Summary: That one night a month when the moon is the fullest…Kyo works out a way to be with the one he loves, but at what cost? Kyo x Haru oneshot (in two parts.)
Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or any of the characters.
Warnings: Yaoi (boy + boy :) )
A/N: Words in italics are thoughts.
Most nights were lonely.
Kyo didn't usually mind.
There was a certain comfort in lying on the roof surrounded by darkness, staring up at the stars. Those tiny balls of light so far away that seemed to make everything else fade when he gazed up at them. Kyo could stare at the stars for ages and just feel as if nothing else mattered…he felt like he was so insignificant that those emotions that stirred within him really weren't important…that they really shouldn't affect him as much as they did.
Those emotions that tore at his heart every day…they were so human…and so small in comparison to the scale of the universe. He would lie there and gaze up at the night sky as if trying to look beyond the stars, trying to go further than the naked eye could see, and forget about his own emotions. He could forget everything and just feel one with the night.
But on those nights when the moon was it's fullest….
On those nights, it was different. The world around him was bathed in a shimmery white glow, the moon like a light, paving the way for lovers in the dark. It seemed to call out to him, to urge him, join with that person you long for and let the night be yours.
Moonless nights were too dark for lovers, the harsh light of day too true…but during the full moon…it was magical…it was special…it was a night to be shared.
This is what Kyo thought, and what he had always thought, for as long as he could remember. When he was a young boy, he would stare out his window whenever he couldn't sleep…out into the night…up at the stars. Now that he was older, he often slept through the night…except…
On that night when the moon was the fullest he could never sleep at all. So he would creep out of his room, climb onto the roof…gaze up at the moon and... wish for someone to share it with me.
But it wasn't just anyone. It was always the same person, for as long as he could remember…for years and years, he would ignore his feelings, but on the night of the full moon…that was the only night he was honest with himself. That was the only night he would allow himself to admit that he was in love with him, and had been for as long as he could remember.
Why was it so?Haru…
Even though we fight, even though my words are harsh…you don't know what I really want to say…you don't know how I really feel…it was buried so deep that even I couldn't admit it for such a long time…something so scary that I can only bear to think about it on nights like this…
Nights we should be together.
What was it about the ox that drew the cat to him?It was because you cared… you like no other…I wanted you…I wanted to be yours…
Not knowing how to deal, Kyo had treated Haru the way he treated most everyone else. He kept them at a distance. Not that it made much of a difference, the ox seemed to only notice Kyo when he was in the mood to fight. Yuki, on the other hand, was someone Haru paid a lot of attention to.
Kyo had seen the way Haru reacted when Yuki was around. He had observed, while pretending not to care, the way the ox often moved himself so he was standing close to Yuki whenever the rat was nearby. The way that he too became troubled when he noticed Yuki was worried over something… and I wish I could have someone do that for me…someone who cared so much for me that they notice those things…someone who only had eyes for me…someone who would always be there for me…
It was yet another thing to hate Yuki for. Because of Yuki, Kyo would never ever allow Haru to know how he felt. But it wasn't just that…no…. of course, it was also the fact that…
There's nothing to like about the cat of the zodiac. I'm not good enough for you…someone like me…there's not even a chance…you could ever love me back.
But that still didn't change the way he felt about the ox.
I've seen the way you love, the way you care. For the rat, the tiger, the rabbit…and I want to be cared for too…part of me…deep down longs for that, for someone I can rely on to always be there for me…I see that in you…the softer side…the accepting side…
Could you accept me?
Maybe Tohru could…but what did she really think, what did she really feel behind that bright smile? Even if her kindness was true, she would still never fully understand. She couldn't. She wasn't a Sohma. But Haru…
Is that why I want to be with him so badly? Maybe all these reasons are why.
Maybe falling in love is so subconscious an act that you can never even begin to understand it, let alone fight it...
Another full moon.
Kyo sat on his roof, as always during these nights. Why did it feel like each became more and more unbearable? Like each month was getting harder to survive with these emotions that stirred within him, that wouldn't leave him alone?
If I could just be with him once…just once would that be enough to satisfy me? Would it make me happy to at least know what it could be like? Would it stop this restlessness inside, would I be able to forget about him then, or at least, accept that some things are never meant to be?
So he climbed through his bedroom window and got some paper and a pen. Then he climbed back up onto the roof, and under the light of the moon, he began a letter.
Kyo crossed that out. What am I thinking?
He crossed that out too. I want it to be right…Haru…
No, no, no! He groaned, resting his head in his hands.
Why was it so difficult?
