Title: Stuck With You
Rating: G
Author: MacGateFan
Note: This was written for lannakitty, who wanted a Humor/Friendship!Fic for the LJ SGA Santa Community.
Disclaimers: All characters of Stargate Atlantis are property of Gekko Productions, MGM Studios, and the Sci-Fi Channel.


Elizabeth stared at the two members of her flagship team. They looked none too happy and a glance at the other members of the team showed amused expressions. "What happened?" she asked, somehow not wanting to know the answer.

John held up his right hand, which in turn caused Rodney's left hand to rise. "Rodney had to go touch something without asking and so as punishment, he was handcuffed to his leader. This thing will not come off for another week!"

"If we try to remove it," John added, "it gives off such an annoying electrical shock. Believe me; we tried everything we could think of."

Elizabeth tried to keep from laughing, but it wasn't a very easy thing to do. Besides, this was serious! Who know what long lasting effects this device could have on them.

"First off, Rodney you really should start asking for permission before touching things. And secondly, you should head down to the infirmary so Carson can check you both out."

She held in her laughter until they were around the corner, but she could hear Rodney yell, "I said I was sorry! I don't like this anymore than you do!"

Teyla, Ronon and Elizabeth broke into laughter. Seeing Ronon laugh only made Elizabeth laugh harder. She didn't even think it was possible!

"Dr. Weir," Teyla finally said after about five minutes, "they should be fine as long as they don't attempt to remove the device."

"Well that's good news anyway."

Suddenly Ronon spoke up, actually wiping tears from his eyes. "Let's get down to the infirmary!"

They heard the arguing before they stepped into the room. "Rodney, would you sit still for five minutes so Carson can finish what he's doing?"

"This coming from a man who is always trying to escape the infirmary."

John glared at him. "Look, Carson just wants to make sure this thing isn't injecting us with anything and to do that, he has to take some blood. Now give it up!"

Rodney was about to reply when Elizabeth, Ronon, and Teyla walked into the infirmary. She nodded to Carson, then turned to the physicist. "You didn't tell me much, Rodney, so start from the beginning."

He sighed. "Fine."

Four Hours Earlier...

Rodney stared at the temple. It was huge and had some sort of pulsating device attached to one of its many pillars that was drawing him towards it. Whatever it was could be used as a power source and he so wanted to study it.

"Rodney McKay, I swear if you touch that, I will kick your ass."

Rodney jumped and turned to face his fellow teammate. "Don't scare me like that, Sheppard!" he exclaimed.

"Sorry." Rodney could tell he really wasn't. "Why don't we ask the Talurians about it before you touch it?"

"I'm sure it'll be fine as long as I don't break it," Rodney replied.

John just shook is head. "Rodney..."

"Colonel," Teyla's voice came through his earpiece. "We found something you should see."

Before John could reply, he saw Rodney grasping the device. The walls of the temple shook and soon the pair was surrounded by monks with bright red cloaks. "We warned you about our sacred temple and now you shall both be punished."

Rodney's face paled as he attempted to put the offending object back into its place. His stomach was still doing flip flops when it didn't make the monks disappear. A glance to his right showed John grasping at his P-90.

"I apologize for my companion," John said, trying to diffuse the situation. "He just got a little excited, but I'm hoping we can waive the punishment in this case."

The monk who had spoken earlier regarded John for a moment before talking again. "You are his leader?"

Before either Atlantean could say anything, two rather large men came at them. One grabbed John's right hand as the other grabbed Rodney's left and pulled them towards each other.

"These handcuffs will connect the subordinate to his leader so they will both learn humility. They will last seven cycles of the sun and any attempt to remove them will cause an electric shock to your systems."

John continued glaring at Rodney as they had no choice but to let this happen. "Is this really necessary?" Rodney asked. "I'm really sorry I touched your... your... what is that thing anyway?"

