AZULA: Hello, all. Azula here, with an announcement. The baby is not only kicking, but screaming from my womb.
BABY: Let me out of this ovarian Bastille! AAARRRRGGHH!!!
BABY: You cannot contain me for long, devil woman!
AZULA: It's only a…ow…matter of time before my precious child is delivered. Oooh! I'll look at letters until then!
Azula (oh please, your a villain, don't mess around with that "dear, so-and-so" crap)
Fine, so your wicked and cruel, we, as fans, get that much. And along for the ride are your rather impressive manipulation skills and strategic planning (which somehow, doesn't accomplish much on the avatar front). You possess, quite simply, all the potential of a great villain. With one pivotal thing lacking. In order to pull of the whole sadistic-prodigy-princess act, you need a visible motive. Serious motive (other than the euphoric triumph you feel when taking a life). Even your dim brother has motive, his "honor" and pride. Killers have motive, every last one of them. Without one, your just a deranged princess (which we know by now, is only half true). You obviously aren't doing this for your father, your far too selfish, aren't you? Is it to secure your position as heir? Yeah right, you would've killed Zuko earlier on if that was it. What is your motive, Azula?
Be sure to alert The Real Ty-Lee that I find her story exceedingly humorous. I just about died laughing (and don't even try a crack at that phrase, Azula).
Havocess, (I won't "dear" you to death)
I'm honored—well, not really—at your analysis of my character. Although I disagree with the fact that you said that my (and I quote) rather impressive manipulation skills and strategic planning somehow, doesn't accomplish much on the avatar front.
WTF?Is taking over Ba Sing Se not good enough to be considered "accomplishing much"? Geez. I'd like to see YOU do better!
Oh, and my motive the throne. See "Zuko Alone". It has ALWAYS been my motivation.
Glad to have cleared that up for you.
AZULA: Oww! Stop that right now!
Dear Empress of Humanity Azula,
How is it that even though you are the greatest evil person ever that there are still people to go against you? If you are too busy to destroy them yourself I shall do it for you on your command.
sincerely Your Loyal Servant.
Dear Loyal Servant,
In the advanced stages of pregnancy, as well as being the Head of State in Ba Sing Se, one finds little time to go on a fun-filled adventure killing opponents. It goes without saying that I have NO time. Feel free to kill 'em yourself; don't expect any hearty congratulations when you do, however. That's why I have servants.
Dear Goddess Azula:
You are so awesome! I admire you! Can you teach me how to be so clever and mean as you? I would really appreciate it!! But, my friend says that you are stupid and ugly. Obviously, she doesn't know what is she talking about. You are so cool!
Your unknown number fan, Sekhet Chione
Dear Sekhet, (nice name)
Awww. Are you another member of that fan club I have? I LOVE those little youngsters! But I'm afraid that I can't tell you how to be as clever and mean as me. I didn't get to be Queen of All Humanity by giving away all my secrets, did I?
Does it bother you that you don't show up in more episodes? I think you are inexplicably evil and you rock. My little sister is really me off how should i go about torturing her? how many people do you kill a day? And you really should make a band with Ty Lee and Mai.
Tell Mai that she rocks and that she should ask Zuko out
and tell Ty Lee that she rocks and ask her how she can balance on her fingers
Azula you kick ! Love FMA
Meh. I don't mind the lack of airtime. The time I spend, whenever I turn up, is pretty great in my opinion.
TO TORTURE SOMEONE "REAL GOOD" :
Take their I Pod.
Put it in a plastic Easter egg.
Go to a concert where there will be insane moshing.
Tell her that her I Pod is in the egg.
Throw it into the mosh pit.
MAI: I'm planning…to ask… someday…
TY LEE: It's easy! All you gotta do is close your eyes, and then a miracle occurs!
Tsk, tsk.Really you shouldn't have said no!Now I am blessed witth the joys of annoying you and messing with your mind! Haha, to you!You only think you know me. Sigh, I thought you were different but I guess you aren't. I thgought maybe you would understand, but you already think you know me- just like everyone else! So if you won't hang out face to face (It wasn't a date stupid! I'm not into dating either! haha, point!) I'll talk to you on here! Okay random questions starting now! (note: answers next to q's are MY answeres!)
Fav color? Blood red
Fav food? Sushi
Fav band? The Fray, Fall out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Evanescence!
Um...proffesion if you don't get the crown (if any)?
If you were a cookie what would you be? Haha! Gingersnap!
Well I can't really think of anything to say...You write to me now instead okay? We can be angst pals or something? I know! I can be a supremely annoying friend to you!
