The Ultimate Trickster.

By Weezle13

Hay guys. I'm back. Yes ok stop running away I wont bite….much. Anyway this is another story from the fabulous me. I hope you enjoy it. It just wouldn't go as I planned it at work so here is what the muse took me too. I'm still not convinced if you have any ideas how to improve it tell me and I'll ignore it because I just can not be bothered with it anymore. Anyway here. Enjoy (I hope)

I don't own them I stole them from a nice woman. Sorry Lady but they are mine now Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha!

'Professor Dumbledore. How long have you worked at Hogwarts' came the sudden question from one of the Weasley twins as the order finished eating Molly's wonderful home cooking.

'Since 1940 but with half a year off in 1945. Why?'

'Well Fred and I were wondering if we were the best or worst pranksters you ever had.'

'Nope. Sorry not even close and no the marauders weren't either.' Replied Albus Cutting off Sirius' impending question


Albus grinned and put down his knife and fork on his empty plate and lent back in his chair at the head of the table while Professor McGonagall glared at him from her usual seat next to him.

'I don't think that this topic is really all that suitable for everyone to hear' Minerva's glare deepened when her boss' grin just widened

'Nonsense Minerva we need to lighten the mood every now and then we can not always live with a dark cloud over our heads Voldemort is gone. We need to remember how to laugh again.' Albus turned back to his eagerly waiting audience 'You lot never managed to turn the whole teaching staff into 6 year olds nor did you manage to blow up the divination tower. You never managed to accidentally kill a teacher.'

'I want nothing to do with this conversation then Albus' and with that Minerva buried her nose in a report from the previous order meeting.

'Wait someone Killed a teacher?'

'Was he expelled?'

'Who was he?'

'When did it happen?'

The rushed questions came thick and fast till Albus held up his hand to stem the tide.

'She was head girl in 1946 and She gave Professor Binn's a heart attack. Oh and no She didn't get expelled.'


'Who was she?'

'What happened to her?'

'Why didn't she get expelled?'

'My, my, my so many questions. She didn't get expelled because it was the most amazing piece of transfiguration Hogwarts had ever seen. She transfigured a chess set into two side of a very bloody war and had them reenact it in the class room. The shock of finding himself in the middle of the war he was just teaching was just too much for the poor professor.'

'So what happened to her?'

'She got a summers worth of detention, and because I had decided to disappear for half of that year Headmaster Dippet decided that I should stay at Hogwarts as well and preside over it.'

Everyone stared till Harry just asked 'But who is she?'

Albus continued to look straight ahead and said 'Do you wish to tell them or shall I, my dear?'

Confused looks passed around the table until Minerva McGonagall, who was still reading her report, sighed 'How was I supposed to know that the Human Flobberworm was going to have a heart attack'

'He was 198 years old what did you think he wouldn't notice.'

'That's about right, Albus. I would not expect that man to notice if You-Know….. Oh alright Voldemort decided to dance on a table in front of him dressed in a pink tutu.' Minerva took a deep breath and continued slower 'He didn't even notice he was dead for three weeks'

She finally put down the report and looked at the twins ' the only reason that I still became the head girl was because there was a question in the final exam on that war that was worth 75 of the final mark and everyone in the school got full marks on it.'

Shocked silence followed this revelation till Remus burst. He was bent double in his seat laughing closely followed by everyone else.

'What…What else did you do?' Ron spluttered as he gasped for air

'Professor Dumbledore said something about blowing up a tower and turning the teachers into kids' Fred looked awed, he and George never had the guts to prank all the teachers at once.

But it seemed as if Minerva had had enough as she just, once again, buried her head in a report. Albus it seemed had not.

'Well like Harry here the divination teacher was always predicting Minerva's gruesome death so she made an extra strong version of the potion that's in dung bombs and planted it in the divination tower. Unfortunately the potion turned to a gas and when that made contact with the fire it had a rather explosive response. Luckily the stink worked and there was no one in the tower or even that half of Hogwarts.'

Minerva rolled her eyes that the hysterical laughter that was going on about her and kept up her strict proper image even as Albus was causing it to crash about her ears.

Albus took her silence as permission to continue despite the evil glares that were being sent his way. Even as he continued Albus couldn't help but think Thank Merlin looks can't kill or I'd be six foot under with my limbs painfully removed.

