1Chapter 1: Except Sunflash

"Okay, now," said the author of this story. "This is a non-serious fanfiction story that's SUPPOSED to be a bunch of random stuff and nonsense, because it's all just for laughs. It's where Redwall characters are parodying the Abbot/Costello movie, 'Hold That Ghost.' I just love that movie! IT IS SOOOOOO FUNNY! Oh yes, and let me say that I do not own that movie or its plotline. So, is that good enough for you, Sunflash?"

"Eh, well, I've got a few questions," said Sunflash the Mace as he drove his limo through the forest. "How is it that I am driving a limo when there are no cars in Mossflower?"

"This is not a serious fic, Sunflash," the author reminded him. "Anything can happen."

"Anything can happen?!" cried Sunflash.

"Anything," confirmed the author.

"Okayyy," said Sunflash, who was now beginning to feel very worried (and the story hadn't even begun!). "Why am I driving a limo?"

"It's more comfortable for your passengers."


"Yes, you can ask about them later. Okay?"

"Are there going to be any more modern devices around in the future?"


"Oh, okay."

"Now, any more questions?"

"Yeah, who are you?"

"Oh, I am just some American teenager messing with some great British book. Which reminds me, I DO NOT own Redwall, or it's characters; they belong to Brian Jacques, the greatest author of ALL time! He likes my drawings! Heeheehee!"


"Yes, well, ahem. So, any more questions?"

"Yes. Where am I driving?"

"To Pinewood Manor," answered Veil Sixclaw the Outcast, who was in the passenger seat of the limo.

"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" asked Sunflash.

"This is NOT a serious story, Sunflash!" reminded the author.

"Oh, right," said Sunflash. "So. Pinewood Manor. Right. Where is that?"

"It's in the deepest, darkest part of the forest. It's rumored to be haunted," answered Veil.

"Why are we going if it's haunted?" asked Sunflash.

"Because I inherited it."

"Why did you inherit it?"

"I don't know. The author of this story never told me," Veil answered, glaring at the author.

"Eh," said the author, shrugging.

"Okay," said Sunflash. "So why do you want to go there?"

"It's been rumored that there's buried treasure there."

"Oh, okay. So you want to find the treasure."

"Yes. Good," said Veil. "Any other questions?"

"Why am I here?"

"Because the author wanted you in this story," said Veil.

"Oh, how flattering," said Sunflash, who actually more troubled than flattered.

"Yeah, so, any more questions?" asked Veil.

"Yeah, why is Klitch here?" asked Sunflash.

"HE IS?" cried Veil. He turned around in his seat and saw the young weasel. He crawled over his seat and gave Klitch a great big hug. "Oh, I'm SO glad you're here! Finally, another young vermin! It's been nothing but woodlanders and older vermin for, like, forever! We can do things together! We can hang out! We can read sport magazines! We can paint nails!"

After Veil was done scaring the living daylights out of Klitch, he got back in the passenger seat.

"There," he said.

"I guess that answers the question," said Sunflash.

"Yes, it should. Now, Sunflash, have you got anymore questions?"

"Yes. Why are Swartt and Ferahgo here?"

"Because our dads think we need them to guide us in our treasure hunt."

"As if!" scoffed Klitch.

"You do, you wet-behind-the-ears-pup!" snarled Ferahgo.

"Do not, you gray-furred, old, aging, bug-toothed mummy!" shot back Klitch.

"Do too, you, you . . you snotty-nosed, baby blue-eyed baby!"

"Do not, fat old geezer!"

"Do too, skinny little girlie whelp!"

"Girlie??!" screamed Klitch, his face turning red. "Who're you calling girlie?!"

"Oh, c'mon," teased Ferahgo. "Look at those sissy, scrawny arms and those pussy shoulders! I can't count the number of times people have mistaken you for a girl. Especially since you insist on wearing those stupid bracelets! I mean, come on."

"At least I don't wear nothing but a stupid little skirt made of skins!"


The weasels turned away from each other in a huff and crossed their arms and pouted their lips. Then they glanced self-consciously at their girlish clothes.

"And people wonder why I don't get involved with my son," muttered Swartt.

In the silence that followed, Sunflash asked Veil, "So! Um, why are Bluefen and Bryony here?"

