A/N: YET ANOTHER one-shot from the twisted mind that is me. Okay so I lied it's new years day so my brother is not getting his car back til TOMORROW possibly. This idea has been in my mind for a couple of week. I was watching my favorite episode of dirty jobs. (the one with vex-con, the exterminator guys BAH I love the boss guy he's cute and kinda crazy.) ANYWAYS. I dunno where this came from but it just came to me and now I'm writing it. Sorry for the stupid title. I'm freaking out over rhymes right now so yeah that's what came up. Oh and I made some little crack Naruto comic things, if you have time please look I will put the link in my profile. Ok so without further ado I bring you…
OPERATION EXTERMINATION (stupid I know please don't hate me!)
Warnings: YAOI!! BOYXBOY action! saweeeet o plus foul language. Don't like either, I suggest you click back NOW!!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any other characters mentioned.
Summary: Sasuke discovers bugs eating his porch and calls an exterminator, but when the exterminator turns out to be a hot little blond boy will Sasuke be able to keep his hands off and let the boy do his job?
It was early morning and the sun had just risen, waking Sasuke Uchiha from a peaceful sleep. Pulling his favorite robe on he shoved his feet into his slippers and lazily walked outside for some fresh air. He walked across his porch, lazily rubbing sleep from his black eyes. Stretching his arms above and yawning Sasuke heard a loud crack and opened one eye slowly, looking down at his porch. Before he could react there was another loud crack and the boards underneath his left foot broke, dragging his left leg down into the porch.
"AHH!" Sasuke yelped as he fell ungracefully onto the porch. His leg had disappeared into the porch up to his knee where it stopped when his foot hit the ground below the porch. Sasuke winced as he pulled his leg out of the hole, losing his slipper in the process, feeling the sharp, splintered wood scratching at his pale skin.
"Fucking piece of shit porch." Sasuke cursed as he examined his abused leg. It was covered in scratches but luckily none of them were deep enough to bleed, they just stung like hell. Pushing himself to his feet he glared at the porch angrily.
'Why the fuck did that happen? This porch isn't old, it was built 2 years ago.' Sasuke thought quietly staring at the black hole in the deck.
Crouching down he broke off a piece of the wood with ease and watched as it crumbled in his hands. Breaking the brittle wood in his hands he noticed small nasty white bugs crawling in the brittle wood. Glaring at one of the bugs he sighed and hurled the disintegrating piece of wood away and stood, brushing his hands off on his robe.
"Damn termites." Sasuke mumbled glaring at the gaping hole in the porch once more before heading inside to call an exterminator, and someone to rebuild his porch.
Snatching a phonebook out of the desk his phone sat on he flipped it open to the exterminator page, slamming the book on the desk he scanned the different companies and picked one at random.
"Uzumaki exterminations." Sasuke mumbled as he dialed the number into his phone. After 2 rings he was greeted by a cheerful male voice.
"Uzumaki exterminations, Uzumaki here how can I help ya?" The voice said cheerfully.
"Termites are eating my porch, I need someone to kill them." Sasuke stated simply glaring at his porch through the kitchen window.
"You called the right place. Can you tell me how extensive the damage is sir?"
"I don't know."
"Hmm ok well give me your address and I'll come out there and see what I can do."
"I live at 4795 Almond Mesa way."
"Ok I'll be there in 10 to 15 minutes to assess the damage."
"Hn." Sasuke merely grunted hanging the phone up. He glanced at the clock quickly; the exterminator would be there in 10-15 minutes. Sasuke growled when he realized that wouldn't give him enough time to shower. Grumbling about prompt exterminators and porch eating termites he stomped to his room to change and comb his hair. 10 minutes later Sasuke emerged from his bedroom in clean clothes and his hair neatly combed.
2 minutes later Sasuke watched as a big black truck pulled into his driveway. There was large white skull and crossbones painted on the doors and underneath it read Uzumaki exterminations in large crimson letters. The passenger opened and a blonde girl stepped out followed by a brunette with wild hair. The two stood side by side and waited as the driver made his way around the truck to them.
Sasuke's jaw almost dropped when the blond driver emerged from behind the huge truck. Sasuke simply gawked at the boy as he hopped into the back of the truck grabbing a silver case. He had wild spiky blond hair and incredibly blue eyes. He was kind of short maybe 5'9"-5'10" but looked strong for his size. Snapping his eyes away from the marvelous boy Sasuke moved away from the window and stood by the door waiting for them to knock.
