Dislcaimer: None of the characters belong to me (besides Mr. X) and belong to their rightful owners respectfully. I do not own the Cannonball Run movies and the real life event of the same name. All racing vehicles depicted in the Cannonball race belong to the video game series F-Zero.

Author's Note: You needn't worry too much, folks. Although this is the last installment (chronologically) in the Cannonball Run series, other authors of the Cannonball Run fandom will be writing the remaining parts of the series. So that means Cannonball Run 6, 7, and 8 are still yet to come, followed by Cannonball Run '87, which will be a possible interquel. So in short, this isn't quite the last fanfic entry. But it's personally my last work on the Cannonball Run franchise. So for all the readers who've enjoyed reading Cannonball Run 3 throughout the years, I dedicate this story to you, and to a race that has inspired two movies, fan fiction and most of all, a conclusion. Thank you, mina-san!

The cast list is posted for the benefit of readers and is not intended to violate any rules on this site.

xxx

Introduction

xxx

"Hello! I'm Jay Sherman, and welcome to a special edition of 'Coming Attractions'! Tonight, we'll be screening the movie everybody's been raving about since 'Titanic 2', 'Cannonball Run: Final Tour'! The film features old veterans Detective Eddie Valiant and his chum Roger Rabbit, Tiny Toon stars Buster and Babs Bunny, no relation of course, the sweet and angelic Naminé who even my son has a crush on, the bumbling trio Team Rocket who just can't get anything right, and who could forget Hogwart's notorious You-Know-Who, Lord Voldemort!

Who could forget all the pointless sequels we've had these past years, that have tried so desperately to end everything they've started. 'The Matrix Revolutions', 'X-Men: The Last Stand' and what about the awful 'The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King'? On the Shermometer, these films have rated a zero! Brrrrr…

But as for 'Cannonball Run', who knows what to expect as our stars embark on their last journey around the globe? And who might win this time, you ask? Well, I hope everyone's remembered to bring their popcorn and Icee, because tonight we're going to find out! So sit back, relax and enjoy the show, folks!

Lights…camera…action!"

xxx

Detective Edward "Eddie" Valiant (Who Framed Roger Rabbit)

Roger Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit)

Team Rocket (Pokémon)

Buster J. Bunny (Tiny Toon Adventures)

Barbara Ann "Babs" Bunny (Tiny Toon Adventures)

With

Lord Voldemort (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone)

And

Naminé (Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories)

xxx

In

xxx

Cannonball Run: Final Tour

By Charles Xavier

xxx

Starring:

Dick Dastardly (Wacky Races)

Muttley (Wacky Races)

Sora (Kingdom Hearts)

Kairi (Kingdom Hearts)

Riku (Kingdom Hearts)

Roxas (Kingdom Hearts II)

Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy VIII)

Rinoa Heartilly (Final Fantasy VIII)

Yuffie Kisaragi (Final Fantasy VII)

Vincent Valentine (Final Fantasy VII)

Adrian Albert Mole (The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13 ¾)

Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark)

Aya Brea (Parasite Eve)

Ada Wong (Biohazard 2)

The Outer Senshi (Sailor Moon)

James Bond (Casino Royale)

Kim Possible (Kim Possible)

Mr. Mistoffelees (Cats)

Ennis del Mar (Brokeback Mountain)

Jack Twist (Brokeback Mountain)

Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids (Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids)

Mr. Bean (Mr. Bean)

Spawn (Image Comics)

Corvax the Terrible Sheik (Muzzy)

The Blues Brothers (The Blues Brothers)

Special Agent Fox William Mulder (The X-Files)

Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully (The X-Files)

Dolores (Who Framed Roger Rabbit)

Baby Herman (Who Framed Roger Rabbit)

Dojo Kanojo Cho (Xiaolin Showdown)

Omi (Xiaolin Showdown)

Raimundo Pedrosa (Xiaolin Showdown)

Kimiko Tohomiko (Xiaolin Showdown)

Clay Bailey (Xiaolin Showdown)

Smith (The Matrix)

Go Mifune (Mach Go Go Go)

Brian Griffin (Family Guy)

Stewart Gilligan "Stewie" Griffin (Family Guy)

Artemis Fowl II (Artemis Fowl)

Iorek Byrnison (His Dark Materials)

Lieutenant Pete "Maverick" Mitchell (Top Gun)

Calvin and Hobbes (Calvin and Hobbes)