"Well," said Veil. "Bryony is here to keep an eye on me, and my mom is here because she doesn't think we've been spending enough quality time together."

"Why is Nightshade here?"

"Because Swartt is here."

"Okay, I think I'm beginning to understand, but why is Martin the Warrior here?"

"Because a Redwall story wouldn't be a Redwall story without Martin the Warrior."

"Why is Gonff here?"

"Because Martin is funny when Gonff is around."

"What, do you mean that I'm not funny in general?" demanded Martin.

"'Course you aren't, matey," said Gonff in a comforting voice, patting him on the back. "But you can't afford to be funny; otherwise you wouldn't have so many fangirls."

"Why is Laterose here?" asked Sunflash.

"Because everyone loves it when Martin and Rose are together," said Veil.

"What's this about fangirls?" said Rose, suspiciously eyeing Martin.

Martin gave Gonff a 'thanks a lot' look before turning to Rose with a reassuring smile.

"Why is Matthias here?" asked Sunflash.

"Because wherever Martin is, Matthias is," answered Veil.

"Why is Cornflower here?"

"Because she's Matthias's wife."

"Why is Mattemeo here?"

"Because he's an annoying little tag-a-long!" snapped Veil, turning in his seat to glare at Mattemeo.

"Hey!" protested Mattemeo.

"Why do people always write the two of you fighting?" asked Sunflash.


"You and Matti. Why do people always make it so that you two can't stand each other?"

"Because he's an annoying vermin!" spat Mattemeo.

"HEY SHUT UP, CLICHE!" roared Veil.


"I always thought Veil turned good in the end," commented the author.

"Shut up," said Veil and Matti together, as though rehearsed.

"But you're writing this!" protested Mattemeo. "How can we have rehearsed this?"

"Shut up and keep on asking questions, Sunflash."

"Why is Mariel here?" asked Sunflash.

"Because she didn't want to be left out," answered Veil, turning around and ignoring Mattemeo.

"Yeah! It's been getting boring around Redwall," said Mariel.

"Why is Dandin here?" asked Sunflash.

"Because Mariel is funny when Dandin is around."

"Hey! Are you saying that I'm not funny in general, like Martin?" demanded Mariel, swinging her Gullwhacker dangerously.

Dandin eyed Mariel suspiciously. "You don't have any fanboys, do you?"

Mariel looked at him. "Why are you asking? You're acting as if we were dating! Sheesh!" Then she turned away and refused to look at him.

Dandin stared at her if she had slapped him. "B-b-but," he stammered. "I-I thought that, that we were . . ."

Gonff reached over and took Dandin's paw. "There now, grandson, just leave 'er alone for awhile. She'll come around and start talking after a few hours. It's the same with Columbine."

"Why are Triss and Deyna here?" asked Sunflash, who decided that he didn't want to go through any soap opera romance thing.

"Because the author thought the woodlanders had too many mice and needed some variety in their species," Veil explained.

"Then why don't we have any hedgehogs, moles, and hares?"

"Because the author doesn't have any favorite hedgehogs."

"Not that I don't like hedgehogs!" the author quickly explained. "I just don't have any favorite characters that are hedgehogs, is all!"

"Okayyy," said Sunflash. "But what about the moles and hares?"

"The author can't do mole speech," answered Veil.

"Okay, but what about the hares? Can he not do their speech as well?"

"Well, no, actually, he can't, but that's not the reason."

"Well, then, what is the reason?!"

"We hardly have any food right now and we don't need any gluttonous hares scoffing it all down!"

"Oh . . . okay."

"There. Any more questions?"

"Yes. Why is Cluny the Scrouge here?"

"Because Matthias is here."

"Yeah! To get my revenge! Heeheehee! Drop a bell on me, will ya? I'll get my revenge! Heeheehee!" giggled Cluny. He had never really recovered after the Joseph Bell bonked him on the head. Everyone sitting near him scooted away.

"Okaaaay," said Sunflash. He was really starting to get worried. "So, why is Slagar the Cruel here?"

"Because Mattemeo is here."

"You're not here for revenge, are you?" Mattemeo asked nervously.

The masked-fox looked at him. "What do you think?"

Mattemeo glupped.

"Why is Badrang the Tyrant here?" asked Sunflash.

"Because Martin is here," answered Veil.

