The Prologue from the Place the Opposite of Where God Lives
Disclaimer: I only "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha." Please don't sue me for the rest. Oh, by the way, this fic was inspired by Crazyroninchic's "Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around."
"Eragon, will you at least pretend to be concerned about my fiancée?" Roran asked, jabbing his cousin in the side.
"Wha? Huh? Oh, sorry, Roran," the Shadeslayer said as he woke up. He and Roran had just finished returning from rescuing Katrina at Helgrind, and they were waiting for her to wake up. Unfortunately, this was taking a while, and Roran was worried, despite the fact that Arya, Angela, and Eragon had taken turns reassuring him that she was perfectly and would be awake in a few hours.
"It's fine. I'm just worried," Roran said. "I don't see why you fell asleep though."
"It's boring here, lad," Orik said. The dwarf had been awoken by Eragon's shouting.
"My fiancée is in danger. How is that boring?" Roran screamed.
"It's not. We're all just tired," Arya put in. She was silently thanking herself that she had been sleeping with her eyes opened and had thus escaped the scrutiny of a guy with the nickname Stronghammer.
"You should be going to sleep," Angela remarked, returning with bandages. "Now, where is Solembum?" the herbalist asked.
This question was answered when the aforementioned werecat walked through the door with Trianna and Nasuada.
"Hello, Eragon, Roran, Orik, Arya, Angela," the Varden's leader began. "How is Katrina?"
"Well, she hasn't woken up yet…" Roran began.
"And she's perfectly fine," Angela finished.
"Milady, remember why we're here," Trianna said.
"I was getting to that," Nasuada hissed to Du Vrangr Gatas leader. She held out her hand, and Trianna put a hot pink journal into it. "Trianna found this. She doesn't think it contains dark magic, but it seems a bit suspicious. We wanted you to look into it."
took the book reluctantly. It was certainly very pink. He read the
"Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha?" he asked.
Arya looked at it. "Does she mean 'Alagaësia?'"
Eragon looked again. "Possibly."
"Let me see it," Orik said.
"Don't!" Roran warned. "That book doesn't look like something non-magic-users should handle."
"It's just pink," Angela mumbled as she looked at it. "My, what an interesting spelling of saviuor," she remarked.
Interesting is putting it nicely, Solembum put in.
"It doesn't appear to have any dark magic," Arya said, taking it from Angela and examining it again.
"Well, why don't we read it?" Orik asked.
"Are you insane?" Roran yelled. "The person misspelled three words in a title with four words. The only word she got right was of. It's two letter! And how can you misspell the?"
"Are you that scared of pink?" Nasuada asked.
"It's not a terrible color," Trianna added.
"It's just boys being boys," Angela sighed.
"I don't really like pink," Arya put in. Everyone stared at her. "What?" she asked.
"Roran, let me look at it," Eragon said to his cousin.
Roran was staring the cover. His mouth was hanging open, and his eyes were bulging. He seemed to be fighting a laugh.
"On second thought," he managed to gasp, "I think Orik's idea was a good one."
"What is it?" Eragon asked.
"Nothing," Roran said. "I'll read first."
"Roran, give it!" Eragon yelled, lunging at his cousin. Five minutes later, Roran was lying on the floor, and a triumphant Eragon was standing there holding the pink book. His triumph turned to horror as he saw the author's name.
"The girl who wrote this is called 'Eragon ridher'? Spelled with an h?" Eragon shouted.
"You'd better hope it's a girl for you sake because we are reading this," Trianna announced.
"I agree," Nasuada said.
"But…" Eragon began.
The Varden's leader cut him off with, "Executive decision."
Oh, this will be fun, Saphira projected so that everyone could here.
Saphira, aren't you in the courtyard? Eragon asked weakly.
Yes, but I've been listening in on this entire conversation. This book is the first interesting thing that has happened, Saphira explained.
"Alright," Arya said. "We need rules about this since we're reading it aloud."
"I agree," Nasauda said. "First of all, we should all have to read. Even you Eragon," she added when she caught sight of the blue rider's look of terror.
"And we should do it in a circle. Roran, you can start since you volunteered," Nasuada finished.
"And I think each person should have to read one chapter," Trianna added.
"But won't some chapters be longer than others?" Orik asked.
Angela shrugged. "If it gets obscenely long, we'll relieve you."
"Or just plain obscene," Trianna added. Everyone looked at her. "Well, her penname is Eragon Ridher."
"Give me the book, and I'll start," Roran said bravely.
"Eragon, you're the rider. Shape up," Angela ordered when she noticed the rider cowering in the corner. The boy took a deep breath and moved to take a seat between Arya and Nasuada. He didn't want to read right away.
