Keep Yourself Alive.

An AU type thing of Keep Yourself Alive.

I watching part of this episode on You Tube Today and was struck by the blatant J/Hness of it. It was just ripe with sexual tension. FYI: No Randy.

This was supposed to be a quick one shot, but as I wrote it, I realized that it's a pretty interesting idea, so I'm going to continue it. It won't get in the way of any other updates though, so don't worry!

There's no transcript of the episode so the lines are different. As are other things. It'll make sense later.

They had been fighting all freaking day. One would assume that maybe one of them would eventually give in and call truce, but unfortunately for everyone else in the car, it wasn't happening.

"Man, am I glad I never married you. I would have gone deaf listening to your shrill voice all day."

"No, I'm the one who's grateful, seeing as you're probably going to end up prison."

"I'll be sure to tell your dad you said hi."

"Oh! Tell your dad I said hi while you're at it!"

"Shut up you two!" Red shouted from the driver's seat.

Donna looked at Fez who rolled his eyes. She had to change the subject.

"It was great that you let that man guess your weight, Mrs. Forman."

Kitty laughed. "He never had a chance after I took off my belt, my engagement ring, and took out all the Kleenex out of my pockets, by the way Fez, you never gave me back my ring."

"Oh right." Fez took the ring out of his pocket. "So sparkly."


"Well what are we supposed to do?" Jackie asked Red as he got into the Vista Cruiser.

"You're going to find that ring."

In actuality, he was just making them stay behind because he was sick of Steven and Jackie arguing. Maybe some time alone together would help them get some perspective. Either they would make up or would kill each other. Both were a win/win situation as far as Red was concerned.

"Well, let's go find Mrs. Forman's ring." Donna said.

"We should probably split up." Fez suggested.

"I get Donna!" Hyde shouted.

"Oh, are you going to steal him too now that Eric's gone?" Jackie said snidely.

Donna rolled her eyes. "Fine, come on Hyde."

The two groups walked in separate directions.

"God she's annoying. I never realized how annoying she was while we were dating. Marrying a stripper puts things in perspective." Hyde told Donna as they walked through the forest.

Fez was getting equal complaints. "To think I almost married a man who can belch the alphabet to W. He can't even finish anything!"

Fez looked up in the sky. "What did I ever do to deserve this god?"

"Donna, I hate to tell you this, no wait, I don't hate to tell you this. Your best friend is a bitch."

Donna had enough. "Oh Jackie you're such a bitch, Oh Jackie you're so annoying! Oh Jackie I want to have your babies!"

Hyde glared at her. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that you clearly still love her."

"I never loved her."

"Right. So all those times when you broke up before and wanted to get back together, that was because?"

"She's a good lay."

Donna walked away, fed up.

"I don't think the ring is around here Fez."

"Jackie, have you considered that maybe you still have feelings for Hyde?"

She stopped in her tracks. "I do not have feelings for that no good dirty cheating stripper marrying bastard!"

"Oh please, you could cut the sexual tension with a fork."

"For the last time, it's knife, Fez. Cut the tension with a knife."

He clinched his fists and prayed for a comet to come from the sky and kill him.


They ran back into each other.

"Did you find it?" Jackie asked.

"No." Donna replied.

"I think we should switch partners!" Fez yelled.

"I agree!" Donna exclaimed

"Oh no, I am not going to be alone with Steven. He might want to touch me."

"Please. Like I'd want to touch you, I might get a VD."

"Steven, if anyone were to give you VD, it would be that skank of wife you have."

"How about I toss a coin?" Donna suggested. "Heads I go with Jackie and tails I go with Fez?"

The other three nodded their heads.

Donna threw the coin in the air and pretended to look at it. "Tails! I go with Fez! Jackie and Hyde, you're together."

Her and Fez ran off, leaving Jackie and Hyde alone.


"Great." She muttered, kicking the ground.

"Come on, let's go." He said.

She followed him.

"Did you hear that noise?"