"Cluny and Slagar are here for revenge on the mice who defeated them?" asked Badrang. "Wow. Why didn't I think of that? I just came along for the ride! Cool!"

"You just came along for the ride?" asked Veil. "Oh, whoops, I'm sorry."

"Why is Kurda here?" asked Sunflash.

"Because Triss is here," answered Veil.

"Yeah! To get my revenge! Like Cluny the Loony and the foxy over there!" hissed Kurda.

"Hey!" protested Cluny and Slagar.

"Why is Kurda talking without her accent?" asked Sunflash.

"Because the author can't do her accent," said Veil.

"But, then why get her at all?"

"Because the author thought that that would make the plot more rich, since Triss is here."

"Oh, okay."

"Any more questions?"

"Why is Ublaz Mad Eyes here?"

"Because . . . wait, Ublaz Mad Eyes isn't here!"

Sunflash looked in the rear-view mirror. "Yeah he is."

Veil turned around in his seat and saw that the mad-eyed pine marten really was there. "Where'd you come from?!"

Ublaz took a deep breath, as though he were about to go into a whole big speech about how he brilliantly snuck into the limo without anyone noticing him, and then said, "I don't know."

Everybeast in the limo stared at him, except for Sunflash, who was still driving.

"Mr. Author, sir," said Veil. "Why is Ublaz Mad Eyes here?"

"Because he's, like, my favorite bad guy!" gushed the author.

"REALLY?" cried Ublaz, flattered. "Is it because of my great, mesmerizing, hypnotic powers that I am?"

The author rolled his eyes. "No, it's because I think you're cute. Well, of course it's because of your hypnotic powers, ya idiot!"

Ublaz rolled his own eyes. "Oh, come on, Mr. Author. You can be honest. I know that I'm gorgeous."

Everybeast except Sunflash (who was, after all, still driving) stared at him.

"Well I am!" Ublaz snapped. He humped and nestled himself further into his seat, pulling his silken robes closer to his perfectly muscular body huffily.

For awhile there was silence. Then Veil turned to Sunflash.

"Did all your questions get answered?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

Silence. Then:

"Well actually, I do have some more questions. How do you know what the author is thinking?"

The author spoke up for Veil. "Because I have the power to make you guys know things and not know things. I HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OVER YOU GUYS! BWA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHHHH!!!! . . . too bad it's only in writing, and not in real life I can have complete control. Sigh. . . ."

For a more while there was silence. Then Mariel piped up.

"So how long is this drive going to be?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the author. "Maybe a couple hours."

"A couple hours!?"

The whole limo groaned.

"What are we supposed to do all that time?!" Matthias demanded.

"I don't know. Mingle?" said the author.

Silence. Dead silence.

Finally Veil turned around in his seat and said, "Hey Deyna, have you ever been mistaken for a vermin?"

Deyna crossed his arms and legs and looked at the ferret with narrowed eyes and a slightly open mouth. Then he said in a low, even voice, "No." He raised his eyebrows. "Have you?"

A moment of silence. Then Veil turned around and pressed a big red button.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Deyna as his seat suddenly bounced him up through a hole in the limo's roof.

Everybeast except Sunflash stared at where the otter had once been.

"HA!" said Veil. "That's how you get rid of 'em."

"Wait," said Triss. "I thought Deyna was here to help me bring a little variety to the woodlanders!"

Just then Deyna bounded back in through an open window. Why that window was open in the first place, I can't imagine.

"Hey wait a minute," said Ferhago. "How was the otter able to get back into the car? It was moving!"

"It's a secret," said Deyna smugly.

Once again silence ensued.

Kurda leaned forward and took Bluefen's paw, smiling. "It's so nice having another female ferret around. Hi, I'm Kurda, part-time princess, part-time warlord, part-time warrior, and part-time pirate. What are you?"

Bluefen smiled. "I'm a home-maker."

Kurda's pink eyes glazed over. "Oh." Then she sat back and looked away.

Bluefen's blue eyes widened, then narrowed.

Cornflower extended her paw over to Bluefen. "Hi, I don't believe we've met."

"No, we haven't," said Bluefen, shaking paws with her.

"Actually, I'm a home-maker, too," said Cornflower.

"Really? Oh, that's great!"

