Title: The Gray Side
Chapter Title: Debussy
Chapter Dedication: This chapter is for Ally'J
I'd like to take the time to thank everyone who read the previous chapter, those who had read the story before and of course those new readers. Special thanks go to everyone who reviewed; they put a smile on my face. In addition, I'm still in need of a beta if anyone wants the job. Kthanx
I'm worried about Draco, he's been acting weirdly for the past few days and it scares me. It scares me that I don't know why, and that according to Pansy he's actually been acting strangely for the past few weeks and not days. It terrifies me that I didn't notice until now. What kind of boyfriend am I? A bad one obviously, since I'm too self-absorbed to notice when something is wrong, and too cowardly to bring the issue up with Draco. I mean what if he says that the issue is me? That he doesn't love me anymore? Then what would I do? I'd mope around is what I'd do and then I'd be useless to everyone.
So instead, I'm being a jerk and going on continuing to act like nothing is wrong with Draco. But then what if the only reason he hasn't said anything is that he doesn't think I care about him. That he thinks I haven't noticed and therefore have no interest in knowing what is wrong with him? It's these thoughts that keep me away from him, distant. And I know it isn't good for our relationship for me to be acting in this way, I'm meant to protect him, but I'm so conflicted about what I should do that I can't seem to act normally around him. This isn't fair since I miss him, but then I bring it on myself due to my complete and utter lack of courage.
The worst part is I know I'm hurting him. I've seen the looks he shoots at me when I pull away from him in public. His eyes take on a haunted quality that they shouldn't have and he looks at me as if I've physically harmed him. As if I've rejected him, decided he isn't good enough for me or something. But I try to reassure myself that he couldn't possibly think that. My Draco would never be insecure enough to believe that I no longer wanted him or loved him. At least I hope not. Hermione and Pansy however both seem to think differently. They think that he's taking my actions to mean that I am breaking up with him, that I don't love him anymore. I told them that was impossible but still they insist that he's fragile right now and that with the way I've been so distant from him recently that he's started to believe I've had a change of heart about him, that I've decided he's not enough for me. It's preposterous to even think that.
Still the way he acted today has me thinking they may have been correct. He shied away from me when I came near and when some bint tried to flirt with me he didn't even yell at her. He just ducked his head as he excused himself from the table. My Draco would never have done that. He would have told the girl to piss off and that I belonged to him. So maybe he was insecure right now. Maybe he did need me to reassure him that I loved him. Problem is I don't know how to go about doing that. Of course, I do love him, I just, I just don't know how to express that, especially with the way he was today. For all I know he may take a declaration as me pitying him and so pretending that I still adore him. Although that couldn't be, further from the truth. I just don't know what to do and there's no way that I'm asking Pansy or Hermione what to do because I know that they'll lord it over me that they were right and I was wrong. Even though I don't know if I am wrong at this point.
All I do know is that I really need to find Draco so I can straighten things out and hope that he takes my words as truth.
I looked everywhere for Draco and I couldn't find him; therefore, it would stand to reason that the last place I looked would be where I was. After searching the whole bloody castle, he was in our rooms. I'm a moron.
I'm sure that Draco would also agree with that assessment if it weren't for the fact that he was currently sobbing into my shirt. This was another strange thing. If he was mad at me and believed that, I didn't care about him than he obviously wouldn't have tackled me as soon as I walked into the room to take comfort in my embrace. Obviously, it was some completely unrelated matter that had simply coincided with my little bout of neglect. Because I can admit to myself that I may have neglected him over the past couple of weeks but I've been busy, and yes I know that still doesn't excuse me for being a terrible boyfriend but there's nothing I can do about it now. I'm just glad he's not mad at me.
And worried of course about the reason behind the sobbing. I'd be an even horribler (ok so it's not a word but I don't have to use proper words inside my own damn head thank-you very much) person if I wasn't worried about it. Especially since I know that Draco doesn't cry often, something about not being good for him complexion, although I think it makes him look rather pretty, after the fact. Because his eyes go this stormy colour and they get really wide and he looks slightly childish, innocent and adorable really, just like a chibi version of himself (if you watch anime you'll know what I mean). Which basically makes him even cuter than he is normally. And therefore, I find him completely and utterly irresistible when he's in this state. But first, I need to let him cry things out and maybe explain what has him worked up so much in the first place.
"I love you Draco, I'm here I promise. Just let it all out. I've got you," I murmured into his hair as I tightened my grip on him. He needed to know that I really was there for him.
I think he got the message as he muttered something back to me. His response was unintelligible but still at least I know he heard me and the fact that he pressed himself further into my arms must mean that he'd at least understood what I said and appreciated it. That he trusted that I would be there for him, which means his reason for crying in no way relates to my actions of the past few weeks. Right?
Unless they did and he was just taking comfort from me now that, I was finally offering to be there for him again. Damn it all to hell, if it were because of my actions Draco would have said something. He would have. He also probably would have hexed me rather than snuggle into my arms seeking comfort. Of course, he may have done that after hexing me… But he definitely wouldn't hug first and curse later. It wasn't his style.
Sighing I sat down on the settee, Draco in my lap, and just held on as his tears refused to stop flowing. I didn't even notice when the man in the portrait looked at us sympathetically before leaving. All my focus was now on my Dragon, just as it should have been all these weeks that I had been too busy for him.
A/N: I hope you guys like this chapter, just in time for the first day of December and of the silly season. I also hope that you don't find it too short, or boring. Anyway, if you've got to this point thanks for reading the chapter and I hope to hear what you think.