OK. Apparently, I used some Ansem Retort jokes that I didn't even know about (I haven't read too much into it), so I just want to say I'm sorry I didn't do a disclaimer for that, and thank you to Yamimaru and Atlantica Stitch for telling me.
Once again, this won't be too great. Pokemon Diamond and Phoenix Right: Ace Attorney for the DS and Sonic and the Secret Rings for the Wii are currently widling away at my fragile little yaoi-tainted lemur mind. Not to mention Arue has been hitting me for scaring her with with said yaoi-tainted lemur mind (its Yam, I tell you, Yam!). Bear with me.
Now then... must... defeat... stupid... Elite Four... while trying... to catch... Mesprit... and... complete... Pokedex! ...GAAAH! I DON'T LIKE THE NEW SONIC CONTROLS! DAMN YOU MILES EDGEWORTH DAMN YOU!
By the way, I'M 15 AT LAST! There will be a oneshot deprived from KH:AC about the glorious event that is my birthday, so be prepared for anything, most likely a PotC 3 spoiler containing parody. NOW GO GET ME PRESENTS!
"Well, that plan sucked." Topaz said as Kayla paced the floor.
"I told you it was a sad look into the future, but did you listen? Noooo..." Liza said.
"Shut up Liza. I'm thinking." Kayla snapped. Suddenly, the large TV screen came down from the ceiling (A/N: Because every evil group either has a super computer or a TV that appears from nowhere), and on it popped an image of Spectre.
"Yo." he said in a monotone.
"Spectre!? What do you want?" Kayla yelled.
"Nothing. I just wanted to let you know that next time you send out a pervert to kill K.O., you may want to keep in mind that she's the authoress and therefore cannot die, and that you are all pawns in her master plan to become the supreme dictator of Canada. ...Hold on." Spectre looked up. "Arue? Do you need any help fixing the ceiling fan? You being up there worries me..."
"Noo, I got iiitAAAAHHHHH!" came the Fox Demon's cry as she fell to the ground. She came up a few moments later. "Ah, ouchies... heeey, its Kayla! HIIII RIKU FANGIRL BITCHES!"
"Well, I said what I wanted to say." Spectre said. "I'll leave you to dwell in your own fangirly stew."
"WAIT!" Kayla screamed. "Arue... do you have that... thing we asked for?"
Arue looked offended. "You can't rush my work! The art of the ninja is a sacred art, no matter how bad I may be at it! I'll have it when I have it, capiche!?" Arue pushed a few unseen buttons, and the link closed.
"Damn..." Kayla muttered. "We really need that thing too... Papel. You're a cat demon girl, and Arue's a fox demon girl. You go bug her until she gets it."
"Aye aye, mon capitan!"
xXxBACK TO THE HALL OF INSANITY(YES, THAT'S WHAT I'M CALLING THE SET, YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA?)xXx
"Arue..." Spectre said, arms across his chest. "Have you, Vexen, and Namine been exploiting the fangirls again?"
Arue looked down, her fox ears drooping. "...Yes."
"Have you been getting a lot of money from it?"
"Have you been putting a third of it into my PayPal account?"
"What are you giving them?"
"Oh, nothing too big. Just a lock of Riku's hair. They said something about Vexen's notes on the Riku Replica, the sacrifices of Twilight beings, and a cloning machine."
Spectre paused and nodded. "Carry on."
"...Fixing the ceiling fan."
"Oh, that!" Arue said. "I fixed that awhile ago!"
A few feet away, Yam fell crashing down from yet another fan and ran off screaming, "HOLY FREAKING LAXATIVES!"
"Uhh... Arue?" Spectre said to the Fox Demon who was shaking and twitching uncontrollably. "Are you OK? ...Na...NAMINE! Arue has that murderous look in her eyes again!"
"Well, Arue should eat more vegetables!"
-Outskirts of Midgar (A/N: From now on, all filiming with be center-alligned and in bold)-
A dust cloud strode past the desert plains of Migdar silently. Its source was a sleek black motorcycle, its rider's indentity only proven by the spiky brown hair. He rode past the large sword that had previously been his and that now stood as a memorial of sorts for the events of two years past. He did this very often...
...but that day, something changed. Three new bikes, all hulky and green, rode up to the sword, the first driver kicking its down with his foot. A moment of silence passed before one rider asked the leader, "Hey Zexion. Is that were Big Brother's hiding?"
To this, the leader responded, "...Yeah."
"Do you think he'll be glad to see us?" the first voice asked.
The leader, Zexion, scoffed. "Not a chance."
"Don't cry, Vexen." The third snorted.
