Title: Worth Doing
Summary: Spike/Faith Post "Chosen" AU "Angel" Season 5. Just a little short with happiness and sadness, you know, triumph through adversity, and did I mention good sex? Stand alone but related to Forget Me Not/ More or Less Series. A little porn with a little plot. (Spaith, Faith/Spike,Faith past history, Angst, Romance, PWP, Mature)
Author Notes: This takes place right after Spike and Faith hook-up in my Forget Me Not/ More or Less Series. But, it can be a stand alone. I AM writing the new installment of the series and plan on other fics soon. RL is just busy…Stupid life. Hope you can hang in there. Thanks for the feedback. If you have questions or want me to respond to feedback, let me know and I will!
Warnings: Very light S&M. Some mention of Faith's abusive past. Not for underage people or people who don't like adult content, nudity, sexual situations and course language. (All that was heavily implied but couldn't be done on the show.)
So, this was how it was. One psycho outburst and he was out the door. It wasn't fair. He knew how she was. His soul had been inside of her for Christ's sake.
He had seen her psycho-out before. He even made her do it in training, saying that it would help her fight better. The demon is part of you; learn to harness your anger. She supposed all things change when you get sweaty with someone.
No, all things change when someone tried to be your real boyfriend. So far, she was two for two and, why should Spike be any different than Robin? Of course he didn't want a psycho girlfriend. If only Spike was still evil, then he would be cool with it. See, it was that kind of thinking that did Faith in, and made real men get on their shoes and socks. Spike wore socks, and somehow that was funny.
Then, somehow Spike knew Faith was awake. She guessed he had smelled the anger, or heard her smile at the socks. Whatever the reason, he was at her bed-side looking all serious.
"Did you have another bad dream, love?" he asked.
"Yeah," she said, "Sorry about that. It gets that way a few times a year. It got me my own cell for a while in the clink. I wake up swinging...It wasn't you I was aiming for."
"I know," he said, "I'm sorry."
"Why? You didn't do it."
He kissed her forehead and her eyebrows, her eyelids. She was still buzzing from the sickly sweet kisses, when she started to worry that she was turning soft. He'd rather nurse some little soft girl than fuck her. That was why he was leaving.
Then he took his hand and did that thing, that thing that made her body rock the bed's world like an earthquake complete with after shocks.
He said those words. Those words that were like a really good song that she would be too drunk to remember the next day. Words about her- her light, her dark, her strength, her hiding, her baring it all- paradox. They all whirled together into a soft British purr.
Faith couldn't really listen for the same reason she couldn't open her eyes, it would be too intense like staring at the sun. She knew something bad had happened, and/or was going to happen, but she didn't give a damn. She would soak this up, or soak Spike. A girl doesn't get to have this all the time- not one like her anyway. That was what the motherfucker said to her in her dream.
Faith remembered as soon as Spike's hand came up for air the worst bits of her nightmare, though it was always the same and once it had been real. She eyed Spike to see what he was thinking. He had his horny face on as he ran his hands up her body. She knew all his faces well enough now. She trusted in that. So, he decided he was staying for more, at least for now. A normal girl wouldn't take this.
The last thing any girl should want is sex after the dream she had--the life she had. But, Faith did want sex. She desperately wanted Spike. She jumped on him, and took off his damn jeans he was trying to sneak away in.
She purposely was a bitch. She wouldn't let him inside of her. Of course, he could have force the issue. It would have be as easy or as involuntary as swatting at a bug for him, but he didn't do it. This pissed her off and turned her on, two things he was good at. She'd make him do it. She'd make him do something. She twisted his nipples after she got his shirt off.
"You were leaving," she grumbled as he squirmed under her.
She felt her teeth grit and her lips curl as she twisted his flesh.
"Yeah, not very smart, I suppose," he said between painful grunts.
