Disclaimer: I do not own Azumanga Daioh.
The Annoying Purple Thing
By Silver Sailor Ganymede
It was times like these, Tomo decided, that the world may as well have ended. Study sessions in themselves were beyond a nightmare, but study sessions where Yomi not only forced you to work but also lectured you about not working… well they brought a whole new definition to Hell.
"The way she was going on at me…" Tomo muttered to the unsympathetic Kagura, who was walking next to her as the triad of Numbnuts strolled aimlessly around the streets. "It was like she'd found out a giant lump of rock was gonna hit the Earth and kill us all, and the only way to stop the death of mankind was for me to ace all my exams. Not like I'm not gonna ace them all anyway."
"So humble aren't we?" Kagura rolled her eyes.
Tomo shot her a filthy look, "Anyway talking of giant lumps of rock…"
"Which are actually called meteors," Kagura interjected.
"Whatever, I don't care."
"And there was me assuming you'd know, expecially considering you're such a genius and all," Kagura drawled.
"I know I am," Tomo beamed.
"And I know you aren't because you just completely missed the point of what I just said."
"Will you stop interrupting me?" Tomo snapped. "Anyway I was thinking, didn't a giant lump of rock kill all the dinosaurs?"
"They think that might have been it, but why are you suddenly talking about dinosaurs?" Kagura sighed.
"Well I was just thinking if Yomi got any more boring and old fashioned then she'd probably be turned into a fossile, like a dinosaur."
"I have no idea what you're on about," Kagura groaned, wondering what had happened to turn Tomo into such an odd person.
"I like dinosaurs," Osaka piped up. "Remember that purple dino' that used to be on T.V."
"You mean Barney!" Tomo suddenly jumped up. "I remember that! I love you, you love me…" She turned around and saw that Kagura had stopped dead in her tracks. "What's up with you, Kags?"
"Barney…" Kagura shuddered. "That annoying, horrifying purple… thing."
"Dinosaur, not thing," Tomo corrected.
"How was Barney a dinosaur when they were supposed to have died out ages and ages ago?" Osaka asked, and Tomo shrugged.
"Maybe he was frozen? You know, like that guy of Futurama…" she suggested. "And for god's sake Kags, why do you look so weird and scared right now?"
"Barney," Kagura hissed, "Used to terrify me as a kid. He was just too weird…"
Tomo blinked then started laughing like a maniac, "Oh now this is priceless! Kagura's scared of a giant purple talking dinosaur!"
"Shut up," Kagura muttered. "This is coming from someone who was scared of Barbie dolls as a kid."
"How did you find that out?" Tomo yelled.
"Secret," Kagura winked at her.
"In other words – Yomi! I'm going to kill that old dinosaur!" Tomo screamed.
"How can Yomi be a dinosaur?" Osaka asked. "Was she mutated into a giant lizard or something?"
"Probably," Tomo muttered.
"Yanno, if Yomi's part dino', then that sure does explain why she always wears such long, thick clothes."
"Why's that?" Kagura asked, interested to know what odd ideas Osaka's brain had formulated this time.
"Coz she's cold-blooded, isn't she? And besides, it'd look real weird if a girl was wandering round and you could see she had scales," Osaka stated.
"Next you're gonna be saying Yukari's an alien," Kagura sighed.
"You know, that's probably true too," Tomo said. "I mean come on, how else could she drink so much?"
"I have no idea," Kagura sighed.
There were about five seconds silence then Osaka spoke again, "Yanno what, I think Kaorin's Barney in disguise."
"What?" Kagura sweatdropped.
"Well with all her 'I love you, you love me' stuff."
"More like 'I'm obsessed with Sakaki, Sakaki should love me'," Tomo mumbled and Kagura snorted. "Maybe we should nickname her 'the annoying purple thing.'"
"Except she's not purple," Kagura replied.
"If she was purple, people'd see through her disguise," Osaka said, as though this was the sort of thing they disgussed all the time.
"Hey, but if Barney's Kaorin and Kagura's afraid of Barney… shouldn't Kagura be afraid of Kaorin too?" Tomo asked.
"I think we're all afraid of Kaorin," Kagura sighed.
"Now all we've got to do is think of a way to dye her purple and reveal her sercet identity!" Tomo proclaimed.
There was exasperated silence around her, then…
"How did we get onto this topic again?"