A fan fiction written by Ryuko Ishida
Ryuko: I don't know what gives me the idea of bringing Akatsuki and Ruka together, but it's probably inspired by the first chapter of volume three of the manga. Anyways, hope you all enjoy this little piece of something.
Disclaimer: As you can guess, I sadly don't own Vampire Knight or its related characters.
Summary: Akatsuki knows he has lost before anything can start. He isn't blind: Ruka is in love with the respected Kaname-sama. Yet, it doesn't stop him from loving her.
This is in Kain Akatsuki's P.O.V. (except for the flashback bits)
Italics – Flashback (from Volume three Chapter ten)
Since the version I read is Chinese, I've just translated the conversation so if you're reading the English manga, my version probably has a different wording but hopefully the same meaning.
I always wondered: why the hell did I even bother?
I sighed softly as my attention quickly shifted away from the professor who, as far as I was concerned, was droning on about the Second World War for the past twenty minutes without the least notice that the majority of his class wasn't even listening. I wondered if it was just that he was too dull to notice, or maybe he just didn't give a shit because this was a worthless position anyway. If it was the 'didn't give a shit' reason, that would, at least, made two of us.
Please don't get me wrong. It wasn't as if I hate attending school. On the contrary, I thought that Headmaster Kurosu's theory about how pacifism would be able to establish itself between humans and vampires through education of our kind, though unbelievable as it might sound to me at first, was very intriguing and I seriously hoped that one day this might be achieved. This was one of the reasons why I ended up here, studying at Kurosu Academy along with my other vampire acquaintances, though the presence of the pure-blood Kuran Kaname was probably the main reason why all of us gathered so closely associated with the humans and was still quite peaceful to this very day.
It seemed laughable – the fact that even humans and vampires could enjoy a normal, everyday school life together in a campus, despite the humans being ignorant of our true identities – that even now, as I sat in the third row of the classroom, with dim lights shuddering ever so slightly over my head, and the occasional squeaking from the chalk as the professor made a note on the blackboard all appeared to be surreal to me, but it only reminded me pointedly that at least for now, peace between humans and vampires existed.
So, before I continued to drift off to somewhere further away from my original point, let us get back to the reason why I didn't find this history lesson half as amusing as it should have been for a student who actually didn't hate school like everyone presumed.
As I had said before, the professor was lecturing us on – no, wait, boring the hell out of us was more like it – the significant events of the Second World War. At the mention of this, I couldn't help but heave another restless sigh... the Second World War... The truth was, the fact that most of the class at the moment was looking as preoccupied as I was had a very good reason. We sure as hell didn't look like it, but we were there during the time when the war was taking place.
No, you didn't read that wrong. We were already born and were living in those days. Okay, I would admit that 'living' was overstating it a bit, but for crying out loud, we were vampires. Some of us were even at the 'correct age' so that we were recruited and had actually taken part in the battles. I was one of the infinite numbers of recruited soldiers at that time. Of course, we couldn't be killed easily, and the corpse provided us a rather easily-attainable stock of meals, or a.k.a. blood (though, given a choice, fresh blood that came straight from a living body was definitely more preferable; blood from dead bodies just taste... I wasn't sure... Would 'stale' be a good word to describe it?).
Therefore, as you could probably see, it was not a strange thing to see us very irritable at the mention of the war since: a. some of us had practically lived through it, and b. being 'alive' for a certain period of time gave one a chance to at least attend schools on many of occasions, and the famous Second World War, as prominent as it had become in history, was one thing a person would surely had studied at least once. Being taught the fourth, fifth, or even the sixth time in your so-called life would be just ridiculously redundant, as you would surely agree.
I shared a few knowing looks from my fellow classmates, with several who rolled their eyes for emphasis, before my eyes finally rested onto her. I instantly cursed myself for being so damn careless. If I knew my eyes were going to have minds of their own and wouldn't budge after they had settled themselves on her, I would've gladly avoid the whole thing all together and aggregated my glance to the opposite direction the whole time.
But it was too late now. I absentmindedly played with something I had grabbed randomly on my desk – my pen initially used for taking notes but was now being helplessly twirled around and around in circular patterns as my fingers worked harder than ever.