Oh, fuck him! How was she supposed to respond to that? Would she still look bad ass if she told him he was right, it wasn't very smart, and now she'd punish him for it with her mad skills? Would she still have some dignity if she said she didn't give a fuck that he was leaving even after all the stupid ass love monologs he had been reciting to her? Of course all his Shakespeare-in-love lines he'd been spouting had to be bullshit, and now she just wanted to give him a memorable send off to wherever he was going.
Fuck! Fuck! Why couldn't Spike just have said that she was a stupid bitch to ever have believed he'd stick around in the first place, like her first boyfriend Ronnie had? At least Robin had given her a reason for bailing, even though he disguised it in good guy niceness; it was for her own good. Couldn't Spike say that?
Faith let go off his nipples.
"Wha--", she began.
Spike pulled her head down to him and kissed her. He took her hand and put it on his nipple.
"Do that again and kiss me," he said simply.
What the fuck?
"Don't- don't you want to get out of here? I could go nuts and have another bad dream, or even worse it could make me remember something that was real and then I'll be even more fun," she swallowed.
She could remember something real like that motherfucker splitting her in half from the inside out. Nothing else had ever been worse, at least not physically. She laughed at that vamp Kakistos when he said he'd rip her apart, at least he'd only get to do it from the outside.
Then Kakistos had torn her Watcher apart, and Faith realized things could be worse. She was supposed to save people and she wasn't, she was killing them. That was when she was going to go back and live with the Mofo again. Let him rip her apart while she stayed in his big house.
How could she save anyone? She couldn't even save herself. But, before she could go back to him, the Counsel had found her. They told her that Kakistos was after her and she should go to California to be with the other Slayer. They never talked to her about what happened to her Watcher, Milly. They literally said "best of luck" and gave her the plane ticket and some money, and she was glad that was the way they handled it. At least the Counsel didn't try to care like Milly had.
"I don't think leaving this place would help your dreams or bad memories, love. There may've been ghosts here already, but we brought the ones we came with and they'll follow us out. So, we might as well stay here for as long as we can," he said.
"And how long is that? Why were you just sneaking away?" she demanded as she felt her forehead knot.
Was he going to take Angel up on his deal and go to Outer Mongolia?
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I wasn't even thinking. You just looked so peaceful. I didn't want to wake you."
He was looking up at her with those oddly shaped eyes that seemed bluer when he was naked like this.
"Peaceful?" she sneered, "If there is one thing I'm not it's peaceful. You thought you could leave and I'd be peaceful?"
"I know," he bit his lip, "I'm a bloody idiot. I should have known that you might have another bad dream even if I was only gone for a bit. It was just--- You haven't eaten in so long, and I know how lots of food can cheer you up. But, I should have waited. Can you forgive me?"
"You were leaving to get food for us?" Faith said and felt her mouth fall open.
"Well, for you, really. Though I'd eat my share, especially if I found where that California Pizza Kitchen was. I love the goat cheese, but the Thai one has bite. One time I asked them to put goat cheese on the Thai pizza and they wouldn't bloody--"
Faith kissed him and went back to grabbing his chest hard. She'd sometimes grab at his nipples.
"You're so stupid," she said shakily for no good reason.
She moved down on him hard, and he grunted.
It was her turn to talk while she climbed her way to her little ecstasy cocoon where she lived now. It was all worth it. That was what she told him. Faith knew she couldn't talk like him and she didn't even try. All she could do was say what came in her head as her body bounced. It was all worth it, she said. It was worth not being a Slayer anymore to save his life; it would have been worth dying for. Even though these words were not fancy they worked for him. There was no denying that as Faith looked at his face. The eyes shut- pupils rolling around under the lids- mouth wide open- head thrashing back-and-forth-face.
He grunted in objection at something. Oh, when she said it would have been worth dying to save him. Dying is a Slayer's job, she said. She never felt more alive then when she was about to do the job for him. He grunted in stronger objection and opened his eyes in a flash of anger that gave way to his word-being-rocked-face.
Faith felt something push out her lips; it was her grin. Faith repeated she'd: bite it to save him and what was he going to do about it? All he could do was object in a grunt but it picked up steam and turned into a coming roar. He could cup her face with his right hand and rip up out chunks of the wooden bed-post with his left. He could buck under her like a mad bull if a mad bull had moves that could bounce her straight in the air as she had her thighs clamped around him. That's what he could do about it and that was pretty damned impressive.