He had to write this letter…Kyo had never been good with words, they were awkward enough when he spoke, let alone writing them down. Other times it might not have mattered…but this time…every single word, every single syllable could be vital.Or maybe words really aren't that important. Maybe there are things that are stronger… Maybe I should just write what I need to, without thinking, and let fate decide…
So he placed his pen to a fresh sheet of paper. The paper was crisp and soft at the same time, more of a parchment (he had 'borrowed' it from Shigure). It was an off white…though to describe it as such was inadequate… it was marble white…. a pearly white…the same colour as the moon…
The ink he wrote with? That was the same colour as a moonless night; a deep, dark, velvety black, so rich and striking against the white that the words took on the illusion of floating, not actually attached to the paper.
Kyo took a deep breath, and then he wrote in flowing writing, much neater and unlike any he had managed before.
You don't know who I am, but I am someone who can't get you off my mind. I know we can't be together, but seeing you, all the time…being so close and yet so far away, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it to myself. Please meet me with me at midnight, on the night of the next full moon. Just one night to be with you is all I ask.
His face flamed. It sounds so bad…it sounds so suspicious, who would listen to something like that? Who could even take it seriously?
But I can't do any better. I just have to hope…
Then, he wrote down in depth instructions on how to arrive at the special location he had chosen in the woods. He even drew a little map. Then he put it in an envelope.
One months time…. one month till the next full moon…
Haru walked into his room the next night. He was exhausted, but didn't know if his mind could let him sleep. He lay down on his bed and rested his arms behind his head, smiling slightly to himself as he became lost in thought.
All was quiet, all was silent, everything completely calm. As it was outside. Not a single breeze rustled the trees, nothing moved…all was still.
Yet suddenly he felt the urge to feel the cool, yet thick, heady, night air against his skin. To breathe in its dept… its richness…
Why was it at night that the natural smells of the soil, the trees, the vegetation…it was all so much stronger? Why was it that being outside, out there at night, in the night, everything felt so much more alive?
So Haru turned to open the window and paused as he noticed something sticking to the other side of the glass pane.
Someone had written him a letter? Placed it on his bedroom window for only him to see? No one has ever done something like that for me before…
His hands shook slightly as he opened the letter.
A month had passed.
Had the waiting killed him?
Had the waiting made him change his mind?
A thousand times.
A thousand times Kyo had thought maybe, maybe I should just leave things be.
But he had started it, and now he had to end it.
Would Haru show?
It was interesting; the ox had not acted any different since he got the letter (assuming he did receive it), and as far as Kyo knew, the ox had not mentioned its contents to a single soul. He was sure if Haru told anyone, Momiji would have been the first to find out and once the bubble boy knew, it wouldn't have been long before everyone else did too.
Maybe Haru just laughed and threw it away, thinking nothing more of it… maybe that would be a good thing…maybe, if he doesn't show tonight, maybe then I'll be able to get over him completely. It was never meant to be…
You're only making things worse and much harder for yourself! Another part of his mind reminded him. But I need this! I NEED this…just once…
And so tonight…
Will he come to me?
Haru looked at the letter he had been carrying around with him for a month. It had been unfolded and re-folded so many times that the words that lay along the creases had faded almost completely. It didn't matter though; he knew every word on that paper, every single scrawled letter off by heart.
At first he had wondered if it was simply a joke…or a trap…some kind of prank? But he couldn't think of anyone who would do such a thing…who would have any reason or who would even bother? Especially since most people were too afraid of his black side to try.
He hadn't told anyone…it was his little secret, something that excited him more and more as the moon grew fuller in the night sky. And the more he thought about it, the more he became sure of who it was.
Someone who was too shy and scared to admit his feelings to him, to let anyone else ever know. If this was the only way they felt comfortable doing it, then Haru would be patient and give them a chance….
Because he had feelings for that person too.
So I'll go…I'll defiantly take a chance and go…love is always worth taking a chance. Even if I'm scared, even if its dangerous…even if I don't want to get hurt…I won't let that side of me show, I won't let it hold me back. I'll take a chance.
Kyo paced around his room. His felt as if his insides were jumping…his blood was dancing…
I can't stop shaking…
Back and forth, back and forth. Breath deeply. Only three hours to go…
"WHY?!" Kyo suddenly screamed and sank to the ground, covering his head with his hands as if that could block out the thoughts he didn't want to think.
Why can't I stop thinking about you Haru? What is wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
Kyo leapt out the window, and burst into the night, landing on the ground, all fours. He straightened up feeling the night surrounding him, welcoming him.
His eyes glowed ruby red, striking in the darkness, and then he ran, he ran as fast as he could, dodging through the trees, feeling the earth shifting beneath his feet, the wind whipping his skin…he ran and became one with the night.