"You know, this story will most likely get worse as it goes along," Trianna told him. "But you can't change seats, so you're stuck."
Eragon glared at her, and the sorceress simply flashed her teeth.
It was a dark and stormy night, and Estellina Magdelena was returning to her new York apartment.
"What a name," Angela remarked.
"Sues tend to have long names," Trianna told her.
"Sues?" Arya asked curiously.
"You know, the overly perfect, wonderful, special girl who make off with the hero—or anti-hero. Occasionally, it's the villain. It depends on her tastes," Trianna decided. "Oh, and she usually can't use grammar to save her life."
Eragon looked scared. "I hope it's the villain," he muttered.
"Well, based on her penname, I'd say not," Arya mumbled.
Eragon sank lower into his chair.
"Hem, hem!" Roran yelled.
The moment she opened the door, she new something was wrong. She felt the little hiars on the back of her long, slender, whit neck stand up. They were barely visible, despite the fact that her hair was midnight black.
"Oh yeah right!" Nasuada yelled.
"It's the ways of the Sues, milady," Trianna sighed.
"May I read?" Roran asked.
"I'm sorry. Continue," Nasuada told him.
The next second, her sharp violet eyes saw the problem. A group of strangely dressed man bearing swords had broken into her apartment. Estelena whipped out her own weapon and killed them all using her totally awesome skills and her wonder magic. Plus, they wre all stunned by her hawtness (A/N: You'll find out how she got those later this chapter even though she's from Earth.)
"Some other world where some of the Sues who drop into Alagaësia are from," Trianna replied.
"This story won't make much sense, will it?" Angela asked.
Trianna shook her head.
Roran raised his voice and continued reading over the talking.
She ran into the bedroom and saw her beautiful (almost as beautiful as she is in fact) elfin mother lying on the floor, mortally wounded. Seven black-clad men were lying around her.
"How did an elf come to be in this Earth place?" Arya asked, puzzled.
"Well, we may never find out, but that doesn't matter to them," Trianna told her.
"I would like to finish this before the turn of the century!" Roran shouted.
"Continue," Nasuada said.
"Avaliana?" the beautiful teen asked. (A/N: She calls her mom by her first name.) Tears were in her eyes. How could her mother be dying?
"Estelena, my daughter, I must tell you somethings," Avaliana whispered.
"Yes, mother?" Estelena asked.
"You know I am an elf from a place called Alagaesha, but I enver told you how I came to be here," Avaliana said.
Estelena nodded. Avaliana had never told her told her the full story before.
"I am the oldest daugheter of Islanzadí, queen of the elves. I joined the Varden soon after it was created. My mother accepted my decision, and I had the yawee tattooed on my shoulder to show that I had dedicated myself to the greater cause of my race," Avaliana began.
No! NO!" Arya shouted. She breathed very hard and then regained her
poise. "I never had an older sister, and my mother would have never
let her join the Varden. When I did, she disowned me. We only
reconciled a few months ago. Then again, perhaps Islanzadí was
eager to get rid of this ridiculous sister of mine that she didn't
object to her joining and most likely dying."
"You're the daughter of the elf queen?" everyone except Eragon and Orik asked.
"Barzûl!" Arya cursed. She shook her head. "This story has me cursing and revealing secrets. Oh, this is not good."
"And wishing death on your sister," Eragon added.
Arya glared at him.
"Hey, I'm going to be suffering," the blue rider whimpered.
"I'm sorry, Eragon. It's this story," Arya apologized.
"And we'd all like to get it over with quickly, so could we please stop the interruptions?" Roran seethed.
The elf and the rider shut up.
"Anyway," Roran began again, "That was so brave of you to join the freedom fighters," Estelena toldher mother. She'd heard of how Alagaesha was ruled by a madman named Galbyorix.
"That's an interesting spelling," Angela remarked. Roran's glare silenced her.
Does she know anything about this world? Saphira asked.
It doesn't look like it, Solembum said.
Roran, once again, began to read over them.
She'd also heard of how there was this random group of people who oppsed the crazy king. When she was little, she'd thought iwas funny how their name rhyme dwith garden.
"Oh no she did not!" Nasuada yelled. Roran closed his eyes and counted to three before he began reading again.
"Thank you," Avaliana told her daughter. "Anyway, some trouble started when my really dumb little sister Arya decided she wanted to join the Varden too. She was only twenty and that was waaaay too young."
"I'm curious, Avaliana, how come it was perfectly acceptable for you to join this 'random group of freedom fighters' when you were twenty, and it was dumb of me to want to do the same?" Arya seethed.
Roran practically started yelling, "Well, you can't help it if your little sister was a few bricks short of a wall," Estelena comforted. It grieved her that heer dying mom had to think about this horrible sister of hers with her last breath.
