(A/n: Heellooo readers! Sorry I took long. Homework and all. Anyhow, here it is. Enjoy!)
I took a seat next to Zeema opposite the window. Inspecting the class carefully, I had an overwhelming feeling that I had been here before. It was incredibly frustrating and I tried to figure out what it could possibly be. It had a huge window on one side that overlooked deep space and part of the entrance of the school and the other wall (the one I was sitting near) had a map of Irk. Over the teacher's desk was the Irken alphabet that continued onto the other four walls. The thing that resembled a chalkboard at the front of the classroom was a large screen and it had a lever that went back and forth over it that stated the words YOU WILL OBEY in holographic print. A monitor hung near a corner with a loudspeaker next to it. The teachers desk was made of metal and it hovered three inches above the ground (which I thought seemed utterly useless). And to top it all off, there was an orange at the corner of the desk and a smiley face cup right next to it.
"This is your third year of training at the third school. This is a required class by the government who, for some reason, think that your brains are worthy enough of receiving such important information." The old teacher started. "As for me, if I were in charge, you would all be put to work as laborers at the local zoo for handicap Weiner dogs!"
The entire class gasped (except for me of course).
"My name is Mr. Acrimonious and I will be your teacher of History where the military is involved." He turned to write on the board.
It was then that I remembered Gir was here. Luckily he had kept still and silent through out this. But luck has a way of running out.
"I want to go the bathroom! And I want to find a toilet and I want to name it Fred! Then it'll have little toilet babies, and there names will all be BOB! And then the whole world will-" Gir was standing on a table and making this strange proclamation for everyone to hear. I was sinking in my seat and scanning my brain for a way out of all this (and hoping it was all just a dream).
"WHO SAID THAT?!" Mr. Acrimonious turned suddenly and looked around in an angry panic.
"I DID! IT WAS ME! AREN'T I CUTE?" Gir jumped up and down and waved his arms furiously.
Mr. Acrimonious furrowed his eyebrows, clenched his teeth and pointed to the door. " The hall pass is right there." And he turned to continue writing.
I was in awe as Gir just hopped off the desk, cart wheeled to the door, grabbed the hall pass and jet packed out the door. And know one gave this a second glance.
"Gir!" I called softly but in vain. Now I would have to look for him before leaving.
I sunk in my seat and stared straight ahead. This was horrible.
I saw some Irken kid near the window in the first row of seats with zigzaggy antennas raise his hand and call the teachers name.
"Yes?" An annoyed teacher asked.
"Mr. Acrimonious, there is an alien in our classroom. I just thought you should know." The Irken boy stared at me as he said this. He seemed a regular Irken, except for the unusual antennas and melancholic blue eyes. He was angry as the rest of the class murmured that they didn't see an alien and accused other classmates of being aliens. I laughed.
"But she's right there!" He leaped and pointed at me frantically. The class, again, looked around in mystery.
"YOU IDIOTS! RIGHT THERE!" He stood in front of my desk and pointed at me directly. I sunk even more.
"I don't know Cal, you've always been crazy and stuff." A female Irken said behind me.
"Yeah! Remember that times he said he discovered Victoria's secret was that Victoria was actually a guy named Victor?" A male said with an eye which seemed to be permanently suspicious.
"Uh huh. And he also said that the Tallest were actually having an affair!" Someone else volunteered.
"Arrghhh! I was mal informed about that by some random website where fiction is written by insane people! And this has nothing to do with my study of the Pop cultural. This is an alien!" He stood on a desk and pointed wildly at me. "An alien!" He said for dramatic effect.
"Haha..?" I laughed nervously. "You're a riot Cal, you really are." I said this and opened the desk and tried to kind of hide beneath the covering.
He put his hand flat on the top and pushed down with a slam. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "If your Irken then explain this." He gestured towards my hair.
I thought fast. "It's a… umm…" The class leaned in to hear my explanation. "A tumor?"
All heads then turned to face Cal.
"You're sick Cal. Making fun of a terminal patient. How low can you go?" Someone in back said.
"Yeah, you think you're so cool but you're just insane." Another said.
"But…" Cal tried; though defeated.
CLASS HAS NOW ENDED. PLEASE REPORT TO SECOND PERIOD.
