AN: This is a sort of alternate ending to Secret Agent Zero. So, it helps if you've seen the episode. But even if you haven't, it should still be enjoyable. There are definite SportaRobbie elements in this. I'm warning you ahead of time.
Days are very strange things. Fickle and deceiving, they start out average every day in Lazy Town, only to bring about unexpected chaos its citizens are ill-prepared for.
Then again, the small community was asking for it, with the self-paradox it had embraced: the activity of something that was certainly anything but lazy. The town was always asking for trouble, with a name like that.
Trouble was something Robbie Rotten was very, very good at bringing.
When Robbie Rotten ousted the mayor, it was definitely unexpected. Trapping Sportacus in something as simple as a hole in the ground with a trap door on the top, that was just as unexpected (though admittedly delightfully so, from Robbie's point of view). Yes, days were always full of surprises, twists and turns in the small town's otherwise quite dull life. Yet generally, they all ended the same way: Sportacus escapes from the trap, saves the day, and Robbie is sent back home, sulking.
Everything went awry when Robbie threw the apple sitting on the mayor's desk out the window.
Sportacus hated the trap. More than even that cage Robbie had put him in when the town thought he stole Bessie's cake. At least the cage wasn't dark and it wasn't underground. Small dark places unnerved the sports elf, and he was not a happy demi-hero. Robbie had left the room with the mayor, and Sportacus tried to look around through the limited view the hole in the trap door allowed him. Desk. Picture frame. File cabinet. He kicked a wall in frustration. There was nothing there that would help him out of here!
He slumped to the floor and tried to concentrate on keeping calm and thinking a way out of this situation. He sat in a meditative pose and took deep breaths.
Minutes later, there was stomping from above and he cracked open an eye as a shadow passed over the hole above him. Voices.
"URGH! How did you get in here?!" Robbie's frustrated angry voice.
"HA!" Stephanie. "You thought I'd stay away if my uncle was in danger like that?"
"You almost flattened Gloria!" The mayor, sounding highly distressed.
"Well, get out! I won! I'm the mayor now!"
There was more scuffling, more yelling. Sportacus waited patiently. The meditating did wonders for his state of mind. It was one of the only times, barring sleep, that he could stay still for any long period of time without feeling energy twitching through his body without an outlet. So, at this point, he was remarkably calm about the whole situation.
Well, until the trap door opened abruptly and dumped all six foot two inches of Robbie Rotten dressed as a mayor right on top of him. The calm sort of evaporated after that.
He yelped and they were a tangle of limbs while there was cheering from above, and footsteps rushing outside, undoubtedly to celebrate the return of Meanswell to town government.
Sportacus stood with some difficulty and pressed himself into a corner while Robbie stood, costume askew and looked around, bewildered, until he looked up and saw the sports elf.
"Oh, no," he breathed. Sportacus glared at him, and the taller man cowered backwards instinctually, making a sound in his throat that sounded suspiciously like a whimper. Sportacus huffed at him, but anyway anger was swiftly melting away. He couldn't stay angry at anything that acted so scared.
Even if it was Robbie Rotten.
"Do you know how to get out of here?" Sportacus asked bluntly. Robbie blinked in confusion for a moment, disoriented, but quickly recovered and laughed nervously.
After about a minute of Robbie fidgeting and glancing around, Sportacus leveled him with a flat stare.
"You don't, do you." he said. Robbie seemed to regain some of his wits then, and straightened up from his characteristic slouching, adjusting the rumpled costume.
"Of course I do!" he said loudly, and they both winced when the sound was trapped in the small space and attacked their ears.
"R-right," Robbie murmured softly, and felt around the walls. "Well… uhm… it should be somewhere… haha…"
Sportacus had a feeling there was no such escape. He had already scoured the walls. Five times. He humored Robbie, shifting sideways as Robbie moved around the small space, fingers trailing up and down the stone walls.
After the seventh time, Sportacus was getting dizzy, and he'd had enough. Robbie bumped into him and startled.
"Out of the way, Sportadork!" he snapped.
"No," he replied. "There isn't a way out. We'll just have to wait for someone to come back and help us out."
"Well… move!" Robbie shoved him. "That's my spot!" Sportacus glared up at him and stayed put, feet planted stubbornly. He was a tad upset, and Robbie's attitude wasn't helping. Robbie saw the stubbornness flare up in the elf's blue eyes, and it lit something competitive in himself.
He seethed, and tried to push the elf again. Sportacus just narrowed his eyes further and didn't say anything.
