressed up like a boy there? Did she lose a bet?"

"From my deductions, she seems to be hesitant of what to do in such a posh environment. At this point I conclude friendly blackmail."

"Seriously? What a strange bunch."

"Most definitely."