Title: Holiday Spirit Lost
Author: Sivan Shemesh
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warning: Angst, missing scenes, emotional feelings on the line. Tissues alert.
Summary: It was supposed to be a happy day at Imladris, but something happened in the ugly way, leaving one of the twins with broken spirit.
Author Note: Estel is not in the story, and neither Arwen.
There were many preparations for the holiday and the twins were happy, but Elrond was not it seemed.
"Ada?" Elrohir called, noticing his Ada's movement and he scanned his face. He noted that something was amiss.
"Aye, ion-nin, what can I help you with?" Elrond asked him as he gave the youngest twin a smile.
"Is there something wrong, Ada? Did I do something wrong?" Elrohir asked with worried in his eyes.
Elrond scanned the youngest face, sighed heavily, and then he replied softly to him, "Nay, you did not do anything wrong, but have you seen your twin?"
"Why? Has he done something wrong?" Elrohir asked, ready to his twin.
"It is none of your concern, ion-nin," Elrond assured to him, and then he repeated his question, "Where is he?"
"He is helping Lord Glorfindel decorate the trees…" Elrohir answered, and noticed his Adar leaving before he tried to add anything.
"Ada?" he called, but Lord Elrond continued walking over the trees.
Elrohir sighed, and then he returned to help Lord Erestor in what he needed to do, hoping that would help him to forget and not be too concern because of the holiday.
Over the tree line…
Elrond watched how Elladan helped Glorfindel, he sighed heavily, knowing it would be a tough task, but still he knew that he had to do it, for his sake and for Elrohir, and he thought Elladan should know what concern he was causing.
"Elladan!" Elrond called with demanded in his voice.
Elladan immediately turned around and stared at his Adar who stood far behind him and Glorfindel.
Noticing his father's dark face and how his body seemed pale, he grew worried about what his father wanted.
"I need to speak with you alone," Elrond said to him, and then he added with cold voice, "Leave your twin out of it, it is a matter between you and me."
Elladan nodded and watched his father's fleeting form.
He forgot about all the decorations that he held in his hands, letting it fall to the ground.
Elrohir watched his brother walked behind his father to the house.
Inside the house…
Elladan stared at his Adar, noticing how mad he was, and wondered what is wrong.
"Elladan, can you explain to me why you did not go with the patrols?"
Elladan sighed in relief, as he thought that something else was wrong.
"I am still waiting." Elrond narrowed his eyes..
"I…I had to do something else, Ada…" Elladan replied, but then he was cut by his Ada, "What was more important than do your patrol duty?"
"I… I…" Elladan started to answer, but found that he had no words, not knowing what he should answer.
Elladan wished to go as he could felt his Adar's eyes on him, deeply piercing like a burn sword in his eyes searching the truth.
"I see, now you have no words to share," Elrond said with mocking in his voice as he glared at him, and then he continued, "You have only one choice; you need to tell me why, and I might consider it when I decide what I should do with you."
Elladan stared at his Adar, not knowing how to tell him. He could feel the death glare that his Adar gave him, he started to talk, "Lord Glorfindel asked me to do something for a long time, and I delayed it for doing something else, and time flew and I forgot about it, and…"
"That is why you did not join the patrol?" Elrond asked him as he was confused, and then he asked, "What did Glorfindel asked you to do?"
"It was a mere thing, Adar, it was nothing…" Elladan replied and then he wished to take back his words.
"Nothing? You should have gone with the duty patrol and never come back." Elrond snapped with anger as he glared at the older twin.
"You do not mean it, Adar," Elladan said as he stared at his Adar with hope and fear in his eyes.
"Aye, I do mean it, and I wish you to stay in your room when the feast begun this night. I want you to think of priorities that you should take instead the big mistake that you have made. Do you understand?" Elrond asked still with glaring eyes. .
"But…" Elladan started to say, only to be cut by his Adar who almost shouted at him.
"No buts… it can start right now…" Elrond pointed at him.
Elladan stared at his Adar, noticing the anger. He left the room, heading over his own, and slammed the door after him.
He wanted to be left alone; his Adar hated him.
"Why? What have I done any way?" Elladan questioned himself and stared at the wall.
He remembered the statement that Lord Erestor said to him once, "Elves do not cry, but you can if you feel like that."
He lay in his bed, pulled the sheets around his head, and then he simply let the tears burst from his eyes.
There was a knock on the door.
"Go away…" Elladan muttered, wishing to be alone. The holiday and the feast seemed nothing to him now.
"Elladan," a soft voice was heard, as the door cracked open.
"Go away, Elrohir, I wish to be alone." Elladan said, as he rolled to his side.
"Lord Glorfindel is waiting for you; the decoration is almost done." The young elf said excitedly as he waited for his half to join.
But Elladan did not even turned around. He continued to sob, not caring that his half was in the room.
"Why are you crying, gwador?" Elrohir asked, as he came closer to the bed.
