July 1997,


Between my dreams of what could be and my fears lies reality. Neither rosy as an image of the future, nor bleak like visions of war, my life is one of mingled joy and sorrow that I would not trade for any other.

I only wish it did not have to change so soon after Sirius' death.

While still grappling with loss, Nymphadora and I have found solace in our love. A beloved friend is gone, but we still have each other. A smile, a touch, or an exchange of understanding looks cushions grief. In the past, I was alone. I coped with the blows life dealt me by retreating into my studies and books. Now, while I read, I feel the warmth of my love beside me. A small thing, perhaps, but it has made all the difference.

I know that my presence is equally comforting to Nymphadora. We often fall asleep holding hands, our fingers entwined like our hearts. Sometimes in the night, I wake when she presses against my back or snuggles close to my side, draping her leg across my thigh and resting her hand on my chest. It makes me smile to hear her sigh contentedly.

In a few days, however, my side of the bed will be empty. I won't be there when nightmares disturb her sleep, or sad thoughts cause her breath to hitch in the darkness. I will be over three hundred kilometres away in Salford, wishing I had the ability to Apparate across long distances.

It could be worse. Although the nature of my mission rules out normal correspondence, I am grateful that our Melusine Mirrors will allow me to see Nymphadora's face, hear her voice, and to tell her that I love her.

I am unsure when we will be able to see each other in person once I leave. Young Will Hughes, who seems enthused only by the thought of gaining a flatmate who will take over the cleaning, informed in his last letter that pack approval is required before my partner may visit. I have put off sharing that bit of information with my love. Anger will not change the situation, and sparks of temper are not the kind I want to fly between us.

Selfishly, I have allowed Nymphadora to decline invitations from friends and family in order to spend her free hours with me. She said she wasn't ready to socialise yet—that aside from an our occasional dinners with her parents, who regularly invite Cami as well as Morty, Lisa, and their baby, she prefers quiet evenings.

Most days, that consists of a stroll to pick up takeaway or a stop by the market to purchase ingredients for dinner. Our meals are never elaborate or costly, but the time we share is invaluable.

The simple, nightly routine is a reminder that life goes on.

When I am in Salford, and Nymphadora is in London, I will find satisfaction in preparing dinner, remembering the time she joked that she was better at throwing knives than chopping with them, or when we forgot to buy Chinese noodles and used fettuccini instead for Beef Chow Mein.

Like the fettuccini, memories are only a passable substitute, but as I have discovered over time, happy recollections make the hollow feeling of solitude less painful. In contrast to the memory of my parents, Lily and James, and Sirius, thoughts of my mate bring a sense of anticipation.

Our parting is only temporary. Soon, she will visit me or I will come to her. As sure as the moon will rise, we will be together.

Tonight we'll create another memory to make the wait a little easier to bear.


A/N: I hope this journal entry makes waiting for the HBP story a little easier to bear. :D. There's a butt-load of empty packing boxes in my house waiting to be put out for pick up. I look forward to unloading them. In a weirdly similar way, I'm looking forward to writing a Tonks pov one shot to show how her hair went from pink to brown. I think it will set up the next story and leave readers (and myself!) with a sense of anticipation. Thanks to RahNee for encouraging me to write it. Now if I can just sort through my stuff and get it written by Friday….

ladyofthebookworms deserves thanks, too, for telling me that FF allows members to have icons now. Although I missed my Anime Snape picture they cruelly replaced with vile ads, heh, the 'other Kerichi' who writes Manga stories made me an icon of Sirius (hint, hint, go see it on my profile page!)

The readers who deserve hugs and paeans of praise and thanks for making this story even more satisfying to write with their reviews last chapter are…...♥ 40/16 alix33 bored2pieces2 ElspethBates Freja Lercke-Falkenborg GraceRichie ishandtwofourths ladyofthebookworms MollyCoddles Moontime n1264 Nethiel Nessime Operamuse RahNee remus r us siriuslycoco Sivaroobini Lupin-Black Slipknot-3113 Sophia Loren sunny9847 and UnderworldBabe