Finally Kyo stopped at a clearing; this was a place he liked to visit often. It was away from everyone else, an isolated ring of trees surrounding a stretch of mossy grass and damp earth. Standing there, looking up, it was the one spot where no trees obstructed the view of the sky.
It was so strange, this circle in the middle of the woods as if it didn't belong there. But when Kyo was here…he almost felt like he had found a place he belonged.
He climbed with ease up one of the trees that surrounded this unusual place and there he sat, bringing his knees up to his chest, hugging them tightly. There he waited.
---------------He isn't coming…
Kyo gazed up at the full moon through the branches and leaves of his tree. He felt something wet slide down his face and wiped it away.
Looking back down and over to the clearing…at this time, the moon was the highest in the sky and while other parts of the forest were so thick little light filtered through, the effect of the moon in the clearing was breathtaking as it lit up the circle of land in a pale, shimmering glow.
It's at least an hour past midnight…there is no sight of him…
Of course…what did you expect? Why on earth would he come…who would listen to some weird letter…maybe that would happen in fiction, but real life isn't a fairy tale or a movie…things don't play out that easily. Things are never that simple… people are never that trusting…
Still, he remained frozen on the tree. He couldn't bring himself to get down.
I'll stay here all nigh if I have to…I'll wait until the sun rises for him…
Just this once.
But why did his heart sink at the thought of Haru never showing? Why did he get the feeling that even then he wouldn't be able to stop feeling this way?
The slight sound made Kyo's ears prick up. Could it be? Could it really be Haru?
He crawled carefully to the edge of the branch to get a better look.
A small grey squirrel scurried across the ground.
He sighed in disappointment.
What was that? It sounded just like the sound of a twig snapping underneath someone's shoe…
The first thing he saw was that white hair, shining in the moonlight and his breath caught.
Haru…you came…you really came…
Haru took another step. It must be somewhere around here…
He was careful to keep his face utterly blank and expressionless. He forced himself to appear calm. But inside…inside he was nervous.
I can't believe I got lost even though I read and re-read those directions over and over and memorised that map completely…
The sound of someone landing behind him caused him to jump, and his heart leapt to his throat. He was about to turn around to face whoever it was, ready to attack if need be, but he was stopped by two hands clamping over his eyes.
"Don't be afraid." A voice whispered in his ear, so low, so soft that he couldn't be sure if it was male or female…the faintest of words so he couldn't identify the voice.
He felt the person's presence so strongly, so near that he tingled all over. He wanted to struggle…one twist and he could turn around, see them, reveal them.
"Please…. don't move." There was such begging, such need in those few words that Haru remained still.
Why was it that voices in the dark could sound so much more intimate? If normal voices did that…how much more intimate did a whisper become? Haru could feel the person's breath against his ear as they whispered to him, and each word sent shivers down his spine.
He felt a soft, cool material being slipped over his eyes and realised it was a blindfold. He reached up uncertainly, wanting to remove it, but two hands slipped over his, stopping them.
"Please, trust me." That voice whispered. " You cannot see who I am. But please, stay with me tonight. I won't hurt you, I just want to be with you."
Kyo held his breath. He expected Haru to run or turn black and tear off his blindfold, turn around…become horrified…
Kyo was terrified at that thought…he was so scared he couldn't breath and time in that instance seemed to slow right down.
But the ox only nodded. "Okay."
Kyo took another step closer. He was so close he could feel the heat radiating off Haru's body, and it made him long for more. Kyo inched closer still, until his chest was pressing into the other boy's back, and at that contact he couldn't control it anymore.
I need you…
Haru felt the person's hands sliding around his waist, clutching his chest and pulling him back against their own body. He felt their warmth rush over him, and then they buried their face in his neck.
Haru shivered again, growing weak from the sensation. Warm lips pressed against the crook of his neck and began to kiss and suck gently at the sensitive skin there. His heartbeat sped up, his pulse raced; he began to feel dizzy, standing there in the dark, blindfolded so he couldn't even see the shadows. All he could do was feel.
Night-time made everything more intense, it highlighted ones senses, made one more aware. Night gave things an unreal quality and yet at the same time made them seem more real than ever before. The night made everything so intense, added to this, with the blindfold…suddenly Haru's other senses: touch, hearing, smell…suddenly they all sharpened, became clearer than ever before.
Every inch of his skin was hyper sensitive. One brush, the barest of touches and he shivered feeling it dance down his skin. He could smell the fresh, moist grass and earthy soil at his feet; the clean, crisp night air surrounding him. He could hear the distant sounds of animals moving about…it was almost as if he could feel the life forces of all the creatures that dwelled in the woods; the night thrummed with life, simultaneously weakening and invigorating him.
