Ninja Guide To Being A Pokemon Master

by read-n-review

Chapter Two

Step One

Getting Your First Pokemon

Part Two

"Getting Lost On The Road Of Life Is Not A Good Excuse Unless You've Lost Your Car" quote by Pokemon Prof.

A/N: Hiya! I'm thinking I deserve a good welcome back! Haha... or not, It's alright, I don't mind... (Cries) NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!!! However, that is okay, the fic is up! Things will be well again! YAY FOR BEING WELL! Don't forget, I AM THE POKEMON PROFFESOR! I CONTROL ALL1111!!!ONE

She couldn't stop shaking! Today was the day! Today she would get her very first Pokemon! Her name was Sakura Haruno, a ninja trained to capture and raise creatures known as Pokemon. She would start a journey, catch exactly six Pokemon she would use on her team, and raise them to fight and protect their village from harm. It was a villager's dream to be what she was going to become. It was her duty to fulfill their dreams through her and protect them with her life and the lives of her Pokemon.

She brushed through her hair anxiously as she took a last look through her vanity mirror, it would be the last time in a very long while. Her pink hair was cut to her shoulders, a red zip-up tank-top was her shirt and a tan medic skirt adorned her waist; underneath a pair of black skin-tight shorts. Her boots went up to her shins and black gloves pulled snugly onto her hands.

With one last glance around her room, she took her bag filled with supplies off her bed and left. Her parents were gone on missions of their own. Most first-time Pokemon trainers were gone for months, sometimes years, depending on how successful they were on their journeys. Today, she would meet her four-man group, get her first Pokemon from her sensei, and he would show her to the next town. Helping them if they needed it and finally let them go off into the wilderness on their own once they decide what they want to do.

I suppose you are wondering what I meant when I said, 'once they decide what they want to do.' well I will explain.

Ninjas who leave on Pokemon journeys have the option of A. Challenging Gym Leaders in various towns and regions, B. Participating in Pokemon Contests in various towns and regions, C. Participating in BOTH Gym Leader challenges AND Pokemon Contests, or D. Collecting as many different types and breeds of Pokemon available to ninja kind.

Sakura left her home to start her journey, but first she had to go to Naruto's.

I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was!

To catch them is my real test; to train them is my cause!

I will travel across the land searching far and wide!

Each Pokemon to understand the power that's inside, POKEMON!!

Gotta catch 'em, it's you and me! I know it's my destiny, POKEMON!!

Oh! You're my best friend in a world we must defeeeennnddd, POKEMON!!


Our courage will pull us through! You teach me and I'll teach you, Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all, POKEMON!

The Pokemon theme song echoed from Naruto's television as he prepared his

morning bowl of ramen, singing obnoxiously along with the beat; Waking several neighbors in the process.

"On this episode of Pokemon, Team Rocket joins with Team Galactic so that they together can try to catch, molest, and rape Pikachu! Will our heroes succeed in protecting the frightened mouse, or will it finally be caught for the Teams' sexual pleasure? Find out right after these commercial messages, so stayed tune!


Got it!? GOOD!"

"Man, they sure are getting more demanding with these commercial breaks."

Over the Mr. Clean™ "Clean up your love life, use Mr. Clean!" commercial, Naruto heard a soft rapping at his door. The blonde Ninja lazily dragged himself over to open it, shouting:


It was the last person to whom we have studied, the one and only pink-haired kunoichi of Konohagakure: Sakura Haruno.

"Hey Naruto, I---"

"You what Sakura?! Are you finally going to fulfill my second-most important dream ever??" His head swiveled off to the side as a dream-sequence flashed in his head.

"Oh Sakura, I'm so glad you finally decided to forget about Sasuke completely and come marry me: Naruto, the Best God Damn Pokemon Coordinator Ever!"

