Thank you so much to all the wonderful people who reviewed part one :D Makes me so happy to know that people liked it : ) And so here is the second (and last) part of my lil story…
A façade. A masquerade. That's what life was by the harsh light of day.
Everything carried on as normal. The same fighting, the same arguing, the same cheerful chatter and bantering. It whirled around and around him.
None of them know, Kyo thought as he argued with the rat during breakfast the following morning as per usual. None of them could ever guess how I really feel, how much I'm hurting right now.
He played it all indifferent. Everything was like that…everything as it had been.
Fake. A cover up.
When he saw Haru, things were just the same.
It was all as if nothing had happened.
It was all still…false smiles. Forced laughter. Everybody, much more cheerful than how they really felt. It's necessary…to protect ourselves, to get through each day; we ignore that darkness inside, caused by those black feelings, those ones that hurt so much.
But when night fell, could he keep it up?
No. At night-time I do not even have the strength to pretend to myself any longer, I can't ignore my own thoughts; I can't ignore the truth…once night falls everything is laid bare.
Kyo huddled under his covers, curled into a ball, clutching his stomach as the unreleased feelings burst out, rushing over him in boiling, bubbling, violent waves. I never meant to Haru… I never meant to…I tried to resist…how could I do something like that you?
I'm so sorry Haru…I can't believe I…
…I used you.
Yes…I used him. The one I loved…I tricked him into thinking I was Yuki…how could I do that? How could I use him like that with no regard for his feelings? I was so selfish, so wrapped up in my own emotions that I couldn't control it! How can I live with myself knowing what I've done?
The days went by and Kyo thought it would get better. He thought he would learn how to deal. He thought he could push that night to the very dept of his mind and ignore the guilt of what he had done… ignore the pain of hearing Haru say that name…ignore the longing he still felt.
He thought he could block out everything and continue living his meaningless existence for whatever purpose…without caring …because to not care...that was the only way to survive.
He thought it would get better.
The nights were even worse. Every single night without fail the tears would come.
I wish I could turn back time…and yet…part of me…part of me doesn't want to forget. Despite the guilt I feel I never want to give up those memories of being so close to him…
I want to pretend that those feelings he has for Yuki, I want to pretend he has them for me! I know it isn't so, I know it was wrong, but I can't stop reliving that night in my mind, every night…it's driving me crazy and I want another night to be with you Haru…
That feeling that rushed through me…will I ever feel something so incredible again?
Just one more time? One more time and then I'll let you go?
One more time…
Haru sighed, smiling slightly to himself as he looked out his window the following night, up at the stars. Ever since he had first received that letter he had been paying more and more attention to the night sky.
He looked down and felt a familiar stirring of hope and anticipation as he saw, stuck to the window, another envelope.
Another month went by.
Each month on the night of the full moon they met.
Kyo had tried to resist, but somehow he couldn't stop himself from going there on those nights...he didn't even have to write letters anymore, Haru always came.
I know it's not right…I know it's so wrong…but… sometimes…sometimes I can fool myself, sometimes when I hold him in my arms I can pretend that Haru knows its me, and is there for ME, not Yuki.
I feel like dying when I remember that it's not the truth. Still, I have realised I would rather have Haru think I'm Yuki and still have a way to see him than to not be able to be with him at all.
How can something feel so right and so wrong at the same time?
If he ever found out…if he knew it was I…
How did it ever become like this? At first it was just something that I wanted, someone that I wanted…but then it became something that I needed…and then, then I realised I loved him… I never believed in that emotion until I really felt it... then I had no doubt. I love him and I can't forget about him.
I feel like I can't survive without him. Without him I have no reason to go on. I need him… he's the only thing that keeps me going…
How did it become like this?
"Will you ever let me see you?" Haru asked, as he felt the presence of him arrive on yet another full moon's night. A blindfold was slipped over Haru's eyes as soft lips placed a kiss on his cheek.
"I cannot…" the person sighed against his skin.
"Why? Are you scared? You don't need to be scared." Haru turned around in his arms, trying to hold him.
The person stepped away.
"Why? Why won't you let me touch you?"