"It was a gift from our most holy God and you have defiled it! You are no longer welcome on this world and we ask you to leave. If you are not gone by sunset, we will send an electric pulse to those cuffs so strong, it will kill you."

"Look, we'll go quietly, I promise!" John said.

This was not something he relished tell Elizabeth or Carson about and he had no doubt that Ronon was going to have a field day with it.

"Come on, Rodney." He tapped his earpiece. "Ronon, Teyla, meet us at the Gate, we're going home."

"Is everything all right, Colonel?" Teyla asked.

"Just peachy," came John's snarky reply.


Ronon raised an eyebrow at John's response. Teyla shrugged. "Very well, we will meet you there."

Five minutes later, Ronon spotted John and Rodney coming towards them. He eyed them curiously as they were walking really close to one another. He couldn't hear what was being said, but he could tell they were arguing about something.

"Teyla, why don't you dial the Gate?"

She nodded, curious about her fellow team mates as well. "Teyla, wait!" John said as they came up to them.

"Why are we waiting?" Rodney asked. "If we stay any longer, they're going to kill us!"

Ronon became more alert at that comment. "What's going on, Sheppard?"

"Our dear doctor here decided to touch the Talurian's sacred gift from their God and we've been punished."

Teyla glanced between the men. It looked as if they were holding hands. "What have they done?"

They both sighed and held up their arms. "If we don't get off this planet before sunset, this thing is going to kill us!" Rodney told them.

"What is it?" Ronon wanted to know.

"Beats me," John replied, "but since we have time before the sun sets, I want to attempt to get it off BEFORE we return to Atlantis."

"Why?"

"Because, Rodney, who knows what Gate travel will do to us with this thing on!"

The physicist's eyes widened. Why hadn't he thought of that? Oh, right, all he kept thinking of was certain death, or at least torture.

"Okay, trial and error, just like Sheppard's wraith bug," Rodney said.

John growled. "I thought we agreed never to mention that!"

"Sorry," Rodney muttered. "Let's just start with your hand gun."

Ronon took the 9 mil from John as the pair stretched as far away from each other as they could (and it wasn't very far). Rodney squeezed his eyes shut as the weapon discharged...

Present

"It hurt like hell!" John concluded. "We also tried Ronon's gun, but not only did we get a shock, but we were stunned too. It took them about ten minutes to wake us up, I think."

Teyla nodded. "That would be correct. We were about to dial the Stargate for a medical team when they awoke."

Carson didn't seem too pleased. "Just when were you going to tell me about this?" he asked. John and Rodney just looked at him innocently. "You're both spending the night in here!"

"What? Doc!"

"Carson!"

"Ronon," Carson said, ignoring their protests. "Would you please move two beds together?"

The two men glared at the woman across from them, hiding the fact that they were laughing. They weren't doing a good job of it because John and Rodney could see them shaking.

"Haha, this is so funny," Rodney said. Normally he'd cross his arms but he was physically unable to.

"Rodney," John said, "I don't want to hear another word from you. I am not in the mood."

Ronon had finished moving the beds together. They all watched in amusement as John and Rodney attempted to position themselves comfortably.

"Oh, for crying out loud, will someone help us!" John exclaimed.


John woke up to someone pulling at his right arm. Without opening his eyes, he yanked it back towards him only to feel someone slam into his side. He heard a muffled voice on his shoulder and his eyes snapped open.

"Rodney!"

"Don't yell at me!"

John glared at him. "What the hell were you doing?"

"Working on my laptop," he replied. "You're just lucky it didn't fall off the bed!"

"I'm lucky? What were you going to do if it did? Bore me to death with one of your long winded explanations?"

Rodney turned back to his laptop, purposely pulling his arm. "Oh, sorry about that, I didn't realize we were still attached."

If looks could kill, Rodney McKay would be dead right now, Carson thought as he walked over to the bickering men. "You know you are both acting like children."

