Just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year!

Warning: Extreme OOC (there's a reason for this and it will be explained as chapter progresses). Weirdness and future sexual references and foul language. Any misspellings or wrong grammar is unintentional. I am my own beta. I could have missed some stuff.

I do not own Naruto.


Iruka dug the new key out of his pocket. He paused midway in unlocking and decided to just knock the door instead. He didn't mind sharing but after an entire year of having an entire room to himself, he wasn't so sure if sharing with his new roommate would be comfortable. Shifting the weight of the box in his arms, he reached out and knocked on the door.

A week ago, a practical joke in their dormitory building went too far and ended up blowing half the building. No one was injured since most were out for the season's holiday or attending extra classes for extra credits. Most of his personal belongings were intact; the explosion ruined his bathroom and kitchenette though. They were told to relocate for the time being till the reconstruction was complete and all their rights were to be returned. The culprits were yet to be found.

Iruka had a hard time finding a spare room or even a willing person to share a space within campus, up until the 'Give hope to Explosion Victims' committee came forward and handed him a form with a space waiting for him, if he was interested. Iruka didn't think twice, having spent the past week camping out in the park along with the other victims.

And no one was answering door.

"Bugger." Iruka sighed and unlocked the door himself.

Stepping in to the room, the first thing he noted was the shelves that lined the wall on the occupied side of the room. One shelf had an entire row of empty jars, all clean and seemingly well kept followed by another row of pornographic novels. Another thing he noticed was that the trash bin by the desk of his room mate was filled with empty pickle wrappers. Setting his belongings by the bare bed, Iruka took a peak at the connected bathroom and blinked at the sign taped above the toilet flush button that said, 'If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down.'

Blinking and looking at the sign with disgust, Iruka shut the bathroom door and eyed the jars and pornos on the shelf one more time. Several minutes later, Iruka tore his gaze away from the left side of the room and avoided looking at it. The sight of the empty jars, pornos and binful of pickle wrappers was making him curious and the last thing he wanted to be was curious. It was also enough to make him think that he landed himself with a complete psycho.

"It's only for three months. Just three months. Maybe he's on a pickle diet." Iruka muttered to himself as he started to unpack his bag and fold his clothes. However, he didn't think anyone was capable of doing any sort of pickle diet. It just wasn't right.

He spent the rest of the afternoon unpacking and setting up his laptop on the desk. It was much later when his wrist watch alarmed at seven for dinner being served at the mess hall did he put all his folded clothes in the drawer. He pulled out his bed sheets and covered his mattress and pillow before grabbing his shoes and heading downstairs for a warm meal.

Kotetsu and Izumo found him while he was walking down the hall and quickly sandwiched him between them and dragged him to get their food faster before prodding him for details.

"So who you with?" Izumo asked, stuffing a forkful of spaghetti in to his mouth.

"Yeah, who? Is he clean at least?" Kotetsu pocked Iruka's arm with his fork.

Iruka fixed Kotetsu with a glare while he emptied a sachet of ketchup in to his mashed potatoes. "No, I don't know who he is but he is way cleaner than that Genma dude you ended up with Ko'. I didn't see any Vaseline packs scattered on his bed or the bathroom or floor." Izumo chuckled. Iruka looked at him. "Stop laughing. At least he doesn't have posters of men in underwear flexing their muscles on his walls like Gai. I don't know how you tolerate sleeping in the same room as him."

Kotetsu rolled his eyes. "None of us wanted our dorms blown up, okay? Loosen up."

Iruka sighed and poked his red colored mashed potatoes. "Yeah, well. Look, I get the feeling the guy is weird. I mean, he's got an entire shelf of porno books. You know? Those cheap Icha-Icha ones?"

Kotetsu and Izumo exchanged looks. "So does Genma." Kotetsu piped.

"Genma is a sex maniac who leaves Vaseline containers all around the room and mayonnaise soaked tissues at the side of the bed and toilet seat. And we all know it wasn't mayo either."

Izumo looked like he bit into a grapefruit at the memory of seeing those 'mayo' soaked tissues.

"So he keeps porno. Big deal. Doesn't make him a psycho." Kotetsu asked.

"Ko', I don't want a sex fiend molesting me in my sleep. You said so yourself! Genma coddled you for ten minutes, cupped your ass and pinched your dick very suggestively the first night you moved in." Iruka took a mouthful of his potatoes.

"What?" Izumo looked at Kotetsu, bewildered and completely ignoring his sandwich.

Iruka blinked and looked at Kotetsu. "You didn't tell him? You swore to me you did!"

"I did not know this why?" Izumo asked, looking murderous. Kotetsu looked torn between making a wild run for the doors and staying.

Iruka stared at his plate of potatoes. "I should get back to my room. I have some more reading to do."

Without another word, Iruka picked up his tray and asked for his sandwich to be wrapped up before heading back to his new room.


