Note: This was just too good an idea not to run with. As for who the gaggle of gals are, well, I went wandering through the profiles of all the folks who have me tagged as a favorite or author alert for my SAMURAI 7 stuff, so you may well find yourself in here! Heh heh heh...

We See All, We Know All

Kambei was in the middle of outlining his plans for the defense of Kanna to the other samurai when his explanation was cut off as Kyuzo's eyes went toward the woods, and a moment later, the fair-haired assassin was moving toward the forest, reaching for his swords.

"Kyuzo-dono!" Shichiroji said in surprise, turning to follow him, when a woman's voice cut across his.

"Put that thing away, Kyuzo, you're going to hurt someone."

The blond samurai stopped in mid-stride as a group of women emerged from the forest, heading toward them.

"Who are you?" Katsushiro blurted out, startled, and the women turned to look at him. Abruptly he flushed and stared down at his feet.

The chestnut-haired woman who had spoken heard a slightly fatuous sigh from behind her and turned around to see one of the women making eyes at the young samurai. A couple of others were staring rapturously at Heihachi, whereas the ones looking at Kyuzo... it was almost tangible, the heat burning in their eyes. She groaned and turned back around to face the samurai.

"Sorry, we didn't mean to intrude-"

"Yeah, we did," came a whisper from behind her, and she turned around again and glared at another girl wearing a basket hat on her head and giggling.

"But we'd heard so much about you that we wanted to meet you in person," chimed in another woman in bright orange, ogling all of the samurai.

"That's not all we wanted to do..." murmured a girl with almost catlike features, and the chestnut-haired woman in front threw up her hands and whirled around.

"Oh, would you PLEASE put your tongues back in your mouths and your eyes back in your heads?"

One of the other women, with bright paintstains on her face and hands, just grinned back and slid her eyes back toward Kyuzo.

"Exactly what is this all about?" Kambei asked, approaching the group, and there came a chorus of longing sighs.

The woman in front covered her face with her hands.

"Don't mind them," she groaned. "I knew this was a mistake, but they just INSISTED on making a trip here."

"Who are they?" Gorobei asked, giving the group of women a curious look.

Several of them giggled and half-hid behind the woman in front.

"We-" said a blonde-haired woman, gesturing to the group at large - "are your gods."

The chestnut-haired leader turned around again. "You didn't have to just blurt it out like THAT!"

"Why not?" asked one of the other women, dressed in various shades of blue.

"It's rude! You don't just stroll in somewhere and announce, 'We are gods.'"

"Say what?" Katsushiro stammered.

"Oh, he is just so cute!" one of the women sighed around a mouthful of chocolate.

"I'll say," agreed another girl wearing an odd headband and openly staring at the samurai.

The chestnut-haired woman in front was sighing. "Mm-hmm. That's just the reaction we expected. You see, we are... well... how exactly should I put this?" She frowned.

Another girl with magenta hair and large purple eyes called out, "We're authors. And well... we control you."

"You're kidding." Kyuzo's voice was flat, and while the other six samurai had never seen Kyuzo afraid, they couldn't help but notice that he was keeping a healthy distance between himself and the women eyeing him. An auburn-haired woman winked at him, and he took another step backward.

"Nope," a red-haired woman in black replied cheerfully. "Trust me, if you only KNEW some of the things we'd made you do-"

Kyuzo's face went as red as his trenchcoat, and one of the teenagers in the group giggled.

Shichiroji, on the other hand, was grinning widely. "Ah, so which one of you do I have to thank for a certain evening for me and Yukino?"

Several of them raised their hands, and Shichiroji's eyes widened slightly. "My, I had no idea I was so popular."

"We're a rather lewd group," a dark-haired woman explained with a wink. "Since we normally don't have the opportunity to... interact with you on a more... personal level, we let our imaginations wander."

Now all seven samurai were blushing.

"At any rate, we decided to make the trip to Kanna while all of you were here so that we could say hello. But I'm sure you guys are busy, bandits attacking and all that. So-"

"You really can make us do anything you want?" Heihachi cut in, looking doubtful.

"You really want to test that theory?" The woman in front grinned, and Heihachi gulped.

"M-m-maybe I should just take your word for it."

"Man, you guys are a bunch of wusses!" Kikuchiyo laughed. "Here you've got a group of good-looking women who could make you do anything, and all you can do is freak out. Where's your sense of adventure?"

"I don't exactly see you volunteering, Kikuchiyo-dono," Katsushiro said, his face still hot.