"But Mother's with him..." Vexen said, an air of longing to his voice.
"...Maybe not." Zexion corrected.
The third driver made a sad groan, to which Vexen replied, "Don't cry, Lexeaus."
Zexion held up a hand to silence the others. "Hold on. ...He's coming."
They saw the rider from before pass by without eveb giving them a glance. The three smirked, and Vexen and Lexeaus rode down in pursuit.
"I gotta give it to ya, K.O. This is going pretty smoothly." AJ said. "...K.O.?"
K.O. was with Demyx at a computer, staring angirly at the monitor. "I can't believe this!" Demyx yelled. "I've never been so insulted in all my non-exsistence!"
"I know!" K.O. said, just as pissed. "We've got no respect! No respect at all I tell you!"
"What are you guys looking at?" AJ asked.
"Its something I had to do for school. Look right here." K.O. said. "It says that when George Bush was running for President, he said that he didn't think that atheists should be considered citizens or patriots since apparently its "one nation under God" and nothing more! (A/N: I kid you not! That's what he said, I swear!)"
"Wait, K.O., you're an atheist?" Luxord asked.
"No, really, what gave it away?!" K.O. commented sarcastically. "You think I'd be mad about this if I wasn't!?"
"...You're only spared because its true, and because if I hurt you Spectre might quit for nationality discrimination." K.O. snarled. "But seriously, what ever happened to the religious freedom, acceptance, and tolerance that this nation was partially founded on!?"
"Well, everyone just realized that acceptance and tolerance of any kind was a breeding ground for homosexuality, and saw that if their children grew up in that enviroment it would turn them all gayer than a magician. A Vegas magician, mind you." Eric chuckled. (A/N: That was a Drawn Together joke... hey, it seemed like something he would say!)
"QUIET SCAPEGOAT!" K.O. said, throwing the monitor at his head.
"How do you hit the target every time?" Demyx asked.
"With a head that big, how could I not?"
Sora swerved left and right, trying to avoid the gunshots of his chasers. The two drove up to him, and when close enough, Lexeaus yelled, "Where's Mother!?"
Vexen added, "We know you hid her Brother!"
Back on the cliff, Zexion yelled into a cell phone. "Tell me, are you lying? Because I think you do have Mother there! ...No need to shout! ...I don't want to talk to you any more... put the President on."
"K.O., its time for the Heartless chase." Olette, who was manning the camera, said.
"You're absolutely right." K.O. snapped her fingers. "Unleash the Heartless, Yam!"
"Right!" Yam saluted and snapped her fingers as well. "Unleash the Heartless, lackey!"
Eric, forced by Yam into cleaning the entire set wearing a frilly pink apron, growled. "Curse you and your utter fangirlish-ness..." He said as he raised a hand and unleashed the Pride Land Heartless.
The situation was clearly not getting better for Sora, as black monsters emerged from the ground. He focused more on them then on his pursuers. To make matters worse, Vexen had taken this shining opprotunity to flip himself and his bike up into the air and take aim at Sora. Time seemed to stand still as Vexen fired his gun at Sora's face...
...missing his goggles comepletely and shooting Sora straight through the forehead. "This... is not good..." Vexen said as he lost control of his bike and was crushed under neath it with Sora.
K.O. slapped her forehead. "Oi... Marluxia?"
"On it. Ahem... BRING IN THE PHOENIX DOWNS!"
"Bring a third one; Arue's hunting down Yam so we should be ready just in case." Spectre said.
After Sora and Vexen had been resurrected and had finished the chase scene, K.O. put Yam on guard duty to keep the fangirls and Arue at bay. Worst case scenario for that action would be that some of Yam's friends from the Yaoi Fangirls would come by and she'd invite them in to discuss... things in front of Spectre and Eric (A/N: We're all assuming AJ can deal with my... I mean, Yam's guy-on-guy obsession, so he's not in any real danger should that occur). Now our heroes had moved on to the meeting between Sora and the handicapped Ansem in Healin.
Sora rode up the path, the messgaes on his cell phone being played.
"What up, foo, its Xaldin, I AM the man! Oil, Sora! I just found the biggest damn oil field you've ever seen! Surveyin's done so I should be able to get out there and see Marlene real soon. You let 'er know, alright Spiky?!"
He skipped down to the next message, this one from Kairi.
"Axel called again... he says to hurry... and he sounded kind of strange... be careful, OK?"
Sora walked up the wooden stairs of Healin Lodge, a hand on the Keyblade strapped to his back. Once he reached the door, he pulled the key out of its sheath, where it met the spiked chakram of another.
