This is the last chapter and I hope no one is disappointed with the ending. Thanks to everyone who took the time to review I really appreciated each of them.
Chapter twenty three
"Sammy I'm sorry…I'm so sorry." Dean never knew it could hurt this much to lose someone. He had been devastated when his dad died but this pain, this pain was overwhelming. His baby brother was dead. He pushed Sam's long bangs out of his eyes as he held him tight. "I can't do this without you Sammy." He said softly. He couldn't even begin to imagine living without his brother by his side. Sure he had survived when Sam was in college but he had known his brother was out there somewhere and could always find him if he wanted to. But now there was no finding him, now he was gone forever. Tears ran down his cheeks and landed on his brother's face..
Bobby walked over to him and put his hand on Dean's shoulder.
"I'm sorry Dean, I thought it would work." He said softly as he gently squeezed Dean's shoulder. "I'll leave you two alone….so you can say goodbye." Bobby then put his hand on the side of Sam's face. "Bye Sammy." He looked back at Dean as his eyes filled up. "You did the right thing son, don't ever doubt that. If you would have brought him back what kind of life would he have lead? He's at peace now Dean; he's with your dad. You did what he asked you to do….you let him go." Bobby said before leaving the room.
As Dean watched Bobby walk away he wondered if maybe he too should be with their dad….and with Sam. He thought of his gun and knew it would only take one second and he could join them. He knew it was the coward's way out but he didn't care, he was tired of the pain, and tired of his life. He swallowed hard as he looked down at Sam and choked back a sob.
"I'll see you soon Sammy." He said softly.
He then shut his eyes and let the tears flow as he hugged his brother to his chest, tears he would have been horrified to let his brother see. He always tried to hide his emotions but now there was no one to hide them from.
He sat with Sam for the next half hour then slowly got out of bed knowing what he had to do. He walked over and picked up his gun, then stood looking out into the moonlit night. He knew he had to do it quick before Bobby could stop him and he knew he couldn't do it there at Bobby's, that wouldn't be fair to him. He had to go off by himself, somewhere alone with Sam, somewhere quiet. He stuck his gun in his waistband then gently picked up his brother. He carried him to the car then instead of putting him in the back seat he propped him up in the passenger's seat just as if he was riding shotgun with him again. Dean then climbed in the driver's seat and quickly drove away.
As he sped down the country road and around a curve Sam's body slid over and his head fell onto Dean's shoulder.
Dean blinked back tears as he kept his eyes straight ahead and on the road.
Twenty minutes later
Dean finally pulled over at the pond where he had found Sam earlier. The same pond he, Sam and their dad used to fish at. This was as good a spot as any he thought as he got out of the car then gently took Sam out and carried him over to the pond. It was here he remembered Sam was the happiest. Their dad had come back from a hunt and he and Bobby had taken them fishing at the pond and they were all together, together at least until their dad went on another hunt. He gently put Sam down next to a large rock.
"We'll all be together again soon Sam… Dad, Mom, Jess, you, and me, will all be together."
Dean then walked over to the pond and looked at the moon light shimmering on the water. It was peaceful and the perfect place to end it all. He took his gun out of his waistband and could almost hear Sam begging him not to do it. But he was tired of hunting and tired of hurting, he just wanted it over with. His whole family was dead and he wanted to be too, he wanted to be with them. The demon had won he thought; all the Winchesters would soon be dead. He slowly raised the gun toward his head.
Dean hesitated; he could swear he heard his brother's voice.
Dean slowly turned around and took a step back in shock when he saw Sam sitting on the ground looking up at him.
"Sam? Sammy!" Dean couldn't believe what he was seeing. He walked over to his brother in shock and could see the confused look on Sam's face when he saw the gun in Dean's hand.
"What….What are you doing?" Sam asked, and then he swallowed hard remembering what he had made Dean promise. "Is that for me?"
"No…" Dean looked at the gun. "No…" Dean shook his head as he lowered the gun to his side. He still couldn't believe he was standing here talking to his brother, it wasn't possible. "Sam… I thought you were dead." He said softly still not believing what he was seeing.
"You were dead. I watched you die."
"Dean…." Sam gave a nervous smile. "You're scaring me."
"Oh God Sam it's good to see you!" Dean snapped out of his shock and was overjoyed to see his brother was alive. He reached down and pulled Sam up and gave him a hug, then embarrassed quickly released him.
"Now you're really scaring me." Sam knew Dean rarely showed his emotions. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine…in fact I'm great." Dean smiled as he stepped back to look at his brother. "You look pretty good for a dead man."
"What's going on….what happened?"
"We gave you the blood and then you suddenly stopped breathing….we thought you were dead…we were sure of it."
"I remember…." Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. "I remember a warm feeling shooting through my body and I wasn't able to move….I could hear voices in the background but I couldn't make out what they were saying….. It was like I was in this warm, dark, safe place."
"You must have been in some kind of temporary coma that made you appear to be dead. Sam, you weren't breathing and I couldn't feel a heartbeat." Dean put a hand on each of Sam's shoulders and looked into his eyes. " How do you feel now?"
"Fine…." Sam looked up at the full moon and smiled. "I think it's over Dean….I can look at the moon and I feel fine."
"Damn right it's over!. God you had me scared Sam."
"Sorry…." Sam looked over at his brother. "Dean…."
"Why did you have your gun out? What were you going to do?" Sam wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. His brother had always been the strong one, and he didn't want to think Dean could have been contemplating suicide.
"Ummm, just being cautious." He stuck the gun back in his waistband. "You never know what might be out here in the woods."
"Oh." Sam wasn't sure if his brother was lying to him or not but right now it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Dean was okay and that the curse was lifted.
Dean patted Sam on his back and began leading him back to the car.
"I can't wait to see the look on Bobby's face when he sees you." He said smiling.
"You really thought I was dead?"
"Yeah Sam, I really thought you were dead."
"Why did you bring me out here, out to the pond?"
Dean didn't answer, only continued walking toward the car.
"Dean….the gun….you weren't going to…." Sam stopped and waited for Dean to turn around horrified at the thought that his brother might actually have shot himself.
Dean finally turned around and looked at Sam.
"I told you Sam, the gun was only for precaution."
"You sure?" Sam could tell Dean wasn't telling him everything and it scared him.
"Sure I'm sure…. What did you think it was for?"
"Oh…nothing." Maybe he was wrong Sam thought. Why would Dean even consider killing himself, he still had a full life in front of him.
Dean turned and headed toward the car like he didn't have a care in the world, not like a man who only a few minutes ago was going to put a bullet in his head. He knew if his brother wasn't walking beside him right now he'd be dead. He didn't want to live without him. He could never let his brother know that though, that Sam was his weak spot, that the only way to hurt him was to hurt his brother. No, Sam had to go on thinking he was strong and nothing could faze him. That's the way it had to be, that's the way Sam had to see him. He'd be horrified if Sam ever saw his true emotions. Nope, no chick flick moments for him. After all he was Sam's older brother and he needed Sam to feel he could count on him, so he kept his emotions in check. Sam needed him to be strong especially now that their Dad was dead and that's what he had to appear to be. But inside he knew that thinking Sam had died had totally devastated him. Inside he knew if Sam died, he died…. He looked back at his baby brother and smiled.
"You know I was thinking of buying you a dog leash just in case." Dean said grinning.
"Ha Ha very funny." Sam smiled as he hurried to catch up to him.