"Yes, Naruto my love, I too am glad. Now we may live happily together; no Sasuke at all. Never. Especially not when we are intimate together, that one time.. that one horrible horrible time, and especially not when I sleep next to you at night, having sweet fantasies that don't involve you what-so-ever."

"W-What? You know, now that I think about it, all of our seven kids look nothing like me… and.. they.. they look like S-"


"Hn, what are you yelling about now, Dobe?"


Sakura, who had been ignoring Naruto altogether like she normally did, was continuing on with her story, despite Sasuke's appearance.

"---So like I totally had this dream last night about POKEMON!!!" Sakura said shrieking the last word with enthusiasm. Naruto sulked. Sasuke sulked, of course that was normal for him, but Naruto, not so much. But did Sakura care? No. That was the shortest and sweetest answer, minus the sweet. "I was like walking and there were people, and like (insert annoying fangirl squeal) I was totally the prettiest girl there, aha!"

Now, Sakura didn't really think or act this way all the time, but her good friend Ino told her that Sasuke liked fangirls. From what she heard, he liked them a lot. So she decided she would do her best to be the best fangirl she could be, even if it did kill her in the process.

"Anyways," Bored of the fangirlness already, "I got a message from the PKMN PROF. yesterday telling me to tell you to tell Sasuke that we have to meet her at her Pokemon laboratory in----" She looked down at her wrist: there was nothing. She looked on Naruto's wrist: nothing. Glancing at Sasuke he shot her the look that said: "I have no wrist watch, bother me and I will destroy you with my laser vision and you will perish beneath my might."

"Okaaaaaay, Naruto what time is it?"

"Well, Sakura-chan, since you were kind enough to ask I will look upon my newly purchased awesomely newest of the new Indigo Plateau version: Pidgey clock!"

"Those things have been out since Ash Ketchum started his Pokemon league journey, Dobe."


Naruto went back to his bed table and brought it back out with him, for reasons unknown, but the bringing of the Pidgey clock led to these occurrences in this particular order:

1. Naruto did not get to read the clock due to Sasuke bitch slapping it out of his hands.

2. Naruto did not have an extra clock in his home (which both Sakura and Sasuke considered completely idiotic)

3. Which lead to all three trainees being late for their appointment.

"Ring-ring-ring, ring-ring-ring, phone call, phone call! Ring-ring-ring, ring-ring-ring, phone call, phone call!" Naruto's telephone rang from the other room.

"Oh, ish, Naruto, you need to get a different ring-tone! That is way too old school!"

"Not now, Sakura, I'm on the phone!"

All three of them walked into the phone room, where a monitor sat with a giant green phone.

"Moshi, moshi!" he answered when a woman in a green and white striped hat with blond pigtails came on the screen. She wore a white bathrobe and looked eerily like Tsunade, but younger and with smaller breasts. "Oi, who are you?"

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS!? You were supposed to be here half an hour ago!!"

"Are you the PKMN PROF.?" asked Sakura.

"Yes, I am, but seriously.. You guys need to get your bums over here. Now."

With that abrubtly short message, the screen went blank and she ended the call.

Thus, the three of them left immediately. Each secretly fearing the Professor's awesome wrath.

With exactly 2.4569128602 seconds to spare, Naruto and Sakura reached the lab.

"Lab!? Naruto exclaimed, looking at the huge expanse of bricks before him. "More like freaking mansion!!"

"Hello, my young brethren!" A voice spoke from the mansion's open doors. It was the girl from the phone, who looked to be just a few years older than they were. "I am Professor

read-n-review, just like the tree! I have seen every species of Pokemon known to Ninja-kind and have caught every one of them excluding any of the legendary species. I will be giving you three your very first Pokemon and your life partners, so please follow me!" She turned and entered the 'lab.'

"Wait! When do we meet our new sensei, read-n-review-sama?" Sakura asked.

'Bwah," read-n-review thought in her head, 'I could get used to getting called that, nyah!"