Knock knock knock!
Wiping the mischievous smile off his face Sasuke put on his normal emotionless mask and waited a couple seconds before opening the door. He eyed the exterminators before him curiously they were very interesting to say the least. Sasuke always imagined exterminators as chubby middle-aged men that wore those hideous orange jumpsuits and carried big packs of bug poison on their backs, however these exterminators didn't look like that in the least. The girl had long pale blond hair pulled back in a pony tail, she was dressed in a black tank top with a skull on the chest and tight black jeans, around her waist was a studded belt with a large silver belt buckle in the shape of a broken heart. The brunette next to her was also dressed head to toe in black, he wore a black hoodie that sported a skull and crossbones on the front and read Uzumaki exterminators across the back, he wore baggy black jeans and a studded belt with a silver skull and crossbones buckle. On his hands were fingerless gloves that had a skeleton hand design on them, and he had two long red triangles tattooed onto his cheeks. Finally Sasuke's eyes fell on the gorgeous blond driver. He wore a long sleeved black shirt that sported the skull and crossbones logo on the back and baggy black jeans, he was wearing the same gloves as the brunette and had the same belt as both but his belt buckle was a fox and on each of his cheeks were 3 scars that resembled whiskers.
"Hi I'm Naruto Uzumaki, you called about a termite problem?" Sasuke nodded dumbly, not trusting his voice around the blond just yet. He stepped out of the way letting the trio enter the house.
"Oh I forgot to introduce you to my partners. The pretty blonde girl there is Ino and the mutt is Kiba." Naruto said pointing to his partners.
"Don't call me a mutt you mangy fox." Kiba snapped smacking the back of the blond's head.
"Don't hit me you filthy mutt!" Naruto yelled back swinging the silver suitcase at Kiba.
"Cut it out you two, you're scaring our customer." Ino snapped snatching the case out of Naruto's hand before he could hit Kiba with it.
"Oh sorry." Naruto mumbled glancing at the customer and scratching his neck nervously.
Sasuke almost jumped the blond right then and there, he was too damn cute for his own good, but he forced himself to calm down.
"So what's your name?" Naruto asked looking up to meet the eyes of the raven-haired boy before him.
"Nice to meet you Sasuke." Ino said sweetly, smiling at the boy.
"Yeah yeah nice meeting you, now where are the bugs?" Kiba asked, earning a glare from his blonde teammate.
Sasuke pointed towards the back of his house and led them to his back door. Sliding the door open he led them onto the porch and pointed to the hole his leg had fallen through earlier. Kiba walked over and broke of a piece of wood examining it closely, it crumbled away easily and Naruto raised a brow curiously.
"Well I'll need to get under the porch so I can see how extensive the damage is." Sasuke nodded and led the blond to the opening that led under the porch.
"Ino toss me the flashlight." Naruto called out.
Ino opened the metal suitcase; pulling out a black flashlight she tossed it to the blond who caught it easily. Turning the flashlight on, the blond dropped on all fours and crawled through the small opening. As the blond disappeared into the dark space underneath the porch, Sasuke could not take his eyes off the boy's ass as he wiggled through the small opening. Fighting a major hard on and a nosebleed Sasuke turned and hurried into his house. Hiding in his bathroom Sasuke willed his erection away, he had to go back out there and find out how extensive the damage to his porch was, but he didn't know if he could control himself around the sexy blond.
'Think of something bad, think of something bad………umm umm uhhhhh, your brother naked!' As soon as the thought popped in to Sasuke's he screamed in horror, clutching his head and willing the image away, but it had worked and his erection was fading quickly. Taking deep breaths he composed himself and went back outside to watch the exterminators work.
Sasuke listened to the blond shuffling around under the porch, mumbling to himself and breaking pieces of wood off occasionally to assess the damage done. Ten minutes later a dirt and dust covered Naruto emerged from under the porch to report the damage done.
"Well Sasuke, the termites have eaten away at all of your main support beams."
Raising an eyebrow curiously he urged the blond to continue.
"You'll have to rebuild an entirely new porch, this thing is ready to collapse any minute it's a miracle it's holding all 4 of us up as it is." Pausing to take a breath Naruto continued explaining the situation.
"The termites come up from the ground to feed on the wood, so we're going to poison the ground around and under your porch. They should all be taken care of in a few days and then you can have someone come out and build you a new porch." Sasuke nodded in understanding, making the blond smile brightly.
