Her Guardian Angel... Based between 'Der Wille zur Macht' and 'Jenseits von Gut und Bose'. A certain android and her creator are thinking about each other. Shion+KOS-MOS.
---------- Her Guardian Angel ----------
She had been protected by her numerous times.
Shion sighed as she sat alone in the living quarters of the Elsa, her eyes drifting skyward. Ever since a certain incident, she just couldn't shake the thoughts that were rapidly forming in her mind. The billowing worry that had pooled in the base of her stomach when KOS-MOS had nearly been left behind at Proto Merkabah, and then the same feeling of overwhelming concern that had cornered her when KOS-MOS had nearly sacrificed herself to protect the Elsa. It was a lot to think about, and it made her heart race in apprehension whenever she did so.
What if they had lost KOS-MOS?
Or rather, what if she had lost KOS-MOS?
The standard answer to that question from a scientist's perspective would be: build a new one. After all, she was only an android right? Wires and springs? Shion didn't feel the way -- it wasn't only because a lot of time and effort had been put forth to bring KOS-MOS to life. She felt that KOS-MOS had a heart and a soul of her own. She didn't think of the beautiful blue haired angel as a mere object -- in fact, KOS-MOS was more precious to her than probably anything. She was afraid sometimes that she was obsessed with her, but one way or another, she didn't think it was obsession that she felt.
That genuine feeling of worry and of affection -- it wasn't the type of emotion associated with obsession. It had never really occurred to her before; what exactly did she feel for KOS-MOS? Once upon a time she had thought the feelings were maybe maternal, but it hadn't taken long for her to realize they weren't. Regardless of whether KOS-MOS realized it or acknowledged the same emotions, Shion had decided to look at her as a friend.
But was friendship all she really felt?
Again, her mind worked to sort that part out. The way her heart swelled when she was with KOS-MOS -- to do her maintenance or just being in the same room -- was something different. It was kind of similar to the feelings she'd had when she was around Kevin, only completely different and maybe stronger. They weren't the same, only reflectively comparable. But, comparable how?
How did she feel about KOS-MOS?
Shion brushed a few strands of brown hair behind one of her ears before cradling her forehead loosely in her palm. That was the part she had continued to return to over and over and over again. In the past, she had continued to write it off as friendship, but was that really true? It was only now that she finally began to open herself up to the feelings that were passing through her mind and heart. The doubt of their relationship adding up to mere friendship built up as it had been for a while. One may have said it was unthinkable, but it was finally time that she asked herself...
Was it love?
Of course it was. She loved KOS-MOS, and she would let the whole universe know it if she was asked. But, what kind of love did she feel? That was the key question, the piece that was missing from the puzzle. Perhaps, the best inquiry of all would be: was she in love with KOS-MOS?
Most would find that possibility stupid or just plain silly; KOS-MOS was only an android. Why did she feel the need to keep reminding herself of that? KOS-MOS wasn't just an android, at least to her. KOS-MOS was so much more, no matter what anyone else was to say. Maybe, just maybe it was that she had fallen in love with her. Maybe she had fallen in love with KOS-MOS before she'd even built her, but she didn't think so. She didn't think that her feelings were only because she had created KOS-MOS either -- she hadn't made her for that.
It was who KOS-MOS was.
And KOS-MOS was a stunning girl, not just some computer system or something. She could process thoughts, and if she could process thoughts she could be consciously aware of those thoughts, and if she was consciously aware of those thoughts then that meant she had a consciousness. That meant she was real, and that was all that was important to Shion.
With a faint smile, Shion stood up and turned to walk out of the room. She would take a walk around the Elsa to clear her head, and then she would go and see KOS-MOS. Even if KOS-MOS didn't 'deem it necessary' to reply, Shion could talk to her and KOS-MOS would listen.
And, for some reason, that simple fact made Shion happy.
KOS-MOS sat on her maintenance bed, oddly thinking to herself. Shion would be to her room to check up on her shortly, so she was just waiting. Sometimes, she felt strangely confused toward the slight... anticipation she always harbored toward that. She would look forward to Shion's visits, when Shion would talk to her about human feelings and other things she tried to comprehend. After all, she had assured the emerald eyed woman that she would 'do her best'.
But, as it was by all standards impossible for her to feel eager, she wondered if something was perhaps wrong with her emotion module that was making her believe she felt such things when she actually could not. There was a slight bit of disappointment toward that thought, again that she could not place. But then, the way she had come to enjoy being around Shion was hard to place also. It was as if the feelings had manifested on their own -- had this been something Shion had purposely programmed into her database?