Chiyo Mihama (Azumanga Daioh)

Tomo Takino (Azumanga Daioh)

Koyomi "Yomi" Mizuhara (Azumanga Daioh)

Kagura (Azumanga Daioh)

Sakaki (Azumanga Daioh)

Ayumu "Osaka" Kasuga (Azumanga Daioh)

Yukari Tanizaki (Azumanga Daioh)

Minamo "Nyamo" Kurosawa (Azumanga Daioh)

Mr. Tadakichi (Azumanga Daioh)

Electra (Starlight Express)

Pee-wee Herman (Pee-wee's Playhouse)

Pincho (Los Fruittis)

Mochilo (Los Fruittis)

Gazpacho (Los Fruittis)

Kumba (Los Fruittis)

Thomas "Tommy" Vercetti (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)

Christopher "Chrissy" Moltisanti (The Sopranos)

Anthony John "A.J." Soprano, Jr. (The Sopranos)

Meadow Mariangela Soprano (The Sopranos)

Beavis and Butt-head (Beavis and Butt-head)

Kaolla Su (Love Hina)

Sara McDougal (Love Hina)

Shinobu Maehara (Love Hina)

Keitaro Urashima (Love Hina)

Naru Narusegawa (Love Hina)

Tama-chan (Love Hina)

The Madagascar Penguins (Madagascar)

Captain Archibald Haddock (The Adventures of Tintin)

Milou (The Adventures of Tintin)

Dupond and Dupont (The Adventures of Tintin)

Super Mario Bros. (Super Mario Bros.)

Yoshi (Super Mario World)

Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Miles "Tails" Prower (Sonic the Hedgehog 2)

Knuckles the Echidna (Sonic the Hedgehog 3)

The Lee Brothers (Street Fighter III: Next Generation)

Stormy (Rainbow Brite)

Alex (A Clockwork Orange)

Dim (A Clockwork Orange)

Pete (A Clockwork Orange)

George (A Clockwork Orange)

The Simpsons (The Simpsons)

Guybrush Threepwood (The Secret of Monkey Island)

Elaine Marley (The Secret of Monkey Island)

Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl)

Asterix (Asterix the Gaul)

Obelix (Asterix the Gaul)

Dogmatix (Asterix and the Banquet)

Dora (Dora the Explorer)

Boots (Dora the Explorer)

Eric Theodore Cartman (South Park)

Stanley "Stan" Marsh (South Park)

Kyle Broflovski (South Park)

Jerome "Chef" McElroy (South Park)

Kenneth "Kenny" McCormick (South Park)

Tweek Tweak (South Park)

Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone)

Professor Severus Snape (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone)

Montana Master Max (Tiny Toon Adventures)

Elmyra Duff (Tiny Toon Adventures)

Pinky and the Brain (Animaniacs)

Bert and Ernie (Sesame Street)

Popeye the Sailor (Popeye)

Olive Oyl (Popeye)

SpongeBob SquarePants (SpongeBob SquarePants)

Patrick Star (SpongeBob SquarePants)

Dr. Ross Eustace Geller (Friends)

Rachel Karen Green (Friends)

Monica Ellen Geller (Friends)

Chandler Muriel Bing (Friends)

Lock, Shock and Barrel (The Nightmare Before Christmas)

Henry Sugar (The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar)

Dream (DC Comics Vertigo)

Death (DC Comics Vertigo)

Bozo the Clown (Bozo the Clown)

The Powerpuff Girls (The Powerpuff Girls)

Jeannie (I Dream of Jeannie)

Hinata Wakaba (Shiritsu Justice Gakuen: Legion of Heroes)

Sakura Kasugano (Street Fighter Zero 2)

The Mask (The Mask)

Duke Nukem (Duke Nukem)

Stephanie (LazyTown)

Sportacus (LazyTown)

Carmen Isabela Sandiego (Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?)

