Okay, so here is part two. I wish to thank the lovely people who have reviewed and inspired me to continue and make sure I get this part finished: PoE-dA-hOe, Annebelle Kare, Hepzheba, ShayaCatalyst, Chainlinks, plaidshorts, Squibakou, SuddsBubblesandMore, Love!, and stolenchantment.

I know it took a while and I apologize, but understand I have quite a few other stories I'm working on at the same time. Not to mention school and work. But for now, here is this.

1,001 Sexual Positions for the Flaming Wizard

part two

It wasn't that funny. It was nowhere near that funny. It was so far from being funny that funny was like an ant. A small absolutely minuscule and quite squishy ant that could be crushed under the gigantic weight that was the embarrassment, mortification and utter dread Dean currently felt throughout his entire essence of being. Or to put it more simply, Dean was blushing nuclear and the incessant laughter around him was Not Helping.

He glared to his right where Neville stood wiping his eyes from mirth on the sleeve of his robes.

He glared to the chair beside him where Harry sat clutching his sides. His glasses looked about to fall off his nose.

He glared at the floor where Ron rolled around in glee. A few snorts escaped here and there which somehow only made him laugh harder.

He glared to his left where Hermione sat, energetically reenacting the whole painful ordeal for Ginny, who sat on the arm of the couch beside her.

"Wait, wait," Ginny gasped out. She clutched onto Hermione's arm to keep from toppling backwards. "What sort of noise was it again?"

Neville did a fairly good imitation of a rather sexual moan that sent the group into fits of laughter again. Dean sat in the middle on the couch, glowering. They weren't helping. Couldn't they see that they weren't helping? Didn't anyone care about his misfortune?

"Right in the middle of a rather particularly boring part of the lecture," Hermione laughed and nearly fell off of the couch.

"Boring PART?" Ron said incredulously. He looked up at Hermione from his spot on the floor, grinning like a pink faced maniac.

"Whatever," Hermione waved him off, "The point is, even I wasn't paying attention to Professor Binns!"

Dean snapped. "When you're done glorying in my misery here," Dean glared at the circle of his supposed friends, "Do you think maybe you could help me?" He flapped his arms about a bit to emphasize his current state of Less Than Calm.

"Help you with what?" Harry asked as he leaned back in the chair beside the couch, trying to catch his breath. Neville wheezed and fell to the floor beside him.

"Figuring out a way to save my friendship?" Dean said, beginning to outwardly demonstrate clear signs of panic to the others. "Seamus is probably up there plotting my death as we speak."

Ron waved a hand. "Highly doubtful," He said between breaths. "I just don't think he caught as much of it as we did."

"Or maybe he did and he's just being shy about it?" Hermione suggested. She arched an eyebrow and exchanged knowing looks with Ginny.

"What?" Dean looked at their faces, then turned to look at the boys for support in his confusion. Oddly enough, he didn't find it.

"Ron?" Harry smirked rather wickedly. Dean found himself flashing back to the smiles Fred and George had in his dream. He felt a bit unsafe.

Suddenly, Dean found that he was being pulled backwards through the portrait hole. "Hey!" He yelled and struggled to free his arms from the hold of Harry and Ron, only to have his legs lifted up by Neville. "What're you doing?! Hey!"


He was going to kill them. He was going to kill all of them. He wasn't entirely sure how, but he was going to. Preferably slow and more elaborate then was necessary. As soon as he managed to get out of the Room of Requirement, he was going to destroy them all. First things first, he had to break down the door.

He did not want to think about why the only other things in the room were a large four-poster bed and a nightstand, with a Drawer. He feared the Drawer. He found that pounding on the door and swearing loudly and quite colorfully distracted him from those thoughts. Thoughts of the Drawer.

"Let me out!" Dean kicked the door harder and swore again. "This isn't funny guys!"

"Nope," Harry's voice called back, sounding far too smug and amused. "Not until you deal with things!" Dean knew he was grinning that smug Harry Potter grin and he wanted to knock it off his face with ...with... something that knocks grins off of faces.

"Deal with what things? How?" Dean yelled back. He moved back a bit to make another running dash at the door. He let loose a loud manly bellow and charged.