"I know, it's so nice being able to be at home and spend time with your child."

"Yes, it is," said Bluefen as she reached out and stroked the back of her son's head. Veil turned and smiled at her.

"I love you, mommy," he said.

"I love you, too, honey," Bluefen replied as she began to snuggle his head with her nose.

Cornflower frowned at her own son. "Now how come you don't act more like Veil?"

Mattemeo stared at his mother. "You want me to be more like Veil Sixclaw?"

Cornflower scowled. "I don't mean be as bad as he was. Wait, you WERE just as bad as he was! You never showed any thankfulness towards me!"

"Veil never showed any thankfulness towards me," pointed out Bryony. "But he ended up giving his life for me."

"Yeah, and YOU went and said that he was bad all along!" snapped Bluefen. "How could you, after he ended his life so you could carry on and be the ruler of Redwall?"

"I only said that because it just seemed easier."

"How was it easier?" demanded Bluefen.

"Well, if I went with my original belief that Veil was good, then I would have to face the pain that my baby had died to save me, and that other creatures that I loved were partly responsible. After all, the Redwallers did throw him out. They were always saying that Veil was bad, but now that he had proved them wrong, they couldn't apologize to him for being so mean to him. I just wouldn't be able to live on at Redwall, but I couldn't live anywhere else. So that is why it seemed easier to say that Veil was bad all along."

"Ohhh, Bry, c'mere," said Veil, holding his arms out to her.

Bryony went over and the two hugged. Then Bluefen, not wanting to be left out, hugged them.

Swartt scowled and muttered, "Momma's boy."

Veil turned in his father's direction. "What was that?"

Swartt sat up and said loudly, "MOMMA'S BOYYYYYY!!!!"


Veil leapt upon Swartt and the two started rolling around on the floor. Deyna, Martin, Gonff, and Dandin separated them.

"HEY!" shouted Martin indignantly to the author. "You put Deyna's name before mine! MY name ALWAYS comes FIRST!"

"Not this time it didn't," said the author.

"Grrr!" said Martin.

"Now, now, Martin," said Rose soothingly, patting his back. "Calm down, don't go ripping the author to shreds now. Come on, come on, sit down, good Martin."

Martin sat down and leaned his head on Rose's shoulder with a silly, content smile on his heroically handsome face.


Then Bluefen turned to Cornflower.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she said apologetically. "Swartt and Veil can be so silly sometimes, you know?"

"Oh, don't be sorry," reassured Cornflower. "Matthias and Mattemeo can be twice as idiotic as them."

Bluefen laughed. "Oh, Swartt and Veil can be five times as idiotic as them."

Cornflower laughed, though not so nicely as Bluefen. "Well, Matthias and Mattemeo can be ten times as idiotic."

Bluefen smiled, in a sneering sort of way. "Swartt and Veil can be twenty times."

Cornflower narrowed her eyes. "Matthias and Mattemeo can be fifty times."

Bluefen frowned. "Swartt and Veil can be a hundred times."

"Two-hundred times."

"Five-hundred times."

"A thousand."




"OH! Well," huffed Cornflower, glaring daggers at Bluefen, who shot a few daggers of her own back.

Soon the both of them were growling and making cat sounds. Their eyes twitched and their heads cocked to the side. Everybeast (except Sunflash, who was STILL driving) looked nervously at the two home-makers beginning to lift their claws.

Suddenly the two lashed out at each other, shrieking, hissing and scratching. Matthias jumped in and parted the two.

"Ahh, why'd you separate 'em?" whined Swartt.

"Cuz your's almost broke mine," said Matthias as he dragged his struggling, snarling wife back to her seat.

"Lemme atter! Lemme atter!" Cornflower growled as she was dragged back to her seat, her blue eyes glaring some more daggers at the blue-eyed ferretmaid who sat triumphantly next to her barbaric husband.

"Hey!" protested Swartt.

Cluny reached out and patted Cornflower's paw. "That's why you should've married me. I would've let you finish her off!"

"Whaw!" cried Cornflower, fanning the air in front of her. "Man, don't you ever brush your teeth!?"

"I did like a year ago," said Cluny, scratching his head, sending a whole bunch of white dandruff flying through the air.