"I know," Avaliana said with a smile.
"If she's dying, how come she can afford to talk about how much she hated Arya?" Eragon asked.
"Mary Sues take forever to die," Trianna explained.
Arya's mouth was opened, her eyes were closed, and she was counting to ten under her breath.
"Anyhoo, Izzy got mad at her and banned her from her sight. It made her kinda sad. I dun really know why, but that's my mom for ya. Then the real trouble started. My silly little dipshit of a sister lost this dragon egg that we managed to recover from the fall. I had to go back to Galbyorix's castle and resuce it. In the process, I was captured and held for motns and tortured wit h unspeakable tortures. During this time, Ary a, hwo was a jealous little be-otch…
"Ooh, I'm a dipshit, dumb, a few bricks short of a wall, and now I'm a silly little be-otch. Eragon, why did you ever think you loved me?" Arya said in a falsely cheery voice.
"Arya, you're not like that. Trust me," Eragon comforted.
"Keep reading, Roran," Arya ordered. She didn't want Eragon hitting on her again on top of this story. She hated rejecting him, and she hated being hit on.
…Decided to cast a spell to make everyone forget my existence. I got out of Galbyorix's castle and got the egg bak. Then another blow came. Arya was afraid that I would come back to Ellesmera and everyone would realize the terrible thing she'd done, so she transported me to Earth."
"Where's the egg?" Estelena asked breathlessly. She was sure her sharp eyes and alert senses could not have missed something like that.
"In the closet," Avaliana replied, her eyes beginning t grow dim and her breathing beginning to slow.
"Just one question," Orik said. "If she was mortally wounded when this whole thing started, how come her breathing is just beginning to slow down?"
"She needs to tell Estelena all the vital information," Trianna replied. "Don't even asked about the extra dragon egg. That comes up a lot."
Estelena leapt up gracefully and quickly and ran to the closet, where she found a large black and gold stone. It also had white veins around the top.
"The egg," she breathed. She reached out and touched it. It started trembling.
"WTF?" she asked.
Roran looked at Trianna this time for an explanation. The sorceress shrugged.
"It's hatching you're a dragon rider," Avaliana breathed.
"Ohmigod," Estelena gasped.
"Estelena, before the dragon sends you back to Alagaesha, you msut know something," her mother said.
"What?" she asked.
"You have a sister and your father is…" Avaliana said before she got all quiet and died.
"Mother!" Estelena sobbed as the black and gold dragon tapped her on the arm and a flash of pink light engulfed them.
"Why pink?" Orik and Arya asked at the same time.
"Will you leave the poor color alone?" Nasuada and Trianna asked at the same time.
"It was just a question," the dwarf said meekly.
"Is that the end of the prologue?" Arya asked eagerly. She was hoping that since Avaliana dead, she wouldn't be insulted as much as she had been.
"Well, there are some notes from," Roran said, pausing before chortling, "Eragon ridher."
Said rider gave him a death glare. Roran ignored him.
So, that's the end of the prologue. Or as Porky Pig would say, "That's all, folks." But it's not all. I'll be updating soon if you just review.
"Who's porky pig?" Roran asked Trianna. She seemed to be the authority on Sues.
"I don't know. He might be from this thing Sues refer to as TV. I'm not really sure what it is," she replied.
"Maybe it's what rotting their brains?" Eragon suggested.
Trianna laughed. "Possibly," she agreed.
Oh, and here's the xplanaiton of my penname. See, I think Eragon is like the hawtest chary eva. My friend likes Murtag, and we argue about who's hawter all the teime. Anyway, there's an h in ridher because it's like he rode her (me), and I'm riding him. Tehe. I'm so naughty.
"Roran, do you really have to do a high-pitched voice for that?" Nasuada asked. "Then again it is funny."
"Like totally," Roran replied. Everyone except Eragon burst out laughing.
"You're just doing it to torture me," he muttered.
Roran's eyes widened as he read the last line of the AN.
"What is it?" Angela asked.
Roran gulped as he read, Oh, btw, my other friend likes Roran best. I don't really get it, but ya know. Anyway, review!
So, how do you like it? Please, review. I also have another request. Please, leave a review for the fic and the fic within the fic (i.e. Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha). If you're going to say it's good (I want somebody to pretend they like the fic within the fic), you must use net speak in your review. If you leave constructive criticism, please, use proper grammar. If you're going to flame, I don't care how you write it. For the real reviews, I don't care how you put it. Oh, and this fic is not directed as a personal attack at anyone's OC. The story within the story is of my own creation. If your character resembles Estelena, that is just a coincidence. It's probably because I'm using common Mary Sue things and I've probably made this OC a hundred times worse than yours. I swear. Anyway, review.