"That's not what I meant!" Glomb yelled.
"Liar! It is too!" Ryan smirked
"It is not and you fucking know it!" Glomb was whining now.
"You're a fucking pussy, you know that?"
"Gee, I love you too, Muffin."
"Come here, you know I'm kidding. You need to lighten up." Ryan chuckled, pulling his boyfriend into a soft hug.
"Don't hug me, I'm very mad at you right now."
"No you aren't, you're just pretending you are."
"I'm seriously mad at you! See." Tim stuck out his lower lip and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Ryan gave him a kiss on the cheek and flopped down on the couch.
"So when are you going to stop being stupid and like me again?"
"Never-ever." Glomb said, still pouting. "Or at least until supper." Ryan laughed at him and motioned for him to sit on the sofa.
"Not now, I was going to grab a quick shower before we go. No sense in going out smelling like mud, shit and rotten yogurt." Glomb wrinkled his nose.
"What are you talking about, you smell fine!"
"I do not! You're just saying that because you stink too, and you're too lazy to haul your ass into the shower!"
"That's not true…Ok maybe just a little bit." Ryan admitted. "I just don't have the energy. That fucking film shoot took forever." Glomb smiled and nodded his head in agreement, stripping off his shirt.
"Well I'm taking a quick shower, so get fucking ready." Tim told his partner as he started walking to the bathroom, shedding his pants and socks, throwing them into a corner. Ryan watched him intently.
Glomb turned the knobs in the shower on, waiting for the water to warm up to his standards. He took off his boxers and tested the water. Too cold. He twisted the hot water knob further.
"Can I come too?" Ryan's voice came from behind Tim. Tim turned around to see Ryan leaning against the bathroom door, naked and pouting. Tim smiled and nodded his head. The Ryan stepped forward and slipped his arms around his lover's waist and pressed their bodies together.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm still mad at you." Glomb smirked, forcing his lips onto Ryan's, kissing him deeply. Ryan smiled and pulled Tim into the shower, allowing the steaming water to stream down their bodies.
Ryan's hand's traveled around Glomb's body, wiping the dirt off of him.
"I really just wanted a shower. You promised me dinner and I plan to hold you to that; there is no way we're going to be late, ok?"
"You kissed me, if I remember correctly." Ryan smiled at Tim while scrubbing some shampoo into his hair.
"I know, but I just realized that I'm fucking starving. I could go for some lemon peppered steaks." Tim grinned, licking his lips.
"You are just so gay sometimes." Ryan shook his head in mock disapproval.
"And just what were you getting, smartass?"
"Thirty packets of ketchup." Ryan imitated 'Frankenstein's' voice from the latest movie the two had seen together. Glomb giggled and rinsed the last of the soap and shampoo off of his body.
"This damn ink won't come out of my arm. Who writes on people with felts? Honestly." He said, scrubbing his arm.
"Just wear a long sleeved shirt, it'll be fine. No one will notice." Ryan shut the water off, grabbed a towel and stepped out of the shower, drying himself.
"I was going to wear that light blue one I have hanging up."
"The one with theyellow mustard stain in it?"
"Shit. I forgot about that." Glomb looked worried and Dunn laughed at him.
"It's ok babe. Just grab another shirt."
"It won't be the same."
"You'll still look amazing." Ryan hugged his partner again, kissing his neck gently.
"What about the green one I have? Would that look ok?"
"Dude, you know I love you, but I'm not going out on a date with a fucking kiwi."
"You calling me a fruit?"
"Not really, but that shirt is horrible."
"You said I'd look amazing." Glomb pointed out.
"Let me rephrase it. You'll look amazing in anything but that hideous kiwi fruit colored piece of shit you call a shirt." Ryan said, smugly.
"What about my grey one then?"
"You always look good in grey."
"I know." Tim smiled.
"Asshole." Tim smiled, swatting Ryan on the ass as he stepped out of the shower.
Glomb settled on a grey button-up shirt with a pair of black dress pants and his favorite sneakers, while Ryan wore black twill jeans and a sapphire colored top. Glomb opted for no tie, but Ryan had insisted that he looked stupid without one. Glomb watched his other half struggle with the knot. Ryan glared at him.
"Nothing sweetie. Go on."
"Just tie the fucking thing for me!"
"Nah, this is MUCH more fun!" Tim laid stomach down on the couch with his hands under his chin.
"Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim. Pleeease? You made me fucking starving with all your food talk." Glomb hated to see Ryan whine, but even worse than that, he was starving too.
"Weeeeeell, maybe just this ONCE." He said, knowing full well they'd be in this same situation one day soon.
