I don't know what I should think now. I want to feel save but I know I would feel guilty if I did feel safe. I would feel guilty because Han isn't safe, because he in this situation because of me. If he hadn't had to rescue my ass he would have already paid his debt to Jabba.
And of course the other thing: Vader and what he said. I wish I could deny it but deep down inside I know that he is my father.
I nearly jump as a hand touches my shoulder. I turn around and relax: it's Wedge. He looks at me and I see rage and sadness battle in his eyes. Suddenly I find myself pulled into a tight embrace. His face is buried in the crook of my neck and I can feel tears on my skin while he whispers:
'You are such an idiot, Skywalker.'
Did I say I feel guilty? Scratch that. The guilt I feel in wedge's embrace is so huge that I think I'll shatter to a thousand pieces.
'I love you.' I whisper: 'I love you. I love you. I love you.' Again and again. There had been a time where I was too afraid to say these words. But that doesn't matter anymore.
He looses his embrace to look at my face.
'I love you, too.' He says in a stern voice: 'But if do something like that again and I'll kill you with my own hands.'
He sits next to me and asks: ' Do you want to talk about it?'
His fingers touch the fake hand, well my fake hand and for the first time it feels good but still strange.
'It feels strange.' I admit and look down on my hand, avoiding possible other themes.
He grazes with his hand over mine, over my arm to my shoulder and my chest. I lean forward to kiss him but he stops me.
'We both know what's going to happen if you kiss me and I don't want to hurt you. We'll have to wait until you are better.' I sigh. Everyone thinks that wedge is all funny and joking. They have never seen his both possessive and anxious side.
'I'm as healed as I'm going to be. Please Wedge. I want to forget, if only for an hour.' I plead. He shakes his head but pulls me closer and before he kisses me, he says: 'If I ever see you using this look on someone else I will also kill you.'
'I am your father.'
'No!' The pain in my arm is nothing compared to the pain in my heart. I feel hurt, lonely and there is nothing where I could hide from the darkness. The dark whispers promises of power and safety. I long to feel the dark's embrace but something holds me back. Someone calls my name and the desire to follow that voice is stronger than the call of the darkness. But the darkness clutches me and I scream while I fall and-
I need a moment to realise that I'm in my bed and that the hand on my shoulder is Wedge's and no one else's.
'Luke?' I break. I cling to him as I cry.
'Shh, Luke. It's okay. You're safe now. You're safe. I'll protect you.' His arms are steady around me and he drops small kisses on my hair.
'He's my father, Wedge. Vader is my father.' It's the first time I say it out loud and I'm afraid. I'm afraid that he will leave me, that he stands up and says that he can't accept Vader's son as his lover. But nothing happens. As I dare to look up at him I see anger in his eyes, anger and a slight disbelieve but no judgement, no pity.
'Shit.' He says: 'You have told Leia?'
'Not yet.' I admit but I have to ask: 'does it bother you? I mean I can understand if you don't want me any-'
'Don't dare to finish that sentence. I love you and I mean it. Hell I would even love you if you were C3PO's son.' I laugh. That's Wedge. Tell him the world's going to end in ten seconds and he'll use them to tell you the worst apocalyptic joke he knows, just to make you smile.
'Understood?' He looks at me and I nod. He leans back on the mattress, his arms still around me.
'Sleep.' He orders: 'I'll chase away anything that wants to try to haunt you.' And for the first time since we left Hoth I'm not afraid to close my eyes.