... a late birthday present for the ever cool Hobbity Lass? something for you to nitpick over the break!
ahem yeah... I hope you all have seizures while reading this. This site sucks enough ass to kill off the remaining manatees.
OMG I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!!!!
Today, as I woke, and I immediately knew it was going to be yet another shitty day. This happens to me a lot, being a member of the branch house, I can expect most of my days to be offending. There are the exceptions, perhaps, on a lucky day, my existence will seem tolerable... but those occurrences are scarce. In general, all my days are filled with unpredictable miseries that bring me many feelings of despair and anger. I hate you all, damnit. Hyuuga Neji hates you all!
As I was saying, I knew today was going to be really crappy for two simple reasons. The first being that as soon as I got up out of bed, I stepped in dog crap. The second, of coarse, was the fact that I do not own a dog. How the hell a dog got in here and did it's business right in front of my bed is beyond me, but I took it as a sign from the all mighty Main House, that they indeed hated me and were using advanced nin dogs to spread their hate right into my bedroom carpet, damn them.
I was then forced to spend a good 30 minutes washing my foot and another 10 minutes cleaning the damn carpet. This time could have been used grooming my magnificent hair, but of coarse, my poor hair would have to be second priority to the treacherous Main House and it's crap of doom. I glared down at the stain that had still remained on my off-white carpet, why was it that the Branch house was forced to have such tacky carpet when the Main House surely had the finest of carpeting? Is it because us Main housers are inferior in our need for stain-proofed carpeting and upholstery? I despise you, Main House.
As I finished off my staring session with the stain, I glanced up at the clock and realized that I was five minutes late for my community service. I let out a sigh in frustration, this meant that I would have absolutely no time to straighten my hair, I would be forced to degrade myself and put it back in a pony tail. Everyone seems to laugh at me when ever I do this for the simple reason that my hair, when tied back, resembles a sperm's tail, or in scientific terms, a flagella. When I was younger, I had no problems with being known as 'Spermo,' but now I detest the negative attention my hair brings, If I have to be a branch house member, I might as well have nice hair, that way, I can look prettier than the whole damn main house.
With my hair in flagella status, I walked out the door, I was dressed in a shirt that says "Special Olympics" with pants that are a too short, making it look like I am wearing capris.. If only it was not laundry day, I mutter to myself... Momma Branch House rarely does laundry as it is, why is it that I get stuck wearing the most degrading outfit when I have so much clothing? I swear.. I think Momma Branch House is actually a worker for the Main House to make all of our lives just a bit more miserable by providing us with below adequate housekeeping skills. I hate you, Momma Branch House.
Despite these annoyances, today happens to be a sunny day, it is neither too hot nor too cold, I couldn't help but smile to myself, who knows? The day might turn around, and if I was lucky, I might have been able to get laid. Later, that evening, I had a date with the hottest blonde this side of the planet, that's right the ever-sexy Uzumaki Naruto. It took me a good two months of courtship, but at last Naruto has decided to come to his senses and come with me for a night at the exclusive Taco Bell. I was sure he would be pleased with my reservations, perhaps pleased enough to put out, from what I have heard about the boy, he was quite loose, it wouldn't take much to get into his pants.
With Naruto in mind, I made it to the Hokage's office with no incidents, meaning, I ignored all the fat people making fun of me. I informed the receptionist of my presence, but the bitch did not even look up at me, so I was forced to repeat myself.
"Excuse Me, Miss," I addressed her, attempting to keep my annoyance to a minimum, "I am here to speak to the Hokage, could you please inform her that Hyuuga Neji is here for his appointment?" She seemed to be intentionally ignoring me, so I spoke louder, "It is important that I speak with her soon, I have limited time to waste..." When I thought she was to respond, she looked up at the clock and then returned to her desk work. If I did not know better, I would have thought she was working for the main house, I tried once more with a slightly raised voice, "Miss? Is it possible that you have not been about to hear me? Could you please give my message to Tsunade-sama that I am here for my appointment!?"
At This point, she looked up, her face was extremely unpleasant, glaring right at me. I felt a bit nervous, but I held it in as I awaited her response. God, I knew she was working for the main house! Stupid bitch!
"Can you not see that I am in the middle of working on this important documentation!?" She screamed at me, her shrill voice forced me to flinch, "Sit Down, Mr. Hyuuga and I will inform her when I am damn well ready!" I immediately ran back and sat on the coach designated for waiting, Main House Wench! I watched her as she returned to her work, with my Byakugen vision I could tell that she was simply drawing pictures of some lesbian chick naked, probably Sakura from the excessive use of the color brown, but I did not say anything. To provoke a possible minion of the main house would only bring me more pain.
An hour passed, and I was still waiting for the receptionist cunt to send my message to the damn Hokage. The waiting room left me no source of amusement other than a few girly magazines, which I will admit to looking through. At this point I had learned how to please him in bed and many easy and hip five minute hair style alternatives... both I had hoped would assist me later on with my date, there was no way I could let Naruto see me with my flagella-do. Naruto may be easy to get in bed, but for a person like me, my hair could possibly scare him before I get the opportunity to fuck him, I had to think ahead of time, on how I would style my gorgeous hair before our romantic evening together.
"HEY ASSHOLE!" The receptionist screamed at me, I looked up at her ugliness in response, "Tsunade has been waiting! Quit being a Flagella head and get your ass into her office!" I muttered to myself as I got up.. this minion of the Main house had it in for me... and completely wasted an hour of my time! If I had not been in such a hurry I would have insisted on an apology, but I needed to speak to the Hokage, so I let it slide.
As soon as I entered the honored Hokage's office, she held out a document and spat on it with her horrid Hokage saliva. I felt the veins in my eye beginning to twitch.. she was most definitely picking the wrong Branch House Member to fuck with. I wanted to wring her damn Hokage neck with her floppy tits! Before I had the chance to react, however, she had jumped on her desk, and assumed missionary position and started talking to the closet. I knew at that point, it would be better to leave. I did not want to be subjected to her legendary blow-up-doll-no-jutsu.
Leaving her room, as quickly as possible, I looked down at the Manila folder that the wench had handed to me. It was damp from her giant loogy; that was enough to make me want to shove it up the receptionist's ass instead of following it's command. Who knows? Even the Hokage herself could be working for the Main house! She has always given my fat cousin better missions than mine and she even assigned me to this lousy D rated community service mission. I know that I have to open the envelope eventually, but I feel the need to complain about it for a few more minutes! My ultra-powerful byakugen vision finds traces of ejaculation in Tsunade's saliva... she must have been sucking on the massive Main House cock.
By the time I had opened the envelope, I was in the streets surrounded by children who had wanted to play jump rope with my hair. Shedding a few tears for the love of my poor mistreated hair, restrained by the dreaded hair tie, I opened the envelope and took a glance at my mission.
MISSION: BUY HINATA MASSIVE TAMPONS
LOTS OF THEM.
The only thing that went through my mind at this point was a blinding rage. I killed the children, I ran to through the streets screaming "SHAKA-LAKA-LAKA-LAKA," and I grabbed all the tampons I could find in a 3 mile radius. I then ran a fast as I could to the Main house where I found my darling little cousin Hinata. Before she could even wave, I grabbed each of her legs and forced them apart. I shoved all the tampons into her vagina.
Yeah, today was a horrible, yet oddly satisfying day. I hear the absorbency of the tampons killed Hinata on contact... Even if I didn't get to go to taco bell with Naruto and now I am most likely destined to a life of prison sex and flagella hair, I feel great. The Main House had officially been owned by Hyuuga Neji, the most offended branch house member.
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