"Whatever, Carson," Rodney said. "Can we go?"

He nodded. "Your blood work came back normal so I don't see any reason not to let you go. However, I want you both to check in every two hours. And since the cuffs will come off on their own, I'd prefer that you didn't try to remove them."

"Aw, that's sweet, Carson. Worried we'll fry our brains?"

"No, Rodney, it's too late for that," Carson replied, heading to his office.


Elizabeth had just rounded the corner when she heard two cries of pain as she ran into someone. She stifled a laugh when she saw John and Rodney on the floor. "Are you two all right?" she asked.

"We've been better," Rodney replied.

She took a moment to take in their appearance. Neither looked like they'd slept very well and John's hair looked decidedly more wild than usual. Elizabeth gave them a look when she realized what they had been doing all night.

"I thought Carson told you not to try and remove those!"

"Well, yeah," John said, "but we had to try. It's not very comfortable sleeping attached to someone who want to stay up all night typing away at a lap top!"

Rodney glared at him. "You wanted to read, what's the difference?"

"Because you wouldn't stop when I was finished for the night. Some people need sleep."

Elizabeth watched them arguing like she was at a tennis match. "Okay, that's enough. And, John, since when do you ever sleep?"

"Huh." Rodney grinned smugly at Elizabeth's question.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take," John growled.

Rodney shrugged. "Well, I'm hungry, let's go!" he exclaimed pulling the wayward Colonel along with him.

Elizabeth laughed as he gave her a look that said, 'Help me!'

"Yes, yes, we're attached by handcuffs," Rodney called out. "Just get on with your business."

"Rodney."

Rodney ignored him and headed towards the line. Spotting something that looked remotely looking like meatloaf, he grabbed two plates and scooped some mashed potatoes as well.

"Are you done yet?" John asked in exasperation.

"Be quiet," Rodney replied, "Some people are hungry."

John continued to brood as they headed to a table in the corner. He was so out of it that he didn't noticed Rodney had bent the prongs on his fork and decided he was going to attempt to pick the lock.

The jolt made them both jump up from their seats, as the tray went flying across the table, clattering onto the floor. John glared at Rodney, hands balling into fists. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Sorry! I just thought I'd give it a try."

"Give a warning next time!"

"Colonel, Dr. McKay, are you all right?" Teyla asked, rushing over to help them.

John was still glaring at Rodney when he replied, "We're fine."


Carson sighed in exasperation as John and Rodney continued to bicker. The pair of them were going to turn his hair gray faster than any Wraith ever could. Right now the physician had a splitting headache and they weren't helping.

He would apologize later, but right now... "BLOODY SHUT UP WILL YOU?"

John and Rodney's mouths clamped shut, neither knowing what to say. Carson just took a deep breath and walked over to them. He then began to check Rodney's vital signs.

"You've been attempting to remove this, haven't you?"

"Carson, are you all right?" John asked warily, ignoring the question.

"I will be once I've finished your examinations and I can get a nap in. I have the world's largest headache right now. I apologize for yelling at you both."

Rodney shrugged. "It's not like no one's ever yelled at Sheppard before."

Carson gave him a look that said, 'Stop.' and Rodney shut up again.

"Yes, we have been." John figured one or the both of them should answer Carson's questions. After all, he was the one with the needles. "Sorry. Neither of us have been sleeping the past few days. I mean, it's not very comfortable with these damn cuffs on. I just wish they would come off!"

The cuffs immediately opened and dropped to the floor. "What... but..." Rodney sputtered.

John didn't reply. Instead, he patted Rodney on the arm and left the infirmary. The stunned physicist looked at Carson to see a smirk on the man's face. "What's so funny?"

"The fact that all either of you had to say was that you wish they would come off."

"Come on, that can't be the reason. It's probably been seven cycles."

"That's fine, Rodney, you keep telling yourself that," Carson replied, leaving him to his thoughts.

"No, that can't be why!"