Title: The Definition of Betrayal
Author: aviss
Recipient: empatheia
Characters: Gin/Rangiku
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Kubo Tite
Words: 1012
Summary: Rangiku doesn't drink to forget, she drinks to remember
Author Notes: Gin/Rangiku is not my usual pairing, so I hope I didn't get it wrong. For December bleachflashfic

The Definition Of Betrayal

After everything was said and done, the only things left to Matsumoto Rangiku were her memories, several jars of sake, and a deep feeling of betrayal.

She thought about the situation in Seiretei with the first glass. Everything was in shambles. Three Captains gone and accused of treason, and apparently now at war with Soul Society.

Setting everything to rights was going to be difficult.

But that wasn't enough to keep her mind busy for more than a glass. At that moment, she couldn't care less about the Gotei 13 and their administrative problems.

The second one saw her thinking about her Captain and Hinamoni. She was going to be devastated when she realised the whole truth behind her beloved Aizen-taichou. If she ever woke up. And Hitsugaya-taichou was also going to be hurt when he realized his place in Hinamori's heart.

Her third glass had her thinking about Kira. Kira, who usually drank sake with her and Hisagi and the rest of the guys. Kira, who had been following Gin the whole time. She needed a fourth glass to finish that thought. Kira, who was under suspicion of helping the traitors just for being loyal till the end.

The fifth and sixth one's she drank for him. For Kira the loyal.

The seventh glass marked the end of the jar and of her determination not to think about him.

She followed it with the eighth and ninth just to see if she could pass out avoiding that thought.

Then she remembered she could usually drink Gin and Kira and Hisagi under a table and gave up.

Gin, who was a cold bastard most of the time, but who was gentle and loving when drunk. Only with her. Gin, who liked to drink sake from her cup after a couple of jars and joke about indirect kisses like a mortal teenager; and then steal real ones when the rest of their drinking buddies passed out. Gin, who held her--

The tenth glass tasted of tears. The eleventh one didn't wash the taste or vanish the memory form her mind.

Gin, who held her so many times her body still seemed to carry his scent. Gin, who never actually told her he loved her; but she knew nonetheless.

Twelfth and thirteenth came quickly and started numbing her pain. Just enough for her to continue thinking about Gin.

About all the memories they made in the centuries they had been together. Memories of pain and anger. Memories of friendship and companionship. Memories of love. It was all there, in her mind, just waiting for the chance to come to the surface.

The first kiss they shared deserved another glass, the fourteenth. And she could see everything in her mind. Her joy when she was admitted in the Academy, her run to find him in his new position at Division 5, his smile, one of the few real ones, and her courage when she launched herself into his arms and kissed him. She had been the one to kiss him. All those years she had wondered if they would have ever been more than friends had she not gathered the courage for that first kiss.

Now she knew they wouldn't. And now she also knew why.

Their first night together, the day she had been given a position in the Gotei 13, needed more than just one glass to be revisited. And there went fifteenth and sixteenth and the beginning of the third jar. She wasn't worried about that, there was more sake waiting for her. Centuries of memories made for a lot of sake.

It had been far from perfect, but it had been sweet anyway. They were young and inexperienced, even by shinigami standards, and there had been a lot of clumsiness involved. But what she remembered the most were the kisses and gentle caresses, and the sweet nothings he whispered to her. There had been pain, but there was always pain involved when dealing with Gin. There had also been pleasure, but it wasn't that what stayed in her mind. His scent, his warmth and his gentleness were the things she remembered the most. His breath on her ear, when he had embraced her from behind before falling asleep. And his words.

"I knew you would follow me here, Rangiku. I was waiting for you."

She downed the next three glasses with those words playing in her mind; her hand not as steady as before spilling some of the sake on the floor. And that made nineteen.

With them her memories became less orderly: fights and reconciliations, love and hate, kisses, glares, and that hated mask Gin always wore around everyone. She had been the only one to see his real face before, his real smiles. In the last years she saw less and less of it and more of the mask than she wanted.

And then, clear as day, the last time they had been together. Just before everything had gone straight to hell.

His smile; a real one, tinged with sadness. His kisses; gentler than she had ever tasted. His hands; hungry for her body as if trying to imprint it on his memory. His body; warm and heavy, as if he was trying to crawl inside her, deeper than ever. She had felt so loved that night, so cherished. His scent had been all over her in the morning after he had left. Gin had kept her awake all night, she remembered with a sad smile, and in the morning Hitsugaya-taichou shouted at her for falling asleep in the couch.

She filled her twentieth glass remembering his words on that last night.

"Will you follow me wherever I go, Rangiku? I'll be waiting for you."

And her answer, not yet knowing what he was asking her to do. "Always."

She took the cup to her lips with shaky hands, realizing how she had lied to Gin for the first time without even knowing.

Her last thought before passing out was the she was the real traitor on their relationship.

Fin