"Your sensei should be arriving shortly," read-n-review replied, "but to be honest, I've heard that he has a terrible record of tardiness, which you three seem to fit the bill with perfectly."

They sweatdropped.

"If you would please follow me, I'm sure we can get you three settled in first and then we can bother about that lazy-ass."

They walked into a room with a circular table. Three Pokeballs sat in a circle.

"Now, these are completely new and rare species of Pokemon that no eyes have yet to see. There names are---"

"HELP ME!" A shrill voice screamed from outside "I slipped into the hot spring and dropped my Pokeballs in the water!!!"

"Oh noes," read-n-review replied dully. "Wild Pokemon always bathe in the onsen, whoever's out there (invading my property) is a real dumb-ass." The female Professor darted out the back door, the three young ninja following close behind.

Within a mass a boulders, steaming water splashed out of the hot spring as the man continued screaming. Several unclothed woman quickly grabbed their towels and left before the angry Pokemon could attack them, they actually seemed to be handling the situation better than the man was. Professor read-n-review felt for her belt, but realized she left it back in the house.

"This is terrible," read-n-review supplied sarcastically. "I left my Pokemon inside and none of us have time to go and get it. Here, take these, this will be a good learning experience." She reached into her coat pocket and threw about fifty tangled whistles at Sakura, who managed to catch them all in her hands. "Pick one and blow into it, it should call one of the many Pokemon I have captured!" She chuckled to herself. "I'm afraid with such terrible running my delicate lungs are winded. You must save that poor poor perverted man."

"Right!" Sakura nodded her head in agreement with both statements of experience and perviness. She randomly chose a green and pink whistle and blew as loud as she could, it produced no sound but within seconds a green Pokemon jumped out, ready for battle, it was a Bulbasaur.

"Bulbasaur, listen to Pinky over there for this battle, that man needs your help!" read-n-review ordered it. "Now, Sakura, choose an attack!"

"Alright," Sakura commanded a fire ignited in her eyes. "Do your best Bulbasaur and use Tackle Attack!"

The Bulbasaur rushed to the ledge of the hot spring and waited for the enemy to reveal itself: it was a Carvanha. The Bulbasaur scurried forward and leapt with ease. The attack hit, but the wild Pokemon did not go down, and two more wild Pokemon also revealed themselves: a Spheal and a Finneon.

"Three against one isn't fair! Sasuke-kun I need help!" She fangirled.

"Shut up nuisance and pass the whistles!" read-n-review shouted, to which Sakura hastily obeyed.

Sasuke and Naruto grabbed whistles as well. Sasuke's was orange, while Naruto's was blue. They blew into them quickly and two Pokemon jumped out from the underbrush.

"Charmander, Mudkip!" the professor exclaimed. "Listen to the shrimps holding your whistles! Fight for justice!!!"

"Charmander," Sasuke ordered. "Use Scratch on that Finneon."

"MUDKIP!" Naruto yelled overly enthused, which it seemed to respond to. "Use Tackle, DATTEBAYO!!!"

"Bulbasaur! Use razorleaf!" All three Pokemon attacked simultaneously and all three wild Pokemon were K.O.'D.

The Ninjas had won their very first PKMN Battles, and had gained Experience Points for the first time. It was a weird feeling that took some getting use to.

The man rose from the opposite side of the onsen.

"Why are you wearing a mask? You're in an onsen."

"Oh, read-n-review, you're so silly. Anywho, welcome team, I am your new sensei!"

"WWHHHAAAAAATTTT??? THIS PERV IS OUR NEW SENSEI????" Sakura and Naruto both screeched in unison.

"Well, I'm glad you all made it here safely." Kakashi replied, ignoring the comment, stepping out of the onsen starch naked. The children shielded their eyes, while read-n-review just looked on with no shame. It didn't matter, Kakashi was a perv anyways. He reached into the water to grab his own wet clothes and Pokeballs and dressed.