"Damnit, move!" He pushed against him with his shoulder, trying to use his body to move the shorter man. Sportacus just snorted at his efforts and crossed his arms across his chest. The derisive snort did it.
Robbie was pissed now.
He gave the sports elf a good solid kick in the shins and was immensely pleased at the loud yelp it dragged out of Sportastupid's throat.
"Hahaha!" Robbie laughed triumphantly. "Now you know better than to mess with me, Sportakook!"
Sportacus just gave him an incredulous look, holding onto his shin and trying to rub life back into it. Robbie saw he wasn't moving.
He gave him another kick in the other leg.
He giggled, unapologetically gleeful when Sportacus yowled in protest. He didn't expect the hissing, however. And he also didn't expect to be pinned to the opposite wall in the blink of an eye.
"What in the world is wrong with you?!" Sportacus hissed. He would feel bad about losing his temper later. Right now it was dark, terribly cramped, and he was in pain. Ample excuses for overreacting. Robbie cowered suddenly, genuinely afraid, and he tried to shrink back like the stone wall could swallow him up if he wanted it bad enough. He panicked and struck out again.
Sportacus was having none of it.
He wrestled with Robbie in the small space with some difficulty, but not as much difficulty as Robbie was having trying to maneuver. Being smaller had many advantages. As such, he had Robbie pinned underneath him within a relatively short amount of time, straddling his legs while Robbie was slumped against the wall, and having somehow forced Robbie's hands above his head, pinning both arms still with his own.
"Are you through?" he snapped. Robbie growled at him furiously, and tried his hardest to squirm out of the forced embrace, but the malnourished man had absolutely no chance, and it was humiliating.
What was more humiliating was the fact that the sports elf knew it.
"Are you done with your temper tantrum now Robbie?" He asked again. Robbie glared at him.
"No," he hissed, just to spite him, and wiggled more just for good measure. He grinned maliciously as Sportacus hissed in irritation, but quickly the grin faded and he yelped as Sportacus increased the grip on his wrists.
"Stop wiggling." Sportacus said bluntly. Robbie grunted, considered it, then decided to hell with it, and positively squirmed.
"Stop it!" Sportacus yelled. Robbie paused, hearing something that sounded a lot like desperation in his voice.
"What's got your Sportapanties in a bunch?" he asked. Sportacus flashed him a half-hearted glare and didn't answer. This was irritating. So Robbie bit him on the arm. Ha. Take that.
Sportacus hissed again, but didn't move. Why in the world did Robbie have to be so difficult? He was worse than Trixie! At least Trixie wanted friends! Robbie seemed determined to stay friendless, no matter how much he undoubtedly wanted them. This was ridiculous. And how was he supposed to restrain the man's mouth now? His limbs were full keeping the rest of him pinned, how was he supposed to keep Robbie from biting him?
Robbie let go and glared at him, mouth open and ready to chomp down again and leave another set of teeth marks on the sports elf. Sportacus made a split second decision, and intercepted.
Pinning Robbie's mouth with his own was a pretty clever trick, Sportacus thought. He was almost proud of himself for having thought of it. He would have been proud of it, had the action not caused already sensitive anatomy to pay even more attention than it had been while Robbie had been squirming.
Apparently Robbie gave up when he had no more to attack with, because he went notably limp. Sportacus backed off a little and saw Robbie passed out . He laughed softly. For all of Robbie's troublemaking behavior, he really was fun to be around. He moved to let go, but paused. Now that he wasn't concentrating on keeping Robbie still , this was… rather nice. He had an urge to rest his head on the taller man's chest and listen for a heartbeat…
Loud footsteps above him startled him out of his daydreaming and he hurriedly released Robbie and stood. He shouted, and soon enough a cluster of curious faces were peering down at him, all babbling at once, alternately worried about his well-being and curious about the unconscious Robbie Rotten with him.
He laughed softly and handed Robbie up to them, then grabbed the rope they cast down to him and climbed up. He hugged Stephanie, and assured everyone that he was quite alright, thanked them for getting him out, and as he picked Robbie up and carried him outside, he listened patiently to them chatter about what had happened while he was in that hole.
He set Robbie down gently on a park bench and looked at his sleeping face before he turned back to the kids and laughingly herded them away to the sports field for a well-needed game of baseball.
I thought of this while watching Secret Agent Zero. What if Robbie threw the apple out instead of setting it back on the desk? Sportacus would still be in the trap, and when the kids pulled the lever to put Robbie in there, this is likely to have happened.
Well, maybe not the ending. In canon, no. But in my mind, yes. Because it's amusing.
Um, yeah. Hope you guys liked it! Please review and all.