Iruka was sitting cross legged on his bed, reading his notes and cross referencing with a thick book he got off the library when a loud jingling of keys sounded off and the locks turned. A glance at the clock told Iruka that it was already nine in the evening.

The door opened, a tall lean young man with a shock of silver hair held up by a black headband tilted to one side and covering one eye stepped in. The young man had a scarf around his neck that was covering half of his face and was carrying canvases wrapped in manila paper along with his backpack that had rolled poster paper sticking out of one side.

"Yo! You the new roomie."

Iruka slid his pen in to the book on his lap and stood up, offering his hand. "Yeah. I'm Iruka. Umino Iruka."

"Hatake Kakashi." Kakashi shook Iruka's tanned hand firmly. "Good to see you've settled."

"I was hoping to meet you first but you weren't here." Iruka shrugged.

"No worries. I'm going to go grab a shower. You continue studying or whatever." Kakashi said, dropping the canvases and backpack on to his bed and grabbing a towel from his chest drawer.

"Sure thing." Iruka nodded and went back to his studying.

Iruka was halfway done through his notes when he heard the third flush in a row since Kakashi entered the bathroom. A glance at the clock told him that it was ten minutes to eleven and that Kakashi has been inside taking a supposed bath for about an hour. He couldn't help but glance at the row of empty jars on Kakashi's wall shelf.

Just as Iruka was starting to wonder if his room mate can get any crazier, Kakashi appeared dressed in sweat pants and a shirt with his wet hair covering half his face. Kakashi eyed him, catching Iruka's curious stare towards the empty jars.

"See something you like, Iruka?"

Iruka glanced at the empty jars again and shrugged. "No, nothing."

"You want to read one of my books before sleeping?" Kakashi offered.

Iruka felt the heat crawl up his neck from embarrassment and annoyance at Kakashi's assumptions attitude. "No, I am not interested, thank you. I was actually looking at those jars."

"Oh. Those." Kakashi picked up a comb from the top of his chest drawers and started running it through his hair while he started to examine his jars. "These are my collection of inert gases."

Iruka stared at Kakashi. "Pardon me. Your collection of what?"

"Inert gases. They're colorless you know?" Kakashi reached out for one of the jars in the middle and examined the lid and base. "I keep them. You know, some people collect stamps and coins."

"And you collect inert gases." Iruka was having slow mind processing time. The guy seemed unbelievable.

"Exactly. Nothing wrong with that. Do you collect stuff?" Kakashi asked, placing the jar back and moving to sit on his bed, still running the comb through his hair.

Iruka shook his head. "No. I don't take collecting as a hobby. In general."

Kakashi hummed a reply before reaching out for his backpack and taking out his laptop. "Suit yourself. How long are you going to be here?"

Iruka could tell that he wasn't wanted but there was nothing he can do. He needed a roof over his head till his dorm was repaired. "Three months."

"Right." Kakashi mumbled and started typing.

Iruka dropped his gaze back at his notebook and textbook and continued his reviewing. Two hours later, his yawning started to become constant. He quietly put his things away, trying to be invisible and as silent as the dead as possible so as to not agitate his roommate any more than he already is. He padded to the bathroom to brush his teeth before tucking in to bed. He didn't bother to turn off the light because he figured Kakashi still needs it.

"G'night." Iruka mumbled quietly.

"Why didn't you turn out the lights?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka blinked from under his blankets. "You're still working."

"I'll turn it off then." Kakashi said.

Iruka sighed and was just about to close his eyes when he heard a loud shattering of glass and bolted up from bed, the room encased in darkness.

"W-What the hell was that?" Iruka gaped, staring as Kakashi settled back in to bed, pulling the laptop back on his lap and waving a small hammer in his hand at Iruka.

"I turned the lights off." Kakashi said, motioning towards the hammer.

"I s-see. All right then." Iruka turned his back to Kakashi and tried to sleep with his head hidden under the blanket and pillow.

He was really starting to believe that he landed with a psycho.


When Iruka woke up the next morning, he found the broken light bulb of the wall and confirmed that Kakashi hammering the bulb dead wasn't an illusion. Kakashi was not in bed anymore and his backpack was gone. The canvases were leaning against the chest drawers and there were posters of chickens taped to Kakashi's wall. The posters looked like a poultry stock photo blown up in to poster size.

Iruka was not finding the picture of beady eyed chickens looking at him very appealing.

"He's not a psycho. No really, he's not. He just likes strange things. Like chickens. Everyone loves chickens." Iruka got up from bed and started preparing his clothes for the day. "I mean, I like chickens. They're nice fried."

As Iruka headed for the bathroom, he found several new empty wrappers of pickles by Kakashi's bed. They were the dried types this time. Another glance at the chicken posters and Iruka couldn't take it. He slammed the bathroom door shut, got ready then left the room as fast as he could.

He kept telling himself through the rest of his subjects that it could have gotten worse. He told himself that at least he didn't end up with someone like Genma or Gai who despite being the helpful and nice guys they were known for; he just couldn't ignore what Izumo and Kotetsu told him. There were things the public knew and things they didn't. The things they didn't, Iruka was well aware off. This made him reconsider the fact that Kakashi seemed rather sensible despite his many quirks.