Souen Ruka was, by the way I could see her pen viciously flying over her notepad, listening intently to every word the professor was saying. My lips unknowingly tucked into a small smile as I acknowledged the fact that she was the scarce few who was truly paying attention during the lesson. If there was one thing she enjoyed in this school – and from the looks of her attitude, she didn't really enjoy school all that much for the reason of human presence – history lessons was a sure way to provide a second opinion of her usually fiery, even hostile at some point, nature.
In the dimming lights, her locks of dark gold that flowed onto her straight back and curled naturally at the end glowed weakly of different shades as lights hit from diverse angles. Her face, pale, sharp and faultless, was very firm at the moment as she concentrated on what the professor was saying. I wondered how she could still find history so interesting after learning and hearing about it so many times in the past. But through knowing her most of my life (we were friends even before we attended Kurosu Academy) and spending so much time with this girl, I realized Ruka was very drawn to this subject. Don't even start to ask me why, for I would never understand the beauty of history other than the key knowledgeable points I had already been taught.
Oh God, what the hell was I doing? I never knew I could ramble on for so long. The point was – well, you probably would've guessed it by now from this pointless narration of mine – oh, who gave a damn of what the whole point was?
What could I have been thinking? All this time, as children and as rebellious early teenagers, Ruka and I spent these precious time together, and my emotions – hidden for so damn long now – was finally about to burst out beyond my control. It had reached a relatively dangerous level, and as much as I would hate to admit: this onslaught of feeling was unstoppable.
How was I to know that it would end up like this? But one thing I did know was that I had lost her before anything could even start. I wasn't blind: Ruka was in love with the respected, pure-blood Kuran Kaname ever since she began to attend this school, and who could blame her? Hell, I could bet over half the female population in this campus – humans and vampires alike – were head-over-heels for Kuran Kaname.
Yet, that wasn't to say I could stop loving Souen Ruka, like I had intended to after I had known of her feelings.
Kain Akatsuki leaned against the cold wall heavily with his arms crossed over his chest; he sighed softly, thinking back how close his cousin had gotten himself in trouble if it wasn't for Kaname-sama. This was a relief to him, as he dared not to think what one of the eldest senior members of the Council of Ancients might do to Hanabusa if Kaname-sama hadn't step in just in time. But compared to his headstrong cousin...
The brunette growled angrily, but softly, mostly to himself, irritated that his thoughts had yet again managed to swing back to her. Compared to Hanabusa, Akatsuki was more worried about Souen Ruka back there, when she had threw herself in front of Kaname-sama to 'protect' him.
He almost let out a bitter laugh, but managed to contain himself. It was such a cruel thing to ears. Nevertheless, if the ancient vampire had wanted to eliminate any of them, he could've probably done so without any hesitation or sweat.
He stared straight ahead; the bright amber of his orbs glittered a dangerous spark as he tried to maintain his composure. He was practically drilling holes on that blindingly white piece of wall if his eyes were capable of such task, and still, the image of Ruka standing so stoutly, so fragilely, so protectively in front of Kuran Kaname was vividly engraved in his mind and he was pretty sure it would stuck for some time being. When he had pulled Ruka away so that the two high-position vampires could sort things out themselves, he could feel the helpless shaking vibrated from her small frame – scared but powerless.
He tried not to let that thought dwell on for too long.
Akatsuki shifted the weight of his feet – a sure sign to show his impatience. He strained his ears to the fullest for any indication of nearing footsteps and to his satisfaction, he could make out faint ones slowly ascending from his right.
"Hey," he greeted her as she swiftly walked by with his eyes still glued to the wall as if there were something remotely interesting that was holding his attention. The scent of her blood wafted teasingly under his nostrils.
"What is it?" She must've seen his expressionless face; it was that, or she wanted a conversation. Both options were fine by him.
"Nothing," Akatsuki replied carefully, his amber eyes not budging a bit but they were dying to.
"What do you mean 'nothing'?" The male could tell that Ruka was definitely not in a mood to joke around, not that she was that fond of jokes in the first place. She had stopped in front of Akatsuki, who finally seemed to acknowledge his companion by lowering his glance.
