Wow, that was a pretty quick update, huh? Go me.
Chapter 8 – Sue Bashing
AUTHOR: I just hate all these f-cking SUES. Everyone is such a f-cking n00b and they don't know sh-t about YuGiOh. They're just destroying CANNON! F-ck them all!
READERS: Well if these stories piss you off so much, why don't you just oh, I don't know, NOT READ THEM? Seriously, which is more pathetic? Writing badly written fanfics, or writing badly written attempts at bashing badly written fanfics?
- The READERS are ignored. Who cares what they want anyway? The whole point of FANFICTION is self-indulgence.
AUTHOR: Cause these people are like so f-ing stupid, and they don't even know it.
- She continues like this for several paragraphs.
AUTHOR: Well I'll show em! I'll show em all!!!! Muhahahahahahaha!!!
- And so it begins.
- It is a SUNNY day in DOMINO CITY. OMG isn't this just so f-ing cliché?
- The gang are in SCHOOL. LOL.
- Suddenly, a transfer student arrives. OMG it's a SUE, LOL, aren't you so f-cking surprised?
- The SUE'S name is LETTITIARAINBOWSUNSHINEGLORYSPARKLEPANTS KAIBAMUTOBAKURAWHEELER-CHAN. Cause SUE'S always have like really long names and they're like crap and shit. But I'm lazy as hell so even though I've made up this stupid name, I'm not going to use it. I'll call her DEREK. LOL.
- DEREK is like uber-pretty and her hair is so f-cking long that it touches the floor and shit. Basically, go back to the ROMANCE chapter and read the description I wrote then. Only add f-ck every few words.
DEREK: KAWAI YUUGI CHAAN!!!!!!!!! F-CK me right here, right now, in this classroom.
- We are impressed by the AUTHOR'S wit. We all hate SUES, and so it is logical that DEREK is a slut.
- Everyone is entranced by DEREK, and all the bishies like love her and shit.
YUGI: I love her.
YAMI: Me too.
JOEY: Her hair smells like RED FRUIT LOOPS. Nope, no product placement here. And I'm not ripping of the Simpsons. No Sir.
MARIK: What the hell am I even doing here?
- We hate DEREK for character raping our beloved gang, and hope she dies PAINFULLY.
- Suddenly, another girl entered the classroom. She's kind of plain, but in a really HAWT way. She wears like a pair of grubby combat pants, and a plain top, and it's sort of low cut, but not in a slutty way or anything. Her hair's brown and not all shiny and shit.
MYSTERIOUS GIRL WHO IS NO DOUBT THE AUTHOR: I am the AUTHOR!
READERS WITH MORE THAN ONE BRAIN CELL: You are? No shit, Sherlock.
MYSTERIOUS GIRL WHO HAS NOW BEEN REVEALED AS THE AUTHOR: This evil SUE has escaped into your world. I'm far too kewl to actually write a SUE myself. No, she was like in a story written by my RETARDED COUSIN, and she escaped into my story and now we have to stop her.
- The AUTHOR'S powers break the spell the SUE has put on everyone. But only temporarily. Cause the AUTHOR is still a realistic and likeable character. She's not a SUE. Nuh-uh.
KAIBA: So…you're telling me that our entire existence stems from the imagination of some moron with a keyboard? We aren't real people, just bits and bytes on some twat's computer's hard drive? We have no free will, we are merely subject to your capricious whims?
KAIBA: Huh. Whatever.
YUGI: I have an overwhelming desire to trust this girl and do whatever she says.
YAMI: Yeah. Me too.
AUTHOR: The only way to defeat the SUE is to fl4m3 her so badly she'll never write again.
JOEY: Ok. Hey, DEREK, YOU SUCK!!!!
DEREK: Nooooo! Criticism! My one weakness! Alas for I am undone!!!
BAKURA: Well that was anticlimactic.
- But DEREK has the 8th MILLENNIUM ITEM, the MILLENNIUM RUBBER CHICKEN OF DOOM. She owns everyone with her amazing powers of OCness. She throws the author across the room, and then drops a piano on her.
AUTHOR: Arrgh. I was defeated. See how unSUElike I am?
- Now nothing stands between the SUE and marriage to the bishie of her choice.
DEREK: But which one? They're all so pretty…
YAMI: Haha! We can escape whilst she tries to decide!
DEREK: Hell with it! I'll marry em all! My OC powers can overcome a small thing like the illegality of POLYGAMY!
- We hate and despise the EVIL SUE for stealing the pretty boys. How can it end this way!?
AUTHOR: No! I can't let you do that! I will lay down my life to defeat this threat to CANNON!!!
- She gathers all her power to rip the SUE from the FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE!!!
AUTHOR: You are poorly written and grammatically incorrect! No one reads your stories, and just reading "OCXanyone" in a summary is enough to make anyone skip your story.
- DEREK dies a PAINFUL and HUMILIATING death, but since she's a SUE and even more despised than TEA (Yes, I know, EVEN more despised that TEA. I'll let that sink in for a minute), everyone rejoices.
- Fortunately, the AUTHOR survives the battle. We are relieved, for in the short time we've known her, we have grown to love her for her well rounded and realistic personality. Her clothes are slightly dirty! See the character depth!
AUTHOR: Thank God! We defeated her and saved CANNON! Now everything is how it should be! But alas, I am now trapped in your world. Oh well. I shall be forced to make a life for myself here, and possibly marry one of you. But just one. I'm not greedy.
KAIBA: But don't you see…? You have become the very thing you sought to destroy. You have become…A SUE!
- The AUTHOR is fl4m3d to death, and the READERS rejoice.
See this started out as a parody parody, but half way though I realised that it was turning into something else. I promise I will do a parody parody soon. Honest. Though God knows how.