"Okay well me and my team are going to get to work, but this porch is barely holding so if you don't mind stepping inside and letting us do our job." Naruto said staring at the older boy expectantly. Sasuke nodded again and headed back inside his home to watch the exterminators work. As the blond worked Sasuke couldn't take his eyes from him and started wondering about the boy.
'I wonder if he's gay? I hope he's gay. Does he think I'm hot. FUCK I WANNA SCREW HIM!! Sheesh I sound like and idiotic gay schoolgirl…WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!……Idiotic gay schoolgirl…? sigh I'm going Insane I swear.'
Outside the exterminators continued mixing termite poison into the dirt around and under Sasuke's porch, one of them lost deep in her thoughts. Ino had noticed Sasuke staring at Naruto and she couldn't help it, she just had to get those two together.
'He needs someone, he's still so heartbroken over losing Shika to that stupid skank Temari.' She sighed sadly remembering how sad and heartbroken the little blond had been when she told him what she saw Shika and Temari doing. It had been so hard for Ino to tell her friend but he deserved to know so he could end it before he got hurt worse.
She blinked a couple times and snapped back to reality when she realized Naruto was standing in front of her waving a hand in her face.
"You okay Ino?" Naruto asked, concern lacing his words.
"Yeah I was just thinking." She mumbled quietly.
"About?" Naruto pushed, immediately regretting it when a devious smile spread across his friend's face.
"Getting you laid." She said simply.
"What?!?" Naruto spluttered looking at Ino like she was crazy. He did not like where this was going.
"Oh come on, you can't tell me you haven't noticed that Sasuke guy checking you out." She said, nodding her head in the direction of the window said Uchiha was watching from. Naruto's eyes turned to the window she was nodding towards and they locked with a set of cold black eyes. He smiled and waved at the boy, giving him a thumbs up to let him know everything was going okay.
"He's pretty hot you know, and I bet he'd be a good fuck."
"INO!" Naruto spluttered hitting the girl on the head as he blushed furiously.
"Hey you're not supposed to hit girls Naruto. What the hell?" Ino snapped rubbing her head furiously.
"That's for being a pervert." Naruto said sticking his tongue out at the girl, they were interrupted by a laughing Kiba that had overheard everything.
"Aw come on Naruto loosen up, just go up there and let the guy fuck you senseless, Ino and I'll finish up the poisoning."
"NO! Besides you got it wrong Kiba I'd be doing the fucking I'm not a damn uke." Both of Naruto's teammates fell to the ground laughing hysterically as the blond huffed indignantly.
"Assholes." He murmured, ignoring them and turning back to his work. Kiba and Ino slowly stood up wiping tears from the corners of their eyes as their laughter finally died down.
"Aw come on man." Kiba pushed in an attempt to get his best friend laid.
"No, I don't think he likes me anyways, I'd just look like an idiot."
"Ha not a chance, the way he's been staring at you all day it's a definite fuck."
"No! Now get back to work I want to finish and go get some ramen with Gaara." Naruto snapped, ending the conversation completely. Kiba and Ino sighed and looked at their friend sadly before turning back to their work.
(15ish minutes later)
Naruto had finished one side of the porch and he was crossing the porch to get to another when he heard a loud crack and tripped as the wood gave way under his right foot. His leg had gone in knee deep and there were angry scratches covering his tan leg. Ino and Kiba rushed to his side and pulled him up onto his feet. As Ino brushed him off and made sure he was okay Kiba crouched down and examined the blond's leg. Most of the scratches weren't deep enough to bleed but there were a couple that were dripping blood down the smooth tan leg. Sasuke appeared at the door concern showing in his expression.
"Is he okay?" Sasuke asked. Ino glanced at him and immediately formed a plan to get the blond laid after all. She glanced down at Kiba and it was obvious he was thinking the same thing as a devious little smile appeared on his face as he looked up at Ino.
"He'll be okay he just needs a little help cleaning up his leg. Would you take care of it?" Ino asked sweetly smiling innocently towards Sasuke.
"Okay. Follow me." Sasuke said and Naruto took off after him disappearing into the large house. When they reached the bedroom Sasuke directed Naruto to sit in his computer chair, and he disappeared into the bathroom, appearing a minute later holding band-aids and a clean wet washcloth. Sitting down on his bed in front of the younger boy he grabbed the injured leg and pulled it into his lap, causing the boy to blush.
"I-I c-can do that m-myself." Naruto stuttered out nervously.