The door swung open and Dean collided with the hard body of another person being apparently thrown at him from the outside. They tumbled onto the floor in heap of limbs and the door slammed shut again.

Dean sat up and shook his head, then felt the blood freeze in his veins. "Seamus?"

Seamus's blue eyes widened as he leaped up from his position of straddling Dean's waist. "Dean!"

"Now deal with it!" the voice of Hermione shouted through the door and the laughter of the others could be heard after.

"Hey!" Dean shouted. He launched up from the floor. "Let us out of here!" He pounded on the door and shook the knob.

He heard Hermione's voice on the other side muttering what was probably a tricky little locking spell they had learned in charms. "Hermione!" Dean yelled. "Ron! Harry!" He listened at the door. "Neville?" the other side was silent. "Dammit!"

"I guess we're stuck in here then," Seamus said rather quietly. He fidgeted with the seam of his robes and watched Dean huff at the door.

"I guess so." Dean really, really did not want to turn around.

"So..." Seamus shuffled his foot along the floor.

"So..." repeated Dean. He looked resolutely at the door. The graining was really quite interesting. Really, it was.

"So," Seamus said again. "I guess that was some dream you had."

Dean winced. "Yeah, um, about that..."

"What happened?" Seamus blurted. Dean turned to look at him and saw his friend's eyes were either still wide or wide again, he couldn't really be sure since he didn't see them go normal again. "I mean, it's alright, you can tell me anything," Seamus babbled a bit, his cheeks going pink. Dean wanted to push him back onto the bed. "Er, well maybe not anything, but, oh you know!" Seamus sat back onto the bed with his arms crossed. His cheeks were flushing pinker. Dean prayed he wouldn't pout.

Dean swallowed at the sudden dryness in his mouth. "Do you want me to start from the beginning?"

Seamus looked up at Dean. He nodded. "Sure."

Dean sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Well, it began with us all just getting in to go to bed." He paused as it flashed back into his mind. "Oddly realistic and all." Then he grinned at the memory of it. "Then Fred and George came in to kidnap Ron to try out a new product."

"Product?" Seamus repeated, interest piqued.

Dean nodded. He walked closer. "A book."

Seamus grinned. Dean stumbled. "What kind of book?"

Dean felt the familiar reflexive calm feeling in him as he grinned back himself. "'1,001 Sexual Positions for the Flaming Wizard'."

Seamus snorted and started giggling. Dean wanted to jump him, but settled for moving to sit across from him on the other side of the bed. "No!" Seamus laughed, highly amused. "What happened?"

Dean shrugged. "He struggled, but they dragged him off." Dean smirked. "Then Harry went to sneak out to have a shag with Malfoy."

Seamus's eyes went even wider and he clasped a hand over his mouth. "Malfoy!?!"

"Yeah," Dean laughed with him. It felt amazing. Seamus didn't hate him. "And he was trying to be sneaky about it, but he's not very good with the sneaky." Seamus nodded. He knew what Dean meant.

"Where was Neville?" Seamus asked. He leaned forward conspiratorially.

Dean paused, faux thinking for dramatic effect. "In the greenhouse doing, something, with a Hufflepuff." Dean winked at Seamus. "Harry said I didn't want to know."

Seamus fell over on his side. "That's brilliant!" he laughed loudly.

"Yeah," Dean agreed, watching his best friend. His hair looked really soft. He really wanted to touch it. He really needed to get off. The bed! Get off the bed! Dean blushed.

Seamus rolled onto his back and placed a hand behind his head. "What was I doing then during all this?"

Dean felt his mouth go dry again. "I don't know," Dean rasped. He coughed. "I turned around and you were off pouting on your bed."

"Pouting?" Seamus furrowed his brow in confusion. Dean fidgeted.

"Yeah, and then you, um," Dean swallowed again, or tried to. Where was a glass of water when he needed it? Oh, on the nightstand. Drawer!

Dean shook his head and looked back at Seamus who waited patiently. Dean closed his eyes. "You started complaining about everyone getting shagged but you."

Seamus had the decency to blush. Dean felt better knowing he wasn't the only one having trouble with that. "Did I?"

