Don't worry, I'm not dead! I'm just a (very) big procrastinator :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII.


Tseng closed his eyes and rubbed his temple, grinding his teeth together audibly. Elena and Rude glanced at their leader worriedly, before they gloomily returned their eyes to the monstrous piles of paperwork crowding the desks.

Reno was nowhere to be seen. Normally, this wouldn't have been such a big problem, but there were several deadlines to be met today. Every Shinra employee was currently rushing about, panicking over their seemingly impossible workloads and drinking copious amounts of coffee…

…Every employee except for a certain redheaded Turk, that is.

The black-haired man slammed a paper down and signed it so ferociously that the pen snapped in his hand, splattering ink everywhere. Elena furrowed her eyebrows in concern, biting her lip.

"…Sir?"

Her leader's right eye twitched ominously. "I am going to kill Reno," he ground out, looking rather insane as he did so. Letting out a long-suffering sigh, he buried his head in his hands.

"Sir?" Elena repeated tentatively.

"Don't bother me right now, Elena. I'm contemplating suicide," her partner replied, voice slightly muffled.

Rude frowned. "…That's not healthy."

"Neither is being stuck in an office all day, signing papers."

With a collective groan, all three Turks sank into a depressed silence, gazing at the mountain of uncompleted documents. Neither Sephiroth, nor Meteor, nor AVALANCHE, had managed to bring death upon the Turks. It was ironic to think that, after evading doom countless times, it would take a paperwork deadline to finally bring an end to Shinra's finest.

What a depressing thought.


"Rude, where is Reno, anyway?" Tseng asked, absently fishing out a new pen from his desk. The Turk leader was making an obvious effort to sound like the calm and collected individual he normally was, but was failing miserably.

Rude simply shrugged, but Elena suddenly perked up, brushing her hair away from her tired eyes.

"Listen," she murmured, motioning for her teammates to be quiet. In the now silent office, the approaching sounds were unmistakable. Someone was racing through the halls, making a terrible racket.

The bald Turk rolled his eyes. "Reno."

Sure enough, the aforementioned redhead arrived in the office two minutes later, panting for breath. Huffing in an exaggeratedly exhausted way, he collapsed in an empty chair.

Tseng gave him a severe look. "You're late, Reno."

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious, boss-man."

The Turk leader was persistent. "There are five deadlines today."

"Once again, thanks for pointing out the obvious."

Five minutes later and with a brilliant black eye now marring his face, Reno said, "Tseng, you're an ass."

"Sticks and stones."

"I'm going to sign you up for anger management lessons, yo."

"You do that."

Reno shot Tseng a nasty look and silently accepted an icepack from Elena. The woman shook her head at him, an exasperated expression on her face.

"Tseng's really stressed today," she said ruefully. "I hate to tell you this, but you were kinda asking for it."

"Mr. Bipolar punched me in the face and you're saying I deserved it? Thanks a bunch, blondie."

"Shut it, Reno," Elena snapped. "Why were you so late, anyway?"

The redhead paused, ruffling his crimson hair. "I had car trouble," he said finally.

Tseng snorted doubtfully, though he looked a great deal calmer than he had earlier. "Car trouble?"

"Yeah," Reno said defensively. "Why do you never believe me? I'm telling the truth!"

The black-haired Turk sighed. "Reno, I want you to imagine that God is standing right next to you," he said, gesturing vaguely with his hand. "Now, are you lying to me?"

"Damn it, I'm not lying! I rear-ended some dude's car in the parking lot," Reno snapped, his face going slightly red. "We got in a big fight over who should pay the damage, and that's why it took me so long to get here."

Rude shook his head in disbelief. "…Reno."

The redhead rounded on his bald partner angrily. "Shut up! It's not like it's a huge deal or anything!" he snarled, still blushing from embarrassment.

Elena snorted. "Yeah, I bet you 'rear-end' other guys all the time, Reno."

This triggered yet another argument. Amidst the screams, insults, and threats, Tseng and Rude glanced at each other and sighed in despair.

Deadline really was going to be the death of them.


Er... Sorry about the rear-ending joke. If you don't get it, then it's probably for the best. xD

A/N: I'm labeling this as 'completed' because I've somewhat lost my FFVII muse and it's been very hard for me to crank out ideas for this story. Still, it was a blast while it lasted!