'Minerva turned all of the teachers into 6 year olds for a week. She turned my beard and hair blue, then pink, then flashing multicolour' Albus chuckled at that memory 'Oh and Minerva turned Voldemort- then Tom Riddle into a girl, then a mouse and tried to eat him. I just stopped her which was the reason for the multicoloured hair I think. Then she hung him by his toes in the court yard (A/n 1000 points to Gryffindor if you can tell me what film that was from. Hint I love Joe who said it.).

There was a pause then 'Oh but the best one was then Minerva charmed Mr. Riddle so that as soon as he was at the Slytherin table all that he was wearing was his underwear shoes and scarf and that the clothes that he was wearing and all that he owed were transported to the icy quidditch pitch.'

Minerva had a slight grin on her face at that 'he just would not take the hint. There was no way in hell that I was going to go out with that self obsessed, slimy. Slytherin Twerp.'

More laughter followed this statement. While Minerva correctly guessed the reason for Hermione's shocked face. 'Well would you want to date that thing.' Hermione mutely shook her head as she reevaluated her idea of her straight laced idol who was not as straight laced as first thought.

Albus was laughing at the look on his ex students faces from Molly's shocked amusement to Sirius hysterical laughter. 'Minerva managed to break every rule at Hogwarts while she was a student.'

'Really' Tonks looked like she was about to burst a blood vessel 'So you've tickled a sleeping dragon'

Minerva put down the report, obviously realising that the subject was not going to be dropped, closed her eyes, took a deep breath. In. Out. Then glared at Tonks 'Yes and I still have the burns on my back to prove it.'

At that a strange look passed over Albus' face that only Minerva saw.

Remus laughed 'Here's one you couldn't have broken. How about breaching the teacher/student code.' More laughter followed till they realised just what Minerva's wince and quick return to her report and Albus' wide eyed look meant.

'Wait you had a relationship with one of your teachers' Ron looked slightly green at the thought 'BLOODY HELL' The others silently agreed with Ron's statement.

'Oh Goddess of all Tricksters please enlighten us poor mere mortals.' Fred paused then continued in a more normal voice then the flowery one he had just been using. 'Who the hell did you have a….a…..yeah'

'I defiantly do not wish to have this conversation. Thank you Mr. Weasley.'

There was deafening silence after Minerva's rebuttal.


Suddenly everyone was asking questions wanting to know who? It was how it happened? They wanted to know everything from the suddenly, yet again, tight lipped transfiguration teacher. (A/n 1000000 points to Gryffindor if you can guess who)

After nearly an hour of relentless questions being fired at her Minerva finally lost her famous McGonagall Scottish temper.

'I do not see what business of your it is but the teacher I was involved in while I was at Hogwarts is now my husband of nearly 50 years and we married while I was still at Hogwarts. As I see I will get no peace until you have everything like the vulchers you are my husbands name is Albus Dumbledore. Now if you will excuse me I have work to do, as I am sure most of you do as well. Good Night.' and with that Minerva swept out of the room.

Albus just pulled out his pocket watch and raised an eyebrow 'Minerva has just returned to Hogwarts. As should I.'

'Your married to Professor McGonagall?'

'Yes Harry. We have been married for 48 years ever since she was 17 and legal to do so. We got together during the summer she had detention. You get rather close to someone when they are your only company for weeks on end.'

Hermione finally spoke ' do you have any children?'

'Yes four wonderful children. Two sets of twins one boy and girl in each set. Despite that and all the happy years I think Minerva is going to murder me for starting all this.' Albus took a deep sigh 'Oh well Minerva always was at her most beautiful when she was angry. Goodbye.'

With that Albus disappeared and the silence fell once again.

Until, that is, when Remus leaned around Tonks to look at Sirius and held out his hand. 'I told you they were together.' Everyone again laughed this time at the grown man as he counted out his money while swearing under his breath.

Ok people that was it. Tell me what you think, please keep the random stuff that you think to your self as really I do not need to hear that you need to give Aunt Betty a sponge bath or whatever. Sorry I don't know where that came from but it's a horrible image shudders

Well Please review and tell me what you think of the story even if its along the lines of its rubbish don't ever write again.

I will write to you again the next time work gets really boring (like all the time) and then I'll give you another story from my mad rambling mind, Dudes.

Love ya loads