Matthias put a protective arm around his wife. "Hey, look rat, she chose me. ME! It's too late for you!" He picked up her paw. "Ya see this ring? It means she belongs to me! She's MY property! Me!"

"Man," said Gonff. "I wish my wife was here."

"Well, I don't," said Ferahgo. "We have enough mousemaids around here, I think. Huh, mousemaids and their fluffy cuteness!"

"Hey, not all mousemaids are the same, you know," objected Mariel. "Some are like me: strong, tough, valiant warriors!"

"You're a girl?" whispered Ferahgo in a shocked voice.

Silence. Dead silence.

Then everybeast, except Mariel (who was fuming), Ferahgo (who was still shocked by his discovery), Sunflash (who was STILL driving), and Klitch, laughed.

Ferahgo turned to his son. "Hey, how come you're not laughing?"

"Well, I can't really find it in myself to blame you," admitted Klitch. "It seemed like an easy mistake to make. I mean, Mariel is kinda butch."


Then everybeast, except Mariel (who was now trying to break Klitch's head), Klitch (who was trying to escape Mariel's wrath), Ferahgo (who was trying to shield his son), and Sunflash (who was STILL driving), laughed.

In the silence that followed, Nightshade began to toss shells up in the air and catch them. Soon everybeast (except Sunflash--

"WE KNOW!" shouted Mariel, who was still angry from earlier.

"Okay, okay," said the author.

Soon everybeast was watching the vixen seer at work. It got really boring and repetitive after awhile, which caused Mariel to scream:


"LOOK," said Nightshade, beginning to lose her cool. "That is my job as a seer; it is stupid, I know, but I am going to do it, and no mousemaid in a crabby mood is going to make me stop!"

"We'll see about that!" Mariel snarled, swinging her Gullwhacker.

"Don't bite off more than you can chew, mousy," growled Nightshade, gripping her staff.

"Yaaaaaaa!" screamed Mariel, leaping upon the vixen.

"Yaaaaaaa!" screamed Nightshade, leaping upon the mousemaid.

Dandin, Swartt, Veil, Ferahgo, Deyna, Martin, Slagar, and Gonff split them apart.

Silence followed.

Sunflash turned on some music. Everybeast began to relax and just sat and listened to the song.

But everybeast got tense again when Sunflash began to play the song over and over again.

"Sun-flaaaaaaaaasssssssshhhhhhhh," moaned Veil from the passenger seat. "We've been listening to this stupid song all morning. Put something else on."

"Now, Veil," said Sunflash. "When I'm driving, we listen to what I want. When you're driving, we listen to what you want."

Next thing he knew, Sunflash was sitting in the passenger seat and Veil was driving!

Everybeast (except Sunflash) breathed a sigh of relief as Veil put on a new song. And when that song was finished, he put in a new song. Then a new song. Then another. And another.

All of them were songs that everybeast (except Sunflash) liked.

Finally Sunflash said, "I don't like this. Let's switch back."

So the poor creatures in the back found themselves being tortured by Sunflash's horrible song.

"Mr. Author, do something!" whined Veil.

Sunflash's song disappeared into oblivion.

Everybeast cheered.

"Except Sunflash," said everybeast.


"Are we there yet?" Mattemeo asked.

Nobeast answered.

"Are we there yet?"asked Gonff.

Nobeast answered.

"Are we there yet?" asked Slagar.

Nobeast answered.

"Are we there yet?" asked Dandin.

Nobeast answered.

So Slagar, Mattemeo, Dandin, and Gonff began repeating themselves. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we--"

"NO!!!" everybeast shouted.

Slagar rubbed a paw in his ear. "Okay, okay, sheesh, you don't have to yell."


"I said you don't have to yell!" yelled Slagar.

"That was lightning, you idiot," said Matthias.



Kurda locked her arms around Triss's neck, screaming her cowardly head off.

The poor squirrelmaid tried to throw the Pure ferret off, but the lily-white princess wouldn't let go. Unknowingly she was strangling poor Triss to death.

"Whoa," said Cluny, completely awed.

"What?" asked Slagar.

"Don't you see?" cried Cluny. "Kurda came along to get her revenge on Triss, and she's actually succeeding in it, only she's not doing it on purpose!!"

"Hey!" said Swartt, who had clearly come up with a bright idea, as a lightbulb had appeared above his head. Waving it aside, he said, "Why don't we do the same thing?"