Axel readied his weapons, and with a cry charged at Sora... who calmly moved the side as Axel ran out the door. As his oppenent realized his mistake, he began to run back, only to be met with a door in his face. He sighed. "OK, so you're good..." Sora locked the door.
As he did so, another face emerged from the side. Roxas pulled back on his gloves and adjusted his sunglasses, before wielding his Keyblades as well. However, Sora was too quick and beat him to it, pointing his key to Roxas' neck, who stepped back in defeat.
"Good. You fight like the SOLDIER you once claimed to be."
Sora looked to the door Roxas came through and saw someone he thought had died long before. "Ansem the Wise?" he said, looking at the man on the wheelchair. He turned to Roxas, "Boy, do I feel sorry for you."
Yam watched intentively from one of the windows outside the set. "Aww... no fair... I wanna be in there... how else am I going to fully enjoy my evil plot?! ...Oh well. It should be coming up soon." With that, she took out a small remote control.
Axel stood behind the door, waiting for his next line, when suddenly, he felt a prick at his neck. He thought nothing of it and left it alone, so he never noticed the secret mind control chip Yam had stuck on him when he wasn't looking and activated via the remote control. By that point, however, it was too late.
"...We need your assistance." Ansem concided.
"I acknowledge that WISE... owes the planet a lot... it goes without saying that we are responsible for putting the world in the sorry state its i-"
"ROXAS!" Axel screamed, crashing through the window. "TAKE ME AND LET ME HAVE YOUR BABIES!" With that, he kissed Roxas.
"AHHHHHH! MY EYES!" Spectre yelled before his head imploded, shooting off in the opposite direction.
"IT BURNS!" Eric screamed, roling on the floor.
Arue looked down from the other ceiling fan she was fixing and freaked out. "HOLY SH... COW!"
AJ... well, he just kinda stood there. "Huh... this is awkward."
"CUT!" K.O. cried, walking into the set and pulling the two Nobodies apart. Roxas fell to the ground, and Axel stood there mortified at what he did to his friend.
"I don't... what did I... THIS IS SO WRONG!" he screamed.
"Its OK Axel, I think I know what happened." K.O. turned Axel around and saw Yam's chip on his neck. "I was right! YAM!"
"Whaaat, someone was bound to do it evantually!" Yam yelled from the window. "And I don't really see the big deal in it."
"YOU MADE SPECTRE'S HEAD IMPLODE!"
"SO? His head's always getting chopped off! Besides, I gave Eric another seizure, and nothing happened to AJ! That has to count for something! Remember, I came from YOUR head, so really, this is all your fault!"
From that point on, the windows were barricaded so Yam's influence could not get through. Moral: never tell the authoress anything is her fault, even if it is.
Papel watched silently from the bushes she and the other Canonbusters had been at before. "Yam... Yam... where have I heard that name before... Hm?" She looked back own at Yam and saw her open a large binder. The first thing Papel saw in said binder was a crudely drawn stick figure picture of AkuRoku (A/N: Once again, Arue knows what I'm talking about). "Of course! Yam must be K.O.'s link to the Yaoi Fangirls! That must be the Almighty Binder of KH Yaoi!"
"ORGANIZATION YAOI, JACKASS!" Yam corrected, yelling in Papel's direction.
"But how did she... she couldn't see... oh forget it..." Papel said. "But maybe this could work to my advantage..." She ran out of the bushes and over to Yam. "Hiya! There any Rikora in that binder?"
Yam's face twisted in disgust. "NO WAY! Rikora is the crap of Satan! I may be a deranged Yaoi Fangirl, but I still say KAIORA ALL THE WAY!"
"Just as I thought..." Papel thought. "Well, if you really think that, I heard that there was gonna be a Rikora Supporter Meeting downtown today. You should voice your opinion!"
Yam gasped. "You're right!" She held the Almighty Binder of Organization Yaoi up in the air as she ran off crying, "FOR THE HORDE!"
"Bye bye!" Papel waved. She turned to the door. "Now, back to buisness... How do I-" Before she could finish her sentence, a snarling berserk Saix burst through the door and slammed her behind it.
Saix ran up a nearby tree, growling like some deranged werewolf. K.O., followed by Mayx, holding Spectre's head, soon came out after him.
"What the hell's wrong with him now!?" K.O. yelled.
"How would I know, I'm just a head at the moment!" Spectre yelled back.
"W-Wait! I-I think I know what's wrong!" Mayx cried. She gave Spectre to K.O. and ran back inside, coming back out a few minutes later with a small, white-ish square, which she presented to Saix. "Look Saix! Sandwich!"