He could also roll her over in one sleek motion the instant he was done with that. He could do it in a way that made her feel like she was on Mr. Toad's Wet n' Wild Ride without having to wait on line. He could kiss her back, and bite her spine. He told her before how the spine held the feeling of every body part and he knew where they all were connected along it. Must've learned that when he tortured people.
"A Slayer with no more power pays no more bloody prices, no more death," he said.
She put her ass against him and he slid in from behind. This was something that a normal girl wouldn't like if the had been through what Faith had, if they had dreamed about it like Faith had. But what normal girl would that happen to? Faith loved it. She was filled up where there was a big hole in her.
Spike rolled them over so she was on top. She could feel his chest pressed into her back. Everything pressed into her-his stomach, his balls. When her feet pointed down and his pointed up their toes would touch and she'd laugh. She told him that she wanted him inside her every second of every hour of every day. She told him no one had gotten so deep inside her. He went the deepest, she said.
They were like those weird shaped blocks they used in that test to see how stupid you were, if you put one on top of the other and twisted one just right they fit perfect. She was just sorry she couldn't see his face, even though she knew what it looked like. He was too wound up to talk like he did. She said her whole stupid life had been worth going through just so she could have him inside her, his soul, his body.
She did not say that it was worth horrible dreams of guilt that took her back to Hell, but it was. While they gripped each other body to body, she didn't say that she didn't give a shit about who had him before her. It didn't matter if B, The Virgin Mary, Angelus, or even the goddamned devil had him before her; it was still worth it. It would still be worth it when he realized she was nothing more than a beat on white trash street kid that had lived long enough to grown woman sized, but she didn't say that. She did say she his dick belonged inside of her, that her body had been made, and pounded on, that she had pounded it, all so she would fit him like a glove. That was a big hit, it seem to give him a huge burst of energy that made it too hard to keep talking. All she could do was feel, and hear faintly the loud whimpering bunny noises that were her own.
She also heard: "Mine, mine, mine."
There was too much of a rhythm going on for it to be chanting. It was the rhythm that was moving under her, inside her, the rhythm her body was pulsing to in a way that was so good she'd never get used to it.
Holy shit! That had rocked and socked so much it hadn't felt like a throw down, but an earthquake or a sink-hole. It felt like someone had taken the best Ecstasy high and bottled it. Then they rapped it around the insides of her cunt, her ass, and rapped it up through her spine so it made its way to everywhere in her-- even her brain. This was probably why girls clung to guys who were jerks. They got them off so fucking good, but luckily he wasn't a jerk- not like that anyway.
It still wasn't over. Not that she wanted it to end- ever. But, things did end and she had to learn to accept that or else she would turn into psycho-chick every time something good ended. She could feel it ending softly, pleasantly, like it was kissing goodbye with a sweet gentle mouth. Spike was really kissing her too. Now he laughed at her because she was still coming and he wasn't even in her anymore.
"Damn," she whispered as the ability to talk came back to her.
Spike still laughed. She blushed and hid her face in his neck.
"Aw, pity," Spike sighed with laughter still in his voice, "I wanted you to keep going. I was gonna run out and get the pizza, and then hop back on. Like leaving your car running, so she knows you're coming right back."
"Screw you," she said, but found that she was laughing.
She turned away from him. She realized she had been hiding her face in embarrassment in the person she was embarrassed by. That had to be setting some kind of stupidity record. "Ah, ah, ah," Spike said smugly now as he effortlessly stopped her from pulling away, "You can't if you move any farther away. A man can only stretch so far even if he has you to inspire him."
Right. She was weak now. A normal girl with no powers. Well, almost. What normal girl has picnic dreams with her boyfriend and her friend that turn into her being split in two from behind by some fuck she hadn't thought of in years? What normal girl saw herself get spilt apart in a dream? No normal girl felt and somehow also saw herself get split in two. No one normal would have a dream where one half of her turned into B, and the other half turned into some monster that killed the B half.