Glomb stood in front of Ryan, concentrating on tying the perfect knot. When he was done he gave Ryan a quick kiss.
"All done babe. Can we go now?"
"Can I put shoes on?"
"Why don't you go warm up the car?" Ryan threw his Chevrolet Monte Carlo keys at Tim.
"OK!" Glomb squealed like a little kid as he ran down the stairs with Ryan laughing behind him.
"VRRMM!" The cars engine revved as Glomb's eyes rolled back in his head.
"Oh dear god that sound is better than sex."
"I beg to differ." Ryan kissed his cheek as he slid into the passenger's seat.
"You mean…I get…I get to…"
"Let's go! We'll be late." Dunn's eyes sparkled at the sight of his boyfriend. Glomb loved that car so much and it was a rare treat that he got to drive it.
"I have never wanted to fuck you more than right now, but since you're letting me drive your child, I think I'll wait until we get home."
"You'll have to. No one has sex in my car."
"And why is that?"
"I don't want any stains on my seats." Ryan said, coolly. Glomb burst out laughing and placed his hand over Ry's.
"I'm really glad we're finally going out, Ryan." Tim said.
"I guess since the whole country thinks I'm gay, I may as well please them."
"Problem is, I heard little Jean over in Luxembourg is devastated that you're dating someone. I hear he just holds his teddy bear and cries himself to sleep at night." Glomb shook his head as Ryan laughed at him.
"Dude what's with you and Luxembourg?"
"Little things amuse me." Glomb's eyes shifted sideways to catch Ryan glaring at him. "Did I say things? I meant countries." Tim got punched lightly in the shoulder.
"You have expressed way to much interest in my dick to be serious right now." Ryan smirked as Tim blushed. Glomb eased the car into the parking lot of the restaurant and slid the vehicle into a parking spot. The men got out of the car, locking their doors and smoothing down their clothes.
"How Do I Look?"
They both chorused in unison
"How Do I Look?"
"You look great as always babe." Ryan kissed his date sweetly.
"You look ok, I guess." Tim kissed Ryan back.
The pair held hands as they walked into the restaurant; which wasn't as crowded as they had thought it would be.
"Reservations for Dunn?"
"This way gentleman." The maître d' eyed them suspiciously as he led them to a secluded table in the back. They sat down and the host asked for their drink order.
"I'll have scotch, thanks." Glomb smiled.
"Beer for me please." Ryan said.
"Domestic or imported, Sir?"
"Something Canadian. I'm looking to experience new cultures." Glomb snorted at Ryan's newfound fake accent.
"I'll bring them right over." The waiter walked away and Ryan kicked Glomb under the table.
"What was that?"
"New cultures? Canada is what you classify a new culture?"
"Well I didn't think the Africans had beer; and besides, Canadian beer rocks."
The waiter reappeared with their drinks, took their orders and walked off again. The guys stared at each other across the table, sipping their drinks and laughing at each other's jokes. Their food finally came, and it was silent for a bit as the two ate.
"How is it, hun?" Ry asked Glomb.
"Mursh urd!" Glomb mumbled back.
"It's good?" Ryan repeated and Glomb nodded.
"You?" Tim said after he finally swallowed.
"Perfect." Ry smiled as he slurped his fettuccine, getting bits of white sauce on his nose.
"You know dear, that is highly frowned upon in restaurants like this."
"But it tastes better this way." Ryan insisted.
"Well you have alfredo sauce on your nose. And in your that god awful beard of yours. When are you gonna trim that thing?"
"Tomorrow?" Ryan said, wiping his nose and chin with his napkin.
"Well there's no sense in lying to me." Glomb took another bite of his steak, smiling. Ryan chuckled and took a sip of his beer.
"Fair enough. It's never going to be cut."
"Then I'm signing you up to be Santa Claus in the mall this year."
"You know I hate kids." Ryan said, wide-eyed. "You wouldn't do that to me now, would you?"
"Watch me." Glomb grinned at him.
"If you do, I will have to kill myself, then come back as a ghost and infest your mind." Ryan squinted at his boyfriend, teasingly.
"Please don't joke about that shit. You aren't going fucking anywhere if I can help it." Glomb's voice quivered a bit.
"I'm sorry sweetie. It's a habit, you know?" Ryan reached over and clutched Tim's hand. "I'm sorry, really."
"I know you didn't mean it." Tim smiled, rubbing Ry's hand with his thumb. They stared into each others eyes, forgetting about their food, and just started talking about everything. The water took their plates and refilled their drinks. They talked for quite a while, unaware of anything but each other. They were rudely interrupted by Glomb's watch that let out a loud beep.
"Jesus Christ! It's 11 already!"
"What, 11 o'clock?"
