This is my first BLEACH fic, so don't go bonkers at me if you don't like the pairing!

Oh, and of course, with me as the author, it's totally M rated XD

Plushies for all that want them and friendly words to all those who review XD

By the way, if I get any flames I will just call you feeble minded or say that you are just jealous because I thought of it first and that you are a bad looser!

This will most likely take a lot of short chapters before it is done, so have patience XD it is set at around chapter 197-198 in the manga (don't know what episode of anime). No large spoilers, but maybe some minor ones.

P.S. for all those that might not know, Kisuke Urahara is the guy that Ichigo calls hat-n-clogs XD

Oh, and the tattoo in this story is not real in the proper story, but I did make up the catch phrase XD okay, I know it's lame but I like it! I also wrote the poem, I'm sorry it's so lame, but it's the best I could come up with XD XZ !?!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own bleach, if I did it would be a show all about people like Ichigo, Renji, Byakuya and Ikkaku having kinky but sex XD YATTA YATTA YATTA, WOOT WOOT WOOT

Well, with no further ado I give you the first chapter of Face Plant……

Kicked Out

Face plant: to fall flat on ones face, to plant ones face in the dirt, to trip and land face first on the ground.

A small bell tinkled quietly as the door swung open letting in a cold breeze that rattled the screens. A tall regal looking woman walked in, she had the aura of someone who could not spare a minute; she was obviously a client. "Good evening Narcissa how are you today? What can I help you with?" gushed Urahara, not at all phased by the fact that it was one in the morning and such a woman had walked into his store.

"You know what I want; do you have it in stock?"

"Why yes of course, I have one right here ready for you. So Narci, because you love me sooo much… hows about a bit of a tip?"

"In your dreams, why would I tip you when there is someone sooo much more worth my money over there?" she pointed to the corner where a sleeping Renji sat, slowly sliding down the wall, she gave Urahara a playful wink, "how much? I'll pay you for him XD" she gushed with a well bred laugh.

"You think HE'S more worth your money than I am?" asked Urahara sadly.

"Oh yes, he's the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen." She grabbed the parcel off of the counter and walked out, "later sweetie, I'll send the cheque via mail."

Urahara turned slowly to face Renji, his face twitched and then suddenly he let go like an avalanche, "RENJI!" he yelled stalking over to him and grabbing the back of his shirt, heaving him to his feet, "I've had enough of this, because of you I have lost tips from 7 female clients and 3 male ones, I'm not letting you stay here for one more minute, GO FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO LIVE." He cried as he threw a still half asleep Renji out on to the street. Renji sat up to find the door slammed in his face.

Well that's just swell, thought Renji, where am I going to go now? Oh I know, I'll go and stay with Rukia. Renji jumped from roof top to roof to until he got to Ichigo's house, he landed on the windowsill and opened the window, but the window slammed shut, knocking him into the room. He landed in the straddle position on top of Ichigo! The orange haired shinigami's hand shot out, grabbing Renji by the throat Ichigo hauled him sideways, sending him slamming into the wall. Renji watched in amazement as the captain level shinigami mumbled, "too early dad, go back to sleep." Then promptly rolled over and faced the wall, still as fast asleep as he was before Renji landed on him.

The bewildered shinigami stood there in shock, why hadn't the younger boy even woken up? How had he managed to throw Renji against the wall…IN HIS SLEEP?!? Renji looked around the room; it was just as barren as usual. He looked for the stupid stuffed toy that was Kon, but couldn't find him anywhere, maybe he was with Rukia. Speaking of that girl, thought Renji, where is she. He couldn't believe he was stupid enough to open the wrong window. He walked over to the door and turned the handle, it was locked!

Renji was starting to get worried, how was he going to get out? He looked over at Ichigo…and noticed something he had never seen before. The Sleeping shinigami was wearing only a pair of boxers and was facing the wall, so Renji had a full view of his back. The middle section of his back was covered in ink-black swirling lines that seemed to caress two lines of medieval looking writing. Ichigo's tattoo said:

Death is emotionless,

But he's said to have a deadly sense of humour

Renji wondered when Ichigo had gotten the tattoo, it looked really good, and Renji had to admit, it wasn't that lame, it was actually king of funny. He walked over to Ichigo's bed, trying to lean over him to get to the window; he tried to pry it open but it wouldn't budge. His hands slipped and he fell onto Ichigo. He hurriedly tried to get up before Ichigo grabbed him again, but the boys arm moved at lightning speed and Renji found his throat once again caught in Ichigo's steely grasp. This time Ichigo opened his eyes, "dad will you just give up alre…Renji?" Renji coughed nervously, "um, I opened the wrong window…sorry."

Ichigo just led there staring for a few seconds before realising that he still had Renji in his vice-like grip. He let go apologising. "what are you doing in my room Renji?" he asked the vice captain.

Renji explained how he had been kicked out of Urahara's place and had come to find Rukia. Ichigo laughed as Renji explained his face plant. "There's no way you could get to Rukia, she's sleeping in the same room as my two sisters," said Ichigo, "but you can stay here for tonight, then you can find a new place in the morning." Ichigo got up and got some blankets out of his cupboard, making a bed on the floor for Renji. Then he got back in bed, "goodnight Renji," said Ichigo as he closed his eyes and instantly fell back to sleep. Renji just stood there astonished. A strange tingling feeling was running up and down his spine at the thought of sleeping in the same room as Ichigo, he had been dreaming of doing this for ages, but…he never thought he would actually do it.

He was now far to awake to even think about sleeping, so he paced up and down Ichigo's room, trying not to stare at the sleeping shinigami. As he walked he noticed that one floor board creaked, he knelt down and pried it up and away from its resting place, reached into the space beneath it and pulled out a strange box. It had a lock on it that Renji had never seen before, it was like a long tube that had countless rings on it, all inscribed with the twenty-six letters of the alphabet, as well as a space. The top of the lid had something written on it, Renji squinted in the dim light and read what was written there. The box said:

Neither spell nor key will open this lock,

It can withstand most any shock.

To open my box, first you must find,

The answer to this riddle, it lurks within your mind.

The key to this lock lies in a name,

But if I told you who's it would be no game.

My first impression was hate and disgust,

This then turned to friendship and trust.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

Then turned in to love and lust.

First this person I tried to kill,

And their blood I did spill

But now this person I hate to fight,

Because I know it isn't right.

One last clue so you don't fail,

This person is indeed…a male.

One chance is all you get, just one try,

Make it right, if it's wrong…you die

Renji sat staring at his find, what did this mean? It was so complicated, how on earth was he supposed to figure it out? He felt a faint twinge of jealousy that Ichigo was in love with someone else, but put it aside, telling himself he would worry about it later. He sat in silence, trying to make sense of the strange riddle, he would get it, he had to know…he had to know who it was.

Face plant: to fall flat on ones face, to plant ones face in the dirt, to trip and land face first on the ground.

Well… waddaya recon? Is it alright? I'm sorry it's so lame, but it will get better, I promise XD

PLEASE R&R, if you do I will love you forever!!!!!

Iloveanimeguys over and out XD