"I think we should start with more training soon. I need to learn how to fight weak," she said to his chest.
"You're not weak. You just feel that way due to hunger. I really have to fetch some food," he said.
"No," she said grabbing him as he went to get up, "See, I didn't actually want to do anything. I just wanted to talk about doing stuff, so I'd feel like I was doing stuff."
She was like a vampire. Faith could last for days without eating. She had to do it more than once and now when she wanted to it just felt normal. The thought of getting showered and dressed just to look okay to some jerky humans she didn't even know to get something she needed annoyed her. She didn't want to do it until she had to. Who would, when they could just lye here and be who they really were with a super-being?
"You don't have to do anything, love. Just lye in wait for me and I'll bring you what you need," he said.
"That's boring," she scoffed, "So, you think I can't even feed myself now? I don't do the little princess thing. I definitely didn't do it before I was a Slayer, not that anyone ever offered, and I won't do it now. I take care of myself and now I take care of my own too."
"Of course, love. We'll train, and we'll fight, and we'll triumph, just like before. We'll take in the boy, and Buffy, and anyone else that needs it and never stop. I know you'll never stop; you must know with all my near-life-after-death experiences I'll never stop. You an' me we'll go on forever with the fight; and together we're unstoppable. That's why those demons tried to stop us, and that's the very reason why they can't. We're cut from the same beast, you and I. We don't stop, but we idle. We'll play, and we'll have fun, otherwise the ghosts and nightmares bloody win and--"
Faith jumped up on him again, like the animal she was, like she used to do when she was a brat and she was so happy to see her mother's countless friends whose names she'd long forgotten. She'd jump on them like a sixty pound monkey with dirty hands. She knew nothing about how dirty hands could really get then, as much as Mom drank or left her alone.
Things did get dirty after mom though. It was inevitable. But, Faith was free if she could be the one to make them dirty. She had to make Spike dirty. He had distracted her with all this talk, talk, talk--she had been listening to him--the way she listened to her mother's Patti Smith records or every word her mother said when she was sober and looking straight into Faith's face. The way Spike was looking straight into her face now, the way he always did.
He said they were the same--fighters and all. He said they would both always win, because they always had. He knew she had to do something, always. Now she had to jump on him and kiss him for all these new words, or else she would have exploded or had to hit walls or something. Spike got that. They had to do things; that was how they were the same. Spike got it really good. He could grab Faith up in his arms mid-sentence and grab at her mouth with her tongue and let her squeeze her legs around him and push the bottoms of her feet into his perfect ass.
Spike wasn't pissed that she interrupted him with his big important words, because as much as he talked he knew words weren't really that important--it was what you did. Spike did things. One of the things he did was talk. If you did it like him it was a thing worth doing. He could do it as he had Faith at him, and not miss a beat.
"--and...and we'll beat them back... love. We'll...beat them back...to the end...or until...you starve us to death with sex," he said as he seemed to kiss her and fuck her and laugh all at the same time.
Faith tried to frown at what Spike had said. Somewhere she was sure she had a conscience and should feel bad about starving her lover, the super being that wouldn't let her die. But she couldn't, because he said or did too many other things.
It was like how some Watcher had told her the voice of a certain god could explain everything in the world to you in one word, because they were that powerful. Faith didn't get that until now. Now-- as pleasure overtook her when she was trying so hard to focus on what was right. She got what power like that was like, when she moaned and came as intensely as she did quickly because power-boy was bucking and moaning just like her. Spike could do that as he talked and laughed and stood with Faith jumping on him and starving him with sex.
"Oh bloody Christ!" he laughed as he fell back on the bed, "Who knew the only thing hungrier for it than a regular Slayer was one that gave up the muscle power? Maybe--maybe it has to go somewhere, like how energy can't be destroyed."
"It's not me. It's you. It's who you are, the things that you say. It's all your fault, but you're still worth doing," she laughed.