"You should be slightly proud of these young midget folk, Kakashi." read-n-review spoke. "They are all natural Pokemon trainers. In fact, I want them to keep the Pokemon that they battled with and have them as their very own, besides, those Pokemon inside are just for show, they don't even exist. I just like to mess with people but you had to go and ruin my joke didn't you-- you ass hole?!"

Sakura looked down at the Pokemon at her feet. 'Bulbasaur, huh? That seems awfully familiar..'

"Thanks, old lady!" Naruto said to the very young Professor, who was only in fact three years older than him, but lucky for him she didn't seem to notice the comment for she was thinking about updating one of her many slowly updated fanfictions.

"Hn," Sasuke replied, he didn't really care. He only wanted one thing: Revenge. And this Pokemon had better be strong enough to help him reach that goal.

"Would any of you care to give them adorably cute nicknames for the road?"

"No." Sasuke muttered.

"Ah! Same as Sasuke!" Sakura said quickly.

"Hmm," Naruto thought, "I think I'm going to name my Mudkip---"

A giant screen popped up with letters and numbers written on it...


The name: Mud Butt was selected.

"That isn't even adorabley cute.." read-n-review muttered under her breath.

"This is going to be a long journey," Kakashi sighed in remark to Mudkip's nickname.

New Pokemon Obtained-

Kakashi: None

Naruto: Mud Butt

Sakura: Bulbasaur

Sasuke: Charmander

Current Levels-


? at lv. ?

? at lv. ?

? at lv. ?

Naruto: Mud Butt Level 7 Attack Learned: Water Gun

Sakura: Bulbasaur Level 7 Attack Learned: Razor Leaf

Sasuke: Charmander Level 7 Attack Learned: Ember

Current Badges-


Current Ribbons-


Preview: Episode Three: Bonding With Your New Pokemon: "Bonding With Others Shouldn't Have To Involve Bondage, But That Doesn't Mean A Little Extra Kink Isn't Nice!"

In the next episode, our heros will finally venture out into the world of Pokemon! What happens when you find your teammates are incompitant and you realize your sensei is a total pervert? Not to mention having a partner Pokemon of your own is a lot harder than anyone said it would be!

Our heros better get ready to make some comprimeses because Pokemon have characteristics too, and if not taken into consideration could spell out a whole mess o' trouble!

See Ya All Next Time On: The Ninja Guide To Being A Pokemon Master

It's time for:


Honestly, this isn't all that hard, but I'm still not going to spell it out for you! (I guess I'll go with Pokemon from the older seasons now..)

In Japan, this Pokemon is known as キバニア, or Kibanha. It's name is a portmanteau (which means it fuses two words and combines the meanings) of the Japanese 牙 (kiba),'fang', and the English word 'piranha'.

Time for some Biological Information! (If you haven't already guessed)

This Pokemon normally lives in massive jungle rivers that connect to the ocean. They live in schools of their own kind and instinctively swarm towards whatever comes into their territories. These Pokemon infested rivers are considered deathtraps for ships because this Pokemon will literally rip the hulls out of boats with their strong jaws and pointed fangs.

Although this Pokemon has physical strength in numbers, when alone, they tend to act timid and scared and will flee whenever in the presence of something else.

Sorry, no extra credit today folks!

And alas, even though this story has haunted me throughout the hours of the day, I still have not updated enough to fill my own delicate pallate.

I hope that you all will forgive me and I'd like to wish a late birthday shout-out to Saskura-chan! I also had some help from Crack God, to whom I would like to give my thanks! REVIEW ALL OF YOU!!!! DO IT NOOOOOWWW!!!!!

Yours Truly,

read-n-review v.

((it's what you do))

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, if I did, I wouldn't share it with you! XP No offense...

Don't forget to review your answer to the WHO'S THAT POKEMON??? Question!

Any spelling errors in the Author's Section were not checked and/or reread through, not my fault.. please ignore.