"Yeah," Dean said rather breathlessly. He cleared his throat again. "You asked if you were ugly, and started obsessing and I, um, I..."

"... said I was quite the opposite," Seamus finished quietly. He lay on his side and picked at the bedspread, biting his lip.

Dean tried not to whimper. "Yeah."

"Tell me."

Dean could feel his eyes widen. "What?" It was quite possible his heart may have stopped beating for a moment. Yes, he must be dead. Seamus would never actually be looking at him like that.

"What did I say?" Seamus looked up at him. Dean wondered what class Seamus had taken to learn how to hypnotize people with his eyes.

"You said, um," Dean managed to start. "Your hair was boring." Seamus reached up to his hair. "But it's not," Dean added quickly. He had to physically stop himself from reaching out to touch said sandy blonde hair. "It's, not." He winced as he dugs his nails into his palm.

"And you said your nose was too pointy, but it isn't," He was faster this time. Dean really wished Seamus would look away. It was getting heard to concentrate. "It's pointy enough. And you said your ears stick out, but they don't, not in a bad way at least, and you said that your lips were too big, but they aren't." Dean looked at Seamus's lips and licked his own. He thought he heard a whimper but he shook it off.

Pretty lips. Soft pretty pink lips. Pouty pink lips. Pretty pouty pink lips. Alliteration was going to drive him insane. "What else?"

Dean zoned back in "Huh?" He watched Seamus push himself into a kneeling position on the bed.

"What did I say next?" Dean tried not to notice that Seamus had gotten a bit closer.

Dean couldn't move. "You asked if you were fat," Dean replied, not sure if he was actually in control of the conversation any more. "And you took of your shirt."

Seamus bit his lips for a moment. "Like this?" Dean's brain broke as he watched Seamus somehow manage to pull his shirts off over his head in pretty much one fluid movement, leaving the other boy shirtless, and yes, somehow closer than before.

Yes, Dean Thomas, there is a Santa Claus. "Y-Yeah." Dean hoped that the squeak wasn't as noticeable as he thought it was. He couldn't stop his eyes from roving over the body in front of him. "And you said you, um," He somehow found the coherency to continue. "that you ate too much and that you had a belly, which you, really don't."

"No?" Seamus asked. Dean could hear him breathing. Dean could feel him breathing. When did they get this close?

"No." Dean really wanted to touch the belly.

"You said I was soft." Seamus voice sounded a bit hoarse, almost husky. He was flushed still and Dean was enthralled to see that he didn't just turn pink in his face.

Dean let his hand move. It grazed over Seamus's side and the other boy gasped. Dean tried to jerk his hand back but Seamus grabbed it and held it there. Dean swallowed, looking at the blue eyes across from his. So close. "You are."

"And then?" Seamus asked, moving his hand up Dean's arm.

"And then," Dean continued, wondering if it was really that warm in the room or if it was just Seamus, "You said you didn't have an arse. That is was flat and bony and awful."

"Oi!" Seamus frowned a bit and leaned back.

Dean smiled in spite of himself. "You said it!"

"In your dream!" Seamus reached out with both hands and pushed Dean on his shoulders, then left his hands there. Dean's other hand came up to hold onto Seamus's arm.

"It's not though," Dean said, regaining some of his earlier seriousness. He felt braver now. He wasn't sure where it was coming from. "I said that, didn't you hear?"

"I think I was too busy blushing and trying to hide at that point," Seamus admitted, looking down at the bed between them. "Hermione was snickering something awful."

"Then you missed it?" Dean didn't flinch this time, when Seamus look up at him in confusion. "How I said you had a nice arse, round and firm?" Dean more felt then consciously realized that his hand was sliding from Seamus's side to his arse.

Seamus's eyes fluttered for a moment as he took a sharp breath. "R-really?"

Dean nodded. "I said you're perfect." The words came out clearer then he thought they would.

"A-And then?" Seamus seemed dazed. It might have been due to Dean's hand rubbing up his shoulder, or possibly the hand squeezing his arse, or due to the lack of actual oxygen since the boys were now close enough that they may have been sharing breath.

Dean swallowed. "You pouted again. Wondered why if you were so perfect, why didn't anyone want to shag you."

