A/N: This was written for my English class. I read Eldest for my book report, and one of the projects I did was to make an interview with one of the characters. I originally was going to interview Saphira, since she's way better than Eragon in my opinion, but that proved a bit difficult for me. So here's my interview with Eragon Shadeslayer!
Grumpy Alchemist: I would like to welcome everyone here in the audience! Today we have a very special guest. Please, put your hands together for… Eragon!
Enter Eragon, fans cheering loudly.
Eragon: Touches fingers to lips. Atra esterní ono thelduin.
GA: That's alright! You don't need to practice the elf customs here! I barely know them myself!
Eragon: Relaxes Thank the gods! I was sure if I practiced that greeting one more time, my head was going to explode! So…why am I here again?
GA: For an interview! Isn't that exciting?
Eragon: When you say "exciting" do you mean like flying high in the sky on the back of your dragon?
GA: Only if flying is being asked many questions by an inquisitive fan!
Eragon: Sighs Fine. Let us partake in this interrogation.
GA: Alright! First question: Is there a "special someone" out there?
Eragon: I do fancy a woman… but the age difference is too great, and she does not return the same feelings.
GA: That's too bad… these fans were all going to marry you!
Eragon: …What? I have not met any of these girls before, and I would definitely not marry any of them!
Audience becoming angry
GA: On to the next question! Do you miss your mommy?
Eragon: I never met my mother. Garrow told me she came to his house to birth me. Afterward my mother, Selena, convinced Uncle Garrow and Aunt Marian to keep me; then she left. I recently learned she died; I wish I had known her.
GA: I'm sorry, Argetlam! I didn't mean to--- I didn't know---
Eragon: Don't fret. It is not you're fault I never met my mother. Are there any more questions?
GA: Yep! Lots! Question number three: Why are you such a blockhead?
Eragon: What?! I am no such thing!
GA: Angela told me you are!
Eragon: Well if you must know, I accidentally cursed an innocent child.
GA: You what?! How dare you! And I thought you were the good guy!
Eragon: It wasn't meant to be a curse! I thought I was giving the child a blessing. But my lack of knowledge of the Ancient Language caused me to conjugate a verb wrong, thus sealing the girl's fate.
Eragon: Would you desist! I know I made a horrible mistake, and I am truly sorry and in deep distress for what pain I must have caused the girl. But I have learned a way I can lesson, or even eliminate the spell she is under.
GA: As long as you right your wrongs…
Eragon: I shall.
GA: Good. Fourth question: Can you read my mind?
Eragon: Yes, and also the audience's.
Everyone screams in panic.
GA: Get out of my head!
Eragon: Stop panicking! I am only picking up everyone's general intents. I am a Rider, as you know. Since any of you could be my enemy, I must be able to tell if any plans to hurt me or anyone else.
GA: I would feel better if you stop.
Eragon: I'm sorry, I cannot do that.
GA: Do you want me to bring Galbatorix in here?
GA: Then be so kind as to let everyone keep their privacy.
Eragon: grumbles Fine.
GA: Good! Fifth question: Do you know you are beautiful?
GA: That's a bit vain, isn't it?
Eragon: Did you want me to lie?
GA: No, I just thought you would at least blush. I was hoping to embarrass you.
Eragon: Why should that embarrass me?
GA: Because you look a bit effeminate to me.
Eragon: I do not!
GA: Yes you do.
Eragon: I look like an elf! I do not look like a woman!
GA: Whatever you say... Question number six: What race do you prefer: dwarves or elves?
Eragon: A serious question at last! Well, I now belong to the dwarf clan Durgrimst Ingeitum, and my good friend Orik belongs to the same clan. But being in Ellesméra was so alluring. So peaceful I wouldn't mind living there. But since your question seems to be talking about the people, I would choose the dwarves. For lifestyle though, I prefer the elves.
GA: Nice choice! Seventh question: What's it like to have Misery?
Eragon: Do you mean Zar'roc?
Eragon: Zar'roc has aided me in many frays, including the Battle of the Burning Plains. I say that Zar'roc is a great sword, but with one small problem; my brother took it from me.
GA: Roran? Of course he would steal it. Zar'roc is so disturbingly awesome.
Eragon: Roran's my cousin! And he would never steal anything from me!
GA: Don't have to yell! So who stole your sword?
Eragon: My brother did. He took it. He could have at least given me his own sword in return! Curse him! We may be related by blood, but Roran is more of a brother than he.
GA: Didn't I just say Roran was your brother?
Eragon: Yes, but you truly believed he was my biological brother.
GA: I thought I told you to stop reading minds! That's it! Galba…!
Eragon covers Grumpy Alchemist's mouth so she can't call Galbatorix
Eragon: Alright! I'll stop seeking your thoughts! Just don't bring him in here!
Eragon sits down again
GA: Glares Eighth Question! From your reaction to the king, I'll assume you're not ready to fight him?
Eragon: I'll face him when I feel like it. Pouts
GA: snaps a picture I can't wait to show this to Angela and Saphira!
Eragon: No! Give that fairth to me!!
GA: Ha! I bet you'd want this photo! Grins wickedly
Eragon: Fine then! If you won't cooperate… brisingr!
Picture bursts into flames in Grumpy Alchemist's hand.
GA: I regret ever choosing you for this interview. Question number nine! How well are you adjusting to the vegan lifestyle?
Eragon: Very well, thank you.
GA: But don't you miss eating venison, beef, and rabbits?
Eragon: Sure, I miss the taste, but think about the innocent lives destroyed just so I can eat a favorite meal.
GA: I quite understand. I used to be a vegetarian myself for two years. Ready for the final question?
GA: What… is your name?
Eragon: Eragon Shadeslayer
GA: What… is your quest?
Eragon: To avenge Garrow, and to defeat the King.
GA: What… is your favorite color?
Eragon: Red. No, blue! No…
Eragon is thrown over the edge of a conveniently near-by volcano.
Saphira swoops in and catches Eragon before he hits the lava.