Your death has left me empty and silent. If I would have known you would do something like this…oh god Ry. I thought I had cried all of my tears, but just the thought of you suffering kills me. Your funeral was as beautiful as funerals go. I didn't know you had so many people that cared about you; there were so many tears shed that day. Bam was a fucking wreck, DiCo just kept crying into Raab's shoulder. Raab was inconsolable. Jess had his arms around them and he was crying harder than the two of them put together. Novak shot up so many times he almost fucking OD'd and wound up in the hospital. April was inconsolable and Phil was just as bad. Rake couldn't cry. He just stared at your coffin, trembling. Me? I could only stare, sobbing, knowing I had caused this. I didn't tell anyone else about your letter, I couldn't, but I'm writing this one to you to tell you that everything will be ok. Everything will soon be all right. I'm going to be in your arms, and no one can say anything. I never thought I could fall in love with another guy…but Ryan, realizing that you would rather die then not be with me really opened my eyes, and that's why I'm joining you in about five minutes when the carbon monoxide level in my truck makes me go to sleep. I listened to your song. It made me cry harder. I'm listening to it right now.

Please be ready for me, I'll be with you soon.



Losing you is tearing me apart
But a part of me will be with you no matter where you are