Warning: a bit of swearing I think. And a kiss of course.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and unfortunately never will.

Note: Just another version of the first kiss. Written a long time ago so it's not really that good. The idea behind it is firstly that Sirius isn't all he seems to be, and that it does actually take a good dose of Gryffindor courage to admit you're gay at the time of the Marauders.


Remus Lupin loved taking the long way home. That is, he loved walking a nice little detour when going from the library to the Gryffindor Tower. It was the only time he could be alone, and it was less time spent in pure agony while watching the enigmatic Sirius Black flirt with anything with two legs and breasts. He wasn't usually the jealous type, but had ever since fourth year been more and more loathed to see girls fall all over his (dare he even think it?) secret love. And since fourth year his detours were getting longer and longer. The other boys thought he was simply becoming more studious in his work, and never suspected that he was actually working less.

He came round a corner to another empty corridor. He new every route to the Common Room, and this night he had decided to take one of the very long ones. Mostly because he didn't want to see Sirius with yet another girlfriend talking in hushed voices by the fire. He cursed himself for being unable to control himself around Sirius. He was just about to turn another corner when a familiar voice reached his ears. It was Sirius'. Without giving it a second thought he started to walk very quietly and pressed himself against the wall. He peaked around the corner and saw Sirius with his newest acquired girlfriend. She didn't look happy, and Remus suddenly felt happier than he had all day.

"Why wont you kiss me, Sirius?" her voice was seductive and Remus wanted to pull her tongue out. He saw Sirius was standing very close to the wall, as he was trying to fade into it to get away from the girl.

"Listen, Christy, this isn't working out. You're really pretty and nice, but I don't think we go together well, at all." Sirius was looking at his feet, and Remus new that it was a look of shame on Sirius' face.

"What?! But why? Don't you like me?" She was now looking as if she might make Sirius explode by her stare alone.

"Well, it really has nothing to do with that. I-"

"I will not be remembered as the one girl who Sirius didn't want to snog! What is it with you? You snog practically the whole female population, and do much more to almost as many, and you wont even kiss me? I'm popular you know, and pretty."

"Listen, Christy, I know you're pretty. But believe me! Those are only rumours. I don't get off with-with… anybody!" Remus was getting a strange sensation all over his skin. Sirius, the stud of Hogwarts, didn't snog every girl he happened to see and want? Remus suddenly realized that he didn't ever actually see Sirius snog anyone, something he usually was very grateful for, but he normally contributed that to the fact that Sirius always wanted to appear like a gentleman, and therefore would never "kiss and tell."

"Yeah, right. What do you take me for! Fine! Be that way! If they are all rumours then you wont mind if I add another! I'm telling everybody that we snogged, I didn't like it and broke up with you! And if you tell anybody I'll hex you so you- you- I'll-"

"Go right ahead. Everybody else does." This last remark was made as Christy was stalking away, looking very flustered. Sirius stood still and hadn't looked up from his feet once. Remus stood very still himself. He wasn't sure if he should reveal his presence. In the end he decided that his curiosity would not let him stay hidden.

"Sirius?" he said very carefully as he slowly rounded the corner. Sirius' head shot up like a bullet. He stared at Remus with wide eyes.

"Remus? What are you… did you hear?" Remus nodded while noting that Sirius had called him Remus, which he didn't usually do now that he had his nickname, Moony. "Oh… don't, don't tell anybody."

"Of course not… so is it true?"

"That it's all just rumours? Yeah, none of it's true. I- I have only kissed a girl once. James is the only one who knows, but he doesn't know why." Sirius was back at looking at his feet, his face was the colour of a very ripe strawberry.

"James knows they're all rumours? Why… why didn't you tell me?" Remus was moving slowly towards Sirius, so slow that he wasn't even aware of it himself.

"I couldn't tell you. It's complicated, and embarrassing, and Merlin it's so much more." The usually confident black-haired boy was now looking miserable and very unsure of himself. Remus moved slightly closer.

"You can tell me anything Sirius. I'll understand."

"I don't really know how the first got started! But it led to another one, and another, and it became- it was a- I, Merlin."