I couldn't help but notice that the teacher had remained silent through out all of this.
Zeema walked with me and a couple of other girls to the second classroom.
"What's next on the list?"
"Social behaviors and etiquette." She answered as we walked into a second classroom.
I lost her. I had turned my back for ONE SECOND and she was gone. The world seemed to spin in a blurry haze as I looked for her. This was NOT GOOD! What of the Tallest? What would they say? How would I, INVADER ZIM approach the greatest beings in the universe to tell them I lost their…guest… person…donut teacher? No, I couldn't do it.
I searched and called for her name. I realized Gir might be able to find her but I remembered he had a habit of clinging to her so I couldn't do that. But, Gir did have a tracking device on him so…
I checked with my invader software finder on my arm and saw that my minion was somewhere in this quadrant. A closer look revealed that the pair were in… The Academy?
Servant Drone's POV
"HAHAHAHA! You know that is SO true! We really should make all of the massive black with white specks, 'cause then we would be to invisible to anyone looking for our ship!" My leader with the purple uniform said as he lifted himself up from falling down laughing.
"And then, whoever was looking for us will get lost!" Red pitched in.
That got them both laughing again.
"Hey, I have another idea, what if we make all the servant drones wear goofy hats and matching shoes?" Asked Purple.
"That is the BEST idea I have ever heard! Lets do it!" Red agreed.
I hate life.
This classroom was a bit more comforting than the other. It was colorful and had mannequins with old fashioned (I think) looking clothing. Their was posters with rules and rules of etiquette, even some that went back to the 1600s in my world.
"Will everyone please take a seat?" An ancient female Irken woman asked as she stepped out of the dark corner near the right end of the classroom.
We all took a timid step towards the seats and were soon settled in as she began to write her name on the board.
"My name is Ms. Prude," I stifled a giggle. "And I will teach you about common Irken etiquette." I wondered if this was a required class when Zim came here.
"In this class, you will learn to carry yourselves with grace. This, may be the single most important class you will ever take." I rolled my eyes. All teachers thought what they taught was the single most important thing in the universe. " Because, without etiquette class, everything you do will be in vain. What is the point if you discover a new element if you are not respected enough by your peers to share you discovery? How do you contribute to society with out advancing in this world simply because of your crude ways?" This teacher wasn't to bad. I was actually interested in the study of behaviour. Three thirds of the world could use a few lessons.
"We will begin by introducing ourselves." She walked to the left of the classroom and brought forth a small box. When she opened it a bunch of small onion shaped things sprang out and landed on our desks. It smoked and whirred and shook so violently I pushed my chair backwards in fear that it might explode in front of me. It didn't. It simply unfolded like a paper and raised itself to produce a folderlike moniter.
"You will all mingle using one of the following phrases." She began to zap the statements on a theatre screen like board.
The other students began to write down the information by means of pointing the moniters to the screen which fired a green lazer that began to scan the words.
I looked down and was dumbfounded as to how this process worked. When I finally did discover how the lazer process worked, I stopped my celebrating as the realization that these words were in Irken hit.
"You will receive signatures from all of the people with whom you mingle. You must introduce your selves to everyone. No exceptions." The teacher said this gravely and walked through a door that clearly led to a room in the back of the board.
I realized that this little command would be watched be her so not doing the assignment would not be tolerated.
With a sigh I rose, as did the other students who were shy about introductions.
How am I going to do this? If they spoke English, why did they need a different alphabet? It made no sense.
I looked around, wondering how to start. I felt a tap on my shoulder.
I spun around to meet a pair of blue oval eyes. Oh dear… This wouldn't be easy.
"I know who you are." Cal said. "And if you think you can just disguise yourself and do whatever it is you plan on doing then you're wrong! I will prove that you are an alien if it's the last thing I do." He folded his arms; clearly ready for my retaliation. But I love to dissapoint.
"All right, you got me." I raised my hands in surrender.
He blinked. "Oh." He then scratched his shoulder.
There was a pause.
"So… Are you going to turn yourself in?" He asked after a while.
"Its not necessary." I answered. I then went on to explain my little incident in Zim's lab and how I was invited to Irk and why I was here in the school.
"Wow! An honorary invitation with the Tallest!" He said in amazement.
"So, you're not planning on taking over Irk."