"Please…" the strain and desperation was clear in his voice. "Don't make this harder than it already is…"
Haru felt himself getting angry as he fought for control of his black side. This was becoming a little too much for him to handle.
"Why is it that… this thing we have…. why is it only once a month? Why only on the night of the full moon? Why can't we be together more often? Why?!" he demanded in frustration. "I understand shyness, but not letting me see you…this is getting ridiculous. I'm beginning to feel like you're just playing with me…likes it's some sort of game."
Haru heard the other person gasp and he wished he could take back what he had said. No, it's not a game… of course I don't really think that… I could never believe that, not after the way he holds me…the way I feel when I'm with him…I can sense it…when we are together…
This is real.
Kyo felt cold all over. What Haru had said…it hit a little too close to home. It is like I'm using you…because you think I'm Yuki…but…but I…
"I love you Haru," he whispered before he could stop himself.
"Then how long is this going to go on for?" Haru asked, his usually calm voice sounding desperate. "When will it stop being only one night and start being every night?"
There was a long pause. Then that voice began again, slowly, painfully:
"We can never be together during the day…only at night, when we are protected by darkness. Every night…that would be too much, I couldn't handle it without wanting to give in completely… to never leave your side."
And for reasons I can't admit to you Haru, that can't happen. To be loved by you…that's a dream that can never come true. Because if you knew who is really whispering these words…
"On a full moon…on those nights though…. they are our nights. They are the nights that belong to us. Lovers that can never be. A month is the longest…it's how long I can bear it as it builds up…this thing…these feelings… a month is how long I can resist, how long I can try to pretend I don't love you…But on the full moon…it becomes unbearable…." Kyo trailed off for a moment, remembering all those times he had sat alone on the night of the full moon and wished to be with someone.
No...not someone...Haru. Only Haru. And now I'm scared to be alone during that time…could I handle it?
"Haru, you enjoy this too…can't you be satisfied with those nights when the moon is at its fullest?"
Kyo trembled as he waited for Haru's reaction.
Would this be it? Kyo wondered. Has it come to this…the time when he turns black, decides to stop putting up with this? Will tonight be the night…when it all ends?
NO! It's too soon! It's can't be over yet! Just a few more nights… Please!
Haru sighed. "Okay. Being with you this way, once a month…it's better than nothing. It's better then never. I'll give you time, as much time as you need before you feel you can show yourself to me."
That would be never, Kyo thought miserably.
"On one condition," Haru continued. "That you let me touch you too."
Kyo tensed up. He wants to…?! He felt a small flare of excitement, but it quickly died as he remembered. Well of course Haru would…he thinks I'm Yuki. Could I handle that? He couldn't possibly tell that I'm not Yuki just by touching me could he?
Could Kyo take the risk?
I was too scared before but do I really have a choice now? As long as he doesn't feel the prayer beads on my wrist…then I guess it will be okay.
So Kyo agreed.
Haru, still unable to see but quite used to that now, slipped a hand around Kyo's waist and pulled him towards his own body so sharply that they both stumbled and fell to the ground. Their fall was cushioned by the grass, which formed a cool, soft mattress beneath them.
The moon continued to shine serenely down on them, but this time Haru was anything but calm. He kissed Kyo, almost bruising in its intensity, demanding for more, pouring his frustration into that kiss. His hands slid under Kyo's shirt and tugged on his pants and though Kyo blushed and shivered, he couldn't stop him.
I don't have the will to stop you Haru…
Haru stood back a little shakily and removed his own clothes. Kyo couldn't help but stare in awe for a moment at how beautiful his body looked bathed in the moonlight.
Whatever Haru had in mind, Kyo wanted it too. I want to be with you Haru…
Unable to stop himself, he reached out and grabbed Haru's hand, pulling the boy gently back down. Haru laid himself on top of Kyo and kissed him again passionately, slower this time, softer. The anger he had felt earlier seemed to fade away as they lay there, the moon illuminating their entwined bodies, in the centre of the clearing in the otherwise dark night. Haru trailed kisses down Kyo's chest, rubbing himself against him, wanting him, needing him.
