Everything Said with Goodbye

Disclaimer: I'm not pretending I own the X-Men. I'm only borrowing them long enough to warp their lives. Dixie Chicks sing "Cold Day in July."

Rating: PG

Summary: What Jean would think if Scott left her. (And it ain't "ooh…I can be with Logan now!")

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Everything Said with Goodbye

By: Addie Logan

The moon is full and my arms are empty
All night long I've pleaded and cried
You always said the day that you would leave me
Would be a cold day in July

The others don't know what's really going on. They think Scott just needs some time to clear his head after everything that's happened the past few months. I haven't been able to tell them the truth. It's still too painful to admit.

They think he's just leaving the mansion for a little while to get some fresh air, sort things out.

I know he's leaving me.

Your bags are packed not a word is spoken
I guess we said everything with good-bye
Time moves so slow and promises get broken
On this cold day in July

We tried to work things out after his reappearance from his stint of being "presumed dead." I tried everything I could think of to make him love me the way he used to. But it was a hopeless cause.  Scott just wasn't the same man he used to be.

In the past, he'd never been anything but warm and loving. There'd never been any real emotional distance between us. No matter what happened, we were there for each other, ready to give support, guidance…

Love.

I used to be able to look into his visor and see his eyes hidden underneath. Now when I look, I just see my own reflection staring back at me.

Sun's comin' up down on Main Street
Children shout as they're running out to play
Head in my hands here I am
Standing in my bare feet
Watching you drive away
Watching you drive away

I thought Scott and I would be able to survive anything together.  We'd gotten through the Phoenix incident, getting trapped in a timewarp on our honeymoon, his ogling of Betsy Braddock. Heck, we even managed to keep our love strong after he married my clone.

So you can see why I thought we'd get through this, too.

I was hurt when Scott first came back to the mansion after merging with Apocalypse. He'd been alive all that time and he hadn't rushed home to me. He'd allowed me to think he was dead. But I tried to push it all away, tell myself Scott did what was best for both of us. He'd never do anything to hurt me.

I was wrong.

You said that we were gonna last forever
You said our love would never die
It looks like spring and It feels like sunny weather
But it's a cold day in July

Our rooms in the mansion have felt like a tomb these past few weeks, with the corpse that was our marriage laying out, waiting for someone to take notice of it. I tried to hide from the harsh reality with a smile, telling everyone who asked that things were fine—Scott and I were as in love as we'd ever been.

I wasn't just lying to them. I was lying to myself as well. I thought that if I believed that our marriage was perfect, it would be. I couldn't admit to myself the problem was real. I did everything I could to make Scott want me the way he had in the past, and I told myself it was working.

It wasn't.

Oh sun's comin' up comin' up
Down on Main Street
Children shout as they're running out to play
Head in my hands
Here I am standing in my bare feet
Watching you drive away
Watching you drive away

Scott ended things last night. He said he couldn't do it anymore. It was like I didn't hear him at first. I just talked about something else, my voice fast and cracking. I wouldn't look at him, wouldn't acknowledge that the impossible had come to pass.

But Scott hadn't let me ignore what he'd had to say. He'd already packed his bags. This morning he left for Alaska, and I don't know when he's coming back—if he's coming back. All he said when he walked out was "goodbye," and that was enough. Those were the words I never thought I'd hear him say to me, and when he spoke them I knew. I knew everything I'd clung to in my life for almost as long as I could remember was gone. My mother once told me there was "The One" for everyone out there, and when I met Scott, I believed.

I don't believe anymore.

I just feel cold.

The moon is full and my arms are empty
All night long how I've pleaded and cried
You always said the day that you would leave me
Would be a cold day in July
Here comes that cold day in July