"No, 11 elephants, it's 11 elephants Ry." Tim smiled.
Ryan smirked, stood up and dropped a few bills on the table.
He kissed his lover on the cheek as they exited the restaurant. Glomb handed over Ryan's keys and they climbed into the car. The ride home was tacit, the only sound being the purring of the engine. Ryan held onto Glomb's hand as they drove silently back to Tim's house, which had just so recently become 'theirs'. They pulled into the driveway and Ry killed the engine. They stepped out of the car and made their way inside the house where they flopped down on the sofa.
"There are messages." Ry looked at Glomb.
"Don't get up, I'll get it."
"Don't mention it." Tim smiled, rolling his eyes.
"DUNN! GLOMB! AHHHHHHHH! LET GO! LET- AHHHH! FUCK OFF WITH THE FUCKING WEDGIES! FUUUUCK! LET GO-"
The boys burst out laughing at Bam's high-pitched, girly squeals.
"Sorry about that. HIM's in town, were wondering if you guys want to hang out. Call me later."
Without even glancing at each other, they knew that they were going to stay home for the duration of the band's visit.
"Hi boys, it's April! Ryan, I found one of your shirts, and Tim, I found a pair of your pants over here. They're all clean and ironed so come pick them up when you have a chance. Love you, miss you, mwah!"
The guys smiled at each other and Glomb rejoined Ry on the couch. April was always supportive and they both knew she'd take care of them (and their laundry) as long as they needed her. Glomb rested his head on Ry's shoulder.
"Hey, Ry! It's me, Steve-O."
"Like someone else on the planet talks like that." Ryan smiled.
"Listen bro, me and Pontius are gonna be down in Philly doing a radio promo thing, I think the station is TUBE 104? Anyways, we should hook up for beer or something. Call me man."
"Hey Tim. It's your mother again. Please phone me, I need your shirt sizes once more, I've lost them. Bye sweetie."
"God damnit mom." Glomb frowned as Ryan snuggled him closer.
"It's DiCo. Raab and me are going to Pittsburgh for a couple days, won't be home. Bye."
"End of Messages."
"DiCo and Raab, eloping to Pittsburgh, huh?" Glomb smiled, remembering the faces of the two when he caught them rolling around inside the tree house.
"I guess so. They deserve each other, they're perfect together." Ryan grinned at the thought.
"Yeah, they really are." Glomb snuggled closer to his lover.
"Don't fall asleep on my arm."
"I'm tired, I'll fall asleep wherever I damn well please." The skater said with a yawn.
Ryan stood up and slid an arm under Glomb's legs, and another one behind his back as he effortlessly lifted Tim up and carried him to their bedroom. He unbuttoned Glomb's shirt and took off his pants, sock and shoes, leaving him in his boxers. Ryan stripped off his own clothing and crawled into bed with his devoted lover. He pulled the blankets over top of them and gave Tim a kiss before he fell asleep.
"Love you, Tim."
"Mrv ou roo, mabe." Glomb mumbled.
Ryan woke up to the sound of the cable TV newscasters rambling about the weather forecast.
"Morning babe! Get your ass up!" Glomb hollered at Ryan. Ry looked at the clock.
"It's only 10 am!" He said to himself.
"WHY ARE YOU WAKING ME UP SO EARLYYYYY!" He whined. Glomb ran into the room and jumped on the bed.
"Because it's a very special day! Now lets go!"
"Special day?" Ry thought to himself. Anniversary? No. Christmas? No. Birthday?
"Shit!" Ryan sat up straight, furrowing his brow. The smell of pancakes wafted into the room as he got up, stumbling to the kitchen. Glomb wrapped his arms around Ry's waist.
"Happy Birthday sweetheart." Glomb kissed him before turning his attention back to the pancakes.
"Why didn't you remind me it was my fucking birthday?"
"About a week ago, I asked what you wanted to do for your birthday."
"I don't remember that. What did I say?"
"You said you wanted pancakes with strawberry syrup and whipped cream for breakfast." Glomb smiled and set a plate down at the table, heaping with mounds of whipped cream and drizzled with the thick, overpowering aroma of the syrup.
"And what else did I want?" He asked, taking a bite out of his meal, groaning in approval. Glomb smiled and squirted a dollop of cream onto Ryan's shoulder, then slowly started licking it off.
"You said something about more whipped cream. Can't quite remember what though." Ryan could feel Tim grinning like the cat that swallowed the canary.
"Can we just put these pancakes in the fridge for now?" Ryan grabbed the can of whipped cream from Glomb. Glomb yelped and tried to run from him. Ry cornered him in the bedroom, laughing, as he kicked the door closed.