"Far from it." I answered. "My planet is supposedly in danger of Zim taking over. Though, that's not really as serious as it should sound." I shrugged.
"Well, anyway, this assignment is starting to get intimidating. If you could please translate?" I held out the monitor.
After a bit more of his interviewing me, we decided that we should continue the assignment.
I introduced myself to a few more Irkens, but could see that I had a lot more to go. As I looked around, I was quickly turned in a different direction and was being led to the corner of the room.
"Look guys, its my friend from the trip." I recognized that voice.
It was the tall Irken jerk from before (Gir's personal bully) and he had his arm around my shoulder in false familiarity (which, I thought, was strange since Irkens were usually quite detached from strangers). He led me to his companions that stood there in the dark corner; they were not thrilled to see me.
"Come," He grinned, " Lets mingle." With that he sat and pulled me onto his lap. "These are the boys." He gestured to his gang.
"This is Brit." He pointed to a short Irken with a tall forehead.
"Rex." A really muscely Irken.
"Trix." A skinny Irken.
"Crypt." A serious looking Irken that for some reason I thought was planning my death.
"Cuttle." An overexcited looking Irken grinned and started to laugh insanely.
"And I'm Walt." He grinned evilly.
I didn't want to cause a fight so I tried to get off his lap and just follow Zeema around but was held back by his hold on my waist. "You know for a third year Irken student of the academy you are REALLY immature. Let go!" I hissed.
"But you just got here." He said innocently. "Besides, you still need our signatures. He took my board/monitor and gave it to his friends to sign.
"So? What is your name?" He said, menace in his voice.
"Cat." I answered. Not at all happy to be this close to a person I disliked so greatly.
"Well Cat, I think if we could look past our first meeting, then we can be great friends." He grinned.
That was it.
I decided that he would need a bit more convincing on my part for me to get away from this band of evil so I used a tactic I hoped would work.
"OWW!!!" Walt clenched his teeth and tried to stifle cries of pain as he rose and let me free. I had pulled on his antennae hard enough to hurt and apparently that amount was great. He was still clutching his antennae when I looked back at him, safely from across the room.
Nobody had noticed the little quarrel so I slipped back into the crowd unnoticed.
"Class, I hope you all got the opportunity to make new acquaintances." Ms. Prude came out and stood in front as we all scurried to our seats.
CLASS HAS NOW ENDED. PLEASE REPORT TO DAYBREAK.
I could only assume that meant recess/ nutrition.
As I waited for the masses to make their way through the door I was joined by Cal.
"So… Do you need to go anywhere specifically right now?" Cal asked casually.
"Actually, I'm looking for Gir." I answered while searching for the mischievous little robot.
"Gir?" He asked.
"Just imagine a really retarded sir unit." I answered.
I arrived at the Academy. How I hated it here. I operate much easier alone in matters of invading. I wondered how the Cathuman had been doing, alone, in an enclosed area full of stoic, merciless, fighter blooded Irkens. I hoped I wasn't too late.
I had expected to pick her out eaisely from the crowd but was unable to since the student population was much higher then I remembered. This was not going well.
I walked around campus, trying to block out those HORRIBLE memories of disgusting food and drills. Besides that, the rest of it was tolerable.
Cal and I were wandering around the school, keeping an eye out for a different color within the sea of green and red/purple. The school, I realized, was GINORMOUS. Woe is me.
"So, tell me Cat, what would your say Earth is like?" Cal came to join me as we wandered into a less occupied part of the open space.
"Its bluer." I said simply. "But apparently not that different."
He frowned; not knowing what I meant exactly.
"Funnily enough, Irk is more similar to Earth then I had expected. I mean, you all speak English for God's sake." I laughed.
"Irkenese you mean." He responded.
"'Kay." Was all I answered.
Just then a tall, old looking, Irken with a back as straight as a ruler stopped in front of us, clearly demanding attention. Cal stopped in midstep and froze into a salute, face stern and stoic.
Cal's reaction startled me and instead of pausing gracefully I bumped into the Irken and knocked off a badge so carefully sown to his uniform. The Irken eyed me suspiciously.
"Sorry!" I apologized quickly and pathetically tried to place the badge back on (failing miserably) while trying to look very apologetic.