Yours even when your dad and azula betray you then have you executed (HINT!),
Danielle (PS: I'm not FN cause I live in the USA, not my fault. My fav nation is FN. It it my fault I'm not nobility? Geez. Your banished! After all thisa insulting will you teach me to firebend? PLEASE! (puppy dog look))
Mai: Favorite Evanescence song? Have you heard sweet sacrifice?
Ty Lee: Stay cool!
Where, may I ask, have manners gone this summer? But I'm pleased to see that you do not have dating on your mind. Oh, and about your questions:
Fav Color Royal Blue, Black
Fav Food Fire Flakes
Fav Band Huh?
Profession If I really couldn't be a prince, I'd be involved in the government some other way.
Cookie I think I'd be a gingersnap too…
It's not your fault if you're not nobility. It's just a fact. Like your gender. And ex-nay on the bending lessons. I have other things I must attend to.
AZULA: If you want… Daddy's already bought me a truck load.
MAI: Of COURSE I know Evanescence…and my favorite is Tourniquet.
TY LEE: I'm trying to stay cool… but it's so hot here…
Dear Princess Azula,
I have to ask this: what is going on between you and your mother? She seems to think you're psychotic or something (Actually, a lot of people do) but I think you take after your father personality-wise. Where is Ursa anyway? Did she just run away to the Earth Kingdom or something?
Anyway, are you stronger than your father in Firebending? I've never seen him do lightning before.
Who do you like more? Ty Lee or Mai? Who do you think is stronger?
You THINK I take after my father? What more will it take to convince you? Do I have to grow a penis? As for Mother, that's classified information. Let's just say she's at least getting exercise on the run. And, like most people, she's terrified of me. Although when I was younger, she was a lot braver and I often got spanked.
I cannot say if I am better than Father. I've never battled him. I've never seen him do lightening either. I don't really hang out with the guy. I don't know much about him except that is DEFINITELY my father.
And I must say that I have quite an attachment to Mai. As for strength, the two are pretty equally matched.
Who is the father? I haven't been checking up on it this often.I will be nice to you since you are prenate.Anyway I m back since i haven't talked to you in a while. What is your favorite drink? Can you show me that firebending move you used where you made lightining?Did you use the force when you took Zuko over to the dark side?Hey mai do you think you could win Zuko over if he hated you guts?Not that he does,that it ty lee.Too bubbly and too much crack.Hey Zuko have you ever thought of coming to live with people from a diffrent dimension.It is so much cooler over here I suggest you come before someone like your father wants to have sweet hot buttsex with you. Anyway I have to go now.
The awesome pirate ninja who loves dr.pepper and hates haters ,Princess Sakura uchiha-Uzamaki
How dare you call me prego. That's a tomato sauce company, not my name. And since you must know, the father of my baby is White Destroyer, who is featured in several previous episodes.
--My favorite drink is Roku Island Tea. FABULOUS, hot or iced.
--I can't see over my belly, so I'll take that as a no on the lightening-demo.
--I can't use "the force". This is Avatar: The Last Airbender, not Luke: The Last Jedi-bender.
--MAI: I can try to win him over. I'm so boring and anti-fun that I'm sure he'll fall for me immediately. We're kindred spirits.
--TY LEE: I do NOT do crack! I'm just happy!
--ZUKO: Come to a different dimen…before my fa…huwhaaaaaat???
Whew, that was a lot of questions for one letter. You people are gonna give me contractions.
BABY: I'll give YOU a contraction! HI-YAH!
When you become fire lady,what will be your first decree?
P.S. In chapter 12 you said in one of your answers that if your baby had powers like Ty-Lee you'd have them paralyzee the avatar and then you would pull his pants down and prop him up in front of a Spice Girl video.Why?
Love Unending Flames
My first decree shall be: No citizen, under any circumstances, is to send idiotic letters to Her Eminence.
As for the Spice Girl thing… if he's paralyzed, he can't escape the terrible cheesy music. Duh. And he can't pull up his pants to hide his Care Bear underpants.
I love your show. Way to tell people like it is! You never beat around the bush, do you? Anyway, good luck with your birth!!
This question is for Zuko (if you haven't executed him yet)
You said you paired Kataang, dear
Zuko. Does that mean you have your eye on Sokka or something?
You can deny it all you want, Zuko, but we fans all know you swing THAT way.