"Hn." Sasuke grunted, ignoring the boy as he pushed the pant leg up above his knee and began cleaning the cuts with the washcloth. Naruto blushed harder but remained silent as he let the boy take care of his leg. Once the scratches were clean Sasuke grabbed the band-aids and began placing them over the deeper scratches.
'Fuck he has nice legs…' Sasuke thought as he found himself running his hands along the smooth tan leg.
Now's my chance, it's all or nothing.' Sasuke thought preparing himself to seduce the blond boy. Either tonight was going to be one of the best nights of Sasuke's life or he was going to be rejected and probably have bug poison shoved down his throat. Taking a deep breath he began his seduction. Starting at the ankle he ran his hands up the blond's legs letting them disappear into the black pants as he moved up the boy's thigh slowly.
"U-umm…S-s-s…" Naruto began as he felt the hands going higher and higher.
"S-Sasuke what a-are you doing?" Naruto questioned nervously. He was trying to grasp the situation but couldn't focus as those wonderful hands worked higher and higher getting closer to his most sensitive area every second.
"P-please st-…" Naruto was cut off though when a soft moan escaped his throat as Sasuke lightly ran his nails along the blond's sensitive inner thigh. Encouraged by this response Sasuke removed one hand from the blonds right pant leg and slid it up the left leg. He gently massaged and scraped the younger boy's inner thighs enjoying the little noises of pleasure the blond emitted.
Removing his hands from the blond's pants he ran his hands up the blond's legs, narrowly missing his obvious erection as his hands continued up the blonds abs and chest, as Sasuke slowly climbed onto the blond's lap. He circled his arms around the tan neck and let his fingers slide into the silky golden locks gazing into the half lidded, lust filled blue eyes of the younger boy. He moved so their lips were centimeters apart and blew softly and the plump pink lips he wanted to claim so badly. Tired of teasing himself and the blond he quickly closed the gap and claimed the delicious lips of the smaller boy.
Naruto couldn't comprehend what was happening, all he knew was it felt damn good and he never wanted it to stop. Reaching up and burying tan fingers in silky raven locks the blond kissed back with equal passion.
As soon as the blond broke for air Sasuke wasted no time and attacked the tan neck vigorously, marking the beautiful boy as his and his alone. Pulling back just enough he grabbed the edge the blond's shirt and pulled it over his head quickly, admiring the flawless tan chest displayed before him.
He ran his hands up the blond's sides stopping to tease the boy's nipples with his thumbs. Leaning down he sucked one of the pink buds into his mouth and began teasing it with his tongue until it became hard. Slowly he licked a trail across the blond's chest and gave the other nipple the same treatment. Naruto moaned loudly arching into the inviting mouth.
Satisfied, Sasuke began moving down the tan chest and abs, slowly slipping to the floor between the blond boy's legs. He began kneading the blond through his clothes as he assaulted the boy's navel with his tongue. Naruto pulled at the raven hair between his fingers letting a drawn out moan escape his swollen lips.
"S-stop teasing you…unnnnh…pantpant b-bastard."
"Hmmmm…" Sasuke hummed blowing on the boy's erection through his pants.
"Tell me what you want." He growled in a husky voice.
"B-bastard…ahh..unnh….you know…what….I ahhhh… w-want!" Naruto growled out between pants and moans.
"But I want you to tell me what you want Na-ru-to." He said slowly his mouth hovering centimeters from the blond's erection.
"Unnnh…fine…please suck me off ahhhh!" Naruto moaned loudly as Sasuke rubbed him through his pants again.
"Hn. Of course dobe." Sasuke said with his smirk in place. He quickly undid Naruto's belt and pants and slid them to his knees along with his boxers. He blew a puff of air on the tip causing Naruto to shudder before he took the whole member in his mouth, deep throating the boy. Naruto cried out in pleasure and his hips thrust upwards, forcing Sasuke to take more of the boy into his mouth. Growling slightly he placed his hands on the tan hips, effectively restraining the blond and continued his ministrations. He hummed slightly sending vibrations through the blond's member, causing his grip on the raven hair to become almost painful. Sasuke swallowed contracting his throat around the younger boy's erection, receiving a loud cry of pleasure in return. Alternating licks, sucks, and swallows, Sasuke brought Naruto to the edge fast and he came hard into raven-haired boys mouth. The older boy greedily drank every drop before standing and kissing the dazed blond, forcing him to taste himself.
