Yearbook of 2007

Who are you? Why are you hiding behind that row of basketball shelves? Please don't tell me you're one of those easily fooled freshies… What, you believed the story of my spirit? Hmmm. Your seniors probably told you the story, scared you sufficiently, and then dared you to spend the night in my former broom closet. Oh well.

Here, don't run. Chill, I'm just keeping you company for a while. You wouldn't feel so lonely and scared then, ya? Easy, dude. I've been doing this for years since they started circulating rumors about my haunting this place. This school has been my TRUE home, more than that tiny apartment that was my pad when I was alive in the 60's…

The REAL story is not that I burnt myself to death or committed hara-kiri or what not. I was just a custodian here. I started work since the school opened, in 1963. I was just in charge of cleaning the place and maintaining the antigravity generators. So that's how I died, see?

I died from an unusually high dose radiation. The kind that the antigrav generators released, back when they were nuclear powered. The old generator had been acting up, but when I checked on it, the radiation shields failed for a nanosecond. Enough time, though, for me to be fried into a radioactive crisp.

Those new plasma reactors are much safer… At least my death alerted the school authorities before any of the kids got hurt or the generator failed…

Why don't you take a yearbook from that shelf over there? That's the shelf. Pick one and I'll tell you about the best students of that year's graduating batch. What, you thought I remember everything? Hell no! I'm just like one of you students, selective memory, yes?

2007, huh? Good year. You know about the Bushfire and Plantae? Yup, they graduated in 2007. Let's look through this thing, yes?

Let's see… Zach Braun, the glowworm. That was his nickname when he was here. Such a shame that he chose villainy… That sucker's been in jail more times than a rabbit shits in its lifetime, and that's saying something. Now he's called Radiationz or somethin' like that… Poor thing… I'd go bad too, if I could merely glow in the dark.

Ethan Wallace, the smartest sidekick I've ever seen. What, you thought he was a hero? Nah, kid. It doesn't take being a hero to have brains, you know? Most of the heroes here have less brains than a platypus… Ethan here managed to design, build and patent the PolyHealer Ray that has saved hundreds of heroes from death. Did'ya know that when he was in school, I had to use a plunger to rescue him from being flushed down the toilet in his puddle form? Lash and Speed loved torturin' 'im…

Who are Lash and Speed? They're the jailed villains Elasticator and Speed Limit. Yeah, they helped Royal Pain when she tried to destroy the school in 2003… They were good kids when they started school, but that Gwen Grayson corrupted them. Who's Gwen? She's Royal Pain, of course! Didn't your folks teach you anything? You thought all villains were male? What kind of sexism is that?

Ah, a sweet memory. Will Stronghold and Layla Williams. Now called the Terminator and Plantae. Yes, they WERE dating when they were schooling here… They were knocking boots like nobody's business too. What, you thought that teens only screw each other before marriage in this decade? Trust me lad, they've been at it for years… Now your lot is just more educated about it, and that's good. The number of teenage abortions that happened back then… Makes me sad… And about these two? Their grandson Daniel will be coming to Sky High in the next eight years… should be in the year 2051. It'll be good to have a fourth generation of Strongholds runnin' around in these halls once again. They married young, to answer your question. That's how they were gran'parents by the time they were thirty-eight.

That's Warren Peace, a.k.a. Bushfire. That kid turned out alright, even though he was Barron Battle's kid. Yeah, he died recently when Freeze Queen-his ex-froze him in an iceberg at absolute zero... Poor heroes always die miserable deaths...

Look, that's the faculty back in '07! You seem puzzled… In my day, the faculty actually had their picture in here… People nowadays have no appreciation towards their good ol' chews. What're chews, you say? Back when I was schooling in Eton-that's in good ol' England-we used to call our form teachers chews.

Principle Powers was a real wonder woman. She was damned sexy, too. What, I can't goggle at a fifty-year old lady? Stronghold's year sure put some of those wrinkles on her forehead. The cafeteria was Pooped, with a Capital P, in his freshman year.

Mr. Medulla was an unusual one. Didn't do nuthin' 'cept study, teach, and perform the basic functions of life (reproduction not included). He got blown to bits by a prototype time machine he was building in 2018… Poor man didn't connect those two ununbium hemispheres properly.

What, a dead janitor can't know about nuclear physics? I was a Harvard doctorate student, you know! Not anyone can maintain an antigravity generator...

Coach Boomer should have NEVER been allowed to teach. He was obnoxious, arrogant, and a sidekick bully! Why are you looking so shocked? Sidekick bullying still happens, you know? That Boomer even spied on the girls in their locker room! I sent a phantom (pun on Boomer) note to Powers about it, though. He was sacked and arrested for some fangled charge which I can't remember. Sumthin' about marijuana being involved…

Mr. Jonathan Boy, truly a hero in his own right. He thought the sidekicks in the early 2000's. Your folks know him? How's he? That's good to hear… So ol' Johnny's living in comfort, I take it? That's good news… Haven't had any for the last half-century or so…

That's the end of my documentary… Hahaha… the other's in this book no matter. They went nowhere, and I'm off to the toilets. Not to relieve myself, but there's a pipe that's clogged there and I wanna fix it before school starts tomorrow. Don't worry, I'll turn up the thermostat so you'll be snug as a rug in a… I mean a bug in a rug.

By the way, no one would believe you if you told anyone about this episode except a girl in her sophomore year. She was my last encounter before you. I rarely have company…

The pipe's a callin', but know one thing….

These walls have memories.