"Yeah, it's the monster of the forest, but it only eats nice girls so you don't have to worry."

"Funny."

"Look, let's just find Mrs. Forman's ring and get out of here." He said to her.

"This is your entire fault you know" She said as they continued walking.

He stopped and turned around. "How do you figure that princess?"

"I'm not sure, but I'm sure you're to blame somehow."

"God you're such a bitch!"

"White Trash!"

"Slut!"

"Moron"

"Big Mouth!"

"ASSHOLE!"

"UGGO!"

"You take that back!" She cried.

He smirked. "No."

"Take it back now!"

He shook his head and crossed his arms. "Sorry sweetheart, I can't take back the truth."

"You're… ugh!" She turned around and ran off crying.

He ran after her, and grabbed her arm and turned her around.

"Ow!" She started to scream but it was swallowed by Hyde's mouth on hers.

He picked her up, still kissing her. She was kissing back, their tongues wrestled as he slid his hand up her shirt. He squeezed one of her breasts with his hands, tweaking and twisting the nipple with his fingers.

She nibbled on his ear lobe, causing him to groan. She moved her mouth lower and sucked on his neck.

He pulled away before she could leave a mark.

He backed her up against a tree; her legs were around his waist. With one hand he kept her up, with the other he ran his hands up her leg and under her skirt.

"No panties, I like." He muttered into her ear.

"Panty line." She said back, running her hands through his hair.

He kissed her again. Moving his hand to it's desired location. He slipped two fingers into her hot, wet folds.

She threw her head back onto the tree as his finger worked their magic. He was using his thumb to rub her clit. He hooked on finger and started to rub her G spot. She started to white out but he pulled his hand out.

She moaned in distress.

He unzipped his jeans and was inside her in a flash.

"Oh!" She cried.

"I need you to ride me." He groaned and started to suck on her neck. He put both hands on the tree and she tightened her legs around him and started to ride him. He met her short thrusts at first but found the position to be lacking for what he really wanted to do. He grabbed her again and put her onto the ground, never once breaking contact.

He wrapped her legs around his shoulders and got onto his knees so he could fuck her harder and deeper. She raised her hips in return and squirmed underneath him.

He leaned over kissed her again as he pulled on her long silky hair, twisting it into his hands. She cried out again and he loosened his grip slightly.

He knew she was about to come when her legs tightened around him. She was getting wetter and wetter, and he was sure his back was going to be covered in scratch marks.

She would have screamed his name but he silenced her mouth with his. "No." He whispered to her.

It wasn't long after she found her release that he found his own. Two more thrusts and he was gone.

He rolled off her and pulled her up. He zipped up his jeans and she straightened her shirt and skirt.

"Do I look okay?" She asked him.

"You have a twig in your hair." He picked it out for her.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Come on. Let's go find Donna and Fez and get out of here."

"Okay."

They stared to walk away.

"Steven?" She asked.

"Yes doll?"

"Do you think they suspect?"

He turned around and pulled her to him and kissed her again. "No." He said, laughing.

"What morons."

"Idiots." He agreed.


"Where have you guys been?" Donna was sitting on a huge boulder, Fez was throwing rocks.

"We got lost." Jackie lied.

Donna gave her a disbelieving look but didn't say anything. "Did you find it?" She asked.

They both shook their heads.

"Us neither." Fez said.

"Well, come on. We'll go home and come back tomorrow and look in the day light." Hyde said to them. He and Fez started to walk off, but Donna grabbed Jackie.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Nothing, Donna."

"Right. You're lying. With all the fighting you two have done lately? There are only two options, either you kill each other, or you do it and given that neither of you two is dead…" She trailed off for a minute. "Oh my god! You did it!"

"We did not." Jackie denied. She huffed and ran to catch up with Hyde and Fez.

Clearly Jackie didn't want to admit to anything, so Donna dropped the issue, but she was going to make one of them was going to come clean if it was the last thing she did.

She grinned and followed Jackie.