Seamus's eyes were quite dilated. "And?"

"I um, I said that..." Dean felt himself moving closer.

Seamus may have been pulling him, as his hands had moved from Dean's shoulders to the back of his neck. "Yeah?"

"I did."

"Thank god!"

Dean fell onto his back with the force of the lunge Seamus made. However his brain didn't process the fact because it was too busy short-circuiting due to the rather insistent Irish tongue mingling with his own.

Which may not have been such a good thing.


Seamus toppled onto his side as Dean rubbed his forehead in pain.

Seamus was kneeling next to him in a flash. "Sorry!" He cried out, trying to pull Dean's hands away so he could inspect the damage. "Oh god, I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"

"Seamus, ow, stop would you?" Dean batted his friend's hands away, sitting up and moving a few inches away from him on the bed.

Seamus sank back on his knees. "Sorry, just got a bit, um, lost in the moment." He bit his lip and looked at his hands.

Dean fell a little bit harder at the sight of his contrite friend. He reached out and pulled Seamus over to sit on his lap. "Did you hear me complaining?" Dean said, kissing Seamus behind the ear.

Seamus sighed, then paused in mock thought. "Well no, but it can be hard to talk with someone else's tongue in your mouth. So if there's anything you wanted to say you can now since my tongue is all over here and not in your mouth and--"

"I love you." Dean whispered into his best friend's ear.

The Seamus babble ceased immediately. Seamus looked at Dean stunned. "Oh."

Dean arched his eyebrow. "Oh?" Not entirely the reaction he hoped for.

Seamus shook himself. "I mean, um, I," He searched.

Dean laughed, albeit a bit nervously, but it still felt nice. "Did I just render one Seamus Finnegan speechless?"

Seamus smiled and leaned his head against Dean's, being careful not to hurt him. "You did."

Dean wrapped his arms around Seamus and pulled him closer. "A good speechless?"

Seamus moaned as Dean planted kisses on his neck and shoulder. "The best kind ever."

"So, does that mean..." Dean trailed off pulling back a bit.

Seamus turned to face Dean more fully, straddling him. "Aye, it does." He kissed him soundly. "Love you too."

Dean snorted in spite of himself. "I should bloody well hope so." Seamus giggled with him and pushed Dean down onto his back again.

Seamus wiggled his hips on his friend's lap making Dean groan. "So..."

"So..." Dean replied, placing his hands on Seamus's hips.

Seamus smiled wickedly down at Dean. "So, just what do you suppose is in that Drawer?"

Dean smiled back and reached over...


An Hour Later...

"It's quiet." Harry pressed his ear to the door.

"Means nothing." Ron stood behind him with Neville. "There's a silencing charm on it."

Harry frowned. "We should check."

Ron nodded. "We should." No one moved. "Well go on then."

Harry paled. "What, why me?"

"You suggested it." Ron replied.

"Well, yeah, but what if they're, you know, all, at it?" Ginny tried not to laugh at the utter fear entering Harry's expression.

Ron stared at his best friend. "You faced Basilisks and Spiders and Dementors. And You-Know-Who! You can deal with two shagging boys."

Harry cast about in desperation. "Neville?"

Neville's reaction was less reserved. "No! Uh-uh! No way!"

Hermione made a noise of loud frustration. "Boys! We'll do it!"

"We will?" Ginny asked as Hermione grabbed her arm and released the locking charm on the door.

"Why are you sounding so happy about that?" Ron called after his sister as the two girls disappeared into the Room of Requirement.

A few minutes passed. The boys waited. Harry shifted his weight back and forth. Neville twirled his wand nervously in his fingers until sparks shot out the end. Ron was frowning.

A hurried rush of robe startled them as the girls returned. "Hermione?"

Ginny smiled wickedly and Hermione tried to compose herself. "We'll come back later," She squeaked and then ran off, with Ginny in tow, laughing loudly.

Harry looked at Ron. Ron looked at Harry. Ron and Harry looked at Neville. All three boys looked at the door.

Who knew they could run that fast?

The End.

Again I say thank you for reading! Sorry it took so long, but I needed to get it right!