"I presume you already knew?" She didn't let Akatsuki answer and continued, "I wanted to let Kaname-sama to drink my blood but got rejected."
"I offered myself, and yet I didn't get what I had hoped for..." She lowered her head, her slim, shivering fingers digging into her thick locks while trying to hide her embarrassed flush that was creeping steadily on to her pale cheeks. "Kaname-sama had only desired my blood when we first entered this school... only that one time..." Unconsciously, Ruka leaned against Akatsuki's warm chest.
"And so it seems," he muttered, though why he bothered, he really didn't know.
She knew the auburn-haired vampire wouldn't take it the wrong way because they had been friends since God-knows-when. Akatsuki was the one she had trusted and rely on for as long as she could remember- he was almost like an elder brother to her at times – so surely, he would understand what was troubling her mind and tearing her heart.
With the vibrant thoughts of Kuran Kaname still fresh in her memory, and the words that came from his deep, melodic voice burning in a cackling pile in her head, the usually easily-enraged girl grasped the stiff material of his companion's shirt tightly, her knuckles becoming ghostly white with the unnecessary pressure.
"It was said that vampires drink another's blood to fill in the emptiness of the heart that was created by longing," Akatsuki told her in his reassuring voice, but along with the words that he had just said and the unpromising words that Ruka knew he was about to say, the tone and the statement were all somewhat conflicting. "That means that at least up until now, your blood is not enough to satisfy his emptiness..."
He hated himself for saying those dreadful things to her; he knew that they were acting like little invisible daggers that now attacked her endlessly on the inside and he could do nothing to make her feel better. Who was he kidding? He was the one who was wounding her by saying those things – painful words to hear but undeniably true.
"I like him so much, and yet... from back then to now, I've always been just a foolish woman who can never figure out what he's thinking..." Her broken voice reached his ears, her words echoing back and forth in his head, as he lightly embraced her by her arms in such a gentle manner as to not startle the upset girl. He could do nothing but to hold her like this.
He couldn't even attempt to comfort her, not when he knew they would all turned out to be a bunch of bullshit – all lies and of no use if only for a short-lived illusion to deceive herself. So Akatsuki said nothing; he lowered his head instead.
"Akatsuki?" Ruka sounded confused when she felt the bronze-haired vampire had lowered his head to her neck, where a thin trail of blood still trickled delicately from her earlier cut. Akatsuki didn't reply; his senses were only concentrated on that tiny red river, ruby and warm. He closed his eyes and began to lick the remnants away as if to clean up the evidence. Slowly, he made his way back to the origin, where it was beginning to stop bleeding anyway and halted there.
All this time, Ruka stayed frigid, afraid that any abrupt movement might break what the smallest piece of tranquility she was having when she was holding on to her friend as a sanctuary, a lifeline. She trusted him: Ruka comprehended that Akatsuki meant no harm, but it didn't make her breathing any easier. Her grasp of his shirt loosened a bit as she shuddered faintly from his tender touch.
Akatsuki was shocked, to say the least, that Ruka hadn't pushed him away yet. It was an impulse – to comfort her, to let her know that there was someone who cared and understood how she felt. The taste remained strong in his mouth as the male swallowed his temptation back to his throat. For a moment, Akatsuki made no signs of movement; his eyes that had been closed the whole time now opened, revealing a pair of glazed, crimson-toned orbs so red that even a rose would be jealous.
"Your blood was causing a big ruckus down at the dorms," he murmured against her neck, his voice though low was thick with a kind of drunkenness.
I finally managed to rip my eyes off of her, but even as I tried to tune back in to what the professor was saying, it was no use. My stupid thoughts had drifted too far and right now, I had no way of calling it back.
Oh well. It wasn't as if I hadn't tried; I just didn't bother to try harder.
I lowered my head so that my eyes wouldn't be wandering off again. A few minutes had passed – I think, but it felt longer than that – with the lecturer's voice humming as background noise as I glared at my notebook, which was still clean and spotless since I hadn't bother to take any notes.