Swartt, taking his chance, locked his arms around Sunflash's neck, screaming his head off like there was no tomorrow.

"AAACK!" cried Sunflash as he tried to pry the ferret warlord off of him. "S-s-s- swwwaaartt!!!" he choked out.

Swartt was actually succeeding in his plans! (For once.)

"Swartt!" gasped Sunflash. "I have to drive the limo!"

"I got it," said Veil in a bored voice as he adjusted himself so that he was sitting in Sunflash's lap and in control of the steering wheel.



Cluny had locked his arms around Matthias's neck, while Slagar had locked his arms around Mattemeo's neck. Badrang did the same with Martin. All three mice began gasping and gurgling as they tried to pry off their scared-acting-tormentors.

Well, for awhile there was mass chaos.

Outside the limo, there was a raging storm going on. Thunder and lighting. Buckets of freezing rain. Mighty gusts of wind.

Inside the limo, there was another raging storm going on.

Kurda was still screaming her head off, and the fact Mariel was whacking her in the head with her Gullwhacker wasn't exactly helping.

Dandin was trying to coax Mariel into stopping her attack on Kurda, only to be whacked in the head as well.

Triss was about to pass out from lack of air.

Cornflower had produced two frying pans out of nowhere and was bonking both Cluny and Slagar on their heads.

Matthias had actually freed himself from Cluny's grasp (even though the rat was supposed to be a lot stronger but I'm the author of this stupid story so I can do just as I please) and was mercilessly strangling him, threatening to rid the rat of his other eye by squeezing it out.

Mattemeo, however, was still being held by Slagar, and looked as though all that was in his body was going into his head, making his head expand about three sizes, and his eyes looked as if they were balloons.

Martin was also still being strangled by Badrang, but he had started strangling the stoat back. Rose was trying to pull Martin off of Badrang while Gonff was biting Badrang's tail.

Ferahgo and Klitch were both screaming at the author for not having Urthstripe here so that they could try the fake-scared thing on him.

Deyna was hiding under his car seat (which I think was a very smart thing to do).

Bluefen, Bryony, and Nightshade were trying to help get Swartt off of Sunflash, whose eyes were bulging out of their sockets.

Only two creatures were seemingly unaware of the limo's hurricanes: Veil Sixclaw, who was still sitting in Sunflash's lap, peacefully driving the limo, and Ublaz Mad Eyes, who was looking into a pink hand mirror, anxiously smoothing his creamy golden-yellow neckfur, his rich chestnut brown fur, curling his perfumed whiskers, whitening his sharp teeth. . . .

"SHUT UP!!!" shouted Mariel.

"Okay, okay. . . ." said the author.


Everybeast stopped what they were doing and looked in the direction the howling came from (even Veil, though he was driving).

"He did?" cried everybeast (even Sunflash, except Veil).

"Wow, that's a first," said everybeast (even Sunflash, except--

"We know!"

"Okay, okay."

Suddenly the limo stopped.

"There it is," said Veil.

Everybeast looked through the limo's windows.

And there it was.

Pinewood Manor.

It indeed looked every inch a haunted house.

"It's a mansion, you idiot!" snapped Veil. "And a mansion with hidden treasure!"

"There's treasure in there?!" cried Gonff happily.

Veil turned around and stared at him. "Weren't you paying attention to the beginning of this story?"

"Obviously not."

"Actually," said Martin. "We technically weren't in the beginning because the author hadn't thought to include us in yet, so no, we weren't here when you explained about the treasure, Veil."

Silence. Everyone was staring at Martin, who made so blunt a statement.

"Blunt?" asked Martin.

"Usually you talk in riddles," said the author.


"Ok, ok, shut up."

And so, without further ado, everybeast got of the limo and headed up the muddy walkway to the spooky old mansion.

They had no idea what they were getting themselves into. . . .

"Yeah, we do," said Mariel.

"How do you know?" challenged the author.

"Well, after all that happened on the way here, I'm guessing that we are going to discover that we can't stand each other's company for more than three seconds."


"Um, Mr. Author?"


"Why are you yelling at me?" cried Klitch. "I didn't say anything!"


"Oh, how exciting," said Mariel sarcastically.