(Holds up a videotape of Zuko's love confession to Sokka)
I HAVE COPIES! (gives one to Azula, via letter)I
recommend not to watch that. Just post it in front of Zuko so he'll
Thank you for the well-wishing. I usually don't diss myself, but I think I'm going to need as much well-wishing as possible. (Groans and pats huge belly) And this movie is hysterical. If I need something to cheer me during the 15th hour of labor, I will watch this.
ZUKO: Are you high? I am not gay. And any idiot with a second-grade education can see that the person playing me in that awful video of yours is 300 pounds and is wearing a wig. How dare you portray me in such a fashion. I shall prove that I am straight! You just wait for Season Three. I will fall in love with a girl and maybe even kiss her, if it's proper. You just wait!
How would you react if you actually gave birth to Christ?
I would die of the irony. Of course on the Death Certificate they'd have to say I died giving birth, but really, I'd die of the irony.
How sad that would be. AZULA: 1991-2007. Died at age 15. CAUSE: Childbirth, but also irony.
Dear great and powerful Azula,
You are so cool! I love Zutara and I hope you do away with those two unworthy sidekicks and your ugly, stupid brother soon
P.s. Do you like Taang too?
Um… I agree with everything you wrote, so I don't have anything sarcastic to write back. Except for Taang. It sucks.
it's me again. i forgot to tell you that metallica's song master of puppets reminds me of you. and you ever heard of you and the avatar dating? i don't like that pairing, personal i like you with naraku or zapper better. congartes on the baby by the way.if you need a godfather, i'm at you're call, i'll teach him or her what it really means to be evil
you looked cool in you're amour and ponytail, now you look like a panze.
i have put rat posion in you're food. so chow down and die!
I'm. Not. Dating. The. Avatar. What an idiotic pairing.
ZUKO: Hmmph. Sticks and stones, my friend. Sticks and stones.
TY LEE: Eeeeeeew. You're mean.
I missed your funniness! But now you're back, so it's all good. My letter is as follows:
First off, I hope you had a good vacation. If you don't mind me asking, where did you go, and what did you do there?
It's really annoying me how people's questions seem to only be about pairings. Everyone has better things to do, you know! I don't watch the show because I'm hoping that so-and-so will make out.
Is there anything that you and Zuko actually agree on?
Ty Lee: thank you for the advice on my aura, but I think I have a serious problem. My aura was white before, but now it's turning a grayish color and sort of wilting. Help, please?
Mai, when did you first realize your love of throwing knives and such?
--It's none of your damn beeswax where I was, but if you must know, I was in Hawaii, getting my belly massaged. It felt pretty good, until the baby kicked the masseur in the face.
--I'm glad you don't give a shit about pairings. Neither do I.
--Me and Zuko agree that broccoli is very good for your colon. Other than that I don't know.
--TY LEE: Oh no! It's gray and wilting? That means you need mental stimulation, quick! If you don't, you may turn into Mai, and be boring and miserable! Read a book!
--MAI: I spent a lonely afternoon, throwing knives at my wall. And I realized I wasn't half bad. So I kept doing it, and got really good. And…yeah. That was when I was like, eight.
Ehmagawd! I love hollister 2!
It's awesome! Everybody who's anybody wears Hollister and now that I
know your fav. brand is Hollister I'll refuse to wear anythng else!
Are there any other brands that you like? Maybe Volcom, Roxy, DKNY,
Ralph Lauren, American Eagle, Emerica, Miss Sixty, or anything
Another thing, we all know why you're really chasing Aang. (wink wink) how would you feel if I got him to show up at your wedding? Oh, and Zuko, since you'll be there I'll get Katara to go too. And Zuko coughuncleirohcough just to coughuncleirohcough annoy you for coughuncleirohcough betraying uncle Iroh, here's something for you: uncle Iroh uncle Iroh uncle Iroh... (two hours later)...uncle Iroh! okay I'm done.
P.S. thanks for the new name Azula!
All those brands are great, but they unfortunately don't carry maternity clothes. Da-da-DUM. And if you try to fuck up my wedding, I'll cut off your tongue and feed it to a dog.
ZUKO: Hmmmpf! You're just jealous of me.
Yeah so Lillie and I are going to end up working on a website for you thats going to be called "Azula's Baby Shower". Or if shes not still up for it, I'll do it on my own. Anyway, when its finished, I'll send you the link. Or if you don't want a website, please let me know quickly so I don't waste my time.
Love with Cherrys,
You have my permission to make a website. I'd love to see it. Sounds AWESOME.
AZULA: Goodbye, all. Say goodbye, baby.
BABY: (from inside Azula) Die, infidels!