Kyo could feel their lust building, growing…energy flowing around their bodies, thickening to the extent that it almost felt tangible.
But it's more than just lust, Kyo thought. It always has been, for me at least. Haru…not only do I want to feel your pleasure…I want to become one with you… I want to connect with you like no one else has, body and soul… so we never have to part…
Kyo couldn't seem to stop thinking these thoughts, feeling this way and it frightened him in its intensity.
Haru sat up then, bringing Kyo with him, wrapping the boy's legs around his waist and holding him tightly. Kyo waited in anticipation, wondering what Haru would do next. To his surprise the boy simply sighed and buried his face into Kyo's neck.
Abruptly it was as if a spell had fallen over them, and neither dared to move. They held each other close but stayed still. Time seemed to stop and it was only the two of them.
Then slowly, Kyo became aware of their surroundings once more. He could feel it…not only their energy, but also that of the night… he looked up and there she was, the silver moon shining down on them as always... creating this illusion, this beautiful dream that feels more real than anything else...
Thump, thump, thump…Suddenly his heart was beating so loudly…. his chest was pressed so close to Haru's he could feel his own heartbeat and then that was all that Kyo could hear. Ba-dump ba-dump…
They were perfectly aligned…
Is this what it feels like? To be this close to someone…someone who makes you feel like you've found your place in this world…your reason for living when you've lost all hope?
Why then, do I feel like it's not everything it should be? Why do I feel like I'm so close to reaching something… wonderful… but that it will always be just a fraction out of my grasp?
Something's blocking it…
I know why, deep in my heart I already know. It's because just like everything else this is …
The tears came fast, running down Kyo's face, but they were silent, and Haru could not see. He did not know.
He does not know…
Haru interrupted the stillness by shifting his head slightly and pressing his mouth to the pulse on Kyo's neck. He sucked on it, hard enough to leave a mark.
A love bite…Kyo thought faintly. He's marking me… he thinks I'm Yuki…
No…this is wrong! I've got to stop him!
It came out more as a moan than a plea to stop because at that moment Haru reached down and touched him. Kyo moaned again and would have fallen back if Haru's arm wasn't there, supporting him. At the same time he was all too aware of Haru's own arousal pressing against him….
Every stroke, every caress of Haru's hand around his pulsing member sent bolts of pleasure shooting through Kyo. He bit his lip so hard it drew blood in his effort not to scream out loud.
I can't scream…he might realise I'm not Yuki…
Those tears…they were still running down his face … never had anything felt so good and so bad at the same time.
I don't have the strength to resist him… I don't have the strength to stay away from him…I just want him with me always and I don't know how to make this feeling stop!
Why does it have to be this way?
Haru let out a sudden growl and the next thing Kyo knew he was face down on the ground, Haru on top of him, pressing into him, covering him completely.
He leaned in close so that his mouth was just above Kyo's ear. "Do you think this isn't hard for me too?" The anger was back in his voice.
"It doesn't have to be like this!" Haru exclaimed, struggling with his black side. That side of him was inpatient, intolerant. It wanted to demand that the boy admit what Haru knew was true…was real…to show who he was, get over his fear. Both sides of Haru wanted him to do that before he…before he….
"Don't you realise how hard it is for me, every time just to control myself…" Haru continued his voice strained.
Kyo couldn't speak. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. I'm sorry Haru…
"I have to have you." Haru said simply. " I can't wait any longer. I have to have you now."
Kyo had only a second to realise what Haru was doing as he prepared himself and then in one swift motion, thrust inside of Kyo making the boy gasp at the sudden pain. Haru felt him relax a second later as the pain gave way to something much, much more…
Haru…Kyo thought in wonder. These feelings…they feel so fantastic…we are connected in the most intimate way possible…
But why do I feel like my heart's breaking all over again…
"Let me see you." Haru half begged, half demanded. " Take off this blindfold...please."
"N-NO!" Kyo managed to gasp.