"Leave me alone, saes Elrohir." Elladan simply answered as he stiffened.
"Talk to me, saes, I am your half." Elrohir nudged him. He could not stand seeing his brother like this, crying, he never remembered seeing him cry.
"As you wish, gwador, but please come to the feast." Elrohir asked, and then he gave last look over his twin, and left the room.
Elrohir walked over to his Ada's room. He noticed his Adar was still inside, scanned his face and could see the anger, fear, and loss.
"Ada?" Elrohir asked not knowing if he should reach closer to his Ada, after he noticed the anger.
"What is it, ion?" Elrond stared at him.
"What is wrong with Elladan? Why is he so angry at me?" Elrohir asked with concerned and fear in his eyes.
"Your twin broke the first rule, he lied to me. He did not go on patrol duty that he should, and that it is unforgivable."
"What did you say to him, why now, when the holiday is knocking on our door to celebrate?" Elrohir asked and stared with bit of fear at his Ada.
"I said what I must to say at him and why today, because today I found out what your brother did, and he needs to punish." Elrond answered as he glared at his son.
Elrohir looked at his Adar, he swallowed and left the room and walked outside, feeling the need to hear some advice and joy from the lords.
Lord Glorfindel and Lord Erestor noticed the frown and sad look that covered the happy mask of Elrohir.
"What is it, young one; that took the joy and happiness from you?" Glorfindel asked him.
"Ada." Elrohir simply answered, he knelt on the ground and laid his head down, using the ground as a pillow. He stared at the changing sky above him.
"What did he do now?" Erestor asked, wanted to comfort the young elf.
"He said something to Elladan," Elrohir answered, and started playing with some of the decorations in his hands, and then he added, "Elladan was crying, and he did not wish to speak with me."
"You did not do anything wrong, young one," Glorfindel said to him, "Come we should finish this, and you will see how the holiday spirit will solve this."
Elrohir was on his feet as he stared at Glorfindel. "I hope you are right."
The feast had begun. Colors surrounded Imladris and laughing could be heard all around.
Elladan could hear it too, but he did not move or even turn from his spot on the bed.
Elrohir felt the absence of his twin, though he could see his Adar laughing as if nothing had happened earlier in the evening. He wondered what is going on.
He walked over his Ada, and asked him with a determined voice, "Ada, why is Elladan not here?"
Elrond scanned the twin's face, "You should find joy in the holiday, ion and not care about your half."
"But I do! I do care about him." Elrohir shouted.
"He broke my word like it meant nothing to him, and now he will learn to get his priorities right." Elrond said pointedly.
"But Ada, it is the season to find joy, and not the sadness. Saes, let him be a part of it." Elrohir asked, pleading to his Adar.
Elrond came closer, "Nay, I will not. He was supposed to be in the patrol, the duty that he must fulfill, but instead of doing it, he simply stayed and did what ever Glorfindel told him to do. Why should I let him be part of this, when he disobeyed me?"
"Ada, I have a question," Elrohir asked him instead.
"Before you asked him to do his duty, do you remember what you made him promise to you?" Elrohir asked and kept watching his Adar's face.
He noticed how Elrond changed his mask. He remembered.
Elrond turned to look at his son, he nodded as he answered, "I asked him to keep you safe, told him how it is important and how I love you both. That all I wish is for you to keep an eye on each other. Why is this a matter now? He broke my words anyway."
"Nay, he did not," Elrohir defended his half and could hear the joy and laughter that surrounded him. But Elrohir could not enjoy it until Elladan could be a part of the celebration. "Lord Glorfindel, who had returned from his last journey, gave me a pet that he found on the way, and the pet was injured. I was starting to heal it, and Elladan helped me a great deal. It was that you asked him to go on the patrol, and he did not go, because I asked him not to, for his safety."
"You did what?" Elrond asked, taking a step back from his son.
"I asked him to stay, Ada, as you say and I quote, 'I wish Elladan would act like a big brother and watch you; you are the youngest, Elrohir, and I fear for you.' Is it not what you said?"
Elrond sighed heavily, his son just beat him with his own words, and he wondered why Elladan did not say anything in his defense.
"Then why did Elladan not say anything?" Elrond lowered his head staring at the blue decorations that were on the green grass.
"Because… I believe that he was defending the pet that he helped me to heal, and for staying with me while you wished other wise." Elrohir answered and stared at his Ada with pleading eyes.
"What should I do now that could make us a family again? I hurt your brother with my words, and I regret them. How could he forgive me when am I not able to forgive myself right now?" Elrond asked his son, his face was covered with shame.
"We are a strong family, Adar, we could deal with anything. Just give us a chance to prove ourselves and give us time to heal." Elrohir answered, he sighed then he spoke again, "Would you go now to Elladan and say I am sorry?"
"Would you come with me?" Elrond asked his son.
Elrohir nodded to his Adar, and followed him to the house.
They moved away from the elves who cheered with joy and happiness as the season reached, as their spirit was full of joy and laughs.