KOS-MOS scanned the surrounding area for life forms, still expecting to see Shion any minute. There she was anticipating again. Was it really some kind of malfunction or did she actually want to see Shion? This conundrum made KOS-MOS struggle to sort out her thoughts as they processed themselves. In a way she wanted to know but on the other hand, she was not supposed to want anything.
What was happening to her?
The sound of footsteps drawing closer caused KOS-MOS to raise her head. Indeed there was a life form -- namely Shion Uzuki -- that was drawing closer to the room that KOS-MOS herself was currently stationed in. Was it delight that made the android girl upright herself to a standing position? She was uncertain as to the answer to that, and disregarded the thought as the door electronically opened.
Shion smiled as she entered the room and made her way around to a chair that she pulled up beside KOS-MOS' maintenance bed. Waving her hand to show that she wanted KOS-MOS to sit down, Shion watched as her request was wordlessly obeyed. KOS-MOS sat on her maintenance bed and studied Shion's happy expression as the brown haired woman leaned her elbows on her knees and propped her chin on her palms.
"Can I talk to you about something important, KOS-MOS?" she asked, rather unexpectedly. KOS-MOS was mildly puzzled by this, though her porcelain face held not expression as usual. Shion tended to start conversations with bits about maintenance or something of the sort, so it was a bit strange.
Shion took KOS-MOS' silence affirmatively and continued to speak. "What do you feel?" she asked, actually catching the other female off guard. Shion had actually brought something like this up at least once before, but something was different this time. KOS-MOS blinked once as Shion breathed a low sigh and tried to focus her thoughts. "I guess I've asked you this before, but... do you ever feel happy or sad or anything?"
It was somewhat of a coincidence that KOS-MOS had been thinking about the very same thing just moments before. Shion nipped once on her bottom lip as she thought if over, waiting patiently for her answer. KOS-MOS thought about how to answer, her observant red eyes surveying the light pink tinge on Shion's cheeks. Shion's green orbs widened in surprise however, at the unexpected response she received.
"... What do happy and sad feel like?"
Shion's heart elated in her chest -- it was something! A sign of curiosity, perhaps? Once again smiling, Shion let one of her hands touch one of KOS-MOS'. KOS-MOS lowered her gaze inquisitively to Shion's hand as the latter decided to respond, a certain jovial sound in her voice.
"You feel happy when something pleases you; you look forward to something that makes you happy. You feel sad when something displeases you; when you lose something that's important to you or are separated from it," she explained, causing KOS-MOS to raise her eyes to Shion's.
"Then I feel 'happy' when you come to talk to me," answered KOS-MOS truthfully. If Shion could identify what was wrong with her, maybe she could repair the malfunction -- if it was such.
Heat once again rushed to Shion's cheeks as her heart rushed in her chest. Knowing that KOS-MOS indeed felt something was all she had ever wished for -- she had wanted KOS-MOS to be able to feel and experience emotions for as long as she could remember.
Shion reached up to wipe away the happy tears that formed around the bases of her eyes. Her dream had finally come true. KOS-MOS seemed puzzled as she scanned her eyes over the moisture coming from her creator's eyes.
"Tears are a sign of sadness, are they not?" KOS-MOS asked, tilting her head just a slight bit, "Are you sad, Shion?"
Shion couldn't resist and threw her arms around KOS-MOS, surprising her to some extent. KOS-MOS had no idea what was going on, but she strangely felt that she, herself, should be happy. Shion's smile only grew.
"No, I'm not sad -- I'm happy..." she replied, and not another word was said for a time. Shion closed her eyes as she allowed her mind to wander back to her earlier reverie.
KOS-MOS had protected her so many times.
She felt grateful, and she felt happy. She loved KOS-MOS, and she knew that the blue haired woman would always be there with her. Protecting her and watching over her...
Her guardian angel.
---------- Owari: The End ----------
Notes: This is an idea that just came to me, and one of my reviewers for "The Lost Episodes" mentioned a story after Episode I("Maybe you could write a story of Shion and KOS-MOS (along with the other characters) after the events of Xenosaga I" - r0nnie). As usual, opinions are appreciated.
Disclaimer & Copyright Information: I do not own Xenosaga (© Namco); however, I am the author of this story. If you have comments or suggestions, leave a review or send me an e-mail. Doumo arigatou, for reading my writing!