Kambei was studying the group, clearly uncertain on how to handle this. Then he looked again at the chestnut-haired woman in front. "So... what happens now?"

She smirked. "I guess that depends on how adventurous you're feeling. You see, we've got a writer thing called a 'drabble.'"

"A what?" Heihachi asked, to another chorus of sighs.

"It's where someone gives us a challenge to write about something, and we have to do it," a woman said around a mouthful of chocolate.

"But it gets boring after a while," said the girl with the basket hat.

"So we decided to come here and have you guys give us a challenge instead," finished the girl in orange.

"You mean, we tell you what to write?" Gorobei asked.

They all nodded.

"Excuse us a moment," Kambei said politely, indicating with a tilt of his head that he wanted the other samurai to join him.

"Take your time," the woman in blue called out.

Kambei and the others stood in a tight circle, with Kyuzo keeping an eye on the women.

"So what do we do now?" Katsushiro asked, trying in vain to ignore the giggles coming from the group of women.

"You got me," Shichiroji said, looking back over his shoulder and winking at the group to another round of sighs and moans.

"This has to be the weirdest thing I've ever heard of," Heihachi muttered. "I mean, not that I mind the gods being a bunch of cute women, but this is just flat out bizarre."

He suddenly felt someone tapping on his shoulder, and saw that several of the women were holding rice out to him. His eyes lit up, and he took it gratefully. "On the other hand, benevolent gods handing out rice... it'd be rude to make them leave."

They giggled and went back to join their companions.

"Well, they can't stay here," Kambei sighed, when suddenly the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He glanced back at the group of women, and saw the chestnut-haired woman in front lift her eyes from obviously giving him a once-over, and she smiled slowly at him. He felt his face get hot, and quickly turned around again.

"So, what, do we tell them to get lost?" Kikuchiyo asked, trying and failing to keep his voice down.

"We could tell them to write themselves someplace else," Gorobei said half-heartedly.


The other six samurai looked at Kyuzo.

"What do you mean, no?" Kikuchiyo said in confusion.

"We can't let them leave. It's too much of a risk."

"So we keep them here?" Heihachi asked around a mouth full of rice.

Kambei looked back at the group of women, then walked over to the chestnut-haired leader.

"How do we know you are what you say you are?"

She smiled at him. "Been having fantasies about a certain woman with white hair recently?"

"Never mind." He hurriedly walked back to the group.

"What was that all about?" Shichiroji asked curiously.


"Well, I guess they could stick around... at least for a little while," Katsushiro said slowly. "I mean, if they really are gods and all, couldn't they make it so that we can beat the Nobuseri?"

"Good thought," Gorobei remarked, then he glanced over at the women, who were waiting patiently.

"I don't suppose you ladies can make sure that we can beat the Nobuseri, can you?"

"Oh, you guys win," the one with catlike features said. "It's just that-"

Several of the women leapt on her to clamp their hands over her mouth, and the girl disappeared beneath the heap.

"What was THAT all about?" Kikuchiyo said, mystified.

"Oh, nothing," the blonde said quickly, quickly conferring with the others. "But yes, you do beat the Nobuseri. That's already been written. Several times, in fact. It's practically a given."

"If that's the case, then you know there's going to be a battle here," Kambei said to them. "It'll be ugly... women do not belong in the middle of warfare."

"Tell Nasami that," the chestnut-haired woman murmured under her breath. The girl with the paintstains laughed at that, and kept doodling Kyuzo on a piece of paper she'd pulled from nowhere, and the fair-haired assassin glared at her.

Kambei lifted his gaze skyward in frustration.

"Fine... you can stay."

"Like there was any doubt," remarked the magenta-haired woman.

"After all, we already knew what you were going to say," said the one with the headband.

"You mean you know EVERYTHING?" Katsushiro said in disbelief.

All of the women got the same, sly grin, and Katsushiro blushed so much that he thought he might pass out.

-smirking- Okay, here is the full cast list...
Samuraiko - chestnut hair
Ame Mika'zuki - eating chocolate
EK - dark hair
Matsuo Michiyo - wearing orange
Shizumi-chan - one of the teenagers
NeverLookBackSamurai - wearing blue
Motokonobaka - wearing the basket hat
Morgankit - paintstains on her face
Alory Shannon - wearing a headband
Winter Ashby - magenta hair
Drgn050 - blonde hair
Alchemy Goddess Crackers - catlike features
MoonPhoenix17 - auburn hair
Element Girls - black clothes and red hair