Little Lulu (Little Lulu)

Richard "Richie" Rich, Jr. (Harvey Comics)

Little Audrey (Little Audrey)

Princess Devilotte de Deathsatan IX (Cyberbots: Full Metal Madness)

Dr. Stein (Cyberbots: Full Metal Madness)

Jigoku Daishi (Cyberbots: Full Metal Madness)

Sakura Kinomoto (Card Captor Sakura)

Toya Kinomoto (Card Captor Sakura)

Tomoyo Daidouji (Card Captor Sakura)

Meiling Li (Card Captor Sakura)

Syaoran Li (Card Captor Sakura)

Charles "Charlie" Brown (Peanuts)

Sally Brown (Peanuts)

Snoopy (Peanuts)

Woodstock (Peanuts)

Dr. Nikolas Van Helsing (The Cannonball Run)

Dr. Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)

Dr. Cristina Yang (Grey's Anatomy)

Dr. Alex Karev (Grey's Anatomy)

Dr. George O'Malley (Grey's Anatomy)

Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens (Grey's Anatomy)

Garfield (Garfield)

Odie (Garfield)

Jonathan Q. "Jon" Arbuckle (Garfield)

Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)

Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th)

Dr. Gilbert "Gil" Grissom (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation)

Catherine "Mugs" Willows (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation)

Sara Sidle (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation)

Nicholas "Nick" Stokes (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation)

Warrick Brown (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation)

Sofia Curtis (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation)

Kiyone Makibi (Tenchi Muyo!)

Mihoshi Kuramitsu (Tenchi Muyo!)

Washu Hakubi (Tenchi Muyo!)

Sasami Masaki Jurai (Tenchi Muyo!)

Ryo-Ohki (Tenchi Muyo!)

Misao Amano (Magical Girl Pretty Sammy)

Rumiya (Magical Girl Pretty Sammy)

Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Asuka Langley Soryu (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Shinji Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Sydney Anne Bristow (Alias)

The Delightful Children from Down the Lane (Codename: Kids Next Door)

With

Cyborg Superman (DC Comics)

And

Dr. Doom (Marvel Comics)

xxx

Co-Starring:

J.J. McClure (The Cannonball Run)

Victor Prinzi (The Cannonball Run)

Commandant Mauser (Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment)

Lieutenant Proctor (Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment)

Hymie Kaplan (Cannonball Run II)

President Baxter Harris (Scary Movie 3)

Vice President Thomas "Tug" Benson (Hot Shots!)

Mr. X (Cannonball Run 3: World Tour)

Borat Sagdiyev (Da Ali G Show)

The Censor Lady (Attack of the Killer Tomatoes)

H.A. Futterman (Freakazoid!)

Kasumi (Pokémon)

Haruka (Pokémon)

Hikari (Pokémon)

Taichi Yagami (Digimon Adventure)

Yamato Ishida (Digimon Adventure)

Wayne Campbell (Saturday Night Live)

Garth Algar (Saturday Night Live)

The Muppet Newsman (The Muppet Show)

Statler and Waldorf (The Muppet Show)

Secret Service Agent Mitch (Mars Attacks!)

The Bully Brothers (The Perils of Penelope Pitstop)

With

The Machinegal Dolls (Moldiver)

And

General Arthur J. Foyt (The Cannonball Run)

xxx

Also Starring:

Benny the Cab (Who Framed Roger Rabbit)

Kenichi Mifune (Mach Go Go Go)

Space Ghost (Space Ghost: Coast to Coast)

Zorak (Space Ghost: Coast to Coast)

Moltar (Space Ghost: Coast to Coast)

Voldemar H. Brakley "Brak" Guerta (Cartoon Planet)

Princess Peach (Super Mario Bros.)

Princess Daisy (Super Mario Land)

Haruka Urashima (Love Hina)

Rainbow Brite (Rainbow Brite)

Starlite (Rainbow Brite)

Skydancer (Rainbow Brite)

Amy Rose (Sonic CD)

Jack Skellington (The Nightmare Before Christmas)

Bridget Jones (Bridget Jones's Diary)

Fearless Leader (The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show)

Cerberus (Card Captor Sakura)

Yue (Card Captor Sakura)

Master Fung (Xiaolin Showdown)

Princess Sylvia (Muzzy)

Cain and Abel (DC Comics Vertigo)

Seifer Almasy (Final Fantasy VIII)

Tuxedo Kamen (Sailor Moon)

Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo (Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)

Frances "Frankie" Foster (Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)

Mac (Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)

David Van Driessen (Beavis and Butt-head)

Nedward "Ned" Flanders (The Simpsons)

Rod Flanders (The Simpsons)

Todd Flanders (The Simpsons)

Panoramix (Asterix the Gaul)

Professor Utonium (The Powerpuff Girls)

Volta (Starlight Express)

Krupp (Starlight Express)

Wrench (Starlight Express)

Purse (Starlight Express)

Joule (Starlight Express)

