Summary: 26 ( HouseCuddy ) mini-stories from A-Z. Cute, fluffy, lots of snarky banter.
"…when a boy likes a girl and he's too shy to tell her, he starts pulling her hair and throwing rocks at her..."
Disclaimer: All House MD characters are properties of Fox. (House secretly belongs to me)
NOTE: Sorry for the 4 months wait (Long term writers block)- and honestly, I've never written anything past the 5th chapter so this is a huge accomplishment for me. Thanks for all the reviews and support!
SPOILERS: 3.17 Fetal Position (Sort of )
Commentary: This one is a bit different. I kept trying to imagine House and Cuddy as children, and I realized that they do act like children sometimes, constantly bickering and fighting so I thought depicting them as little elementary school kids wouldn't be so off character. I was inspired by the scene in Fetal Position when House chucks the airplane at Cuddy. (So adorable)
02. Boys & Girls
THIRTEEN Scooby-Doo stickers (half peeled), a train of alphabet blocks (knocked down), Jimmy's untied shoelaces (so yesterday).
His laser eyes scan the 15 x 20 quarter fastidiously, scanning- scanning- scan------
----until her brown pigtails detonate invisible high-tech neon signals. They dangle in front of him like miniature yarn dolls, screaming "pull me, pull me."
And frankly, self control has never been one of his strong suits.
"Ow!" She shoots up slightly, but not enough to scuff the 4foot5' statuette of an ideal class president: plastered smile, folded hands and all that jazz.
The boy observes thoughtfully. Everyone has a limit ( Jimmy's was at six bucks and a bag of Cheese Doodles ), and it is only a matter of time before he pinpoints hers, and until then, he will not be satisfied.
With dexterous piano fingers, he prods the test subject once again, only to receive a menacing glare in return. He picks up a newly sharpened pencil and scribbles: Attempt #2: Female grows angry, in his less-than legible scrawl.
Last chance- he holds his breath for two counts before tugging on the right strand- hard-, and he is a bit surprised to find shrieks of a livid hyena almost as enjoyable as Bach's French Suite in G Major.
She spins around, flames seething from her cute little nostrils. "Gregory House! If you pull my hair one more time, I'm gonna make you suffer through 500 years of chalkboard cleanup duty and you-
"Lisa!" The shrill voice of Mrs. Tritter sends the girl scrambling to resume model position. "You should know better than to talk in class."
Twenty three pairs of eager eyes stare. Cheeks flushed.
"I- I'm sorry," she whispers and manages to keep her head up (with the blissful clip of his puny body drowning in a sea of barbies and unicorns playing on repeat)
He can't help but grin like a dopey nine year old boy.
-( "CINDERELLA, dressed in yella, went upstairs to kiss a fella, made a mistake, kissed a snake, how many doctors did it take?...one, two three..." Her delicate braids bounce to the rhythm of each skip that imitates the steady pulse of a human heart. "twenty-five, twenty-six..." )-
"How does Cinderella not notice a giant green reptile trying to eat her lips? These 'girl' games are so stupid," he mutters, pressing his back against the concrete bricks of the graffiti festooned wall, and occasionally stealing glimpses at the rope dancing competition next door.
"Why, you jealous that they never invite you to play?" A gap toothed, wide eyed Jimmy Wilson snickers instinctively.
"Play with them? Pah! I would rather catch menopause than cooties." Greg casually leans his prized Dogwood twig (weapon of choice) against the toe of his left Adidas.
"Oh boy, have you been reading your mom's Reader's Digest again?"
He shrugs. "Gameboy ran out of batteries."
- ("C'mon Lisa, the bell is gonna to ring soon," the blonde one announces, tangling the long rope around her plump arms, causing Lisa to frown and twitch nervously (as her OCD stimuli automatically kick in).
"You guys should go ahead, I'll finish cleaning up," she volunteers with (fake) enthusiasm, and hastens to salvage a perfectly dandy jump-rope from her friend's appendages of death. )-
Surfacing a third of his face from behind the duo's secret hideout, he peers at her curiously as she coils the cord with immaculate ease and precision: exactly 7.25 inches per fold, four times over, and finally, a pair of overly symmetrical loops to secure the bundle.