Saix's head jerked in her direction, and he lunged out of the tree in Mayx's direction. K.O. squeezed her eyes shut and covered Spectre's with her hands. "I can't look...!"
K.O. slowly looked back to her Nobody, and dropped Spectre's head as a result, though he was also in too much of a shock to care. Saix rested in Mayx's arms, munching happily on the sandwich she had. The sight was enough to make the voices in both author's head scream, keel over, and die.
Mayx looked back at them. "...What? Didn't you used to randomly jump to high levels when you were hungry?"
"Remind me to kill myself when this fic is over."
"Only if you do the same for me."
Papel took this opprotunity to sneak through the door. "Hehe... excellent... Now to find Arue..."
AJ looked up. "Oh, what's up Eric? Y'know, besides the ceiling and the sky and all other things understandable."
"Well, you probably know more about this than I do, and I was just wondering... If Yam and Mayx are K.O.'s Heartless and Nobody, and K.O. has lemur ears only when they're out... what about Arue?" Eric asked. "I mean, her fox ears have been out since this whole thing started. Are her Heartless and Nobody running around causing chaos, panic, and disorder somewhere?"
"Hmmm... hard to say..." AJ said. "Its like... K.O. normally has all her randomness locked up inside her head, right? When you hit her with your Keyblade last chapter, you unlocked that door and released all that pent up randomness. Arue's, on the other hand, has always been free."
Just then, Arue sneezed, and as a result of the sneeze, a pair of dragon wings erupted from her back. "...COOL!"
"See?" AJ pointed out. "Arue just never bothered to get a lock for her mind's door. She just never cared enough, explaining why Rivera (A/N: Arue's dragon from chapter 2, remember?) is here with us."
"What does that dragon have to do with Arue? I know Arue made her but..."
"Rivera is Arue's Heartless... Half-Heartless if you want to get technical."
"What?!" Eric yelled. "That's insanity! Her Heartless should be a fox! It would make sense then!" Suddenly, a wrench fell down from the ceiling and hit Eric in the head. "GAAH!"
"SCREW SANITY!" Arue yelled.
"Arue's right Eric, you shouldn't assume things." AJ said. "Remember kids, when you assume things, you make an ass out of Uma Thurman!"
"Stupid Eric... stupid assumptions... stupid sanity... stupid Uma Thurman..." Arue grumbled.
"AH HA! There you are!" Papel cried, jumping up to the support beam Arue was on.
"Papel..." Arue growled. (A/N: Arue's not having the greatest day, if you haven't noticed) "Look, I'm not in the mood to be trifled with! I need to fix this thing!"
"Well, we need Riku's hair!" Papel cried. "We're talking about world wide Riku domination here! I think its proves more importance than a ceiling fan!"
"LOOK!" Arue screamed. "I... DON'T... CARE! I'm BUSY, so you'll just have to wait!"
"Are you kidding me?! Where are your morals?!"
Beneath them, AJ wrote down Arue's last comment. "That's a new one... I'll have to tell K.O. about that one..."
"You leave me no choice, Arue!" Papel ran over to another ceiling fan and held up a small knife to the wires holding it up.
Arue gasped. "You wouldn't dare..."
"Rrrrgh... FINE! I'll get you Riku's stupid hair!" Arue reattached her bungee cord to her waist and jumped down...
..and came back up holding a large mass of white-blue hair while Riku clutched his head in pain. "I hope you choke." she growled as Papel took it from her, replacing it with a wad of cash.
"Pleasure doing buisness with you." the Cat Demon said, jumping down and running out the door.
K.O., Spectre in her hands, and Mayx, Saix still in her arms, looked back in the direction Papel had run past them. They all looked to Spectre, who simply answered, "Fangirl exploitation."
"Ahh, that's OK then... wait... where's Yam? She would have told me if Papel was com... ing..." K.O. asked, her words slowing. She looked over her shoulder and saw Yam, running up to K.O., panting, and an ever increasing dust cloud coming right after her. "Yam... What did you do?" K.O glared, mentally slapping herself as the words left her mouth.
"Uh... I kinda said to a bunch of Yaoi Fangirls that Rikora will never happen and Kaiora is their Lord and Master…and now they're chasing me." Yam quietly said.
"You said that Kaiora is the Lord and Master…" Saix said.
"And you said this to a group of Yaoi, let alone Rikora, fangirls?"
"And you didn't expect them to go berserk!?" Saix shouted.
"NonononoNO! I expected them to be angry, I just didn't expect that all of them would have guns!"
Yeah, readers of Welcome To The Lives Of Organization XIII should recognize that last part. And keep in mind what AJ said about Arue's Heartless and Nobody... it may be important later... hehe...