Conky 2000 (Pee-wee's Playhouse)

Misato Katsuragi (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Double Dragon (Double Dragon)

JoJo Tickle (JoJo's Circus)

Natsu Ayuhara (Shiritsu Justice Gakuen: Legion of Heroes)

Woodrow "Woody" Tiberius Boyd (Cheers)

Detective Philip Marlowe (The Big Sleep)

Diego (Dora the Explorer)

Columbia (The Rocky Horror Picture Show)

Persian (Pokémon)

Father (Codename: Kids Next Door)

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (Full Metal Jacket)

Milo De Venus (Galaxy High)

Doombots (Marvel Comics)

With

Sakaki (Pokémon)

And

M (Casino Royale)

xxx

Featuring:

Inspector Gadget (Inspector Gadget)

Santa Claus (The Santa Clause)

R2-D2 (Star Wars)

C-3PO (Star Wars)

Rocko (Rocko's Modern Life)

Waldo (Where's Waldo?)

Gumbies (Monty Python's Flying Circus)

Sharky and Georges (Sharky and Georges)

Sammo Law (Martial Law)

Oneesan (Battle Royale)

Timon and Pumbaa (The Lion King)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau (The Pink Panther)

Detective Hercule Poirot (Agatha Christie's Poirot)

Emperor Kuzco (The Emperor's New Groove)

Sam and Max (Sam and Max)

With

ED-209 (RoboCop)

And

Sheriff Buford T. Justice (Smokey and the Bandit)

xxx

Special Appearances By:

Pippi Longstocking (Pippi Longstocking)

Lady Sylvanas Windrunner (Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos)

Varimathras (Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos)

Sharlindra (World of Warcraft)

Pingu (Pingu)

Robby (Pingu)

Norville "Shaggy" Rogers (Scooby-Doo)

Scoobert "Scooby"-Doo (Scooby-Doo)

The Old Jewish Man (The Simpsons)

Slappy the Dummy (Goosebumps)

Gilligan (Gilligan's Island)

The Skipper (Gilligan's Island)

Norman Bates (Psycho)

Joe and Mac (Tatakae Genshijin: Joe and Mac)

Jessica Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit)

Otto Meyer (It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World)

Pretty Sammy (Magical Girl Pretty Sammy)

Pixy Misa (Magical Girl Pretty Sammy)

Leatherface (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

Edward "Nubbins" Sawyer (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

Grandpa Sawyer (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

Drayton Sawyer (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

Tsotsi (Tsotsi)

Spider-Girl (Marvel Comics)

Kim Ji-hoon (Friends)

Asai Tomoko (Friends)

Sophitia Alexandra (Soul Edge)

Cassandra Alexandra (Soul Calibur II)

Dizzy (Dizzy: The Ultimate Cartoon Adventure)

Lao Fu Zi (Lao Fu Zi)

Big Sweet Potato (Lao Fu Zi)

Mr. Chin (Lao Fu Zi)

The Child Catcher (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang)

Tracy (Battle Arena Toshinden 2)

Rachael (Battle Arena Toshinden 3)

Derice Bannock (Cool Runings)

Irving "Irv" Blitzer (Cool Runnings)

Sanka Coffie (Cool Runnings)

Yul Brenner (Cool Runnings)

Junior Bevil (Cool Runnings)

Father McGruder (Braindead)

Ecco (Ecco the Dolphin)

The Golden Girls (The Golden Girls)

Count Dracula (Bram Stoker's Dracula)

The Lost Vikings (The Lost Vikings)

Lilo and Stitch (Lilo and Stitch)

Frenchmen (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

Crash Bandicoot (Crash Bandicoot)

Glenn Quagmire (Family Guy)

Mr. "Everything Comes From India" (Goodness Gracious Me)

Captain Leslie Hero (Drawn Together)

Foxxy Love (Drawn Together)

Ling-Ling (Drawn Together)

Toot Braunstein (Drawn Together)

Princess Clara (Drawn Together)

Xandir P. Wifflebottom (Drawn Together)

Spanky Ham (Drawn Together)

Wooldoor Jebediah Sockbat (Drawn Together)

Mana Kirishima (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Sabrina Spellman (Sabrina, the Teenage Witch)

Salem (Sabrina, the Teenage Witch)

James "J.J." Evans, Jr. (Good Times)

Professor Coldheart (The Care Bears)

