Writer's block followed by pneumonia have been the reason for my long delay. Without further interuptions, here is the final chapter of Resident Evil 4: HUNK Style!
Agent HUNK and Luis made their way back up the catwalks along the cliffs towards the church. However, when they got to the church, they found it surrounded by wolves. "Any more grenades?" Luis asked HUNK as he backed away from the approaching wolves.
"Nope..." HUNK shouldered his TMP and fired at the nearest wolf as it dove at him. The burst of lead ripped through the creatures skull, and it dropped to the ground inches from him. The other two wolves howled at the loss of their comrade, and then lunged forward with their fanges bared. Luis opened fire with his Red9, wounding one of the wolves and slowing it down. HUNK released a withering hail of gunfire on the two canine creatures, and within seconds they were dead. He continued on towards the church's front door without a word.
"Yo, I'm gonna stay out here, that alright?" Luis suggested as HUNK opened the front door with the wierd key he'd found in the cave.
"Be my guest," HUNK replied gruffly. And with that, he dissappeared into the church.
"And now to wait..." Luis sat down on the steps. "What I'd give for a smoke right now..."
Meanwhile, HUNK explored the church. He bashed open some boxes and found some ammo, and then he stole all the money from the offering box. He felt no guilt, as this wasn't a church for his religeon. He didn't worship brain eating squids, that was for sure. HUNK made his way upstairs, performed some stunts with a chandelier, and then solved a stupid puzzle with lights in order to remove some iron bars from his path. "Who comes up with these pointless puzzles? I mean, really..." HUNK grumbled.
He made his way over to the door he'd just cleared a path to. Cautiously, he opened it. He entered the room, and was met with a wooden box soaring straight at his face. "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" a young woman screamed.
HUNK batted away the box with his left arm easily. "I'm an agent of the US government. I'm here to save you, Ashley."
The young woman huddled in the corner stared at him. "Really?" she stood up. "My father sent you?"
"Yeah, c'mon, lets get out of here," HUNK held the door open for her. "But I should let you know, I've got two guys working with me that are insane..."
"If they're insane, why are they working with you?" Ashley stared at him in confusion.
"Because I don't have the heart to pull the trigger..." he shook his head. "Now lets go..."
"YOU LEFT ME!!!" Leon snarled at Luis, who was calmly leaning against the door to the church. "YOU LEFT ME TO DIE!!!"
"Correction," Luis smirked. "We left you for dead."
"EXACTLY!!!" Leon yelled. He had somehow clawed his way from beneath the corpse of El Gigante, and now he was mad.
"Oh well, nothing you can say now will make a difference..." Luis shrugged.
"Yes, there is! I can go in there, save the President's daughter, and become a hero!" Leon growled.
Luis opened the door and pointed into the church. "Go for it dude..."
"I will..." Leon sneered.
HUNK and Ashley made their way back down to the bottom floor of the church. As they walked towards the front door, a voice made them freeze in their tracks. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Home?" HUNK turned to face the person talking. Some old guy was standing at the other side of the church. He was wearing a purple robe, and had a wierd staff in his hand. "Who are you?"
"Osmond Salazar. I am the proprietor of the Los Illuminados, and you're taking my property from me," he smiled.
"Property?" HUNK looked at Ashley.
"Yes, property..." Salazar started to walk towards them.
HUNK started to think. Should he run for it? Stay and chat? Blow the guy's head off? Each idea could work, or it could backfire. "So what's your big plan, anyway?" HUNK asked. Maybe if he could keep the guy talking, he could come up with a plan. This guy looked like a long-winded and talkative villian.
"My plan? Well, I might as well tell you, since I'm going to kill you. My plan is..." And so, Salazar commenced to rant and rave about his brilliant plan of taking over the planet with brain-eating squid. HUNK just nodded along, pretending to listen while he plotted his escape. When he realized that this guy was too caught up in himself to pay attention, HUNK just walked across the room, grabbed the guy, and broke his neck.
"Talkative, wasn't he?" HUNK threw the man's limp corpse to the ground. However, Ashley didn't reply. "Ashley?"
HUNK turned to see why Ashley was being so quiet. He let out a sigh when he saw her to be gone and the door to the church to be open. In the distance, he could see the outline of two men running away. One seemed to be carrying a third person. HUNK could hear the all-too familiar voices of Leon and Luis. "I hate those guys. I really do."
And so, Leon and Luis went off and escaped with President's daughter. They somehow found a way out of the village, and they returned to civilization. They were treated as heroes and rescuers. Luis went on to become a Nobel Prize winning scientist and researcher. Leon recieved several awards and rose through the ranks of the secret service. Ashley had been infected with the Las Plagas, but the death of Salazar had caused the parasite inside her to croak as well. Anybody else who would have had a mature Plagas in them would have died instantly, of course. When questioned about Agent HUNK, Luis and Ashley said they had no idea who he was. Leon informed them that his replacement had died at the hands of crazed villagers. And so, everyone lived on their merry little lives like nothing had every happened. Agent HUNK dissappeared, and was never heard from again.
"You're lucky I was assigned to a mission here. You're the last person I expected to meet, of course..." the mysterious woman in red smirked at Agent HUNK. She'd found him wandering the woods near village, and now they were both sitting in the back of a dim-lit helicopter, flying away from the Nightmare.
"Hmph. Long time, no see, Ada..." HUNK allowed himself to relax into the comfy seat of the helicopter.
"So what have you been up to?" Ada asked.
"Doing odd jobs for the feds..." HUNK replied. "You?"
"Working for Wesker," Ada replied with a sly smile.
"Wesker?" HUNK bolted upright.
"Yep. Wesker..." Ada continued to smile. "He's been looking for you..."
"Really?" HUNK leaned back into the shadows. "What for?"
"He has a offer for you," Ada replied. "We're working to rebuild Umbrella. We need muscle. Are you interested?"
HUNK stared at her through the lenses of his goggles in silence. Slowly, he reached up and unstrapped his helmet. He placed it on the seat beside him, and then removed his mask and put it down as well. He then leaned forward into the light. Sweat was dripping from his blonde hair, and his cold green eyes were focused on Ada with deadly precision. His bearded face wore a dead-serious expression. He stared at her, and she stared at him. Then he smiled. "Where do I sign?"