Disclaimer - I don't own Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings.

Mary Sues in the Manor

Draco was in the library of Malfoy manor looking through the books. The Mudblood would most likely laugh at the idea of him looking through books. And normally he would not look through books. But he was tiered of that Mudblood and was thinking of some how to get at her in a way that would, well, be written down in the history books. Because he was looking through his father's collection, which was off limits too him, he had waited until the senior Malfoy had left for business before he had even thought of trying to find a book.

As he ran his finger down the spines, he thought carefully. It wasn't his father who wanted him out of these books, but his mother. Other wise his father would have put a spell on them to keep him away. But that was typical of his mother, as she was a worry wart. He had thus waited until she had left on a lunch date. As he ran his finger along the spines, he wasn't doing it out of enjoyment as he wasn't fond of reading, or so he told himself. His finger read boredom as it touched each book. Then he found it, a book written by one the old Malfoy. 'How to Properly Deal With Mudbloods'.

So, Draco went and started reading the book, which documented different ways that each had dealt with Mudbloods. This one wasn't gross enough. That one there wasn't foul enough. And most of all, to his annoyance, none of them could be cunning enough to get past the Mudblood. And this made Malfoy very mad and not in a good mood. It came to mind that none of his ancestors were very bright, which meant that he would, well ... have to use his own cunning.

He set the book down on the table next to the chair he had been sitting in, then paused. A girl stood in front of him, her arms pulled behind her and a grin on her face. She had short blond hair that the Muggles would call a Pixie cut and blue eyes that, if Draco knew anything about the Muggle Anime and Manga, would recognize as the 'innocent, naive girl eyes'. But to him, she was just a strange girl with short blond hair and overly large blue eyes that were obnoxiously, no sickishly cute. And she thought to talk to him. "Hello Draky-poo! What are you reading?"

Draco's jaw dropped and his eyes went wide. This girl had somehow snuck onto Malfoy manor, yet was a complete idiot. His expression was one of shock and anger, but to no surprise the girl misinterpreted what he said. "Oh, Draky-poo! Your stunned by my beautiful body!"

A tick set up under his eye and he gritted his teeth. She didn't see this as her eyes were closed and she was lunging towards him with her lips puckered, arms spread wide. Draco gagged and dogged out of her way. This caused the girl to fall into the chair. She was obviously not hurt physically, but she still chose to cry. "But Draky-poo! We're supposed to get married."

Draco let out a laugh. "Married? I don't even know you. Anyways, your either a Muggle or a Mudblood. And ... my father and mother have plans for me to marry Pansy Parkinson."

"Odd, my names not Pansy Parkinson, but I'll change it if need be." The girl said. She stopped crying and fluttered her eyes at him.

"No." Malfoy pulled out his wand at her which caused her to squeak in dismay. "Tell me now how you came to be in Malfoy manor!"

"Those two nice girls helped me!" She chirped. Then her face screwed up. "But they also let in all those other girls."

"Other girls!"

"Oh yes. They said that you were their boyfriend, going to marry them. But your mine!" She squealed on the last sentence and completely forgot he had his wand. She lunged at him, letting out an excited noise.

"Nobody owns Draco Malfoy," And with that he shot of a restraining spell at her. But, instead of restraining her, she began to spin around and then, poof, she disappeared. But the bad part was, she squealed like a little girl on a pony ride. A little girl squealing so much that the pony is liable to run into mass hysterics from fright.

Draco covered his ears. One could use the excuse that this was because he was a Slytherin and they hate the sounds of joy, but the real fact was, the sound was ear splitting and horrible. He had a puzzled look on his face, then remembered that she had mentioned that their were other girls. They were all in Malfoy Manor. And she had said that two girls had let her in. He didn't know who both were, but he had an idea who one was.

"Granger! You filthy Mudblood!" At with that he set out to rid his home of the Mary Sues, something he had no clue what they were, but by the end of the day, he was sure to find out.


His first stop was to the kitchen to see if he could find any house elves to help him track down the ones running around the house amuck. He didn't find any house elves, but instead, another one. She was dressed in black and was sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea. She spoke to him in a very poorly faked British accent. "Hello Draco dear, I've fixed you some tea."

Draco stared at her a few seconds, gaging as he did. He then raised his wand and fired the same spell, as he couldn't be sure if a different spell would turn them into an angry troll. This time, the scream was one of utter dismay. It still was harsh enough for him to have to cover his ears. He heard a banging noise when he was finished and looked around to see a house elf banging it's head on one of the cupboards.

"What are you doing,"

"I am sorry Master Draco. They got in. I am terrified of the one in the pantry. I am punishing myself." The banging got more rapid.

Draco thought to reprimand the house elf, but stopped. This would probably be the only time he would ever pity one of them. He just dismissed it and went to the pantry door, opening, seeing exactly what had scared it so. Another one. This time dressed in grey rags. She looked at him with such pity in her eyes then brightness came to her face. "My prince has come to take me away from my evil step-mother.

Draco raised his wand and shot, shaking his head. No wonder the house elf had been scared. "A Cinderella knock off? I think it was pretty scary to the house elf that you were trying to take over it's jobs."


His next stop was the parlor that his mother loved so much. And of course, there was one there. He had gotten many surprises from the Sues, but this was a new one. The girl had very long red hair and was sitting in a chair. And, of all the house elves, it was Dobey. Dobey ... he wasn't supposed to be here anymore as Potter had set him free.