'Okay,' I pondered in my head, 'this is clearly not working.' Apparently, staring at white paper won't make you forget what you try to forget. At times like this, when my mind was fairly preoccupied, and dangerous thoughts began to slip in slyly without me first noticing them myself, I would start to get frustrated over the fact that Kuran Kaname couldn't see that Ruka was falling for him, and if he did, that he didn't accept her. I knew what he was thinking – I could see that Kaname had some special affection for that human child, Kurosu Yuki, though why he would care for a petty human, I could never really understand.
Surely, Ruka could see that.
Of course she could, but like the confidant self she was, she took no notice of Yuki's place in Kaname's heart. In her mind, Yuki was merely just a fling – a toy – for her beloved Kaname-sama. Why else would a great, powerful pure-blood vampire like Kuran Kaname take so much care in protecting a weakling?
I knew I probably sounded very cruel, but I know Ruka's way of thinking. And knowing how she thought, and how she felt didn't make it any easier for me, because I knew she would not give up on Kuran Kaname that easily and willingly.
Yet in comparison to Kaname-sama, I despised myself even more. I hated myself for not having enough courage to confront Ruka on my own; I hated the way I could just stand at the side while she passed on by, not knowing my feelings for her; most of all, I hated the way how I could never truly call her mine. She was my good friend, and that was it. Nothing more and nothing less than that existed between us.
"Kain, daydreaming again?" A voice intruded my internal train of thoughts as I mentally stepped on the brakes to get back to the world of reality. Standing in front of my desk, with her pale brown orbs looking down at me and a thick history textbook tucked securely in her hand, was the one I had been thinking during the whole damn lesson.
It appeared that class was already dismissed when I was still wandering aimlessly in my endless thoughts. I quickly straightened myself and attempted to return to my usual self.
I guessed I failed though, as I felt my lips gave a weak smile while answering with a feeble, "Yeah, I guess so."
"What's with you these days? You don't seem like your usual annoying self lately," Ruka commented as she leaned some weight on the chair that slightly supported her back from behind. With the word 'annoying' mentioned, I instantly felt myself becoming more awake.
"Do I annoy you?" I asked her half-jokingly.
"When you're with Aido, yeah," Ruka gave a small grin, her tiny fangs only faintly visible behind her lips. I half-expected Hanabusa to jump out with a defensive yet witty comeback but as my eyes skimmed across the room, I realized we were the only ones left. "But you're all right when you're on your own," she continued with a small smile.
Crap. I could feel the heat coming to my face in an abnormally fast rate. To cover it up, I looked down, busying myself with putting back the empty pages in order and gathered my book and utensils together. This didn't take as long as I had hoped though.
"It's Hanabusa's fault again, huh? Why is it that all of his misconduct always somehow got me connected? Why?" I tried to act as comically as I could.
"Maybe it's because you two are cousins? Who knows?" She gave a careless shrug, "Anyways, can you help me with my chemistry lab? I'm stuck." She eyed said papers in her hand distastefully to emphasize her hate for science, then glanced back at me expectedly.
Well, what else could I have said?
"I feel so clever around you, Ruka," I managed a laugh.
She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, only in chemistry." I stood up; it was as if she could sense my next thought. She followed my action; in one stride, we were walking next to each other, shoulders almost touching but not quite as our steps fell in sync.
As we chatted randomly on different topics, but mostly arguing about the relevance value about history classes, I realized that this actually wasn't too bad – this carefree type of relationship, of which she could rely on me as a friend and vice versa. Of course I wanted this to become something more but time was on our sides (heck, I could sure live a long life, right? That was, given the fact that if Hanabusa managed to get out of trouble and not get himself, and myself as an innocent, killed). One of these days, maybe – just maybe – Ruka would understand how I feel about her, and hopefully, she could accept and embrace this emotion with willingness.
Ryuko: Before you guys bombard me, yes, I've added the tiny ending part for the flashback bits. I hope that wasn't too crappy, though I did find that I've made Kain-senpai a bit OoC. I didn't think he was the type to ramble on and on (that's more like me). Plus, I didn't really like this one-sided thing. It's too weird. Oh well. I guess I'll have to live with it.
On another note, please comment!