Season Nine

Episode 1: I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here
Dean: So, while you're healing my brother, can you feel and see everything?
Gadreel: Yes.
D
ean: Can you turn that off?
Gadreel: Yes, but why would you want me to?
Dean: Well, me and Sam, we have a history and while I'm not above a little angel play, what we do in private is, um, well it's private.
Gadreel: You're speaking of the sweet nothings you whisper into his ear when no one else is around? I do have access to Sam's memories.
Dean: Oh, okay, well, we're just not gonna talk about this, then.
Gadreel: I find it somewhat… beautiful, the way you could drown in his eyes. The way his heated expressions before your coupling melts your heart. How his strong hands…
D
ean: Now you just stop right there, I have a reputation.

Episode 2: Devil May Care
Crowley: Torture? Brilliant. Can't wait to see Sam in stilettos and a bustier. Really putting th into S and M.
Dean: Actually…
Sam: No, Dean, I'm not wearing heels.
Dean: But you're open to the rest?
S
am: Not for Crowley.
Dean: I wasn't talking about Crowley.
Sam: I guess I do kind of owe you for wearing the peasant dress, don't I?
Dean: You bet your sweet ass you do.
Crowley: I take it back, this might actually work. I may yet tell you everything just so you won't do that in front of me.

Episode 3: I'm No Angel
Dean: I'm gonna get whiplash.
Sam: What?
Dean: I said… I wanna lick ass.
Sam: …okay.

Episode 4: Slumber Party
Charlie: I kind of wish hunting was more… magical. Like in this one fanfic I read.
Dean: No, no, no. No fanfic. This is a fanfiction free zone.
Charlie: But it's really good! The incest is only kind of graphic and tastefully done…
Dean: No means no.
Charlie: You top.
Dean: I'm listening.

-and-

Dorothy: Go, I'll buy you some time!
Charlie: No, Dorothy, wait.
Dorothy: What?
Charlie: Dean, you beat this and I'll let you watch. You keep Sam off Dorothy, I'll let you videotape it.
Dean: Wait, what just happened?

Episode 5: Dog Dean Afternoon
Dean: Oh, wow, hey, I don't have the urge to sniff butts.
Colonel: That's not what I saw last night.
Dean: That wasn't sniffing and you know it.

Episode 6: Heaven Can't Wait
Sam: So, then what's the point, Dean? It's barely even a case.
Dean: That's why I'm just gonna go have a little look-see and we're not gonna waste a whole lot of manpower on a big pile of nada.
Kevin: In other words, a perfect excuse to bail out on research.
Dean: I don't see you offered to get under the table and make it more bearable.
Kevin: We've been over this, I don't swing that way.
Dean: Sammy?
Sam: I haven't been able to fit under a table since I was nineteen.
Dean: All right, then, I'll check you crazy kids later. Good times!

Episode 7: Bad Boys
Sam: Wait, wait, hold it right there. You really expect me to believe you were caught stealing peanut butter and bread?
Dean: Why the hell not?
Sam: First of all, by sixteen you'd been lifted porn mags for four years and hadn't been caught once. While I'm sure peanut butter and bread would be a little harder to hide, somehow I think you could have managed. Second, Dad had very specific rules on stealing. If you were caught shop lifting, he would have kicked your ass, not left you in jail. And, most importantly, I've seen your rap sheet, Dean. I know about the prostitution charges. I just didn't realize you went to a boy's home for it.
Dean: …so, like I said. I got caught stealing peanut butter and bread.

Episode 8: Rock and a Hard Place
Jody: 'Cept those that got it. Come on, you and Dean, that's somethin' special, don't you think?
Sam: Maybe, I don't know. He's been a little distant lately. I know he's not usually the romantic type, but it's always been a little different when we're alone together. Recently, it's just, it's like he has his guard up, like he thinks someone is watching and he has to slap my ass and go get a shower after instead of just laying there for a little while and… now that I'm looking at your face, Bobby didn't tell you any of this, did he?
Jody: Not a damn word.
Sam: Right, because when you said we had something special, I thought you meant…
Jody: Oh, I got that.
Sam: I'm just gonna sit here and pretend I didn't… you know.
Jody: You do that.

Episode 9: Holy Terror
Castiel: Ezikeal is dead.
Dean: What?
Castiel: He died when the angels fell.
Dean: Then who the hell has been listening in on me and Sam having sex?
Castiel: What?
Dean: Nothing, I just feel… dirty. And a little turned on, but mostly dirty.

Episode 10: Road Trip
Dean: So you're saying we're both a couple of dumb asses?
Castiel: I prefer the word trusting. Less dumb, less ass.
Dean: Less dumb, anyway. I seem to remember you preferring the ass part.
Castiel: That is… I see your point.

Episode 11: First Born
Sam: You're a terrible liar.
Castiel: That is not true, I once deceived and betrayed both you and your brother. You and I conspired together to convince Dean into sitting between us in the threesome and then underhandedly manipulated him into letting us double…
Sam: Okay, that's not the point. Cas, what's wrong?

-and-

Cain: Since when does the great Dean Winchester ask for help? Come on, that doesn't sound like the man I've read about on demon bathroom walls.
Dean: Really, I'm on their bathroom walls? So, uh, what else do they say about me?
Cain: A lot.
Dean: Hey, while we're waiting, I don't suppose you'd want to help me cross Father of Death off my bucket list, would you?
Cain: No.
Dean: Yeah, I didn't think so. Worth a shot.

Episode 12: Sharp Teeth
Garth: Dean? Sam? What is this, a hospital? Wait, am I in heaven?
Dean: Really? Garth, your idea of heaven is a lot more interesting than I would've given you credit for.
Sam: Dean…
Dean: What? The kid's got good taste, but no, this isn't heaven.