2 Stupid Dogs (2 Stupid Dogs)

Blinky Bill (Blinky Bill)

Holli Would (Cool World)

Nacho Libre (Nacho Libre)

The Little Rascals (The Little Rascals)

Bunny Swan (MADtv)

Glaurung (The Silmarillion)

Kane (Command and Conquer)

Alien (Alien)

Predator (Predator)

Herbie (The Love Bug)

Haruka Suzumiya (The Eternity You Desire)

Mitsuki Hayase (The Eternity You Desire)

Leslie Burke (Bridge to Terabithia)

Jessie Oliver Aarons, Jr. (Bridge to Terabithia)

Haruhi Suzumiya (Haruhi Suzumiya)

Mikuru Asahina (Haruhi Suzumiya)

Yuki Nagato (Haruhi Suzumiya)

Nana Komatsu (Nana)

Nana Osaki (Nana)

Fajer (Pride of Baghdad)

Aida (Aida)

Tootle (Little Golden Book Land Friends: The Great Harbor Rescue)

Katy Caboose (Little Golden Book Land Friends: The Great Harbor Rescue)

Sergeant Oh Kyeong-pil (Joint Security Area)

Private Jeong Woo-jin (Joint Security Area)

Dr. Henry "Indiana" Walton Jones, Jr. (Raiders of the Lost Ark)

Battletoads (Battletoads)

High Priest Imhotep (The Mummy)

Seo Jang-geum (Dae Jang Geum)

Hercules (Hercules: The Legendary Journeys)

Xena (Xena: Warrior Princess)

The Great Cornholio (Beavis and Butt-head)

Captain Chaos (The Cannonball Run)

With

Jay Sherman (The Critic)

And

Marcie Thatcher (The Cannonball Run)

xxx

Prologue: Dying Wish

xxx

"Do they sell peanuts here?"

"Mr. President, this is a funeral." Mitch had to remind President Harris that today was a serious gathering for the Chairman of the Cannonball Run, who had recently passed away. Mourners were many, paying their last respects while the organist played another hymn.

"What about pretzels? I haven't had one since that last game I watched with the Giants."

"No, sir. They don't sell any refreshments in this church."

"An outrage! What kind of government doesn't allow a church to sell refreshments at a funeral procession? Get me the President!"

"You are the President."

"Good. Then I already know about this. Let's order lunch!"

XXX

J.J. McClure and Victor Prinzi watched the pallbearers carry the coffin outside into the car. Friends, relatives and others who knew the Chairman well waved goodbye as the car drove away. A crackle of thunder was heard and everyone opened their umbrellas as heavy rain showered onto the streets. The funeral was now over. People rushed back into their cars to return home. A few stayed behind longer to discuss other matters…

"J.J., I'm sorry." said Victor.

"He was a fine man, Victor." J.J. replied somberly. "Without him, the Cannonball Run would have been nothing. And now, I guess there won't be anymore. It's all finished. The fun, the crashes, the screeches, the screams…I'm sure going to miss those good times."

Victor wanted to mourn too, but he couldn't help notice a familiar face standing behind his pal.

"J.J.! Look!"

He pointed straight at Hymie Kaplan with his nasty grin.

"Did you miss me, boys?" Hymie took off his hat, handing it over to his henchmen, the Bully Brothers. "I heard the old timer finally kicked it! I had to come and see the performance for myself!"

He laughed jokingly. J.J. and Victor remained silent, not amused by their old friend's cheerfulness.

"Face it. The Cannonball's nada now. Why don't you boys go cheer yourselves up at the Pinto Ranch sometime, huh?" Hymie laughed jokingly again. "See you later, alligators!"

The Bully Brothers brought him to his car and they left, leaving J.J. and Victor in a duller state. However, they didn't catch Mr. X when he tapped J.J. on the shoulder, surprising Victor when he thought for a moment that the Grim Reaper was coming for them.

"Relax." Mr. X assured. "Mr. McClure and Mr. Prinzi, I believe I have something of valuable importance to you."

He handed them over a white envelope addressed to both of them. J.J. quietly opened it, slipping out the Chairman's will and unfolding it to have a read.

"What does it say, J.J.?" Victor asked, seeing traces of a smile on his face already.

"Victor…it isn't over yet. It's far from over."

xxx

Author's Note: There you have the Prologue! One thing I might want to warn you: I MAY add more cast members without any notice. So I suggest you be on the lookout when you least expect it!