Jimmy tries to sneak a peek over his shoulder, still baffled to why he had just spent an entire 45 minutes of his recess spying on Lisa Cuddy: a girl his best friend claims to loath more than broccoli and Mozart.
"Hey um...what are we doing here again?"
"Good question." Without further hesitation, he pulls out a half-soiled pebble from his jeans pocket and flings it in her direction, scarcely grazing her upper buttocks.
- ( "Ow." Lisa consciously rubs the sore spot and glances askance left and right, but by then, the source of mischief has already disappeared from plain view. Yet, even short of any evidence, she has no doubt in her mind to the identity of her tormentor.) -
"You think she saw us?" (He is huffing with excitement at this point).
At the sound of the all too familiar cough, Greg slowly turns around to find himself greeted with a bloodcurdling scowl.
"I expected this from you, Gregory... but James? You too?" She looks almost hurt.
"I..I er..um ah..." the poor lad stammers incoherently, accentuating his discomfort with a fresh coat of red paint over his cheeks. (This future Boy Wonder can easily defeat a hundred squadrons of scary math monsters and ferocious spelling bees, but when it comes to damsels in distress, his superpowers inexplicably melt into a puddle of viscous goo).
"He made me!" Jimmy finally sputters out with a finger aimed at the smug assailant.
"Tattletale." He sticks out his tongue.
"Why do you keep pickin' on me?" Lisa has her hands folded across her chest, clearly frustrated. "You know, Stacy thinks that when a boy likes a girl and he's too shy to tell her, he starts pulling her hair and throwing rocks at her..."
"HAHAHA!" An earsplitting guffaw forces Jimmy to leap back in consternation. "Everyone knows girls have cooties. And besides, who would like you? -you're not even pretty."
His prickly words jab at her ribs more than they probably should, and she momentarily pretends to ogle at the asphalt to hide the wet signs of multiple cardiac wounds clogging up her tear ducts. Luckily, Lisa has always recovered fast. Redirecting the hurt to rage, she releases the solid sphere from her palm (that's now clammy from holding on too long) into the air and then directly into the stomach of her preset target.
"Alas, I'm hit!" He stumbles backwards, clenching his abdomen in a thespian wave that's further aggrandized by the drumming of the late bell.
"You're nothing but a big mean bully!" She stomps off the playground with temporary triumph and a bewildered/mortified Jimmy trailing behind, who's too ashamed to even dart his troublemaking ex-best friend a pity glance.
Silence prolongs a simple stroll down the blacktop into a painfully arduous odyssey across the Sahara.
"Lisa.." he calls her name softly as she reaches for the handle of the side entrance. She pivots to face him, and for a second, Jimmy is dazzled by the light radiating from the sapphire specks ingrained in her eyes.
"I think you're pretty." (He shuffles his feet awkwardly).
She can't help but beam like a guiltless nine year old girl.
( 'Come in from above. Instead of going straight in through her abdomen, go in through the veins in her neck. Transjugular hepatic biopsy. If the liver starts to bleed…'
House hears nothing except for the rustling of the white construction paper in his hands. Smooth, leveled wings, sharp nose and tail, and a camouflaged F-111 engine: his master piece.
'…back into her own veins.' The plane hits Cuddy, who glowers faintly, but somehow, she is not very impressed. He immediately looks away- up at the ceiling, down at the floor, wholly innocent.
When are you going to grow up?)
(A/N: I absolutely loved writing this one, and I think a lot of the circumstances parallel the canon ones ie: Wilson's limit when House admitted to borrowing increasing amounts of money since the day they met. And originally, I wasn't going to include a Wilson/Cuddy moment but their Act Your Age 'date' inspired me to write the ending. However, I really wanted to include the parallel to the Fetal Position scene but it didn't fit anywhere into the flow so I just stuck it on at the end- hope it's not too awkward, and please give any suggestions you might have with reviews! Thanks a bunch. )