Everybody had quirks one way or the other.

As dinner time approached, Iruka found himself avoiding the dorms as much as he could. He spent the evening studying in the library after having a seemingly tense dinner with Izumo and Kotetsu - Izumo was still rather annoyed that Kotetsu failed to inform him of what happened - and rereading his notes twice over. It wasn't like he wanted to avoid Kakashi completely. Iruka just didn't like the idea of being in the same room with that weirdo.

When eleven o'clock came and Iruka was starting to feel sleep set in his bones, he sighed, packed his stuff and headed back for the dorms. He was rather reluctant to head back but squished the reluctant feeling down seeing that it was just getting in the way of his resolution to just forget the weirdo and simply settle. He was lucky to find space when bookings for the dorms were already closed and full.

Seeing that it was technically his room too, Iruka didn't bother to knock and instead jingled his keys loud enough and took his time in twisting the lock open just in case Kakashi was inside. When he did push door open, he heard the flush being pushed followed by gagging noises. Iruka blinked and stepped in to the room, set his stuff down and caught eye of a half eaten pickle in its wrapper lying on top of Kakashi's notebook.

The gagging noises didn't stop for another five minutes and Iruka decided that Kakashi must be feeling bad. The pickle didn't look like it was rotten though.

Iruka approached the bathroom and knocked on the door, opting not to interrupt Kakashi even when the door was open. "Are you all right there, Kakashi?"

"Yeah." Kakashi croaked. "Goddamn pickles."

Iruka winced as Kakashi hurled again. "Would you like me to bring you something?"

"No. No. Just don't come in here, it's a mess." Kakashi hurled again.

Iruka sighed and nodded. "I'll get you some tea."

"Thanks. Shut the door will you?"

Iruka did as he was told and headed for the mess hall to ask for some stomach calming tea. When he did come back up, the smell of bleach and disinfectant was seeping from underneath the bathroom door and Kakashi was no longer hurling. It was twenty minutes later did Kakashi appear. Iruka then poured the hot water from the thermos in the corner of the room in to a mug with the herbal tea bag and handed it to Kakashi.

"What did you eat to make you feel sick?" Iruka asked. "Are you feeling better now?"

Kakashi tossed the half eaten pickle in to the trash bin and accepted the warm mug from Iruka. "Thanks and yeah, I feel better. I've gone broke and I can only afford pickles at the moment."

Iruka blinked and raised an eyebrow. He wasn't that stupid. A pack of pickled cucumber would cost about forty-ryos. With forty ryos, Kakashi could buy two instant ramen packets or even a loaf of bread at the mini-mart outside of campus. Iruka knew that ramen probably contained a more nourishing factor as opposed to pickled cucumbers that would only help one's blood pressure rise at alarming rates.

"You've been eating pickles for a long time?" Iruka asked slowly, not buying Kakashi's reasons but he's not a nosy guy. If Kakashi wanted to eat pickles for all eternity, it was not his business.

But why pickles? Pickles are boring and salty.

"Two weeks and four days. Spent all my money on that new hammer collection I got. Do you want to see?"

Iruka weighed the options. After hearing Kakashi hammer the light bulb off last night - a glance at the said wall lamp told Iruka that Kakashi had already replaced the bulb - Iruka decided that perhaps interacting with a fellow such as the one across him sipping tea is not the best option, especially when said fellow has an entire collection of a possible homicidal weapon.

"I'm sure they're nice hammers. But no thanks. Uhm why don't you rest a bit? Stop eating pickles. I'll get you food from the mess hall or something."

"I didn't pay for the mess hall." Kakashi said.

"Oh. But I did. I can get you something. I mean, anything is better than pickles. Unless you really like pickles that is." Iruka didn't want to offend him. That was the last thing he wanted.

"Thanks. I really appreciate it." Kakashi said, looking sincere.

Iruka nodded. "No problem."


"Great." Iruka nodded and picked up his sleeping clothes from the edge of his bed. "I'm going to get ready for bed. You don't need anything from downstairs?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay then." Iruka said and locked himself in the bathroom that smelled heavily of cleaning detergents. When he came back out, he found Kakashi reading one of his pornos. Iruka merely felt embarrassed and hoped that Kakashi wasn't hiding any Vaseline anywhere. "Good night."

"Let me turn off the light for you."

"No! It's all right! I'll -"

The light winked out just as Kakashi hammered the light bulb off.

Iruka wondered where Kakashi kept his hammer collection and if it was possible for him to steal it and discard it.


My first naruto school-student-verse-AU. I will not be focusing on study but more on life outside of studies. RnR are much appreciated. I welcome suggestions of course.

Sources taken from (without the spaces): http:// www. myyearbook. com/ zenhex/ jokes. php?joke 5073

This fic was inspired from the above link.