He straightened up and removed his clothes quickly then climbed onto Naruto's lap and began grinding their crotches together while kissing the boy hard, quickly bringing the blond's limp member to full hardness again. Unhappy about their positions Sasuke stood up pulling Naruto to his feet with him. Kissing him hard he then turned the blond around and pushed him onto his knees in front of his bed. Kneeling behind him he kissed the back of the blond's neck and shoulders as he trailed his right hand up towards the boy's lips.
"Suck." He demanded, and the blond took three of Sasuke's fingers into his mouth and coated them in Saliva. Sasuke marked the back of Naruto's neck as Naruto continued moistening his fingers.
Satisfied he pulled his fingers from the blond's mouth and slowly trailed them down to the boy's entrance. He used his left hand and pushed Naruto so he was leaning over the edge of his bed. Slowly tracing the boy's entrance he pushed one finger in through the tight muscles and began pumping it in and out, he then added a second, and third. He stretched his fingers apart and thrust his fingers inside searching for a spot that would make the boy see stars.
"Aaaunngh…fuck Sasuke do that again."
'Found it.' He thrust his finger against the spot until he felt Naruto was thoroughly stretched. Leaning forward he kissed the younger boy's neck as he got ready to enter the blond.
"This is going to hurt a bit, just relax It'll get better I promise." Sasuke whispered in the blond's ear. When the Naruto nodded in understanding Sasuke slowly started pushing into the smaller boy. The blond gripped the sheets tightly as he felt something much larger then the fingers being pushed into him. Sasuke kissed Naruto's neck and shoulder's in an attempt to distract him from the pain of being entered. He ran his hands up the blond's sides and along his arms, entangling his fingers with the blond's. Once he was completely inside he held still and waited for the blond to adjust.
"M-move bastard." Naruto demanded weakly. Sasuke grabbed the blond's chin and turned his face so he could kiss him hard before he straightened up and gripped the smaller boy's hips tightly. He began thrusting slowly looking for that spot.
"Fuck! H-harder…ahh. F-faster!" Naruto yelled out in pleasure.
Quickening his thrusts he slid one hand around and started pumping the blond in rhythm with his thrusts. As he came closer and closer to climax his thrusts became faster and more desperate. Naruto finally came screaming Sasuke's name, his inner walls tightening around Sasuke's member with three final thrusts Sasuke came hard deep inside the blond, moaning out the younger boy's name. Sasuke collapsed onto the smaller boy, reaching up and entwining his fingers with Naruto's. They stayed like that for a while enjoying the afterglow of their orgasms.
Both boys jerked their heads in the direction of the door.
"Hey if you two are done in there we kind of need to get back to the office, before you're dad freaks out on us Naruto." Ino called from the other side of the door.
"Hurry up, I'll leave without you. I don't want to deal with an angry Arashi." Kiba barked out.
"I-I got to g-go." Naruto mumbled turning bright red.
Reluctantly Sasuke pulled out of the boy and stood up, handing him his clothes. Naruto pulled his clothes on quickly and kissed Sasuke one more time before dashing out the door after his friends. Pulling on his robe Sasuke went out to the living room and watched the big black truck pull away.
(The next day at the Uzumaki exterminations office)
"Hello, Uzumaki exterminations, Uzumaki speaking." Naruto said cheerfully as he answered the phone. He was surprised he could sound as happy as he did considering the amount o pain he was in from the waist down.
"Hn. Dobe I think I have a mouse problem in my bedroom, why don't you come take a look." The voice on the line said smoothly, causing Naruto to blush.
"O-oh s-sounds bad. I'll be there in 5 minutes." Naruto said quickly hanging up he sprang to his feet and ran/hobbled out of the office, jumping into his truck and taking off.
Ino and Kiba sat at their desks smiling knowingly as the black truck disappeared from sight.
"Told you your son was uke Arashi, now pay up." Kiba grinned happily as Arashi rolled his eyes and handed the boy $20.
A/N: Hate it? Like it? Lemme know. I definitely believe the yondaime being Naruto's dad, they look so much alike.GAH this took so long to type. I could not get peace to type it I was interrupted every 5-10 minutes. I started writing this at 9pm and just now finished at 2am. STUPID interruptions. Anyways hope you enjoyed. OMG that was the longest lemon I've ever written, it was CRAZY. Well thank you for reading, I should have been in bed but this idea would not let me rest. I'M SICK AGAIN. (stupid effing andy getting me stupid effing sick) Anyways VOILA! Another one-shot from yours truly. Again please look at my comics. I'm quite proud of them the link is in my profile.