Title: On Safe Sex

Author: My Sadistic Fairytale

Summary: What the cast of Yu-Gi-Oh says about safe sex.

Today we are going to find the perfect spokesperson to speak on the importance of safe sex.

Bakura, the Thief King says,"It's always good to wear protection when you're doing it. I should know. There weren't condoms back in Ancient Egypt. I caught so much STD's. It made it difficult for me whenever I had to run away from a shopkeeper. You want to see?"

"NEXT!" Yelled the casting director.

Ryou Bakura, the shy high school student says,"Um...sex..." There was a very visible blush on his face. He gulped when he repeated the word. His eyes turned swirls. "Gi-girls..."


Seto Kaiba, the CEO of KaibaCorp says, "Just put on damn condoms and stop getting teenage girls pregnant. Our economy is bad enough and now welfare being given to pregnant teens? What's this country coming to?"


Yugi Mouto, the short Duel Monsters champion says, "What's safe sex? What's sex? Why does sex need to be safe?"

"NEXT! And get me some aspirin!"

"Here!" The bottle of aspirin hit the casting direction's head.

Yugi Mouto, the taller Duel Monsters champion says, "It is important that you guard yourself against HIV and STDs. Take for example, Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl." He took out the cards. He acted out the story of them dating and having sex. Evidently, one of them gave the other herpes.

"NEXT, please!"

"But I haven't finished the story yet-"


"Okay, okay. You act like you have crabs or something."

"Get out!" The casting director threw the aspirin bottle at his head.

Jounouchi Katsuya, third Battle City champion, says, "..." Jounouchi was sitting in the chair with bored eyes. He was chewing on an apple. On his lap, he had a whole basket of fruit.

"Hey! My fruit basket!" The director said. He threw away the apple and started for a banana.

"If you don't use protection, your bleep will become like this." Jounouchi said plainly and snapped the banana in half.


Mokuba Kaiba, brother of the successful CEO, says, "Sex? Big brother? What's sex?"


Honda Hiroto, friend of Jounouchi Katsuya and Yugi Mouto, says, "You don't have a problem with STD's or AIDS if you masturbate."

The director choked on her coffee. "NEXT!"

"Lunchtime!" The casting director sighed with relief. "Thank Kami-sama!" She said. She and the camera crew went to the nearby cafe for lunch.

"So much for our pick a popular person from a popular series and make them influence teens to use protection, huh?" One of the cameraman said, chewing on his straw.

The director sighed, resting her head in between her arms. "I didn't think this was going to be so hard. I thought that Ryou boy would ace it since he is pretty cute and girls go for his type. Who knew he was that embarrassed by the mere word 'sex' or even 'girls'."

"We could always just pick the hottest looking one. Strip him of his shirt and put him in a commercial. We'll control what he says. The girls will eat it up. If he says 'don't have sex young' then maybe, just maybe, the teen pregnancy rate will lower." The producer suggested.

"That's a terrible idea! They'll stalk him and probably try to rape him! You know how fangirls are!" The director exclaimed. They cast their heads down in despair. Their food was coming. At least they'll enjoy this great food before going back to work...The director dreaded that moment.

Rishid Ishtar, a Rarehunter, says, "Master Malik says sex is bad. Everybody must obey Master Malik even if he still does wet his bed."

"Rishid!" Malik whispered with venom. The casting director tried to remain unaffected but she burst out in laughter.

"You still wet your bed? AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She was rolling on the floor in laughter.

"NEXT!" Malik growled, walking away.

"Brother," Isis said, running to Malik. "Are you okay?"

"They're making fun of me, Isis," Malik said with tears in his eyes. He stuck a thumb in his mouth and bawled like a baby.

"Aww! It's okay. Binky will make you better," she said. She stuck a pacifier in his mouth.

Mai Kujaku, well-known female duelist champion, says, "How much will I get paid for this?"

"NEXT!" In the background, the casting direction was still laughing.

"Director, pull yourself together..."

Shizuka Kawai, sister of Jounouchi Katsuya, says. Shizuka is dressed in a Juliet-like costume. She reads lines from the play "Romeo and Juliet."

"Shizuka, you're reading the wrong lines. You're supposed to say why people should have safe sex."

"Okay." Shizuka starts to explain about the benefits of safe sex...in Shakespearean language. Nobody understood what she was saying.


Malik Ishtar, the more psychotic one, the one that likes to lick things, says, "Can I lick the camera?"


Isis Ishtar, the older sister of Malik Ishtar, says, "It is your destiny to have safe sex or it is your destiny to have an itchy bleep for life."


Otogi Ryuuji, the inventor of Dungeon Dice, says, "I'm too good looking to have AIDS or STD's. But ugly people can have them so be careful because you're not as beautiful as I am."


Malik Ishtar, the more normal one, says, "It's not-" He was interrupted by the director's laughter and her pointing at him.


"I don't want to do this anymore," he whined and knocked the chair over. "Rishid, Isis!" He cried, running to them.

"Okay, that's all of them." The producer said. Later, they had a meeting. They had to decide which one they wanted to choose. In the end, they decided to choose Isis because well she was subtle but also straight to the point. Meanwhile, the casting director was fired. She was literally laughing all the way to the bank with her last paycheck.

A/N: LOL I hope you had fun reading this story as I did writing it. It was spur of the moment. Anyway, I hope you laughed when you read this. Just so you know this is only a one-shot so don't ask for a second chapter. The Shizuka one wasn't that funny but I couldn't think of anything else. Please review.