Cal, meanwhile had barely even breathed through out my ordeal. He did, however, manage to save me without budging an inch.
"SIR!" He started, getting the Irken's attention. "I apologize for the Irken female's lack of proper military conduct and respect for an Irken officer, SIR!" He kept his gaze steady and squared his shoulders. "She is from another district and has yet to learn our schools style, SIR!"
'Thank you Cal.' I said in my head. I hope its enough to save me though…
"Is this true?" The Irken bore his lusterless, grey, orblike eyes on me.
I quickly imitated Cal's stance and answered, "SIR YES SIR!"
"No need to shout." He replied and turned to Cal.
"Student 3751950.6, I wanted to ask you a question." The Irken took out a silver container, pressed a few buttons and projected a holographic video. "Can you identify this person?"
The video began. It started with Cal sneaking up to a door. He then uncovered a cage he had brought with him revealing a small, monkeylike creature with a blonde wig. Cal himself put on a black ski mask type of thing and continued to open the door. He shoved the monkey into the darkened room. He then walked over to where the camara was and waited. A few minutes later, the same monkey came out followed by another monkey. Cal (mask still on) then came around to the side of the screen and proceeded to say, " So this proves it. Wilson Numero, vice principle and squiddle coach, is using school funds to buy monkeys. My sources also say that he selling them for bush meat but that just might be false and will be investigated. This has been another exclusive on Mystifying Mysteries with
Spider Man (Cat:I laughed here). Log in next time on Egocylinder to hear the truth!" A really corny end song started to play when a flash of yellow, some screeching and a mask being pulled off to reveal Cal's head ending the show.
"Stupid monkey." Cal glowered.
"Well?" The Irken waited.
Thinking fast, I searched for any explanation. I owed him.
"SIR!" I started. "The face on screen was none other than the Irken known as Walt. I know so because I was asked to partake in his shenanigans (A/n: I like that word.) but refused. Indeed, it is known as a senior prank!" I kept my gaze steady and lips pursed.
"But he is a junior." The Irken answered.
"Exactly sir!" Both Irkens gave me a WTF look.
"Hmm… Alright. You're free to go." He waved us away.
I sighed in relief.
I've never gotten lost before… Of all times why now?
The coordinates were right there. But the planet in front of me was a frozen sphere with no inhabitants. Grrrrr, something was wrong. I thought the situation through and decided that there must have been an extreme planet orbit that was affecting the course. I slapped my head for not having thought through the situation.
Meanwhile, I could only imagine the horrors Cat must be going though…
Just then, a signal on the screen let me know that a transmission was trying to get through. I clicked a button and I immediately heard screaming.
It was the robot. Zim's minion I guess. He didn't seem to notice me at all until I called out to him.
"Oh… HI DIB! Iz me!!!" He waved and licked the monitor.
"Umm… Hey?" I was confused. "Why are you calling me?"
"Ummm…." He wondered for a while. "Oh yeah… Have yoooouu seen the Cat human? I can't find her… And she has my pistachios!" He looked sad. I jumped at Cat's name.
"No. Umm, where are you? Do you have the coordinates of the planet you're on?" I took a notepad.
"Ummm…" He paused a while. "Yes!"
He gave me the coordinates but was interrupted by something he heard. I recognized Cat's voice.
"Gotta go!" He cut the transmission.
"NO WAIT!" Damn it all.
( A/n: Chapter complete. Hurrah! So, any how. I would just like to congradulate ( theifkingbakura1-anon) for guessing that I would put a Dib counterpart in the story. When I read the review I was like, "WOW!! HOW DID THEY DO THAT?! MA! THEY'RE READING MY MIND!" So yeah. Great minds can't come up with original ideas I guess. Thanks for the review Kingb. Thank you to everyone.
Teaser situation to make your brain tingle. Reviewers vote on the following question ( If theres good results I'll use it in the story):
Say Cat is confronted by Walt who has just found out she framed him. Her life is in danger, blah, blah, blah, no hope of escape, yadda, yadda, yadda, and Gir will be used for scrap metal, ect, ect, …
Who will be the hero and save her? (What do YOU want to see?)
E) Both A & B
F) Both A & C
G) Both B & C
(I just want to see a fight and couldn't decide. Came up with the idea just now).