Most of all he could feel him. That energy, that aura, the closeness of the other person…it blended with his own energy, pulsed with his own, sent his head spinning…and he wasn't nervous or unsure any longer.
I am yours…
Kyo held Haru tighter as he lowered him slowly to the ground. His heart was thudding so hard, his blood rushing so loud in his ears that all other sound was blocked out.
Haru tried to turn around, tried to hold him too, but the other boy wouldn't let him.
"No…. don't touch me," he whispered running a hand through Haru's soft hair. "Just let me, please let me…."
I shouldn't be doing this…Kyo's mind whispered,but he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't stop his hands from roaming, from sliding under Haru's shirt, feeling that smooth, warm skin. He looked down at Haru, still blindfolded. His breathing had become ragged, and he lay in Kyo's arms so trustingly…
He moved his hands over the toned muscles of Haru's stomach and chest, his fingers grazing one nipple and pausing as Haru let out a little moan.
Under the glow of the full moon, Kyo could see the flush that had grown over Haru's face. He wanted to hear him moan again, he wanted to see that flush deepen…he wanted to give Haru pleasure and know that it was him who was making Haru feel that way.
I shouldn't be doing this…
But I need to.
"Wha – what are you –" Haru gasped as he felt hands wandering lower, unzipping his pants.
"Ssssh." The voice hushed, and the person shifted so that they sat up slightly, completely behind Haru, pulling him against them, letting him lay his head on their chest.
Haru could fell their heart beating; it was faster than it should be and it caused his own to speed up.
One cool hand slipped into his pants and he jerked at that first feather light touch. He felt the person's own arousal pressing into him from behind as they held his throbbing member.
Kyo grasped him, so warm, so alive, loving the velvety softness as he began to pleasure Haru, slowly at first, then harder, faster. He watched the enjoyment wash over Haru's face, and could feel it too.
His pleasure is mine…
Haru felt as if his whole body was burning, melting and shivering at the same time…. Touch was the only sense he was aware of; all other senses had closed off. He could hardly believe what was happening to him, hardly believe this was real…
"Yuki." Haru breathed out, slowly and clearly.
Just for a fraction of a second. In that instance time stopped.
There he was... alone. Surrounded by…nothing.
No sounds, no feelings, no words, no thoughts….
And then –
Pain. It sliced through him and was quickly followed by a heavy, cold, feeling descending upon his chest, pressing down on him, suffocating him…
Who was I kidding? Of course he wouldn't still be here if he thought it was anyone other than his beloved Yuki…
But I still love him no matter what … I can't help loving him.
In the next instance Kyo continued to pleasure the one he loved even thought that one thought he was with the one he loved...
Haru hadn't seemed to notice the slight pause. He moaned again softly, as Kyo continued to touch him, fingers caressing that velvety skin, brushing over that sensitive tip, collecting the pearly drops of liquid that leaked out, using it as lubricant to pump harder. Haru's entire body had gone tense, his mouth parted slightly, and Kyo could tell he was close to his release.
When Haru came, Kyo felt the orgasm sweep through him, felt his seed spill over his hand, watched as the pleasure washed over Haru's face…and to his utter shock he suddenly, almost violently, felt something warm and hot rush through his own body, unlike anything he ever had felt before, and then he too was coming, unable to control it.
"Haru." He whispered.
Haru I love you, oh god, I love you so much…tell me why…I can't fight it…you make me so weak…but I love you all the same.
That's what Kyo wanted to say; he had to bite his lip to stop himself from bursting out and telling Haru he loved him over and over again even though he didn't fully understand it himself.
He couldn't say it though. He couldn't say that when Haru thought he was Yuki.
But he didn't want to move, he didn't want to leave.
"Amazing." Haru said quietly, a small, almost bittersweet smile on his face.
With trembling hands, Kyo reached up and gently, reluctantly, lifted Haru off him, then slowly, uncertainly, began to undo the blindfold.
"It's okay." Haru reassured. "I won't look."
Kyo paused for a second, staring at Haru's flushed face. Then he leaned in pressing his lips to Haru's. Another wave of pleasure rushed through him as Haru eagerly returned the kiss, and Kyo's hands slid through that soft, silky, black and white hair to hold his head, press him closer, not wanting to let go, not wanting the kiss to stop. He kissed him as if by doing so he could merge with him, sink into him, be with him always. Kyo broke away, panting.
"Thank you Haru." He whispered, the tears finally spilling over. He turned and ran, disappearing before Haru could even finish removing the blindfold.
Thank you for reading! I shall post part two very soon if anyone likes this first part : )