Well, this is my first story. Remarkably, it's finished. I don't claim that's it's a staggering work of genius, but I like it. Reviews……………….i like reviews…………..i like them a lot.

Leonard of Quirm was, of course, a genius. There was no doubt about that. In fact, he was probably the most intelligent man in Ankh-Morpork, if not the entire disc. However, intelligence is one thing, and wisdom is another. While Leonard was brilliant, he was not at all wise in the ways of the world.

Take his latest invention, for example. Leonard called it his "large moving vehicle for crushing enemies and other (smaller) moving vehicles." In the drawings he had made, it appeared to be a boxlike thing with very oddly-shaped wheels. Lord Vetinari had not quite seen the purpose, but Leonard had looked very proud of it, so hehad nodded and smiled and changed the subject.

However, Leonard was determined to show the true genius of his invention, and on Lord Vetinari's next visit, he brough out a small working model. Again, it looked like a box. But then, seeing the Patrician's slightly bored expression, he had pushed a button, and out of the top of the invention slid a little tube that looked horribly familiar…


"Yes, my Lord?"

Lord Vetinari stared fixedly at the small model. "Tell me, would that device happen to work anything like…a gonne?"

Leonard looked surprised. "The gonne, my lord? Certainly not!"

If Lord Vetinari had been the type to have emotions, he would have breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Instead, he murmured, "Oh…good. You understand the problem that--"

Leonard however, was not finished. "The Gonne, you see, was of rather a barbaric design. I'm rather ashamed of it. This here is much more advanced. Instead of using fireworks powder, I've come up with an entirely new solution that should--"

He trailed off when he realized Lord Vetinari was not listening, but staring fixedly at the oppposite wall with a glazed, horrified expression.

"My Lord?"

The Patrician said, quite distantly, "What do you call this again?"

"The large moving vehicle for crushing enemies and other (smaller) moving vehicles, sir. But recently, I've taken to calling it the 'tank.'"

"I…see. How exactly do you intend it to be used?"

"Well, the basic design is intended for war. It's operated by that internal combustion engine I showed you earlier (I've worked out nearly all the problems) and I think it could be very well applied to the battlefield. Hypothetically, of course. No one would actually ever use it."

"No…of course not…" Lord Vetinari discreetly edged away from the device sitting on the table.

"So, my Lord, do you like it?" Leonard looked hopefully at the Patrician.

Lord Vetinari smiled thinly, although it was more of a grimace. "It's excellent, Leonard. However, I suggest you turn your considerable intelligence to other projects for the time being. Like the flying machine. How is that coming along?"

"It exploded," the inventor sighed mournfully. "again."

The Patrician stood to leave. "I must be going, Leonard. I will be back within the week."

As he turned, he somehow managed to knock the model to the floor. "Oh dear I'm dreadfully sorry…" the model suddenly exploded in a small burst of flame, and as

Leonard dove for cover, Lord Vetinari bolted out the door and locked it securely behind him. Then he dashed back to his office.

When he was back in his desk, he picked up the speaking tube and summoned Drumknott.

The clerk silently arrived, and Lord Vetinari said weakly, "Drumknott, please send for a trustworthy locksmith. There are a few locks that I need to have changed."