So, it happened again. Something about fanfiction has annoyed me to my limit and I now have to relieve myself of the irritation in a way that doesn't involve flaming the people who write them. So here it is.
Anyone who's read any of my previous mock fics should know the drill by now. If you're unhappy at the thought of me making fun of a (in my opinion) stupid plotline or theme in the Naruto fanfic world, then I suggest saving yourself a few minutes of your own time and hitting the 'Back' button right now. To everyone else...
By Legendary Legacy
A Naruto Mock-fic
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE-!
Uzumaki Naruto slammed his fist down on the alarm clock sitting next to his bed. He grumbled irritably at the sudden loss of his blissful dream of Sakura-chan rubbing lotion onto his bare back in the middle of a sandy beach with no one else in sight, except for Sasuke who was being eaten by a shark out in the ocean.
Rolling over, he happened to glance at his calendar and remembered exactly what day it was.
"ALL RIGHT! Today's the day I finally graduate from the academy and become a genin!"
Springing from his bed, the blond boy was showered, dressed and had eaten a light breakfast of ramen and milk in approximately 4 minutes, quite a feat considering it took three minutes to cook the ramen. Then he was out the door and sprinting to the academy.
This was it. He was definitely going to pass this time around. He was confident. Not even the accursed 'Bunshin exam' could stop him this time.
The boy was so excited that he found himself standing in front of the school before realizing that something wasn't quite the way it should have been. He scanned the building slowly, tilting his head to the side. It looked the same, except he was pretty sure that there had never been a large swirling leaf symbol of Konoha with two large words written across it at the very top before.
"Konoha...High?" he questioned, reading the name on the building out loud. "...The hell?"
Naruto stood where he was for several long minutes trying to figure something out when he spotted a familiar face.
"Oi! Sakura-chan!" he called, running toward her while waving his arms frantically above his head.
"Naruto?" the startled girl asked. "What's-?"
"Sakura-chan, something weird is going on!" he interrupted. "The academy is different and there's some sort of...um...nice outfit."
Sakura glanced down at the traditional Japanese schoolgirl outfit that she was currently wearing. "Er, thanks. ...Where's yours?"
Naruto blinked. "My...what?"
Sakura sighed in disgust. "You didn't read your new script, did you?"
"What? No, of course I did! ...Which one was that?"
The girl sighed again. "This is a high school fic, Naruto."
He tilted his head to the side in confusion. "High...school...?"
Sakura hung her head. "You're so thick, I swear... It's a story about all of us kids at the academy, except instead of going to school at the ninja academy, we go to a regular high school and do normal kid stuff like homework and sports and such."
"Oooh," Naruto said, nodding in understanding. "But wait a minute! If we're going to high school and doing homework and sports and whatever in our free time, when do we train to become ninja?"
"We don't, Naruto. We're not ninja in this story. We're just normal kids, no different than the person who wrote the script for us."
The blond was flabbergasted. "...But...that's just stupid! We're freakin' ninjas, for God's sake! That's what makes us cool! What's the point of this story if we can't train and go on dangerous missions?"
"Well...it's stuff like teenage romance, break-ups and heartbreak, and...you know, just typical high school drama."
Naruto's jaw was hanging open at this point. "But high school drama SUCKS! And we already have all that other stuff, plus all the kick ass things like big, suspenseful battles, awesome jutsus and abilities, and...FUN STUFF! Writing stories about us not being ninja is like ordering plain ramen at Ichiraku when you could have gotten deluxe for the exact same price!"
"Well how do you think I feel about it? I mean sure, maybe it's not as fun, but the person who did this couldn't even get my character right! In this story I'm supposed to be nothing but an overachieving perfect student with no other skills who has a borderline obsession for Sasuke, the 'class heartthrob'."
Naruto blinked. "...Ano, but...aren't you...?" A sharp glare from the pink-haired girl stopped his train of speech. "I mean, um... 'How dare they?'"
"That's what I thought you meant."
The two broke off their conversation as they saw Chouji, Tenten, Kiba and Akamaru standing in front of the building, staring miserably at the 'No Food, Weapons or Animals Allowed' sign that was taped to the door. Rock Lee walked past them a moment later, looking very normal in his own grey school uniform. As he approached the front door, Maito Gai appeared before him, decked out in a dirty white lab coat. The two scanned each other up and down , then fell into each others arms, wracked with tears of despair and cursing the creation of this dreaded thing known as a 'dress code'.
Naruto shook his head sadly. "You see what I mean? What good's a story about us if we can't even be ourselves?"
Sakura didn't know what else to do besides shrug. "We all have to do things we don't want to, Naruto. It's just something that we have to deal with."
He sighed, having grown very depressed in a very short amount of time. "So level with me, Sakura-chan...I don't have any ninja abilities at all?"
She shook her head.
"No such thing as Hokage?"
Another head shake.
"...Do I at LEAST end up with a girl when it's all over with?"
Sakura paused for a moment, then signaled no again.
"Oh, COME ON! Not even a traditional Hinata pairing?"
Sakura looked a bit sheepish. "Er, actually, she's with Gaara in this one."
"Gaara? He doesn't even go to school here!"
"Well, he's the uh...'exchange student'."
Naruto appeared lost in deep thought as he stared blankly at the ground.
"Well I'm out of here. Have fun, Sakura-chan," he finally stated.
Sakura blinked in surprise. "What? Wait, you can't just leave now, we haven't even started yet."
"Watch me," he grumbled as he walked past her.
"Wait, where are you going then?"
"I heard there's a guy at the agency looking to use some of us in a crossover with a show called 'La Blue Girl'. Nobody's taken it yet, so I think I'll check that out."
Sakura's face turned a faint shade of green. "Naruto...do you have any idea what 'La Blue Girl' is about?" she called after him.
"No, but it's got ninjas in it, so it has to be better than this! Give me a call when they get the Ninja Academy back!"
Sakura really wanted to warn the boy, but he had already disappeared around the block. Letting out a sigh of contempt, she turned and started walking into the school. At least Naruto didn't have a very big part in this one anyway. Mainly it was just focused on her and Sasuke...
"Wait a minute," she muttered, glancing around the building in confusion. "Where IS Sasuke?"
Uchiha Sasuke slowly woke up and climbed out of bed. He had slept in again, but strangely, he didn't seem to care much about it at the moment. After hitting the floor, stretching, and hacking a few times to clear his throat, he made his way out of the room. As he padded his way to the bathroom, he had the nagging feeling that something was very wrong. The whole house seemed...bigger somehow. Hell, he couldn't even see into the mirror hanging over the sink.
With a deft leap, he sprang up onto the sink and glanced into the mirror.
Staring back at him was an adorable little black kitten face, complete with large, adorable green kitten eyes, the adorable little kitten ears that twitched at the slightest noise, and the long, adorable whiskers that framed his adorable little face.
Sasuke-neko stared at his new reflection for a good twenty seconds, before four adorable little words found their way to his lips.
And I have to admit, I feel better now. Don't you? If not, please feel free to bitch at me via review or PM about how I shouldn't make fun of things that you like or whatever. To the ones who did enjoy it, thank you for reading.
Have a pleasant weekend.