The Perfect Match
(view of a TV set)
Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman, reporting for Eye on Springfield. A mysterious and obviously dangerous ball of energy has been sighted hovering three feet in the air near Springfield Gorge. While it's origin is shrouded in obscurity, this phenomenon will surely reduce the human race to ashes. Joining me is now is Professor Frink. (turns to guest) Professor can you explain to the viewers at home what you think is happening here?
Professor Frink: Why certainly. It's quite- er, em- simple to comprehend actually, with the most basic knowledge of quantum mechanics, interdimensional travel and pulp science fiction novels from the early 1950's- nuhyck- it is apparent that a wormhole of some sort has arrived in our fair city.
Kent Brockman (nodding): I see. Well, that's one theory, but this reporter stands by his claim that the pulsating orb of energy is emitting horrible, horrible levels of radiation that will leave the people of earth withered and diseased.
Professor Frink: Uh, I'm positive I would have detected any radiation.
Kent Brockman: (blank stare) ... It's special radiation.
Professor Frink: Well- mmmhy- I hardly think that- (gets cut off)
Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman, signing off.
(TV is turned off and we see Simpson family in their living room)
Bart Simpson: Cool, a pulsating orb of radioactivity! (runs for the door) I have to check this out!
Marge Simpson (grabbing Bart by the shirt): No way young man! You are going nowhere. It's much too dangerous outside. No one leaves the house until this, um, natural disaster is taken care of.
Lisa Simpson (muttering): Natural disaster?? Oh brother.
(Marge glares at Lisa, who laughs nervously)
Homer Simpson: Aww, but Marge, I'm supposed to go to that wrestling match with Lenny and Carl tonight! We've been planning this for months!
* * * Flashback * * *
Lenny: (to Carl and Homer) Hey, I got two extra tickets for the all star wrestling match this summer. Wanna go?
Carl: Yeah sure, that sounds great! Who's wanna miss the fight between Two Ton Tony and The Brick Wall? What about you Homer?
Homer (trying in vain to button up his pants): Stupid lousy pants shrinking on me while I'm on my donut break... (sound of tearing) ... uh oh.
Carl: Yeah, he'll come too.
* * * End of flashback * * *
Marge: I'm sorry Homer, but you'll just have to go out with the boys some other time.
(Meanwhile at the Gorge, Frink has set up camp next to the, uh, natural disaster. He points a strange device at it)
Frink: What the...? The energy ball seems to have stabilized suddenly! I wonder if-
(Bright multicoloured lights start streaming from the orb and streak towards the town. Frink cowers on the ground)
Frink: GAH! It's combusting!! This is sure to cause mass panic, with the screaming and the cursing and the trampling and- nyckhy!
(Meanwhile, back at the Simpsons house...)
Lisa: Oh my gosh, look at those colours! (runs out into the backyard, followed by Bart, Homer and Maggie)
Marge (runs out behind them): No! Lisa! Get back in- (looks at the sky) oh my goodness! The colours! They're so beautiful!
(Beams of light are shooting all over the neighbourhood, landing in or around every house. 5 beams suddenly shoot towards the Simpsons)
(Beams strike ground and explode as dust blocks view)
Marge: Ooooh, I don't like the looks of this. There's probably a really ugly crater in my backyard now. As if I don't already have enough to take care of.
Bart: Maybe it'll be a radioactive crater!
Homer: Shut up boy.
(dust clears and there are five little red and white shiny balls on the ground)
Homer: What the hell is this? (picks a ball up) Hey! This one has my name on it!
Lisa (picks up a ball): Mom, this one has your name on it! (tosses it to her)
Bart (jumping around like a maniac): Which one's mine? Which one's mine? Which one's mine? Which-
Lisa: Baaart! This one! (hands one to him) There's even one for Maggie. (hands the remaining one to Maggie, who tries to suck on it but Marge stops her) This is so interesting...
Bart: It would be even more interesting if we knew what these things were and where they came from.
Homer: Hmm, this thing here looks like a button. I wonder if it-
Bart, Lisa and Marge: NO!!
(Homer presses the button and the ball enlarges itself and opens up with a click. There is a bright flash of red light and...)
TO BE CONTINUED...