"It was a snowball effect?" Sirius looked up, a tiny smile at the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah. Exactly. So, you don't hate me for it?"

"Of course not! It's not your fault!"

"Yeah, but I didn't exactly try to put a stop to them."

"Why not?" Sirius looked down again. Remus was now standing right in front of him. He bent his head to try and look into Sirius' eyes, but the fellow Marauder avoided his gaze.

"It was easier than… Everything was easier. Flirting was so easy compared to… everything. I- I'm, bloody hell I'm pathetic" Remus wanted to protest, but Sirius kept on talking. "You'll still be my friend no matter what, right?" Remus nodded. "Then I'll tell you. I haven't told anybody this. I guess I haven't really been honest with myself either. The fact is…" He took a deep breath. "I'm… gay." His eyes darted up to see Remus' reaction. Remus' face was a blank, but his insides were going something between a gig and skydive. He opened his mouth to say something, but realized nothing was coming out so he closed it again. Finally he almost physically shook himself to make himself speak.

"That's fine Sirius. I'm still your friend." A look of relief spread across Sirius' face. He smiled, but only for a few seconds. "But I still don't get it. There must be other gay guys at Hogwarts. Why flirt with girls? I mean you're Sirius Black! And by definition the sexiest bloke at Hogwarts. You could get anybody, male or female. I'm sure even the straightest of blokes would consider it." Remus was regretting the words even before they came tumbling out of his mouth, but he couldn't stop himself. It was as if there was a flood inside him that needed to get out. When he finished he resumed his blank expression, which he thought the safest course of action at this point. Just because he's gay, doesn't mean he wants anything to do with you, you berk, he mentally berated himself.

"So… you think I'm sexy?" Remus couldn't feel his legs at this point. He wanted to hex himself in the arse for letting that information slip. Sirius seemed to deflate a little when Remus didn't respond. He gave a sigh.

"It's not that I think I can't get a bloke… it's that I don't want just any bloke. I only want one. And it was easier to just pretend nothing was wrong than to sit around pining for someone who would never want me the way I want them."

"So… you're in love with someone." Sirius gazed up at Remus, only a foot away from him, with eyes almost tearing.

"Yeah, and it's horrible."

"Who is it? You can tell me."

"No. Impossible." Remus was looking into Sirius' eyes, and it was as if he was getting shorter because his head was getting closed to Sirius', who was lower because he was leaning against the wall. Please, don't let me read this wrong. Remus was looking into those now tear-filled eyes and hoped somewhere deep inside himself that they were longing for a kiss. He pushed all rational thoughts aside. Nothing else mattered than for him to finally get to taste those lips. And before he knew what he was doing he was kissing Sirius, and it was more wonderful than he could have imagined. It was sweet, yet so unlike that one girl he kissed in third year. He wished he could melt into the kiss and never have to do anything else ever again. A moan escaped from him and woke him up from his hypnotic state. He broke the kiss, shocked that he had been so bold. He looked around the corridor, but no one was there. He wished there had been. He wished he had an excuse to leave, or better, to die. Sirius is in love with someone, and I go and kiss him? What kind of friend is that!?

"Oh, Merlin, fuck. Sirius, I'm sorry. I just thought. I didn't think! I-" he was stuttering, and looking everywhere but at Sirius. Suddenly someone had grabbed his tie, rather forcefully, and was kissing him. The kiss was nothing like the innocent kiss he had just given Sirius, but passionate and quite wet. It took Remus a few seconds to realize that it was actually Sirius who was kissing him. The kiss was suddenly broken, and the two boys were looking into each other's eyes, only inches apart. Remus seemed to have stopped breathing.

"It's you, you… wonderful person you." Sirius whispered. "I love you." Another passionate kiss ensued. Remus wanted nothing more than to kiss forever, but felt compelled speak, so he broke the kiss, not without a soft moan from both himself and Sirius.

"I love you too," he said, almost reverently. Sirius smiled.

"Yeah. I kinda got that impression. Now kiss me again." Remus could do nothing except just that.