In Elladan's room…
Elladan curled in a ball and wished his Adar would understand his reasons for staying, but after seeing his Adar getting so angry with him, he simply shut himself out. He did not wish to speak with anyone, not even with his twin. All he remembered were the hurtful words that his Adar said to him.
'You should have gone with the duty patrol and never come back.'
His Adar already made it worst; ruined his holiday spirit. He had wanted to have fun and play with the elves because the season gave them this holiday, but now his spirit was lost. Elladan had new plans in his mind; after all, his Adar did not want him.
He curled tighter on the bed, thinking of a way to leave without anyone noticing him.
He heard a knock on his door, but he did not say anything and covered his head.
"Elladan, gwador, I know that you are in the room, I can feel your presence. I am coming in, no matter if you wish or not." Elrohir said, letting himself and his Adar inside the room.
Elrohir could see his brother, though he was under the sheets, who came closer and removed the sheets from his brother. He missed speaking with his twin.
"Elladan, saes…" Elrohir spoke but he could feel himself being blocked by his half, when Elladan turned his back to him.
"Leave me alone!" Elladan muttered, not looking at his brother. He did not want him to see his shame and fear.
"Nay, I will not, not on this day and not ever." Elrond spoke first.
Elladan turned around shaking, he stared at his Ada. He wondered why he was here.
"Say anything," Elrohir urged his half, smiling at him.
Elladan stared, not knowing what he wanted him to say. He exchanged looks with his twin and then stared at his Adar. He finally asked with a shaky voice. "What?"
A soft hand touched him in his face, Elladan could feel his twin's hand, and then he could hear the soft voice of his brother, "Ada has forgiven to you, he now understands…"
"I do, and I wish you could forgive me for the words that I said to you." Elrond knelt closer to his son, fearing to make any physical touch, and fearing his son hated him.
Elladan still had a frown on his face, not knowing if he should believe them. His Adar's harsh words were still stuck in his mind, and he did not know if he should run from home or stay.
"Gwador, saes, say anything. I am worried." Elrohir gently spoke to him, and he could feel his eyes getting wet as tears left him, leaking down and falling over his cheeks.
Elladan could smell the salty tears that fell from his half's face, and he began to cry himself.
Letting his spirit melt and build by the tears of his brother as the pieces began to merge and he could feel himself being surrounded by their love for him.
"Saes, Elladan, stop crying, you will make Ada also cry." Elrohir chuckled at the sight of seeing his Adar weep the first new tears that dropped down his cheeks.
Elladan did not know if he should cry or laugh after hearing Elrohir's words, he stared at his half, and nodded slightly, "Hannon-le, gwador-nin."
Elrohir raised his hand to the air, and said to him, "Nay, I thank you…" leaving a surprise face on his brother who seemed caught off guard.
"What for?" Elladan asked and wiped the tears away.
"For watching me, and taking care of me, and even disobeying Adar's words even if he meant to send you away with the patrol, only to watch over me." Elrohir answered as his eyes were locked to his half.
"I will always be there to guard you and watch over you," Elladan said to him and added, "after all you are my little brother."
Elrond felt like an intruder, seeing the interaction between the twins. He could not bear all the pain and hurt that he saw as he looked at his older son. He started to leave the room, heading back where the feast held.
"Ada," he heard and turned around, noticing that it was Elladan who called for him. He came closer.
"Saes, forgive me," Elladan asked and added with mask full of pain, "I will do anything, just do not say that you wish that I would never return, saes…"
Elrond's eyes were locked on his son, and he could feel the regret rising in his mind, and said softly, "I forgive you ion-nin, and I wish you could also forgive me. I felt so angry about your act."
Elrohir stared at his Adar and gwador, smiling at the sight, feeling hope return. Hoping the rift between them was gone.
"I do also hope that you would forgive me for my hurtful words to you, as I never wish you to go away from me. I always wish you to return home in one piece with no scratches, do you understand, ion-nin?" Elrond asked, tears, fresh tears falling down his cheeks.
"I do, Adar, I do." Elladan smiled, walked to his Adar and clasped his shoulders. Elrond did the same, a smile now covering his face.
Elrohir walked to them, and nodded with a large smile. "Are you coming or what? Glorfy might hurt our pet, and you know how Glorfy acts when he is drunk."
"Go… enjoy the holiday… and save the pet from Glorfy's hands." Elrond grinned.
Elladan swallowed, wiped the tears completely from his face, and then put a big smile on his face, and said, "I will, Ada, I will," and then to his half, "Come, we should save what is ours."
Then Elladan hurried outside, leaving Elrohir and Elrond staring at each other.
"Hannon-le, Adar." Elrohir moved to clasp his Adar's shoulders as well.
Elrond nodded, "Go, your gwador is waiting for you."
Elrohir left too, and then Elrond found himself sitting at the edge of Elladan's bed, and thought, 'What did I almost do with my mouth?'