Kyo heard Haru sigh but the boy began to move, creating a rhythm that gradually started to pick up. Kyo listened to the moans and sighs Haru made and he wished he could turn around, longed to watch the expressions on Haru's face. That desire alone to see him as he felt him inside was so strong it brought on its own kind of pain…
But it's probably better this way…
Is that the kind of pain that Haru feels, not being able to see me…or rather…not being able to see Yuki…
Yes that's right…he thinks he's making love to Yuki.
Suddenly, the realization of what he was doing fully hit Kyo.
You have to stop him! Kyo's mind screamed. This is your last chance…you can't let him finish this while he still thinks you're Yuki! You've done enough damage! You have to stop him; you can't abuse his own emotions like this!! You're using him! How can you live with yourself!
Kyo struggled with these thoughts even as the feel of Haru inside him caused pleasure to cloud his mind...
Tell him! Tell him now, you coward!
Kyo's mouth opened and closed desperately but no sound came out. It's useless! Oh God…it's useless…I…I…
I CAN'T DO IT!
Haru leaned in closer as he neared the edge and Kyo could feel his warm breath against his ear.
"Kyo." Haru whispered, a second before his release came.
Crystal clear that name echoed throughout Kyo's mind.
For a second his heart seemed to stop beating, the world around him seemed to freeze.
Just as instantly, the world came rushing back to life and still trying to comprehend what he had heard, Kyo realised he couldn't hold it back any longer -
"HARU!!!!" he screamed as the night exploded.
The two of them lay very still.
Kyo stared up at the moon as if it could answer all his questions.
Is this real? Did I really hear…did Haru really say my name? I heard it so clearly…what does this mean?
Haru stirred. "Kyo," he said softy. There was no mistaking. "Can I finally remove the blindfold?"
All Kyo could do was stare at the moon, still in shock.
Finally, he sat up, and almost as if in a trance he reached over and slowly, slowly, lifted the blindfold up, sliding it off Haru's forehead.
Silver eyes met his.
Haru placed his hand against the Kyo's cheek and leaned in to kiss him softly. "Kyo…." he murmured when they broke apart, then he uttered the shocking words. "I always knew it was you. Right from the beginning."
Kyo continued to stare at him, speechless.
"I'm sorry Kyo… if this is too early for you. I thought I could be more patient…I knew that you had to do it your way…I knew I had to let you do it your way before you would realise…"
"B-but before…." Kyo interrupted, unable to believe what Haru seemed to be saying. "You called me 'Yuki'."
"Oh, that. I wanted to see if you would deny it, if you would tell me who you really were, that easily. The fact that you didn't, well I knew you needed time. Also that one moment of hesitation, back then when I said Yuki's name, it was all I needed to confirm my suspicions, my hopes that it was you."
"I always liked you Kyo, I admired Yuki, but I also adored you. I never guessed you would or could feel the same way until I received that letter…. and, now, these nights we spent together the one night a month when the moon was the fullest...they made me realise…I'm completely in love with you."
"H-Haru…" Kyo blinked, trying to stop the tears. "I….I lo-"
"Sssh." Haru drew Kyo towards him, embracing him tightly. "It's okay, there's no need for words. I know. I understand."
The first rays of the morning sunrise started to peak through the clearing and caused them both to look up.
"It's the sun…" Kyo whispered.
"I know you might be scared," Haru said, "But if you let me, I want to stay with you. I'm going to be here by your side from now on."
"I ..." Kyo began and stopped as he felt an emotion he had almost given up on swelling inside.
Hope… It was there again. Did this mean…
Haru smiled and stood up, offering a hand and never taking his eyes off Kyo's. "It's okay. You don't have to hide anymore."
I don't have to hide anymore.
Kyo smiled slightly. It was a small smile, but it was a real one. He took Haru's hand.
Maybe Haru was right. The harsh light of day was scary, but the night had given him strength. Maybe it didn't always have to be fake smiles and empty hearts…maybe… finally… something real…
Could begin to take away the pain.
Thank you for reading! Aww, I like happy endings : ) Well I think this is the longest one-shot fanfic I've written :P Originally it was only going to be about 4 pages long! Hehe, actually it was on of those stories which I never planed on writing but suddenly found myself writing and couldn't stop… like its beyond my control or something :P So I'm not sure how well it turned out, but pls review and tell me what you thought :)