Zellie: I am back! MUHAHAHA!! Fear me! Ok, you can stop fearing me now. This is my first FMA story so be nice when reviewing. I got this idea from a song my friend was singing one day.

Ed: Why can't it be about me?????

Al: Brother! Stop whining!

Huges: Look at my daughter! Isn't she the cutest thing?

Zellie: I'm starting this one shot now, so SHUT UP!!!!

Ed, Al and Huges: Yes ma'am.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything so don't sue me.

A/N: Please note that I haven't watched a Full Metal Alchemist episode in 3 months, so I can't really remember all of the names… Al is still a suit of armor…. And Huges and Nina aren't dead/a dog thingy.


Ah, birthdays. The one time of the year you get presents for being alive. Every one loves birthdays, don't they? Every body does; except Roy Mustang. He hated birthdays. Why you ask? Well, this could be a reason…


It was Roy's 5th birthday and his whole family was here. And alas, it's PRESENT TIME!!!! Roy was very happy. He grabbed the biggest present he could find. He ripped open the wrapping paper and stared in awe at about 31 squirrels running about in a clear glass case.

"Squirrels!" Roy screamed with glee. He quickly opened the box and took out a squirrel. He squeezed it and squeezed it until its head popped off. All of the family members stared in horror when…


They were all over Roy. Biting him and chewing on him and doing dirty deeds on him (Not what your thinking, perverts!), and all he could do was scream in horror.

End Flashback

That may have been many years ago but he never had another birthday party since. As Roy sat behind his desk, thinking about what he'd do on this dreadful day, Riza Hawkeye walked in.

"What is it Hawkeye?" Roy questioned.

Hawkeye went into a salute and said; "We found the Elric brothers. They're at Huges' place."

"Good job. Come on, let's go get them." Roy responded.


20 minutes later, Roy and Hawkeye arrived at Huges' house. They went up the stairs and opened the door without knocking (How rude!). All of the lights were off which really confused Roy.

"Maybe we should check the Living Room." Hawkeye suggested.

"Good idea." Roy carefully stepped forward into the Living Room. The second he stepped into the room, the lights turned on and Ed, Al, Winrey, Pinako, Huges, Elysia, Gracia, Nina, and Armstrong started singing…

"Happy birthday Ralph! We love you! Hope you have a really great birthday!"

"Who the hell is Ralph?" Roy asked, interrupting the sad, sad song everyone was singing.

Ed took the opportunity to answer, "What do you mean who's Ralph? You're Ralph! Ralph Mustang!"

Roy sighed, "No, my name is Roy. Roy Mustang."

Now Huges cut in, "Are you sure? I mean, the cake says 'Happy Birthday Ralph'…"

"I'm pretty sure I know what my name is." Roy answered.

Winrey gasped. "Then that must mean…"

"YOU'RE AN INTRUDER!!! KILL HIM!!!" Winrey, Pinako, and Nina screamed.

"Don't worry! We'll protect you!" Ed shouted, changing his auto-mail arm into a sword.

"What the hell are you people talking about???? It's me! Roy Mustang! You know, the Flame Alchemist!" Roy yelled.

"You can't be the Flame Alchemist! Only Ralph Mustang can be the Flame Alchemist!" Armstrong announced.

By this time, Al had snuck up beside Roy and whispered in his ear; "Don't worry, I believe you."

"At least someone does…" Roy mumbled back.

Ed now attacked. He took a swipe at Roy, who easily dodged it, and got his arm stuck in the wall. Roy walked up behind Ed and lit his hair on fire. Ed screamed and tried putting it out, but the only thing he succeeded in doing was knocking his head against the wall and knocking himself out. Winrey gasped and took out a wrench. She threw it at Roy but Al moved in the way and took the wrench, falling over onto his back.

"Help! I can't get up!" he called, limbs flailing everywhere.

Roy sighed, "I don't want to hurt any body! Don't make me hurt somebody!"

Huges threw some knives at Roy who caught them in midair. Roy threw the knives back at Huges who had just picked his daughter up and waved her around like an idiot saying "Isn't she the cutest?" Huges moved Elysia in front of the line of fire and she got stabbed in the chest with all of them. She died. Winrey tried throwing another wrench, but slipped on a banana peel and fell out the window onto a family of badgers who ate her alive. She died. Pinako went all ninja because she was watching too much Naruto lately and fell over on top of Ed. She died because she got impaled on his swordy-arm. Gracia just passed out and fell on Al. Al finally managed to roll over and crushed Gracia. Huges saw this and spazed, destroying the blood seal on the armor. Al died. Ed had woken up and saw this and he threw Pinakos body at Huges. Huges died from the impact. (A/N: in case you lost count; Winrey, Al, Elysia, Gracia, Huges, and Pinako are dead. Ed, Roy, Hawkeye, Armstrong and Nina are still alive.)

Just then, a toilet flush was heard in the background and Hawkeye came out. She gasped when she saw all the dead bodies and Ed's hair on fire. "What the hell happened?!?!?" She demanded.

Roy explained; "Everyone thought I was an imposter because they got my name wrong, I lit Ed's hair on fire, Winrey fell out a window, Pinako fell on Ed's swordy-arm, Al fell over, I accidentally stabbed Elysia, Gracia fell on Al, Al rolled over and crushed her, Huges got mad and killed Al, Ed got mad and threw Pinakos body at Huges, which killed him, and Nina just sat in the corner playing with her freakishly large dog."

"I go to the bathroom and come back to this?!? I'm arresting all of you!' Hawkeye shouted.

And thus, Roy, Ed, Armstrong, and Nina ended up in jail (even though Nina didn't do anything), everyone forgot about the dead bodies and left them there, and Hawkeye became the dictator of the world.

After all of this, Roy knew one thing; he hated birthdays.


Zellie: There's the story! I hope you people managed to enjoy it. I've been meaning to type this for a while now and I'm so glad I finally did it!

Roy (from Fire Emblem): that was an interesting story… You got that whole idea from a song??

Zellie: Yup! And the song she sang is the song in the story! Even though I had to change it to be more appropriate.

Roy (from FMA): Ugh, just review so she shut's up…

Zellie: and no flames! Unless you want to give them to the Roy's!