Episode 13: The Purge
Dean: Hey.
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: About what you said the other day.
Sam: I thought it didn't bother you.
Dean: No, I was just wondering if maybe we could be, uh, you know, 'strictly business with benefits.'
Sam: No.
Dean: Come on, Sammy, it's not like we have any other options around here.
Sam: I think me and my right hand'll be just fine.

Episode 14: Captives
Sam: Really, Dean?
Dean: What?
Sam: That's your third unanswered voicemail. You ever think maybe he's just not that into you?
Dean: Okay, first off, dude, everyone is that into me. I swung a three way with lesbians in Tulsa. If I wanted, Crowley would be my bitch. Second, he is our last confirmed link to Ms. Tran.

Episode 15: #THINMAN
Ed: If I tell Harry, he's gonna leave the Ghostfacers.
Sam: If you don't tell him, he's gonna leave anyway. Trust me here, secrets ruin relationships.
Dean: Really, Sammy? Anything else you want to share with the class?
Sam: I'm just trying to help.
Dean: No, you're just dragging our personal shit into this.
Sam: If the shoe fits, Dean.
Dean: Yeah, but the shoe doesn't fit. I never made up imaginary killers to keep you around.
Sam: Right, but you have tricked me into agreeing to be possessed by an angel.
Dean: Dude, you were dying! I didn't have a lot of other options.
Sam: I'm sure Ed here thought the same thing, that doesn't make it okay.
Ed: You are so right. Secrets ruin relationships.
Sam/Dean: Shut up, Ed!

Episode 16: Blade Runners
Snooky: Seriously? An exorcism? We had a deal.
Dean: Eh, well, maybe we could…
Sam: No, Dean, even you are above that.
Dean: Fair enough, continue.

Episode 17: Mother's Little Helper
Crowley: Takes a junkie to know a junkie. You just want to touch that precious again, don't you.
Dean: I do, god help me I do, but Sam just won't put out.
Crowley: I'm not talking about the Moose.
Dean: Yeah, but since you brought it up, you're gonna hear about it. I want to get my hands all over him, Crowley. I want to make love to him. I want to lay him down on a bed of roses and… come on, Crowley, get back here. I used to read Bobby's old romance novels, I could do this hours!

Episode 18: Meta Fiction
Castiel: Hold on, I'm sending you a photo of the symbol that drew all the angels in.
Sam: Yeah, um… wrong picture, Cas.
Castiel: My apologies, I'll resend it.
Dean: Dude, why do you have a picture of yourself naked on your phone?
Castiel: My human self was sentimental. I remembered the photograph of Sam in your room and thought perhaps, if we survived this, you would like to… have one of me.
Dean: …
Sam: …
Castiel: I know, it was foolish.
Dean: No, no! Not foolish. Definitely not foolish. Just, uh, why wait?
Sam: Don't do it, Cas.
Dean: Why the hell not?!
Sam: Oh, I don't know, maybe because I don't want to see Castiel in nothing but a trench coat every time I walk into your room? It's bad enough seeing myself up there all… naked and soapy without adding him to it.
Dean: You're just jealous.
Sam: Am not.
Dean: Are to.
Sam: Am not.
Castiel: I sense now would be a good time to hang up the phone.

Episode 19: Alex Annie Alexis Ann
Dean: So, she's a blood slave. We've seen it before vampires keeping people as pets. Human feedbags. Hey, uh, remember when we took that week up in Wisconsin, cabin in the woods, just you and me playing blood slave and vampire.
Sam: Yeah, Dean, not right now.
Dean: Why not? You said she knew.
Sam: And we're in the middle of a police station.
Dean: Whatever. Hey, Jody, you still got that cabin?

Episode 20: Blood Lines
No.

Episode 21: King of the Damned
Dean: Well, that's the problem. See, you don't think anybody's lying, I think everybody's lying, and Sam here just wants to be a real girl.
Sam: *bitchface*

-and-

Sam: You don't bend that rule. You don't. We'll take him back to the bunker, figure out the spell. That's the way it's gotta be.
Crowley: He is not going back there with you. I know what you lot do in that bunker. I've heard the rumors.
Dean: Ah, Crowley, give us some credit. After what you did in my car last year, you really think I'm gonna wait till we get to the bunker?

Episode 22: Stairway to Heaven
Dean: That blade is the only thing that can kill Metatron and I'm the only one that can use it. So from here on out, I'm calling the shots. Capisce? Until I jam that blade into the douchebag's heart, we are not a team. This is a dictatorship. Now, you don't have to like it, but that's how it's gonna be.
Sam: Dean, wait…
Dean: What?
Sam: You… are really hot when you order me around like that.
Dean: Yeah? Well, here's another order. You have ten minutes to get cleaned up and in my room. I want you naked, in my bed, and we're using the handcuffs. In fact, if you're a really good boy, Sammy, I'll ask Cas to join us.

Episode 23: Do You Believe in Miracles
Sam: So, wait, now that you're a demon, does that mean you're full on evil, or maybe just kind of evil with a side of I still love my brother?
Dean: …
Sam: Come on, Dean, say something.
Dean: …
Sam: Crowley?
Crowley: Not my place, Moose.
Sam: Deeeeean?
Dean: …
Sam: Do you want to do that one thing I said I'd never let you do?
Dean: …
Sam: He's gonna make me wait, isn't he? He's gonna make me wait four months to find out.
Dean: …
Crowley: Looks like.
Sam: Son of a bitch. He is evil.
Dean: *smiles… evilly*