Dobey was being squeezed so hard that he couldn't breath and his eyes looked like they would pop out. Well, it didn't very well help that Dobey had big eyes in the first place. He thought very much to just leave the obnoxious beast with Dobey.

The girl saw him and smiled a cute smile that would make any intelligent person grimace. "My name is Gina Weasly."

"Gina ... Weasly? You don't mean Ginny Weasly?" Draco felt a sting in his throat as he forced out one of the names he didn't like to say.

"We're twins," The Weasels were bad, but this ... she was worse then them.

"Identical?" He quipped.

"Duh." When it was obvious that Draco didn't understand the jargon she just used. She noticed this. "Yes, duh."

"You two look nothing alike," Draco snorted.

"Duh. I'm prettier. She's always jealous of me." She gave Dobey a harsher squeeze, if that was possible. "I am going to free all the house elves!"

Draco gagged again and shot off his wand, this time with there being no major ear splitting noise. Only slightly. "The Mudblood and the Weasel girl combined. I am going to have nightmares about this one."

He then noticed that Dobby was glaring venomously at him. "Master shall not talk about Harry Potters friend that way. And ... Master will not imprison me back into his service with that foul girl."

Draco shook his head as the house elf popped out. He wasn't prepared for what would happen next.

"Draco dear, you shouldn't let that House Elf talk to you like that." Draco spun around to see a full grown woman with blond hair that reached her feet in a braid. He backed away from her.

"Who are you!"

"Why, I am your mother of course."

Draco's eyes went wide and he dodged by her, slamming the parlor doors behind them and locking them. "I think, lady, I'll let mother take care of you."

"But I am your mother!" The woman cried out. All Draco could do was run his way down the hallway.


Way down the hallway two figures stood. The one with bushy brown hair was tittering at Malfoy's misfortune. The other just shook her head, her fair features contorted in confusion. She had a very high lack of knowledge of this fandom.

"Hermione, are you sure it was alright to release those Mary Sue's on this place?" She tilted her head to one side.

"Draco is a ... well you wouldn't know what it is, but I'll just say he's a very rude boy. He's getting his just deserts." Hermione smirked at her friend. "Anyways, I borrowed Harry's invisibility cloak to see how this would turn out. And ... that's why I suggested you bring a Lothorian cloak. So we both could see and not get caught."

"I am not sure this was a very good idea. I mean, I've sent Mary Sue's down the river like the Dwarves to torture them to make them go away, but this ... what is it exactly. Giving them the go ahead when you don't want them?"

"It's the torturing your worst enemy plot, Irumi,"

"Well, that's different, I guess. I'm just not sure if using the Sue's was the best route to use." Her face nodded forward. "I hear something coming."

Both Hermione and the elfling friend of hers donned the cloaks that they had brought. Draco was running from something that absolutely, well not so much scared him, but baffled him. Both girls had to stifle giggles when they realized who the Mary Sue was who was following him.

"Hello Draco! I've come to marry you!"

Draco just stared at her. Then he responded. "Exactly who are you?"

"I'm Gigi Malfoy of course. I am going to marry you our second year due to arranged marriage. Then, you'll help Harry defeat ... He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and you die. I then go and find out I am an elf princes and I am truly betrothed to the Mirkwood Prince."

Irumi lost her cool and stepped out, reviling herself. "Gigi! Stop it now!"

Hermione stifled a gasp and Draco was shocked that someone was behind him. Someone who was making this Mary Sue very upset. He didn't turn around because he saw that the effect this person had on this 'Gigi' was to make her cry. "You ruined my trip to meet my Prince. Then you ruined my wish. Now you're ruining my arranged marriage. I want to go home where my dreams will come true!"

And with a puff, she disappeared. Draco turned and glared at Irumi, but she only returned a look, one that was just as fierce and defiant as his, if not more. She was not one to back down from an argument or a fight.

"Are you one of them,"

"Duh, no."

"For some reason I don't believe you." He shot off the restraining spell to make her disappear, but she didn't. Instead she was restrained. That meant she was telling the truth. That also meant something else. "Your one of the two girls, the other possibly being the Mudblood."

Hermione restrained herself from showing herself. Irumi just glared daggers at Draco. "Duh yeah. But perhaps the other isn't whoever you said or implied. Can't tell as I don't know the meaning of the word.

It was then that Draco caught sight of her ears. "What are you!"

"I am an elfling,"


"A child elf, duh!"

"You mean to tell me the house elves are mutating! Mudbloods new idea of how to get them accepted into a society that they don't belong in!" Draco didn't see the frying pan coming from behind him. It hit and he crumpled to the ground.

Hermione pulled back the hood of the cloak. Irumi sighed. "About time. Where'd you get the frying pan from?"

"A house elf gave it to me."

"One mistook you for a guest of the Malfoy?"

"No. Dobey got it. He want revenge for multiple things. Including something that happened today."

"Well, we've had our fun. We'd best get rid of the Mary Sues."

"Can we leave the one that's meant for Lucius?"

"I am not sure. I'll have to think about that one." Irumi watched as Hermione undid the spell.


Feel free to review. Anons are open.

1/2/2014 - The original name of Irumi Hikari was Yemi Hikari. The character was created back when parody writers still named their accounts after their main parody characters. The reason for changing her name though is because there is no "ye" in the Japanese alphabet and her having a Japanese name is actually an important part of her back story.